back to article Asda declares baby's arse 'pornographic'

Mum Gail Jordan's amusing plan to celebrate her son's 21st birthday by presenting him with a cake sporting a snap of him as a bare-cheeked bouncing baby came off the rails when Asda staff declared the image "pornographic", the Telegraph reports. Jordan, 41, went to the supermarket chain's branch in Liscard, Wirral to avail …


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  1. SPiT

    Just what are Asda saying about their staff

    "Sexually explicit pictures, writing, or other material whose primary purpose is to cause sexual arousal." What does this say about Asda since they are the ones that find the image pornographic. Is the entire business staffed by paedophiles?

  2. Daniel Bennett


    Must be pretty bummed eh :(

    Ah well, least it aint put them in the sh...nevermind...

  3. Benny

    I have a title

    "applying a strategically placed star to save his blushes" hes 21, thats the point of it! You get embarressed by your relatives!

  4. Anonymous Coward

    Picture please.....

    ...or it didn't happen

  5. JediHomer


    Surely with today's laws, she should have been arrested for having a picture of a naked child, put on the Sex Register and classed the dirty pedophile she is

  6. Mike Brown
    Thumb Down

    red top?

    so asda have a rule declaring no nudity. woman tries to get a picture of a naked baby on a cake. so becuase its a baby, its cleary a peado story? no wonder the country has gone peado daft when even el reg is is getting in on the act. This story has nothing to do with child abuse and everything to do with a sensible rule.

    shame on you el reg, you are becoming the nets version of the daily mail.....

  7. Anonymous Coward

    I can't imagine

    Where they put the candle.

  8. Gordon Pryra

    @Mike Brown

    Well done, a comment worth reading for once

  9. Robert Grant Silver badge

    Wonder what Esther Rantzen would say about this

    She was pretty strident on Radio 4 this morning...

  10. Louis

    Ha ha

    Nudity on a birthday cake, bad. Sliting someone's throat on daytime tv, good.

  11. micheal

    Why dont....

    the papers have to put a star over Tory oops Tony Blair? definately an arse if i ever saw one

  12. Chris Collins

    How in-depth?

    Are we talking about being able to see his barking spider here or are we talking just cheeks? They have baby's bottoms on the Johnson's ad. Now a nipsy would be a different story.

  13. Ash

    Common sense?

    Has she been a permanent resident of a foreign nation for the past decade?

  14. Simon Painter


    Yet another victory for zero tollerance jobsworths over common sense and discretion.

    ASDA is of course a WalMart company and Walmart is famed as being the store where you can buy a gun but not a video game with a bit of pixelated nudity.

  15. Tom Watson


    This is clearly a very sensible policy on ASDA's part. There are innumerable documented cases of people spontaneously become paedophiles after only a glimpse of a picture of their own infantile ankle in so called ‘family snaps’.

    Surely the issue at stake is considerably wider: more sweeping changes are required. Perhaps a forty eight hour police amnesty should be imposed prior to the introduction of random door to door searches for such inflammatory ‘familial memorabilia’.

    A review of all art work is clearly also called for. Botticelli produced some highly provocative cherub’s bottoms in his time. Is there any way his family could be made to pay for his salacious crimes retrospectively? Someone must pay.

  16. Steven


    They have a no nudity cake policy...

    Don't the sell a cake shaped like a pair of boobs? The busty boob cake I believe its called :)

  17. richard
    Jobs Halo

    "but there ought to be a place for common sense as well"

    nope, that went out with floppy disks and the bbc master....oh and 'horace goes skiing'

  18. James Pickett (Jp)
    Paris Hilton

    Hand Themselves In

    The employee whose first thought was 'pornographic' when presented with that picture needs to take themselves and their computer down to the nearest Police Station and hand themselves in, as it's obvious they're not well!

    Paris - Cos she gets to have her porno cake and eat it!

  19. Anonymous Coward

    Stock on Their Shelves

    I do hope that the dilligent staff at ASDA have checked all the baby products on their shelves for more of this offensive material and removed it

  20. Alan Paice

    Too right

    Ban those bloody Pampers ads too.. I don't want to see some kids ass on TV.. This is the problem with yoof today. Allow them to show their ass on TV today and they will be robbing you at knife point tomorrow!

