back to article BBC deploys the Tw*t-O-Tron

The BBC is evidently impressed with the Tw*t-O-Tron - the automated vitriol generator based on real comments from the corporation's "Have Your Say" rantfest - since it has now deployed the service to save enraged Middle Englanders the bother of forming a coherent sentence while venting steam from both ears. The proof? Try the …


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  1. Steve
    Thumb Up

    It's not just published...

    It's number ten on the readers' recommended comments

    Admitedly, a lot of that is probably people like me who just bumped it up the ranks for the fun of it.

  2. Secretgeek
    Dead Vulture

    Can't comment......

    ......too busy laughing.

    'Swan roasting' - Genius

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    perfect description.......

    .......of so much.

    "Turdspurt feedback loop"...

    Genius, its a perfect description of the design im currently simulating.

  4. W.S. Burroughs


    The crack-addict swans stole my satanist peadophile to buy immigrants.

  5. Mike Smith
    Black Helicopters

    Welcome to Web 2.0

    And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what Web 2.0 will end up disintegrating into - terabytes of retarded gobshite spewed by bozos who believe what they read in the papers. Don't forget that the contents of the Twat-O-Tron were originally harvested from Have Your Say.

    Have Your Say used to be quite strictly moderated, and usually displayed a fairly well-balanced set of arguments. It used to be more difficult to get a posting published though. But since that rule appears to have been relaxed, the signal-to-noise ratio has dropped through the floor. Also, I've long harboured a suspicion that someone is running scripts against Have Your Rant to push up the recommends. Easy thing to do - Hotmail + LoadRunner would do the trick nicely.

    Today's consipracy theory states that it's the Beeb doing it, as they want a good reason to axe Have Your Say completely. At last I can use the black helicopter!

  6. Simon


    The HYS column used to be rather interesting now the BBC appeared to have spiced it up tabloid style with questions they know will will get a predictable angry response. Just ask people a question that will hit a raw nerve and watch the comments come flooding in

    "Will soaring oil prices bring recession?"

    "Should councils apply to store radioactive waste?"

    "Should evil people who stamp on kittens be locked away?"

    Yup no thinking involved, no debate, just answer with a "Yesssssss!!!" or "Nooooooo!!!!!"


  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Wot I fink

    I have been realising over the past few years that Register readers are trying to save the planet' again!.. Somebody should carpet bomb them flat...

    [True Patriot] Immigration Central

    Recommended by 142 people

  8. Tetsugaku-San

    Maybe they need a proper comments system?

    Terrifyingly - I'd recommend Slash Dot's over the BBC's, recommendations and mark-downs would give us a far better system rather than the Beeb's that just gives peoples votes to the first ten to have any weight behind them.

    This leads to the top comments being violently opposed with absolutely no middle ground.

    Oh I have been comment stuffing with the Twat-O-Tron for weeks now, maybe the Beeb will wake up and sort the bugger out?

  9. b

    not only that...

    It's been recommended over 150 times....

  10. Gilbert Wham

    If this happens...

    ...I'm fairly sure that all the stars will start winking out one by one, as in the end of Asimov's 'Nine Billion Names of God'...

  11. Ian

    There's another one on page 28:

    oh look i couldnt care less but do gooders are encouraging terrorists because nobody has the guts to stand up to them soon we will send them back where they came from if you disagree shut up

    Voice of Reason, timbuktu

    Haven't found my entry yet...

  12. Alex

    Oh my...

    This might actually be the best thing that has happened anywhere, ever. I'm sure I'm starting off a chorus of "I'm Spartacus" but I THINK that one is actually mine. It certainly sounds very, very like the output of the Tw*t-O-Tron that I submitted to HYS around that time...

    Comment "recommended by 178 people". Hm.

  13. Simon Painter

    It's OK, I appreciate the irony...

    The problem with giving the f*cknuckle general public a voice for their opinion is that the ignorant scum are too thick to form an opinion that is either reasonable or informed.

    Democracy falls down for that very same reason. Give the general public the power to decide what is best for them and they will do just that, decide what is best for _themselves_ rather than what is best for society as a whole.

  14. Nic Brough

    I don't think the Tw*t-o-tron is fully functional

    It hasn't tried to ignore good science (e.g. deny that humans have anything to do with global warming, or claim that nuclear power is the one and only possible solution to any energy shortages we may have)

    But it's nearly there. The spelling, punctuation and grammar are spot on (when do we get a lolcat icon?)

    Mine's the one with a copy of the Express and a kitteh! in the pocket.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    'Swan Roasting' ?!?!

    Are we talking aluminium foil and Paxo time, or getting a bunch of lary, Stella'd-up footballers round to make friends with the bird?

  16. Matt V

    they've closed the topic :(

    Guess either some mac-toting beeb media type didn't like their sensible topic being hijacked, or the hand of NuLab up the ventriloquist dummy that is Auntie Beeb has pulled it...

  17. cottonfoo

    9 billion names of God

    Is Clarke, not Asimov :)

  18. Stef

    @Gilbert Wham

    It was a short story by Arthur C Clarke not Asimov. :)

  19. Graeme Balir

    @ Nic Brough

    "global warming climate change, no such thing, its just another TAX., everyone knows im sico f the bloody liberal lefty wihngers who are moaning abuot "humanright" "

    Guess the Tw*t-O-Tron has learnt from its mistakes then

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Nic Brough

    a) humans AREN'T responsible for global warming

    b) nuclear power IS the answer

  21. Sir Runcible Spoon
    Paris Hilton

    yes, i ment to do that.

    Here she is for your delecation.

    NSFW (maybe, I dunno, I can't get past the opening song)

  22. Sir Runcible Spoon

    Tickity Boo old chaps and chapess(s)

    The great unwached hav sopken again and wrip-roring time was had by aklk abnd sundry ! Great big poopies, ate my hamster, griddle me rockets off with a barbecue fork.

