I know who should go into the prison state...
All Mac haters.
There I said it.
Yes, bob, it was me.
Mines the one with the arms that buckle together at the back.
It's with a chill in our hearts that we report today that the Telegraph appears to have succumbed to the inexorable rise of the Twat-O-Tron - originally designed as an automated "unholy turdspurt" generator based on real insights down at the BBC's Have Your Say. However, what started as a light-hearted piece of tomfoolery …
Are you trying to say that the Telegraph comments were actually automatically generated? They don't appear anything like the actual Twat-o-tron output that I have seen. I would also point out that a lot of people do indeed feel betrayed by the current leftist orthodoxy, and attempts to pretend that such people are nothing more than automated comment generators is all rather "new Labour", frankly.
My favourite comments on The Telegraph are by Eva who I've spotted several times responding to Jeff Randall pieces. She "is" a young lady from Poland working in London:
"Reason I write you is I have offered job me in Peppermint Hippo café for mens last night I go interview . They tell me much mens with lot money including 'oligarchs' you mention above here. Many mens from 'City'. I have to make coffee and take it to table and that is all he tell me I make £1,000 per day in tip tax-frees! Is this correct? I work in Café now and make £40 per day and tax--what different in Peppermint Hippo ?? He say uniform provided of costume of swimming because hot there. I see some girls so hot they take off costume ! My mother always told me : " Ava , Nie wychodzi jedyny przy wieczór późny nocny albo wilk będzie jeść was!" which means : " Ava , if you wear swimming costume in public , always shave armpits and empty bottom first !" I never forget my mother's advice . "
I’m printing off and framing this i am also gonna get it laminated to my desk!!!! I really thought I was alone thinking this, im 22 and as soon as I convince my girlfriend I’m on my way to Canada! I just feel bad for the rest of my family who either cant afford or are too old to move!
Thanks for training me england!
var mystring = opening2[b] + " " + hated_object[c] + " " + terrible_thing[d];
<!-- Copyright 2008 Chris + Ed - c.o ifyoulikeitsomuchwhydontyougolivethere.com -->
Something like a perl script could fill in the fields by harvesting comments though, no reason not to do it and then it could create loops.
To make up for ruining the illusion.
ALL RIGH-TIHNKING PEOPLE KNOW THAT CRIMINALS ARE IGVING PRIORITY TO IMMIGRANTS BECAUSE THEY ARE ANTI-AMERICAN MARK MY WORDS PUT THEM IN AROCKET AND FIRE THEM IN TO THE SUN THIS SOUNDS TOTALLY CRAZY BUT IT IS SADLY PROBABLY TRUE
Winston Churchill Leeds
"im 83yrs of age, if i was a young man i would jump at the chance, i wish i had gone to australia on the ten pound scheme in 1947 my one regret in life, i watched this country go down the drain the last fifty years, and become a dust bin for people that hate us but come to live on our benefit system till it barely functions for the native britain. god help england.we dont seem to want to help our selves in this debacle."
Geez, can I send the 10 pounds to Grandad (for whatever scheme he's talking about), via El Reg, to send him the f*ck on the other side of earth ?
I feel dirty to know only the Channel + 500-1000 km separate me from him ...
Need a svastika icon, here.
And I can finally get out of this downtrodden, limp dicked, always raining, constantly whining, imigrant infested, chav hugging, staffie shooting, Optimus Prime martyring, Daily Mail buying cuntry.
I can't wait. I won't be back until we build a wall round Wales and dump all the chav's over the top.
Actually, it's not the Chavs or the Staffies that are making me leave. The real threat to humanity and rationalisation as we know it surely the Daily Mail.
Whats the matter with Torygraph readers, have they all become Cameronised?
Well at least there is the Daily Mail to rely on, pity, thier readers are too busy gnashing teeth and frothing at the mouth to get online.
Its a pity the Canadians didnt make the offer more attractive, a few less Little Englanders would improve the Old Country no end.
Twatting turds coming here and taking jobs from layabout yobs and working harder than us innit bloody government letting all these illegulls in an terroristz wiv beards and islam and what not drinkin our beer and knobbin our women while prechin about abba instead of good chritian valewes wot we learnt at skool it our rulez and if they dont like it send um home where they belong to polish or eastern block or back to afghanistan and iraq where we can bomb them fighting for our country and they just take take take innit. gordon let um in lets get him out and all the immigrants too and go back to our britis valewes dam nanny estate
... and heading for Cornwall
They published this Tw@t-o-tron generated comment I sent them...
