back to article Thus spake the Moderatrix

Yesterday my esteemed colleague kindly offered the Reg readership a place to pour out your hearts, and so you copiously did, proving once and for all what a deeply sad distressed bunch you are. I invited you to gaze into the abyss, and it prompted some bewilderment as to the breakdown of the supposed acronym VOID... well, I …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    A fantastic first effort

    Human misery stories are so entertaining. I hope to read many more of them on here.

  2. Andrew Oakley

    Thus spake the Usenet Oracle

    Dear Usenet Oracle, whose occularities are recorded since the dawn of time, please can you zot El Reg's Moderatrix, who is clearly your inferior clone?

    (I owe the Oracle six woodchucks and some spiky heels)

  3. Mike Crawshaw
    Happy

    Void/Miyamoto Musashi/Yes

    Yes?

    Hmm.

    Truly Zen. I stand in awe. Or rather, sit in the lotus position, staring at a cave wall, chanting a mantra, contemplating your wisdom, in awe.

  4. Laxman

    I love her...

    have her here more often!

  5. michael
    Happy

    YES

    she ansered my questions my existence is validated and I might even dare to hope that she knows my name or at least reconises the letters it is made out of I can now die a happy person

  6. Kenneth MacKinnon
    Thumb Up

    RE : Thus spake the Usenet Oracle

    Spot on!

  7. Senor Beavis
    Pirate

    @ Andrew Oakley

    Usenet Oracle vs The Moderatrix - FIGHT

    No contest, in my opinion. The Moderatrix wins on the following counts:

    1. Is female

    2. Is not beardy

    3. Does not think wearing shorts to work is an acceptable fashion choice for men

    4. Does not collect ancient Sun kit

    5. Fights dirty

    Cease and desist before you get spanked.

    Happy POETS day, all.

  8. Graham Bartlett

    Next question

    Why do women go to the loo in pairs?

    I mean, if you're both having a few drinks and they happen to hit your bladders at about the same time, that's understandable. And if it's an excuse to get away from the blokes and have a private chat, that's fine too. But when two women head into the same *stall* together...?

    Yes, yes, I know one possible explanation - but sadly for the state of men's fantasies, that probably doesn't match up with the statistics. So is it just they just feel such a need to gossip that they can't bear to stop even when they're having a slash? Or is there some deeper female conspiracy at work here which needs to be revealed? Sadly the few people who maybe could tell us have been arrested for drilling holes in toilet walls and aren't in a position to provide information. So can the Moderatrix enlighten us on what's going on here?

  9. Philip Craig
    Thumb Up

    How much?

    moderation would a moderatrix moderate, if a moderatrix could moderate moderations?

  10. Dave Harris Silver badge

    22:26 here

    so 15:26 on Parson's Green. What happened 7 minutes ago? Was guidance given?

  11. Mike Crawshaw
    Paris Hilton

    @ Graham Bartlett

    Some friends of mine are a couple, both female (and both hot, which is great, unfortunately they've never invited me for "that sort of evening".... bah!), and they've told me about the local "specialist sexual orientation catered for" nightclub they frequent actually has "twin stalls" in the ladies, specifically for that sort of shenanigans.

    Happy fantasies...!

    (Paris, as I'd imagine she'd be quite popular there...)

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @ Graham Bartlett

    Have you never heard of "I'm just going to the ladies room to powder my nose...."?

  13. English Bob
    Thumb Up

    Moderatrix for PM

    I can't remember when I last read so much common sense advice in one place. More, Moderatrix, more!

  14. Anon Koward
    Flame

    @Graham Bartlett

    There are shoes and handbag stores in all female toilets, this is why:

    a) they go to toilets in pairs (review potential purchases, provide moral support etc ad nauseam)

    b) it takes them so bloody long!

  15. Fresher

    @Graham Bartlett

    They need an extra pair of hands to undo and tie up their corset.

  16. Slaine
    Dead Vulture

    lame

    ...put yer pinnie back oan and git me anudder beer lass.

    Icon - me in about 30 seconds.