    Fucking ace this internet fingg init?!

    oh no - my nrain has beeen hijacked by internet fairies who are intentn on making me belive in Dog!!!!!

    Still, I mean, really. How juvenile </pmpussness>

    There should be an entrance exam before you can vote to prove that you can grasp the basic issues of a particular subject. Perhaps then we can get back to sensible people have more of a sway than reducing ourselves to the lowest common denominator. Down with the pro-literate-tart-e-rat^H^H^H^H^H chavs.


    Paris, coz I aint seen her for while

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Tw*t-O-Tron has passes Turing test...

    Just brilliant - who'd have thought the first artificial system to pass the Turing test would be a master of the arcane art of turdspurting?

  24. Nic Brough


    >a) humans AREN'T responsible for global warming

    It's a hypothesis that works. Personally, I don't think it's a proper theory, because it's incredibly difficult to test. But there are no other hypotheses that have any evidence that works.

    Prove it wrong, and I'll join you. Show me significant evidence that could explain it, and I'll be objective. I'm skeptical about everything (except the FSM, free beer and that the answer is 42), and I simply cannot find any reasonable explanation for observed facts about climate change.

    >b) nuclear power IS the answer

    Please, please, please, learn to look up facts and use a calculator.

    Fission is a waste of our time - we have 100 years of economically viable fuel at most, if we don't increase consumption.

    Fusion reactors have some promise, but we're at least a decade away from having the basic facilities to start building even vaguely useful reactors, and probably 50 years from actually using them to make a significant contribution (don't get me wrong - I really do have a lot of hope for them!)

    Breeder reactors could multiply the use our available fissile fuel by a factor of 60. But, they cost a LOT more than standard fission and there's only a handful being built. If we gradually converted our entire fission systems over to breeders, realistically, we still only get a century out of them before the fuel is gone at the most.


    1) You're wrong. MMGW denial is as logical as religion, but it is more useful - we should always question the theories.

    2) Fission energy is a very medium term solution (it can help in 10-20 years, with a lifetime of 30-40). In the short term, and the long term, it's a complete dead end. But Fusion has potential.

  25. Seán

    @Mike Smith

    Regarding gobshite usage. Gobshite is a title or job description rather than a substance. Correct usage is "That fucking gobshite is for a hiding" or "Which one of you gobshites was talking about my Ma". It's not used in the sense of I've got gobshite on my boots. (unless it's bits of hair and skin, scraped from a gobshite). A gobshite talks shite (or occasionally bollocks) and you could say was talking shite, but not talking gobshite. It's the same as Frenchman really.

  26. Mark

    @ Nic Brough

    Have a read of this:

    The parts 2, 3 and 4.

    Lots of science explaining why "climate change" is a load of old tosh. Enjoy the read then come back and let me know if it was enough proof.

    Secondly, Using fission for 40 years while we perfect fusion would at least deal with our energy problems for the next 40 years. this should be plenty of time to perfect fission and will also give us lots of experience of dealing with nuclear fuels, meaning we will be able to make the process safer and safer.

  27. Jaded CTO

    Thats the problem with free-speech

    we often don't like what we hear.

    but its still better than hearing only what we're told.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Tw*t-O-Tron - Catch 22

    Does it actually generate comments or does it just regurgitate

    ones downloaded from the HYS site?

  29. Frank Bough


    Heal thyself.

  30. Wayland Sothcott Bronze badge

    Have Your Say is well moderated...

    since they no longer publish anything I say.

  31. Nic Brough


    >Have a read of this:


    Oh please, those arguments are the same old denial tosh that's been comprehensively discredited for years. The numbers don't add up, let alone it acting as "proof". Again, I ask for reasonable, peer reviewed evidence and argument.

    >Secondly, Using fission for 40 years while we perfect fusion would at least deal with our energy problems for the next 40 years. this should be plenty of time to perfect fission and will also give us lots of experience of dealing with nuclear fuels, meaning we will be able to make the process safer and safer.

    I agree - that's what I mean by medium term (although I assume you mean "time to perfect fusion").

    Of course, that will put your fuel bills through the roof - fission is roughly the same price as renewables (before your tax money has to pay for disposal and security), isn't going to get any cheaper through tech improvements, the fuel costs are going up. But hey, nuclear must be the way to go, because labour says it is. <cough>

  32. Mike Smith


    I always thought it was a very effective term for the sort of incoherent ranting that typifies Have Your Rant, but I can see that the PC lonny letf liberal brigade have sold the cuntry to illeagle IMMIGRANTs and are recking whats left of the english LANGUAUGE. FACT. Election now please!!?!

    True_british_PATRIOT, bigotry-on-the-hill, englandSTAN

    (Thanks for the heads-up though :) )

  33. Chris G Silver badge


    Look! I've owned significant portions of this country for some time, and I'm becoming increasingly weary of the common man ( or oik ) thinking he has a right to a `say´. You people simply don't understand that what we think is best for you, IS.

    So do please, stop trying to have your say and just knuckle down to a little honest work and some justifiable kowtowing. Now where's that damned butler? rogering the understairs maid I expect! JIGGINS move me away from the fire will you ? I'm burning, And get me another Turkish boy ,I seem to have broken this one!

    Yours Reginald Turdtwiddler II (Mrs)

  34. Francis Offord

    Pain in the brain

    Sorry, this is all far too intellectual for me.

  35. Anonymous Coward

    Global warming

    "a) humans AREN'T responsible for global warming"

    Correct it's the Carbon Dioxide that's responsible. Just like guns don't kill people it's the bullets. Down with Carbon Dioxide. I suggest we ban the stuff.

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