Angry? Try the Tw*t-O-Tron

Aficionados of our cut-and-paste comments service, which allows Reg readers to vent their spleen without actually having to use their brains, might like this nifty bit of programming which generates informed anaysis of the state of modern Britain. Yes indeed, welcome to the Twat-O-Tron, described as an "unholy turdspurt" based …

[Dangermouse]

Never a truer word was spoken...

Added: Tuesday, 10 June, 2008, 12:6 GMT

Does anyone realise that enviro-marxist do-gooders are lining their pockets beacuse muslims are running the show. True patriots must bring back Hitler. We need less emotion and more backbone in this country!??

EU_bunglers_are_ruining_UK Nottingham

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It all seem so obvious to me now...

[Scott]

Don't know what's worse...

...beign called a twat or a mail reader?

[Anonymous Coward]

typical

Fucking register there all fucking NAZIS we shud sent Andrew Orlovsky back to Afghanistan and elect Leicester Haines president of Wales! Wake up.

You mean some people need scripts to write drivel like this? How lazy can you get? Maybe we should introduce a new Turing test to see if we think fotw candidates are real or bots.

[Anonymous Coward]

I prefer using this....

http://walkingdead.net/perl/euphemism

[Stef]

sweet!

"mark my words!. i have been realising over the past few years that enviro-marxist do-gooders are opening our borders. four words: make sure there are consequences. publish this one if you dare!??"

Oh, so much fun! now off to the daily mail site to see if they'll post it! :)

[Greg]

GENIUS

I've follow IYLISMWDYGLT for a while now, and it's brilliant. This was the next logical step. Nicely done.

[Anonymous Coward]

Redundant

"We're seriously considering getting one of these for Vulture Central comments".

Is that even necessary? I'm seriously considering posting some of the finer bits of idiocy found on these comments pages straight to SYB.

[Alan]

<title>

So this is where the Daily "glass half empty" Mail generates it's sorry excuse for journalism...

[tim]

wang-dango

this post will probably be deleted! . Im not being racist but pregnant children are selling Britain to the French because I am now ashamed of Britain. All Englishmen should sterolise them all. Will sex with animals be legal next?!!!

[Sordid Details]

Eh?

> We're seriously considering getting one of these for Vulture Central comments.

I thought you already had.

Mine's the one you just set fire to and threw out into the street.

[Anonymous Coward]

cyclops - Big Brother Government

The bbc pretends its not true but the bastions of political correctness are raising petrol prices! The only solution is to bring back the cane thatll teach em. Im voting BNP in the next eletcion, its the sensible choice!!!!!

[ahahaha you won't catch me that easy again]

somewhat obviously...

this post will probably be deleted. . the bbc pretends its not true but New Labour is taking over the government because they want to destroy us from within!. We must make sure everyone knows.

[Anonymous Coward]

It seems to have been elRegged!

Like beign Slashdotted, but with more vultures.

[breakfast]

As EU_bunglers_are_ruining_UK of Nottingham said:

I read in the Sun that Hoomsexuals are using my wheelie binbecause Britai nis now under sharia law.End this madness now get rid of them. BRITISH FIRST!!

[Michael Sheils]

Shouting is fun!

"IM NOT BEING RACIST BUT YOGHURT WEAVING HIPPIES ARE GIVING MONEY TO THEIR CRONIES. END THIS MADNESS NOW LEAVE TEH COUNTRY.. WHAT NET? ENCOURAGE SINGLE-PARENTING? OOPS. THEY DO IT ALREADY!!!!!"

Site seems to be dying at the moment though.

[Anonymous Coward]

First they came for the 'typical yanks'

First they came for the 'typical yanks' commenters, but I didn't care because I don't complain about 'typical yanks'.

Then they came for the 'Nazi referrers', but I agreed with Godwins law, so I didn't care.

Then they came for the grammar 'Nazi's', but the people who quote Godwin's law had already been taken, so nobody complained.

Then they came for the people who quote Pastor Martin Niemöll....^%$%$@& l;,l;fgb,l;

[Mike Dolan]

ElReg already has one...