  21. Illsay
    Paris Hilton

    UK and common sense

    Ofcourse mum could have opted to use a more recent picture and take one on the street, but then would risk being arrested for plotting terrorist acts. I would not be surprised if next week we read the follow-up on this story, where Asda declares it decided to press charges against mum, for insisting on child-pornography being processed by Asda staff, who needless to say, suffer greatly from the whole experience.

    (Paris, since she's not bothered with stars on any cake)

  22. Terry
    Dead Vulture

    Re: red top

    I disagree (rather strongly) with your slam of the beloved "El Reg". You could have said it doesn't have anything to do with IT or Paris, which are the prime focus of the site.

    BUT, exposing this sort of utter foolishness is quite important. One may argue that this reporting desensitizes people to this horrid abuse of our common sense, but the alternative is to let it go unassailed by public opinion. What REALLY needs to happen is for ALL governments on the entire planet from French town councils (I bet they have them) to the US President to get OUT of the business of legislating morality. Then the market can deal with the idiots at Asda in its own brutally uncompromising way -- ASSUMING it were even necessary at that point. Without the tactile support of the nanny state these moral imperialists would probably crawl back in their hole and go back to beating their children (to make them better people of course).

  23. Peter Darby


    I am very interested in your goods and / or services and would like to hear more.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Dead Vulture

    @Mike Brown

    "so becuase its a baby, its cleary a peado story?"

    The reference is "pornography" not "paedophilia". The cited policy statement (I presume it's that) from SPiT refers to "sexually explicit pictures [...] whose primary purpose is to cause sexual arousal".

    By Asda's reckoning that makes practically every parent in the country a purveyor of filth.

    On the other hand, there must be literally millions of photographs of babies in their birthday suits whose sole purpose is to show a cute, lovable child. And to test the mettle of prospective girlfriends/boyfriends of course :-)

    Asda needs to get its act together.

  25. Maurice Shakeshaft

    Is this the same ASDA ....

    that sells The Sun and Daily Star - possibly even the Daily Sport and other wrapped "adult" magazines?

    Methinks they doth protest too much. Hypocrisy or what?

    At the end of the day it is the right of ASDA not to reproduce the image. I suspect the staff are probably more fearful of being sacked 'cos the corporate image might - in different circumstances - be sullied than enjoying the giggle. The cost of a "one size fits all" policy can be quite high in the end.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    "In this case we offered a number of alternatives including enlarging" ... and if it wasn't pornographic before, it sure will be afterwards.

  27. Edward Rose

    @Mike Brown

    Asda staff described it as pornographic, ergo el'reg was spot on.

    However, if they have a no nudity policy, then they have a no nudity policy. But describing it as porn is just idiotic and this attitude that the human body is pornographic should be crushed.

  28. Tom
    Gates Horns

    My 2p

    I used to work for Asda and print off the pictures to use on the photocakes (or whatever they call them now) When I worked there it was up to my discretion if I chose to put nudity on the cake. I personally wasn't that bothered about doing them so done them.

    Too many iffy laws and procedures about now. If that woman asked me to do her cake I would have done without having all the fuss. The only trouble I had while doing the cakes was when people wanted to put copyrighted pictures on which I had to decline.

  29. Lloyd

    Oh dear

    'insisted his arse be protected by a "strategically-placed star"'

    Hmmm, would that be a chocolate star?

    My coat I am getting.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Papers and Magazines

    They might as well get rid of the daily papers (Sun, Star, Sport, etc) and magazines (Nuts, Zoo, and whatever else there is) because according to Adsa's standards these are pornographic as well....

  31. Mike Brown

    @ terry

    This isnt "utter foolishness", this is about having a sensible no nudity policy. Just becuase its a naked baby, dosnt mean they can circumvent the policy.

    Having a no nudity policy means that the staff dont have to decide what is good nudity and what is utter filth......

    Think of the patisere madness that would ensue!! Open oyster shots on a battenburg? Victorias secret on a victoria sponge? and i hate to think what could be added to the chocolate eclairs.......

