back to article The Moderatrix: Exclusive boudoir snap

The commenters among you who've been foolish enough to cross swords with the Moderatrix know that she doesn't suffer fools gladly - and quite right too. However, in case you're wondering what happens to those who really don't know when to zip it, and persist in gobbing off when any sane person would have retreated like a …


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  1. Anonymous Coward

    Hurrah... Friday pic

    Love it!

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Questions, nothing but questions.

    No, I haven't been naughty and didn't think any filthy thoughts so far. At least not in relation with The Moderatrix or any other vulture creature. But here's a pressing question.

    Why don't Playmobils wear pants? And, maybe more importantly, is it deemed inappropriate playmography to show such smutty pictures on El Reg?

    EAfH, slightly discusted

  3. Anonymous Coward

    That didn't help

    That didn't help at all.

  4. Dave

    It's Playmobil Friday!!!

    Can anyone link me last weeks Playmobil story please? I couldn't find it Did we really not have one? Bad El-Reg!!! Is that who the (un) lucky moderatrixee is?

  5. Angus Wood


    If that is she (and I've no reason to doubt that El Reg is staffed by 2cm high plastic posable toys) then who is that on the bed, and who is taking the photo?

    Enquiring minds want to know...

  6. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    Oh dear...

    I'll admit I'm a little naive in such matters as S&M, but why is that dog there?

  7. Anonymous Coward

    Whip me whip me!

    Nice to see what you can whip up at a moments notice. But where is the Emma Peel leather outfit.....

    Mines the one with "beat me, beat me, I've been a bad bad boy" on the back....

  8. Jonathan Richards


    That was really painful. Do it again.

    > The opinionated hoi polloi

    Ow Ow. hoi polloi already means 'the multitude', so the first The is redundant.

    Go on, one more time...

  9. dervheid
    Thumb Down

    That's not even slightly scary!

    The Moderatrix will have to be WAY more intimidating than that.

    Now, go and try again.

  10. Anonymous Coward


    No St Andrew's cross, no ball gags, no cat?

    Or have I mis-understood?

    Mine's the PVC one with the straps...

  11. Chris Walker

    The dog has no eyes.

    Which is worrying.

  12. Liam Johnson

    Sickening display

    Especially the unfortunate angle of the wardrobe mirror...

  13. Brad
    Paris Hilton

    Surely the mirror was accidental

    Paris because she knows a good crotch shot when she sees one.

  14. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: That's not even slightly scary!

    Ah, dervheid. You'll learn. You'll learn soon enough.

  15. Steven Raith

    Re: Oh dear

    If you are going to breach Clause 63 [I think] of the Criminal Justice Act by producing Extreme Pr0n [the poor sod on teh bed looks like he is under duress and may be in pain, for the sexual gratification of the viewer - we're all nicked] then you might as well go the whole hog, eh?

    Mines the one with 'Made in Denmark' written on the label...

    Steven "Very Naughty Boy Indeed" Raith

  16. Frumious Bandersnatch

    Re: Ooo!

    > > The opinionated hoi polloi

    > Ow Ow. hoi polloi already means 'the multitude', so the first The is redundant.

    > Go on, one more time...

    Hoi opinionated polloi?

  17. Robin Bradshaw
    Black Helicopters

    Illegal porn!

    I declare your playmobil porn illegal, not only does it depict a depraved non consensual act but the large stick could potentially cause serious anal damage and with a dog thrown in for good measure that's bestiality too.

    Consider yourselves under arrest and go and report to your nearest police station.

  18. Jamie Kitson


    Where are the answers to our burning questions?

  19. Robajob

    @Jonathon Richards

    Dammit. Out-pedanted.

  20. DodgyLurgy

    Is that the........

    latest set from Playmobil in the "Max Mosley Boudoir of Pain" range?

  21. Niall

    Please explain.

    Not that I have a shoe fetish or anything but why is it that 'Queen Bee' appears to be wearing sandles?

  22. Adam Cherrett


    That top she's wearing looks like a poor adaptation of a Sun Microsystems t-shirt. Am I the only one to see the irony in supporting Solaris in a place the sun don't shine (i.e. the basement)?

  23. John Watts

    Is this unlawful?

    Isn't this extreme porn for Playmobil? This could land a lot of unsuspecting plastic toys in gaol.

    Which they probably deserve judging by the state of their eyes and their perma-smiles - obviously at that evil Class B cannabis all the time.

  24. Ivor

    hubba hubba

    Wahay, sign me up baBee!

    What sort of comments get a whipping though? Will a bit of Martian babble do it?

  25. W

    @ Please explain.

    And if you squint, and tilt you head, she *almost* has a multicoloured Sun Microsystems logo on her top. How *very* geek chic of you Sarah?

  26. Anonymous Coward

    re: Please explain.

    Mistress wears what she damn well pleases, slave!