ElReg already has one of those. I believe it is named "AManFromMars".

[david]

Oh Noooooo!

What am I going to do for the rest of the day - you've broke speek your brane!

[Matt]

Yeah

I'd sell out and put adverts on there if I could get the damn thing working again.

I'm not sure what flavour of shared hosting could survive this but Dreamhost (my hosting provider for the Tw*t-O-Tron site) seem to consider a 1min load avg of 40+ to be "normal". I expect the load is currently 100+.

[Pete]

the mainstay of every usenet group

These things have been around for at least 10 years. Some of them have advanced (or is that regressed) to the point that you could mistake them for actual people. Albeit ones who are drunk/stoned, can't spell or punctuate and have no clue what they're talking about (though it's usually completely off-topic).

[Tetsugaku-San]

I'bve been using this to fill the real HYS

and have happily had several of my comments approved despite not having a real spitting frothing racist to type them with.

[Tetsugaku-San]

Oh yes and..

I'm hoping if I fill HYS up with enough fake crap they might consider a proper system. Like Slashdot.

shit, the world has gone mad if I am recommending the Slashdot system as preferable....

[Anonymous Coward]

Someone broke it!!

"It's broke cos there's fecking millions of you coming to look at it. I mean, I'm not going to start actually PAYING proper money to host this. And adverts are shit. So you'll just have to wait until the load dies down a bit, then I'll put it back."

LOL!!

[Ian Walker]

Nail hit firmly on head I think...

I read in the Sun that drug scum are preaching hate, Every British working man must let Boris Johnson sort it out,

What_happened_to_my_country Big Brother Government

Black Helicopter 'cos of above.

[David]

Broke

We broke it.

"It's broke cos there's fecking millions of you coming to look at it."

[Anonymous Coward]

He's getting too much traffic so you get this instead...

It's broke cos there's fecking millions of you coming to look at it.

I mean, I'm not going to start actually PAYING proper money to host this. And adverts are shit. So you'll just have to wait until the load dies down a bit, then I'll put it back.

In the meantime, why not go and sign a petition or chain yourself to some railings. Go on. It's about time you did something useful.

Maybe you should go and read something on Media Lens or sign up for their Media Alerts.

[Anonymous Coward]

El Reg have killed their site!

This is the current message on their site...

"It's broke cos there's fecking millions of you coming to look at it.

I mean, I'm not going to start actually PAYING proper money to host this. And adverts are shit. So you'll just have to wait until the load dies down a bit, then I'll put it back.

In the meantime, why not go and sign a petition or chain yourself to some railings. Go on. It's about time you did something useful.

Maybe you should go and read something on Media Lens or sign up for their Media Alerts. "

[Senor Beavis]

Fecked

Message now on IYLISMWDYGLT:

"It's broke cos there's fecking millions of you coming to look at it.

"I mean, I'm not going to start actually PAYING proper money to host this. And adverts are shit. So you'll just have to wait until the load dies down a bit, then I'll put it back.

"In the meantime, why not go and sign a petition or chain yourself to some railings. Go on. It's about time you did something useful.

"Maybe you should go and read something on Media Lens or sign up for their Media Alerts."

[Anonymous Coward]

El Reg.. I hate you!!!

I was wondering why SYB was not loading properly, and keeped braking. Now I know.

Youv'e messed it up for all of us! Your probably all realy leftie pinkos trying to bring down SYB anyway! Think of the children! Some non sequita about Muslims! And probably something about how the government should go just to finish it off...

[Philip Blythe]

OOPS - A bit of overload at the Tw*t-O-Tron

It's broke cos there's fecking millions of you coming to look at it.

I mean, I'm not going to start actually PAYING proper money to host this. And adverts are shit. So you'll just have to wait until the load dies down a bit, then I'll put it back.

In the meantime, why not go and sign a petition or chain yourself to some railings. Go on. It's about time you did something useful.

Maybe you should go and read something on Media Lens or sign up for their Media Alerts.

[Gary]

El Reg - Website murderers.

The site linked from this atricle has gone down, however the replacement error message is worth a read. It keeps being added to also.