  32. Jeff Rowse

    Asda <> Wal*Mart

    Strangely enough, Asda do NOT enforce Wal*Mart's policies over here (yet) - if they did, the prices would be a lot cheaper, staff morale would be much lower and the stores would be packed floor-to-ceiling with anything you could ever want (from baby toys and clothes to car tyres and fishing tackle, through to floral arrangements for putting on your grave once you're dead).

    Also, I'd be able to get model aircraft and things at a reasonable price instead of paying up to 10 times the prices in the States!

    From what I remember, Wal*Mart [i]does[/i] sell "adult" video games, they just don't put them on shelves where kids can get at them - mebbe this is something shops over here should try, rather than just making the little buggers ask the nearest tall person to get it down for them...

    But I do agree with your first comment, this is just another example of the knee-jerk censorship practised by people who have no common sense and cannot be bothered to think for themselves.

    Why the pirate icon? You see a mention of WallyWorld and you really need to ask??

  33. Anonymous Coward

    More likely

    ASDA has a policy of No Larfs on company time.

  34. Matt

    nudity = pornography?

    Always something the English have had a problem with.

    @Tom Watson: Good point!

  35. James Pickett

    Fear and loathing

    I imagine this is more to do with Asda stuff covering their own arses, having no doubt been indoctrinated by their idiot employers that Nudity Is Wrong. Walmart is American after all...

    BTW, James Pickett (above), pleased to meet you - assuming you're not an imposter!

  36. Tipper

    Double standards

    So they'll censor a cake with a baby's bottom?

    How come they wouldn't apologise when one of their staff stopped his Asda home shopping delivery van outside our house on a summer's afternoon and proceed to have oral sex with his companion in full view of myself and other neighbours, even kids coming home from school?

    If anyone doubts that, I have the proof on video - very clear and very explicit video.

  37. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

    @Hand Themselves In

    "The employee whose first thought was 'pornographic' when presented with that picture needs to take themselves and their computer down to the nearest Police Station and hand themselves in, as it's obvious they're not well!"

    No, they are just showing the expected symptoms of checking themselves before committing some harmless action as State or Populace may currently deem said action to be "objectionable".

    Take photograph on street - Check whether police or sensitive building or kids are nearby.

    Talk on the phone - Check whether you mention "terrorism" or "Iran"

    Speak to Muslim - Check whether this happens in a businesslike manner and a well-lit place.

    Speak to secretary - Check whether the door is open or colleague nearby.

    See photograph of naked baby - Check whether there is a well-placed star.

    and on, and on..

  38. Mike Brown


    i seem to have mixed up two storys. the "peadophilia think tank" one, and this "baby cake pornography" one. As an AC mentioned this article dosent actually mention peadophilia at all.....this mix up kinda proves the other story tho huh?!!

    applogies oh mighty Reg. I seek forgiveness for sullying your name and comparing you to that rag the daily mail.

    Coat? I think its the one thats just been chucked out the door.......

  39. dervheid

    Political correctness...

    in extremis.

    Not only did common sense depart these shores upon the arrival of said madness, so did the nation's humour.

    I think we have now become more miserable than the Belgians. (sorry Belgium)

  40. Jim Peters

    Adding a star turns nudity into pornography

    Without the star it is just innocent nudity. With the star it is definitely pornography.

    It seems like everyone has an imaginary paedophile in their heads nowadays to consult at times like this. They ask: "How would this look to a paedophile?", and the imaginary paedophile answers, "Just the stuff I like". Once upon a time most people were innocent, but now it seems that everyone carries around their own personal paedophile. There have never been so many paedophiles on the streets, most of them carried around by 'concerned' members of the public.

  41. Lychee66

    barking spider ?

    Eh ? pls explain

  42. Phil

    I wonder...

    Would the Barron Knights "Little White Bum" qualify as paedo music?

  43. Billy Goat Gruff

    @Mike Brown

    Well, the beeb quotes ASDA as saying a star could be put over the 'offending' area. And I have an issue with the description of her baby's bum as being offending. Offensive? To whom?

    Why not ban all photographs with nudity? So you go to Asda photo-developing and get 'CENSORED' over any offending skin? Aren't the photos just as 'offensive'?

