back to article ISS toilet fails to suck

The Russian ASU (Ассенизационно-Санитарная Установка, or "Waste Management System") aboard the ISS has pretty well clapped out following the failure on 21 May of the unit's air/water separator heralded by a "loud noise", according to NASA. The agency explained last week: "The crew then replaced the separator with a spare unit …


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  1. Senor Beavis

    "heralded by a 'loud noise'"

    The mind boggles. Was it a yelp of pain during an explosive bowel movement?

    Presumably freeze-packed vindaloo has now been taken back off the supplies manifest?

    I would have worn the one with pebble-dashing on the back, though I've had it burned for reasons of basic health and safety.

  2. Dave Silver badge

    got to say it...

    There's a comment just waiting to be made about "captain's log", but I won't sink to that level. That would just be taking the p****...besides, am I the right man for the job...

    etc., etc. etc.

  3. Anonymous Coward

    Piss poor performance

    Title say it all.

    How do you explain to ET that she has to use a napkin to go to the toilet in and then when she lands on earth, at the Presidental lunch, napkins are placed by the plates, all the humans then place them on their laps,so ET does the same and then the smell drifts down the table eminating from ET....have you ever smelt ET urine ? Makes French loos smell nice.

  4. Roy Stilling

    I can just imagine when they send someone to fix it...

    <sucks air through teeth> Oh, sorry guv, need a special part for that - don't have it in me spaceship. I'll have to nip back to the depot for it. back in a month, alright?

  5. Omer Ozen

    ...ASU lacked suction.

    Surely, the fix is simple. Just run a hose from the bog to the outerspace et voila!

    Mine is the orangeglo one with Dynarod written on the back

  6. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    They must have a plumber on board...

    For it's been fixed now.

  7. Steven

    Please use the one... the Soyuz, into which we shall not pass solid's.....

    The one next to the incontinence pants.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    They've changed almost all the components

    And it's still broken? Then the problem's with one of the bits you didn't change, surely? Simple.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Number of toilets?

    You would have thought with all these extra modules they'd have more and one toilet

  10. Andy Edwards

    How times change

    38 years ago they managed to fly a crippled capsule around the moon and back, and now they can't even fix the bog......

  11. JP Strauss

    I guess...

    ...the next trip will sport a plumber among the crew then?

  12. Fluffykins Silver badge

    "heralded by a 'loud noise'" II

    That's the last time they have genetically modified onion bhajis on the menu.

  13. JP Strauss


    It's not exactly your "bog"-standard ablution facility, now is it?

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    seems familiar

    I think the US comedian jeff foxworthy commented on a similar situation....though he did surmise it would only occur from allowing "rednecks" into space.

    If I remember right the skit was called "NASA and Alabama"


  15. david

    heralded by a loud noise III


    ooer, should have saved that one until I got home...

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    "loud noise"

    I have to wonder if the astronauts have been experimenting with novel forms of bodily propulsion. By forcefully emitting gas from the bottom area, a spaceman could manoeuvre himself around the inside of the space station, without having to use his arms. It's an intriguing thought.

  17. Timo

    And I thought a plumber was expensive here on earth

    Can you imagine the bill from the plumber to fix this one? It costs me over 80 bucks just to have one walk in the door at my house.

    Lets see: trip charge, plus materials, plus time (overtime too), plus the trip to go back to get the missing parts (@Roy LOL). Cha-ching!!! Oh and add standing around time on the clock since by the time they get there they'll be late for four cigarette breaks.

    "Go" because that is what they can't do on the ISS.

  18. Anonymous Coward

    Just goes to prove that rocket science is a piece of piss

    compared to rocket engineering

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    Or as Lord Blackadder II in olden times said...

    "...the master craftsman who created this home/said to himself, "Romeo, let's make them functional, and comfortable."....what we're talking about in, erm, privy terms is the very latest in front-wall, fresh air orifices, combined with a wide-capacity gutter installation below."