  27. anarchic-teapot


    That big stick looks remarkably like the PFY's enhanced cattle-prod. Could they by any chance be related? I think we should be told.

    Or maybe not.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Wouldn't mess with the Moderatrix...

    ...because the SUN clearly shines out of her orange jumper.

  29. dervheid
    Thumb Up

    @ Sarah (Moderatrix?) Bee



    Just one question though.

    HOW SOON? ;P

  30. Glynn Williams

    Sign Me Up

    After the pictures of your night out the other month, any time spent in a darkened room with young Miss Bee would be greatly appreciated! :D

  31. Steve Mann


    Then that ain't no ordinary dog! That's Teddy Salad, masterspy!

  32. Anonymous Coward


    You need a new code, Possibly Not Safe For Work...this could be easily mis-interpretted by the wrong person and I need my daily Reg to get through the work day!

    Mine's the trench coat there.

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    New Odds & Sods category!

    I agree with the earlier commenters. We need a way to find all the Playmobile pics. Maybe it should join BOFH, Bootnotes, Entertainment, & Letters as Odds & Sods categories.

  34. ImaGnuber

    @Glynn Williams

    Sure to be wonderful right up until you hear the word "Fetch".

  35. Anonymous Coward

    It was only a matter of time...

    After Playmobil came out with the Airport Security playset that the Dungeon of Domination playset was sure to follow... *smile*

    I'm reliably informed that no self respecting SM practitioner would wear a bright orange top with stripes on it. And no shackles on the bed?

    I'm also reliably informed that there are special straps available for tying people to beds.

    Mine's the coat saying "I'm a good Methodist boy"

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Tying people to a *bed* is so amateurish!

  37. Red Bren

    @Chris Walker

    "The dog has no eyes!"

    "So how does it see?"

    "Bloody awful!"

    No, that's not right. A dog walked into a pub and said...

    Can I get my coat before you throw me out on my ear?

  38. Tom

    why is that dog there?

    Checking for bootleg DVDs.

  39. Jesse

    Good lord

    Holy Hillary Clinton, the moderatrix is a bull dyke!

  40. Alan Esworthy


    This photo is not what it appears to be. Look closely and you will see that what seems to be a candelabrum is instead a viewing stand for three aliens who are warping space and our minds. They look like the artist's models for the brooding Easter Island buried statues. See how they nullify local gravity by raising the feet of the bed clear of the floor. See how they bend light waves, making the "wand" in the Dominatrix's hand appear to be straight while the mirror image clearly shows it to be an upwardly curving shaft with a knob on the end. See how they cloud our minds by making a double bed appear innocently normal even though it has a completely counter-purposeful crevice down the middle. No! You dirty person - not *that* kind of crevice!

    Why is the dog not barking? Eh? Eh?

  41. Anonymous Coward

    that wasn't a dog

    it was two termites asking "is the bar-tender here?"

  42. ImaGnuber

    @Alan Esworthy

    "Why is the dog not barking? Eh? Eh?"

    Because it is the well-trained doggie of the Moderatrix (as you too will soon be) and doesn't bark with a mouth full of... doesn't bear thinking about...

  43. Anonymous Coward

    Oh gees-oh! You've sunk to a certain auction website's level of depravity

    (Not talking about the simulated pr0n), but OMG, did you have to give us reflecto-pr0n of the wee plastic fella on the bed?

  44. Graham Marsden

    @Steven "Very Naughty Boy Indeed" Raith

    Don't forget, those shown in the picture are legally permitted to own a copy because they are "direct participants", it's just everyone else, including the person who set the scene and took the photographs who will be committing a crime if they own a copy...

    PS, but, please Ms Moderatrix, there are companies who sell Affordable Leather Products who would be honoured to equip you with much more suitable attire and effective equipment!

  45. The Wanderer

    Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooh Yessssssssssssssss

    I've been a bad, bad commentator. A very bad commentator indeed. I deserve to be punished, and with the worst puns imaginable, too...

  46. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Queen of the hive.

    As El Reg continues its downward descent into depravity can someone explain why I have this constant pricking sensation in my nether regions? Could it possibly be a bee sting inflicted by the queen Bee herself, and if so could she be prevailed upon to apply soothing unguents to relieve my suffering?


  47. RKP
    Thumb Up

    Told you...

    See I told you she looked mean.

    And yes I've been a bad boy too, Oh Darling Moderatrix spank me before I'm naughty again.

  48. Steen Hive

    @Jonathan Richards

    "Ow Ow. hoi polloi already means 'the multitude', so the first The is redundant."

    Only in Greek. "The hoi polloi" is an accepted English usage. Spot the definite article time, innit?

  49. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Is it right that.......

    ......a 38-year-old male IT worker should buy a Playmobil set just to keep up with The Register?


    Thank goodness!!

    Paris.....because I'm sure she's got Playmobil too ;-)

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