    My initial thought, like yours, is that we must be protected from ourselves. We are not capable of making our own judgements and decisions and need to be guided to do the inoffensive thing.

    Then, however, I realised I'd be offended if I had a photo banned for offensive reasons and I realise I can't think for myself anymore.

    Now if only the govt would enforce the pornography laws on all nudity then there wouldn't be any grey areas to confuse us,

    It might be difficult to change clothes without being nude and I don't think they'd go so far as to check your bedroom, unless they suspected you were a paedoterrist - and clearly illegal nudity of that sort would confirm you were - however I don't see why we need one rule for cakes and another for photos and another for people.

  44. Terry

    @Mike & Matt


    So what? If a paying customer wants it, exactly who is "harmed"? Maybe I HATE football (I do BTW) and am always put out (current PC definition of HURT) by the stupid ball stickers people put on their cars.

    Ultimately, my point is that if Asda wishes NOT to take the woman's money let them try that in a FAIR market. Maybe it will be a successful strategy or maybe it won't. But it is good and proper to hold them up as a corporation which is enforcing it's version of morals on the public. Then let the public decide how they feel about that.


    And the Royal Navy along with a certain lack of intestinal fortitude for what needed to be done vis-a-vis the Tower of London exported this "PURITANICAL" view to... well... the entire English speaking world. The most notable of which have to be the "puritans" themselves:boatloads of religious fanatics that thought the Church of England was just unbearably liberal so they traveled the ocean to set up their own religious oligarchy. While the "Witch Trials" didn't catch on, the perverse "morals" are alive and well, but now they have nuclear weapons.

  45. This post has been deleted by its author

  46. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    and yet

    They have magazine racks with FHM girls showing their arses in a gstring cupping their naked boobs.

    Tell me - why is it always one rule for company's selling stuff, and a completely different rule for the rest of us. Next they will be putting pamper's on the top shelf and covered with a black bin-liner.....

  47. Anonymous Coward

    What about the advertising campaign?

    This is ASDA that have the whole advertising campaign of people tapping their arses? Admittedly they generally have clothes on but it is a bit contradictory!

  48. Anonymous Coward

    Why put so much effort into complaining

    Walk from Shop.

    Go into other shop that will do it.


  49. Daniel

    a Belgian says ...

    ... that's just not funny.

  50. Frank Bough

    Erm, Pascal

    ...are you actually suggesting that there's something inherently wrong with the notion of BUYING A CAKE? I'm sure ASDA's cake's are fairly ropey, but am I no longer allowed to pop into Paul and buy myself some tasty patisserie because you deem it morally objectionable?

  51. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton


    Youtube link?

    /Paris for obvious reasons

  52. Sir Runcible Spoon


    barking spider = chocolate starfish.

  53. ChippyJohn
    Jobs Halo


    Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm SURE that ASDA sell a bust cake which is basically a pair of breasts in an icing bra. They have nipples and the edge of the nipple is visible over the bra....

    How's that any different? (other than it's all made of icing and not actually a photo).

  54. Steve

    @ Edward Rose

    "But describing it as porn is just idiotic and this attitude that the human body is pornographic should be crushed."

    On the contrary, what needs to be crushed is the idea that pornography is bad.

    After all, the "primary purpose" of the human body is to cause sexual arousal and by so doing facillitate DNA exchange.

  55. James Pickett (Jp)

    @James Pickett

    Pleased to meet you too! Yep, I'm a real live 'James Pickett'!

  56. Steven Pepperell

    To be fair...

    would you eat a cake with a big arse on it?

  57. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So why didn't they...

    ... print a rude message over the offending flesh?

  58. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Video link?

    It does seem double standards to see lads' mags for sale when claiming a "no nudity policy". So a photo of surgically enhanced bimbo with plastic cross shapes over her nipples is allowable but a baby's bottom is not unless it has a star on?

    This has echoes of when a newsreader took family photos into a well known chemist chain and ended up being accused of padophilia.

    Adds Asda to the list of "companies lacking in common sense".

  59. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @James Picketts

    So which of you went to Kings back in the early 90s?