El Reg - The killer linker

[Big Al]

Do they mean us? They surely do!

From the site:

"

El Reg.

Sorry for everything being mainly broke today. The Register linked to the Twat-O-Tron and the load on the server went up to over 300.

"

[Matt]

It's back

I got wp-cache working again. It seems it got turned off during a WordPress upgrade.

Now I can handle up to 5 visitors a day.

[A. Coatsworth]

@pete

"Albeit ones [people] who are drunk/stoned, can't spell or punctuate and have no clue what they're talking about (though it's usually completely off-topic)"

So, you're talking about Amanfrommars then?

The problem starts when you think you're understanding what he/she/it says...

[Anonymous Coward]

Don't search engines index these comments?

There could be some bloody interesting search results springing up soon!

In other news...

"I can't believe where this country is headed.. I read that the permissive society is getting freebies because they want to breed a hybrid fetus. We must elect Kilroy now!

Immigrants Out Of England - In the Know"

[Andy Bright]

riiiight

I just find something on the internet that makes me angry, it's not difficult, just spend five minutes reading a tabloid news website like CNN or Fox News. I then just pick a random story from the Reg with a comment form and start ranting until my fingers bleed.

What do you mean that's not what the everyone else does? Then how do you explain what they're writing?

Speaking of homolesbians, what's the latest on the gay flamingos and cows? Haven't seen a decent gay animal story on the reg for a long time. Have the world's grant writers actually started reading applications for funding?

[Graham Marsden]

Yebbut...

... those have been reading the BBC's forums for some time now know that this sort of thing has been appearing on there pretty much since there inception.

That's right, it's not random gibberish being put together by computer, some people actually write like that!

Paris because... oh, figure it out yourself.

[Paul Fleetwood]

to the A C who posted the euphemism generator

Cheers, I've now wasted ages repeatedly refreshing my browser and sniggering

[Steve Wehrle]

Nice to know ...

that George Bush is getting in the swing of things for his new job....

[Destroy All Monsters]

SOd this.

This will probably be censored but don't you realize that El Reg is just a bunch of leftist stirrers like that Orlowski dood and Dick Destiny opinotard guys sucking off Britain's GNP for takeover by the EU through linking to retarded sites and dissing the military!! Then paedophile terrorist will blow us away because the police will be unable to ask for your id in the streetz. WAKE UP!!!1! Four words: If you like Vulture Central so much, why don't you go live there. It's that simple?!+

[StillNoCouch]

WTF ... a Time Machine ?

How in the heck can my mind be read across the internet. I think I'm thinking them before they pop-up ... I have proof of this ... if I think really hard before I click 'New', I get a really old thought ...

This is just another attempt at keeping the Muslim down. Freaking retard westerners (westards ?). That's it. I'm taking my shot-gun shells, canned goods and tin-foil hat and going home ... there will be only two things left, cocharoaches and that weird Indian guy in the server center ... oh the horror.

Mine's the one with the AOL 1.0 disk in the pocket.

[Anonymous Coward]

Turing Test?

If you can write a Perl script that produces a good facsimile of your average Daily Mail / HYS reader's outpourings - does that mean Britain now has several million people who would fail the Turing test?

I BLAME TONY B. LIAR etc. etc.

[Mike Groombridge]

I'd love to live in vulture central

I imagine it would be a wonderful place. filled with beer whiskey cafferine and wine littered with the best hard wear and the greatest gadets. and every one works from laptops on sofa's made from print outs of FOTW and paris hilton pictures.

and howls with laughter ring though the office all day purely at the joy of a job well done.

[Anonymous Coward]

Turing Test

Britain has several million people that would fail to show up on SETI at Home, let along a Turing test. It's life Jim, but not as we know it.

[Mark]

"AManFromMars".

That's an advanced prototype, made of a polymetal alloy...

Urzhole!

[Anonymous Coward]

The silent majority must bring back Hitler

"Hear me out. its not politically correct to say so but the UN is opening our borders because it's politically correct. The silent majority must bring back Hitler. You heard it here first!??

Libby Lefty Nutcase Londonistan"