  17. Alastair Smith
    Heart

    Confused

    >The Arctic rodents were in fact fitted up as mammalian Cobains by Disney, whose photographers actually drove a herd of the helpless creatures over a Canadian cliff for the wildlife "documentary" White Wilderness in 1958.

    Why can't I tell if you're being serious or not? Have I really descended to such levels of cyncism that I can believe The Mouse is EVIL? What happened to the <irony />?

    Fantastic piece - more please!!

  18. Stew Wilson

    @Dave Harris

    Guidance was given. More, the Moderatrix will not allow me to say.

  19. Trevor

    @Alistair the confused

    It is actually true that Disney did this, not himself, oh no, he ordered his gang of minions to do it.

    Also Disney has made some other interesting films, even one about menstruation. Although this didn't involve pushing post-pubesant girls off a cliff.

  20. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    What a disturbing turn of events

    this is only the first step on the path to Reg readers meeting up in the big bad IRL, drinking beer, sleeping on one another's couches and interfering with their unmentionable areas. And I ain't talking bad boot blocks, people. Is this what you want? Really? Take one look at the photos from the Reg birthday booze-up for an inkling of what that particular future holds...

    @Andrew Oakley: look further into your memories of the Oracle and you'll doubtless encounter Lisa, the original net.sex.goddess, of whom this is actually an inferior clone. Good call on the *ZOT*, mind you

  22. Ian
    Happy

    Mmmm, Sarah....

    Going for a lie down, thanks.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Andrew Oakley

    The Usenet Oracle is unimpressed with your attempts to prevent him scoring with the Moderatrix and has decided to offer your infinite suffering as a gift on their first date.

    You owe the oracle a last request.

  24. John Savard Silver badge

    The Caves of Steel

    Amazingly enough, the book "The Caves of Steel" by Isaac Asimov, in wriitng about the cultural impact of an overpopulated future, actually included a reference to the "First Rule of the Gents"...

  25. Nick L

    Re: What a disturbing turn of events

    What is even more disturbing is that henceforth, whenever I wait with that frisson of nervous and slightly moist excitement to see whether the Moderatrix will Approve my dubious and desperate choice of title or will merely Cast Me Into Utter, Utter Darkness, I will always experience a flashback to that first fresh first printout of file LISA.LISA ...

  26. LaeMi Qian
    Unhappy

    sadly, Alistair,

    the lemmings WERE pushed.

    Most of those Bobo the wild bear gets caught in a bear trap Disney flicks were set up at the poor animal's expense, too. :-(

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Dead Vulture

    "Stop sleeping. Or, stop working. That should do it."

    I sleep very little and rarely do anything useful at work, but it still hasn't done it for me.

  28. Dale Richards
    Unhappy

    VOID

    Is the VoID where all my dropped Skype calls end up?

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    @ Graham Bartlett

    coz you can't pass a line of coke between two stalls...

  30. DG

    What happened to Lucy?

    And why do I need to type a comment, when everything I wanted to say is already in the title?

  31. Chris Harden

    @Graham Bartlett

    I am told by a female friend of mine (yes, there are two, TWO, geeks here who have hot female friends), that girls go into a stall two at a time because there is usually a queue in the toilet and it guarantees the second gal can get into the stall without having to battle the queue too much.

    It's the equivalent of buying two pints at once I guess....although I'm not sure how comfortable I am with that comparison...

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    @Non-sleeping AC

    I suggest giving up WoW and playing a better MMO instead.

    Fire because 'best MMO' ends up the way of 'Best OS' and Amiga vs. Atari

  33. This post has been deleted by its author

  34. Chris Harden
    Pirate

    @ Greg

    Beats me, I dont have first hand knowlage of this....and fingers crossed never will. For all I know its a vicious crazy stampede in there! Infact...knowing a couple of my ex's I wouldnt be too suprised if there was violence and kicking involved with the whole 'female queueing in the loo' deal.

  35. Edward Black
    Alert

    Perhaps the Moderatrix can answer this ?

    Perhaps one could explain the the ultimate question for me ?

    In advertising If something is new and improved, How can it be new if its just been improved ? and how can it be improved if its new ?

    Even the great god Google cant enlighten me on this......

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