  60. Gilbert Wham


    My brother's girlfriend used to be a glamour model. A couple of birthdays back, she presented my brother (and everyone else) with a cake (from asda) with a picture of her on it wearing nothing but a G-string...

  61. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Sex Register

    Is the Sex Register a sister publication to The Register? And if not, why not?

  62. Luther Blissett


    > Would the Barron Knights "Little White Bum" qualify as paedo music?

    Dunno mate, I'd have to read the official expert report first, but that film Three Men and a Baby looks to be in deep doodoo. They'll be hanging the actors, director, and all copies of the videotape and the DVD from the trees.

  63. James Pickett (Jp)


    Wasn't me. If there are more of us, maybe I need to go on a Dave Gorman style adventure meeting other James Picketts around the world!

    Although if we all wound up in IT, it wouldn't make as good a story I guess . . .

  64. alyn


    Better still if she covered herself with icing and chocolate sauce.

    That would be my ideal birthday prersent

  65. Phil A

    Shop at Tesco instead

    They have no problem with a cake made in the shape of a pair of breasts so a babies arse shouldn't be a problem to them.

  66. Jim Oase

    Its Karma all over again

    The Salem witch trial are about to begin... again

  67. Chris Harrison

    Hoisted by their own ...

    Hast anyone tried picking up a copy of FHM in asda and taking it straight to the cake counter?

    How at least FHM is 'supposed' to cause sexual thought!

  68. Anonymous Coward

    Since when....

    .. have supermarket shelf stackers been experts on criminal law?

    Asda should do the right thing, appologise to this person and tell their staff to engage in some common sense.

  69. Anonymous Coward

    @Mike Brown

    "This isnt "utter foolishness", this is about having a sensible no nudity policy. Just becuase its a naked baby, dosnt mean they can circumvent the policy..."

    Yes, but it does mean they can circum*cise* it...

    Mine's the one with the Torah in the pocket.

  70. This post has been deleted by its author

  71. steogede

    Not Just ASDA

    I saw a recent copy of the Sun which had a picture of a footballer on a public beach. In one corner there was a naked toddler which the Sun had deemed needed to be pixelated.

    IMO it would have been better cropped or left as it was. I feel that the idea of treating naked pictures pre-pubescents as porn implies that most/many people a paedophiles and paedophilia is perfectly normal.

    What's next? Pixelating pictures of nude animals in case it might arouse zoophiles?

    Having said all that, there is a good chance that ASDA may well have left itself liable for conviction and by rights probably should have reported the woman to the police (as pointless and stupid as that may be).

  72. ShaggyDoggy

    40 mph

    This is the same Asda whose HGV's travel at 40 mph in the 60 zone. They even have a proud sticker on the back commending themselves for this action.

    Of course the net result to road safety is that the queue of cars tailed up behind start to take ever more dangerous risks to overtake it. Anothr good move there Asda.

  73. android


    horace, what a star!

  74. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    Never thought about this before

    But is possessing naked pictures of yourself as a child something you can get put away for these days? On the face of it I guess it might be seen as pornography, but that strikes me as possibly a bit harsh. Interesting test case for the Daily Mail reader maybe.

  75. kain preacher


    hmm if ASDA is wal mart then you are supporting evil,. Every one knows wall mart is evil. Just watch south park

  76. Geoff Mackenzie

    And underneath the starred-out picture ...

    ... ASDA staff added a flashing button 'Join now! Members get full access to 1000s of cakes!' and linked it to a form requesting credit card details.

  77. Anonymous Coward

    strategically-placed star?

    'insisted his arse be protected by a "strategically-placed star"'

    Where is Gary Glitter when you need him eh?

  78. W

    Re: Tesco Tit Cake

    Actual quote from Tesco website:

    "Cooking Instructions: Remove packaging and ribbon bow. Place the cake still on its board on a flat surface. Holding the cake and with a long clean serrated sharp knife, cut the cake into slices using a sawing action. It is important to keep the knife clean."

    Wot no candles?

    Where's the 'stating the bleedin' obvious' icon?

