No need to panic!
If you take the necessary precautions...great thinking ahead!
So we've got some external consultants here blundering through the requirements for the new building as a QA thing.. "It's not that we don't trust you," the Boss explains. "Far from it. It's just that senior management would like some assurance that everything you've asked for is a requirement and not just a nice-to-have …
Hmmm, sounds familiar - hire some consultants to tell you how to save the money that you've just spent on their fees. We had some COFs in last year - their only definitave statement in a 150 page report was that there wasn't enough money for "Incremental Employee Renumeration Revaluations" - i.e. no payrises despite their fees being 10% of our payroll. We could all have had 7% payrises with money left over!
Mine's the one with the diamond tipped saw in the pocket!
I love it. Brilliant. But speaking as a fully qualified architect I can correct you on a few issues:
1. No "consultant" worth his/her salt uses a 'tape measure'. Please, how 20th C! Leica laser measures, with built-in bluetooth to the Apple Mac Air Pro.
2. Fireman's pole - check! You're on the money there.. but where's your extreme climate testing facility? Sometimes the execs have to go to Dubai or S'pore, so you need a sauna to stress-test lappies and mobes. Trust me.
3. More climate testing - walk-in wine storage / chiller. Actually the storage trays used in morgues are brilliant for this - each one can hold a massive 8 slabs*
* - cardboard carton with 24 cans / bottles liquid coolant - refreshment
4. 6-axis flight simulator suite - because, um.... laptops need to be tested for turbulence in aircraft!
5. Large cupboard full of Bombay Saphire.... because I just finished my last bottle! CHEERS!
Surely various earth incarnations of a certain H2G2 cocktail would be more appropriate...
But the morgue trays would make an interesting fate for a clueless consultant / engineer / beancounter / luser (delete / expand as appropriate)...
As for the excuse for installing the sauna and morgue trays - something along the lines of "with global climate instabilities, we need to test our equipment to perform adequately under all conditions".
And something others have forgotten - a tesla coil or two (to simulate the combination of a lightning strike and corroded lightning conductor, of course - what, you mean 500kV is dangerous to humans?)
Please please, please!!!
Wine for a BOFH? No, it needs to be storage for the pub's next door beer. Of course, there will be taps that happen to work in the command & control center, but that isn't the 'primary mission'!
Everyone knows that IT people start with caffeine and end with alcohol. It is just the way the day works.
"4. 6-axis flight simulator suite - because, um.... laptops need to be tested for turbulence in aircraft!"
That gear would be necessary for ensuring that laptops and electronic gear doesn't interfere with in-flight avionics.
But I believe I understand the problem, you must have been about to the bottom of that bottle by this time.
I think I did hear the COF mutter something about you needing Virtual Thinwire?? I can supply miles of the High Quality stuff. It's definitely needed for ... erm ... Loopback Interface/Localhost DNS Resolving, greatly improving network latency. A definitive must-have.
Maybe we can talk about this in the /pub/lic offsite business meeting point? This might be a good chance to transfer some company readies into the bastard beerfu^H^H^H^Hneficial secondary measures on network performance?
Paris, 'cuz she knows how a couple of pints improve 'network performance'
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