Posted by Captain Sensible london on July 01, 2008 03:00 PM
Gordon brown still it at i see. I read in the Sun that soft-touch Britain is betraying our freedoms. All true brits should BAN immoral TV. Its like a nightmare but real!!!
Hmmm, seen the "from the forums" spoof section in Private Eye for the last few months? Eerie... I hope the twatotron.pl's authors are currently ensconced at whalesong central whipping up a business plan to monetise the script, whilst proactively leveraging thought-leading strategic... blah, blah, blah.
Go, go, gadget twatscript.
Last time I checked out my beloved homeland, we had skills requirements, so it's not clear which Telegraph-readers would get in. When I was still living there, the Brits who had emigrated were heavily resented because (1) they assumed Canada was a place for them to waltz into, being a former colony (2) they bitched and moaned about how Canada was not as good as Britain (3) they accepted jobs at lower wages, therefore 'taking our jobs' and 'thinking they could just freeload on Canadian tax-payers' etc. etc.
Having just read the article, it's encouraging people to move to Alberta specifically. So where it's fairly easy to get into Canada with a few skills, Alberta is one of the places I'd suggest NOT moving to (in fact it's where I moved AWAY from, only to end up in California of all places). It's generally a good place, don't get me wrong... just consider that you're moving into a place that has had it's effective population double over less then a decade thanks to high oil prices. So not enough doctors, not enough public transit, skyrocketing housing costs etc, and in the event oil prices come down significantly, it'll all dry up and blow away again.
If anyone is still interested, the Canadian government website has a skilled worker test to see if you'd qualify. (short version: Speak English or French? Have a degree? Have a job offer? you're probably in)
I was over there for a year a couple of years ago and couldn't believe the number of Britons over there that emigrated because they hated immigrants. Sooo, if you emigrate to Canada you are an immigrant into Canada, but you are immigrating into Canada because you hate immigrants. Doesn't really work does it?
Also, The Daily Express-Mail is crap - I bought one the other day to get the free Bowie DVD. The only good songs were the one on the tv ad, the ones not on the ad were a right lacklustre affair. Fury! It makes me so angry! Of course I waited until night fall before putting the paper into someone else's recycling bin ;)
Except that last one, they all match up with the shithole this country is becoming. Maybe I'm just cynical because the local council house chav kids just set fire to the trees in the neighbouring playing field and nearly burned the privately owned houses down that are next to the trees?
"..because the local council house chav kids just set fire to the trees in the neighbouring playing field and nearly burned the privately owned houses down that are next to the trees?"
I presume that if they had burned down the council houses that would have been fine then?
Whilst politicians in general and Nu Labour in particular are at fault, my opinion is that the main cause in the fall in standards in this country is the media and the Sun and Star are at the top of the list (60+ pages of total trash).
This not funny.
Really wish I could leave, but cannot afford to any more.
Grumpy Old Git
The Twat O Tron is a virus. If you read any online forum of any sort, or the comments section for any YouTube video, you'll note the remarkable consistency of the comments.
"Your a fag."
make up 99% of comments on everything from computer hardware and software to sports to politics to a video of piece of cigarette foil catching fire in a microwave.
Either that or the internet is populated by illiterate, homophobic American frat boys.
Face up to it, there is no place to emigrate to. In the name of progress and globalization, the whole planet is being flushed. The combined looney politicians of all types and their codependent constituents combined with the apathetic masses who see no change with change in government are all circling the same drain.
Scrounging NuLabour single-mother immigrants coming over here buying our houses and schools with sacks of Islam while Gordon Brown and the rest of the Scottish laze about in OUR hospitals, destroying the NHS, knifed by feral gangs of politically correct gone mad, I've paid my taxes all my life and now even my house has CRASHED pensioners. But you don't read about this in the press because they are all white christians!!!! Get a job you shi'ite hooded wasters!
Comment #6 is a real twat-o-tron cut and paste:
6. Posted by Handsome Bloke, Blighty on July 02, 2008 09:53 AM
this pot will probably be deleted. . when wil people realise that pedophiles are being run by communists because they ae traitors. we must string them all up. what next? encourage single-parenting? oops. htey do it already!
Make no mistake by Q2 2009 nulabour muslim property developers will have the keys to your repossessed houses in their designer suit pockets. If you can't get in to Canada go to Afghanastan with the TA cause unless you are a scrounging single mother, Gordon Brown is going to kill you one way or another.
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