  79. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Tesco Tit Cake

    Well, you can pretty much guarantee someone's complained in the past after having had a substantial portion of inedible ribbon removed from their small intestine. It's just arse-covering. Or indeed, tit-covering.

  80. W

    Re: Re: Tesco Tit Cake

    Indeed. The attention to detail is incredible. I keep going back to it and reading it over and over again. Drawn to it like a fly and the proverbial.

    flat surface...long clean serrated sharp...into slices...sawing action...important to keep the knife clean

    Lord have mercy on those rebellious souls who throw caution to the wind by chopping the cake into squares with an unwashed short plain knife on an ever-so-slightly inclined surface. Oh, the rebellion.

  81. Anonymous Coward

    @ Tesco cake-cutting instructions

    So it's important to keep the knife clean, but no mention of having to wash your hands before 'holding the cake'?

  82. Simon B

    ASS da

    Asda get some fucking common sense ! You already have AS in your name, so stop acting like one.

    Getting my coat with the arse cut out as I leave :D

  83. Oliver


    Why does ASDA have this rule about no nudity? Is it to protect the sensibilities of their staff? After all pornography per se is not illegal so why shouldn't someone be able, if they so wished, to get a porno-cake made up for them.

    As for babies bums, there was a nappy advert on telly a while back where a woman actually kissed a baby's bare bottom, and this was broadcast several times a day to the nation at large. As our similarly common sense-challenged cousins across the Atlantic would say 'go figure!'

  84. Sarah Davis
    Paris Hilton

    how sick ?

    seriously, how sick have you got to be to think a baby's arse is pornographic ? Really, if thats what you think then you have some serious problems and need to see a shrink, and you better not go near my kids !!

  85. Mike Richards

    Tech angle???

    Couldn't you at least have told us how much the inkjet cartridges cost to do an entire cake?

  86. Nagy, Balázs András

    in other news

    If you ever catch even a glimpse of a kid naked - be it your own, or even your own photo - you must be pedo!

  87. Richard Williams
    Dead Vulture

    Got a video recorder?

    Why think about stealing someone's private cake order to get pictures of baby's arses when you can a) Record the Johnson & Johnson advert or b) even more easily (since all paedos are considered to be internet l33ts) GOOGLE 'baby's bottom' - I just did for comparison and you get LOADS of images. Seems a bit extreme to ban a non-public cake LOL. Oh whoops, I've admitted I searched for baby's bottoms on google. It's a fair cop, better go hand myself in...

  88. E_Nigma
    Paris Hilton


    Maybe they just wanted to save the guy some embarrassment?

  89. Ishkandar


    Hey, guys. ASDA (as part of the gigantic Walmart empire) pay bottom dollar (or should that be quid) for their staff !! So what do you expect ?? Brains of Britain ?? Remember the famous IT saying about peanuts and monkeys ??

  90. Turbo Beholder
    Dead Vulture

    Occupational diseases ?

    > "Sexually explicit pictures, writing, or other material whose primary purpose is to cause sexual arousal."

    > What does this say about Asda since they are the ones that find the image pornographic.

    > Is the entire business staffed by paedophiles?

    Would they be so aroused otherwise ? All those ads...

    > This is the same Asda whose HGV's travel at 40 mph in the 60 zone.

    > They even have a proud sticker on the back commending themselves for this action.

    Wait, but is it not... the very definition of "retard" ?

    Dead bird, because it did hit cloud stuffed with rocks too retarded to fall.

  91. Anonymous Coward

    @Mike Brown

    only if those eclairs are cream-filled

    Double standards By should know by now that Reg readers require video to judge for themselves.

  92. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    I wonder how they'd react if I turned up with a photo of ....

    goatse !

    I guess that would have to be on a donut, or something.

  93. kain preacher

    Puritan values

    You have to remember wal mart embodies every thing that is wrong with the wrong(right wing) christian movement. For those of you in the UK that don get it , you are not alone. The level of insanity is enough to drive you mad. You wonder how some of these peoples are not institutionalized. I mean if you think that a baby ass is sexy you need to be locked away. If you are so worried that some else will find a babies ass sexy then you way to paranoid and need to be locked up. Oh wait I think you elect them. Look at Brown. When I say them I mean both sides of the pond.

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