    Mrs. Pants: "You meane, you crappe out thay windowe."

    Black Helicopter - there wasn't an Adder to choose. And it would probably be Lord B. Vehicle of choice...

  20. Gulfie

    Brings a whole new meaning...

    ... to the word 'floater'.

  21. Anonymous Coward

    If they...

    Can't fix this, then their really gonna be in the sh1t.

    Mines the one with the diving helmet attached.

  22. vincent himpe

    That really sucks !

    even if it doesn't.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    ... you could just have said plain and simple that "The s... hits the fan" :-)

  24. The Badger


    Robots wouldn't have had this problem. Send in the robots!

  25. Ceilidhman
    Paris Hilton

    cross legged

    That spam-can in space must smell pretty dodgy... a mixture of deodoriser and various bodily motions. Gawd! I thought boat loos smelled bad, that must be really awfull.

    Paris coz she's fragrant all the time

  26. Rob Haswell

    "heralded by a 'loud noise'" IV

    But I thought in space, no-one could hear you pee.

  27. me
    Paris Hilton

    Daddy, I gotta GO!

    I can't hold it anymore! How much further? How much longer? Are we there yet? Can we stop NOW!?

    Paris-when ya gotta go, you know?

  28. Anonymous Coward

    let's just hope

    They don't switch from suck to blow!

    May the shwartz be with you.

  29. Mike Moyle

    Re: Or...

    "... you could just have said plain and simple that "The s... hits the fan" :-)"

    Well, no... The problem is that the shit's NOT hitting the fan, and they WANT it to. ;-)

  30. Schultz

    Please don't throw objects into the toilet!

    But there is always one colleague who can't read, won't aim straight, ...

    Rocket science has never been so down to earth, Lester, your turn to clean up the loo.

  31. Nick

    Captains Log...

    Just aim at that blackish holeish thing over there - like a dyson, they always suck (other sucky vacuums are available). I wonder if this means the European ATV will truly become a 'dumping' ground before being sent to burn up in the atmosphere.

  32. Anonymous Coward

    There's never a...

    Polish Astronaut when you need one..

    Mine is the one with the built in port-a-potty....

  33. Herby

    Adventures in space...

    I am reminded about Pete Conrad's (Apollo 12, Gemini 5, Gemini 11, Skylab 2) mention of how to use the facility on Skylab. It went something like: "When you pinch it off, you need to have a downward motion so that the remains will properly be deposited in the container". This advice was forwarded to subsequent visitors to Skylab. In addition, all of this adds to the phrase "Get your S*** together".

  34. Paul F

    To Boldly Go...

    Surprised it took this long, really. Mine's the dirty mac.

  35. Anonymous Coward

    First legitimate use of another Star Trek phrase?

    "But Cap'n, I dinna think she can take it..."

    "I don't care, Scotty, give it all you've got"

  36. Captain DaFt

    I wonder

    Would this problem have anything to do with... Space Kimchi?

    That stuff (the Earthside version at least) can be BRUTAL!

    Flame icon because... of the well known after effects!

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Horns

    "The s... hits the fan" :-)

    I sincerely hope not! This is zero gravity we are talking about.

    Oh! I see you have redecorated the cabin. Interesting colour, brown.

    Picto: Plumber thinking what this call out is worth.

    Grumpy Old Git

  38. Bruce Sinton

    Re Piss Poor Performance

    To avoid those unfortunate misunderstandings , perhaps you should call those things on the table for spilling your food on and wiping your dirty fingers, what we do--- A SERVIETTE .

    In Kiwiland -South Pacific

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    2001 Space Oddyssey

    Dave.... What you doing Dave?

  40. Steven Raith
    Paris Hilton

    They need Paris Hilton

    Because it's a known fact that she sucks like a hoover for as long as you want.

    Sorry, I'll get my coat. It's the one with the colostomy bag...

    Steven R

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