back to article BOFH: The Batcave

"You know," I say to the PFY as I pore over some building plans. "I don't think the beancounters are as big a set of idiots as we've given them credit for." "How's that then?" the PFY asks. "This building they've bought - I've done some admittedly rough sums based around the floor space and previous sales in the area, and I …


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  1. Billy

    Quite good

    Quite funny, but not as good as some of the recent ones. Not bad though.

  2. Jeff
    Thumb Up

    Absolutely great!

    What a great episode! Wonderful work again Simon! I can't wait what you're going to set up to ehhh... "secure" the fitness centre across the street (nothing like a good neighbour keeping an eye out, right? ;-) )

  3. Michael Sheils

    Me Want!

    I can see this new building development going very well.

    Thanks for making Fridays just that little bit more bearable.

  4. Squits

    very funny!

    haha, laughing out loud, what a bonus.

    nice and violent at the end :)

  5. SJ Coombs
    Thumb Up


    You city boys don't even know what cider is - I'd love to have you play one of our Somerset teams ...

  6. Bob
    Thumb Up

    The funniest line...

    . . . One large building fire later . . .

    absolutely priceless, nearly choked on my food.

  7. Dr. Mouse


    There's something wrong with me.

    I know this is funny, but I didn't get more than a smirk.

    I think I must be becoming desnsitised. I KNOW it is hilarious, but I'm not laughing.


  8. Andraž Levstik

    Love it...

    Just the perfect way to wrap up the workweek...

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Funny as always!

    Booze, women, fire, sports, violence, a bat cave and women all in the same episode!

    Ticks all the boxes if you ask me.

    Paris, cos everyone who wants to has ticked her box.

  10. dervheid

    A joy to read...

    and pure bliss in the mental imagery.

    I can see this office move proving VERY fruitful.

  11. Chika
    Paris Hilton


    It might be a bit toned down from the previous stuff, but I get the feeling that there is plenty more mileage in the Batmobile yet! This has the making of an epic!

    Mind you, it doesn't make much mention of lift shafts, an indespensible part of an op's equipment! Ah well, <rubs hands together> all that to look forward to!

    And Paris is because I doubt that they'd want it any other way!

  12. daniel
    Thumb Up

    @SJ Coombs - The Yetties anyone ?

    All sing along:

    "So if ever your in Devon

    And you goes in to a bar

    Just ask for Dead Dog scrumpy

    It's the best there is by far

    Refuse all imitations,

    And you'll sleep just like a log....

    You can always recognize it

    By the hair of the dog!

    Dead dog scrumpy,

    Dead dog scrumpy,

    From the apple tree,

    Dead dog scrumpy,

    Dead dog scrumpy,

    Full of pedigree..."...

    Cheers !

  13. call me scruffy

    Hmmm, face off.


    In the Blue Corner, The Doctor, with his Sonic Screwdriver,

    In The Red Corner, The PFY, with his pinch.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    Could Sir BOFH please explain...

    ...the how-to make dart bodies out of a rare earth magnet?

    You never know when this sort of things might be useful in a near future...

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So many options...

    like a chem-lab, a cinema, a club, a labyrinth (with motion sensors and some interessting animals - like tigers?) a tuneltrain to the best pub around, a traffic lights control center for the area incl. camera access, a shotting/zapping range, a microcopter (drone)port, a roofgarden, a "gauss" trapdoor system - endless possibilitys - great!

    @ Dr. Mouse: had that, Tip: get helplessly drunk(or unsober in your prefered way) on a at least "3 days of" occasion and lose the "have to take everything serious" attitude. Dance in your most unfavored cloths(uniform of worst paid job you ever had or the like) while out of mind. - Worked for me.Note: Dont do drugs - they are no good for your health.

    @anonymous asking for magnets:

    realised a while ago that the chinese now make neodym magnets for small mony in all possiblle forms, some make them in the form that you ask for, and there so powerfull, i have a about 200gramms one that could stick a car to ..well.. a ariane5...

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Could Sir BOFH please explain...

    "Could Sir BOFH please explain... ...the how-to make dart bodies out of a rare earth magnet?

    You never know when this sort of things might be useful in a near future..."



    You wouldn't want to make the entire body seriously magnetic, just the tip. Otherwise it could go sideways when it encounters something metal and not penetrate the target. You'd also want the first part of the tip made out of something very hard like diamond for armour piercing munitions.

    AC because... Erm, yeah.

  17. Dalen
    Thumb Up

    I always wanted...

    ... a Batcave under my mission control.

    On the other hand, I do work in a former WWI army warehouse...

  18. Anonymous Coward

    An Avengers-style Lair?

    I think the BOFH needs to be shooting a bit higher than a mere Batcave - what about a sinister lair to brainwash unwilling lusers? Hypnotising discs, drugs in the water, psychedelic 'music', and hey banana! One compliant Boss.

    Then he realises than terror is more entertaining than mere compliance and the lair can be turned into a deprogramming centre.

    The possibilities!

  19. ben edwards


    I was entirely excited at the mention of a selfmade batcave, but then got disinterested at the twisting into a regular (within context) game of darts.

  20. Jamie Kephalas
    Black Helicopters


    Maybe a Helipad they could launch things off? :) we all want one of those.

    Maybe even use it as a driving range with some less than legal golf balls (I can guarantee AC knows what I'm talking about!!).

  21. Pyros

    Remember folks...

    Fire makes EVERYTHING better!

    (I mean, fire to records, fire to scare lusers away, fire to draw Security's attention, fire to the Boss' groin... )

  22. Nathanael Bastone

    Loved it

    Cant wait till they get into the new place and get the batmobile!

  23. Simon Ball

    At last....

    Do I sense the return of Bastardman and Rabid? Has Crap-installer-man escaped from beneath the raised floor of the server room? We must know!

  24. Spike

    @Duncan Ellis

    Brainwashing!? Your lusers have brains? Sir, you are a great deal luckier than most of us...

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How do I make a pinch?

    It's just something I've always wondered. I have a budget of eighteen pounds, fifty-six pence and a six pack of cheese and onion Walkers crisps. Can it be done?

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How do I make a pinch?

    @ Jaowon

    I can add an additional £1.09, a nearly empty can of spray duster and a quarter of a cup of cold tea to the project.

    Let's go!

  27. Pyros

    Re: How do I make a pinch?

    I believe the idea is basically some hefty batteries, a large (say, roughly a foot, mebby foot & half,) coil of ferrous material (not iron! Ask for ferrous rings, crack one open, and you'll understand,) and miles of copper wiring. (Given the price, you might want to look for alternatives.)

    Then it's all a matter of looking up the basic principles on the internet (The Bastard's Cookbook, anyone?) and plenty of elbow grease...

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    >Has Crap-installer-man escaped from beneath the raised floor of the server room? We must know!

    Oh, goodness. What happened to all the bodies hidden under the floortiles at the old building? They couldn't have left them there, as soon as a tech took up a floortile to do some wiring it would all be over.

  29. Pyros

    That's easy...

    Ever heard of a white van after-hours without Security, a sack of carpet, and quicklime pits?

    I knew you'd do.

    You owe me a pint of Stella, shipped to Florida--it's warm down here.

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