back to article Oz driver sticks seatbelt on slab of beer

Oz police have described themselves as "shocked and appalled" after pulling a driver near Alice Springs to discover he'd lovingly strapped in his slab of beer while leaving a five-year-old boy next to it without the benefit of a seatbelt. According to, the driver of the car stopped on the Ross Highway last weekend …


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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Booster seat

    Obviously they were using the beer as a booster seat, and the sprog wriggled out of the seatbelt unobserverd...

  2. druck Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    XXXX for the Amber Nectar

    Ozzies couldn't give a XXXX about child safety, couldn't risk getting a ding in a tinny of the amber nectar.

  3. Gav

    Seems logical to me

    If you're in a car crash, what's likely to do the most damage? An unrestrained small child, or a unrestrained keg of beer? I know what I'd prefer to have smash me in the back of the head.

    Still doesn't explain why the didn't put it in the boot though. (The beer, not the kid!)

  4. Mr B


    The carton was not in an eski ... that's the real offence Down Under!!!

    Seat belt who cares, but warm beer ...

    /mine's the one with ice packs

  5. Iain Purdie

    No big surprise

    Around Alice Springs I can certainly believe it. It's kind of like Redneck country. Or Devon. Bear in mind that we're discussing a country where drink-driving is the norm, as well. In the US you have the right to carry a big gun and shoot anyone who looks at you funny. In Oz, you have the right to get beered up and drive home at 3am, vomiting out of the side window.

    It's in the constitution. Or a charter. Or something.

  6. tekrox
    Dead Vulture

    "Bloody Idiot"

    "It's in the constitution. Or a charter. Or something."

    Drink Drive, Bloody Idiot

    This is one of the signs used to dissuade people from drink driving - To me its always sounded like the police are telling you to drink drive

    Also - 30pk Beer? Was it west end Draught? Yuck, Stick me a Coopers Sparkling any day.

  7. Steve

    The kid's got hands

    He can hold on when you go round a corner, but the beer would slide about on the seat.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    >Around Alice Springs I can certainly believe it. It's kind of like Redneck country. Or Devon.

    Oi! I come from Devon..ex Devonian actually. But I have to agree with you!

    The average IQ increased by 20 points when the the Meteorological Office moved its staff to Exeter (all those PhD's. (Ouch..that's gonna hurt some folks)

  9. Chris Miller

    Amber Nectar?

    Inspector Morse: "I'll have an orange juice."

    DS Lewis: "Aren't you going to try an aussie beer, sir?"

    Inspector Morse: "They don't call it XXXX for nothing, Lewis!"

    "Promised Land" (Episode 20)

  10. GrahamT

    What is the Strine for chav?

    Obviously relatives of Sir Les Patterson.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If I was a 5 year old...

    ...and I was in a car crash, I'd certainly rather bounce about in my own little natural elastic way than get hit by a XXXX-off great solid block of tinnies while tied solidly to a chair.

    Neither would be good in the slightest, mind.

  12. Slaine
    Thumb Up

    So your name's not Bruce then

    Gotta agree with matey there, the kid's far more likely to survive an accident if it bounces about inside the car a bit instead of it being strapped in whilst a keg bounces about on top of him.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    Strine for Chav ...

    ... is Ocker, I believe.

  14. Spleen

    Re: Gav

    "If you're in a car crash, what's likely to do the most damage? An unrestrained small child, or a unrestrained keg of beer?"

    Assuming that each of the 30 cans was 440ml, that's 13.2 litres of beer. That would weigh about 13.2 kilograms, assuming the weight of packaging and the difference in weight between water and beer (mostly water) is negligible.

    A healthy five-year-old child should weigh at least that. I believe the average is around 18 kilos. So the answer is, the unrestrained keg of beer. Humans are damn heavy beasts.

    Above based on Googling and assumptions from within my own head, so feel free to correct me.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Its called XXXX cause Australians (Queenslanders) cant spell beer. I think you will find drink driving is considered more of a right in this country...

  16. Dr. E. Amweaver

    @GrahamT: "Bogue" is what you're after...

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Here in Ireland there used to be signs in various places that were supposed to make you think about road safety by including the priceless slogan of "(n) number of people died on roads in (county) last year. Who Cares?"

    Which seemed remarkably callous, I thought ;-)

    Sadly, most of the "Who Cares?" versions seem to have been removed, before I could get a camera to one of them. Maybe someone else has seen one and can tell me where they are now :-)

  18. Feargal Reilly


    Thanks for saving me the time doing the maths.

    If I were the kid, I'd also much rather that the object ejected through the windscreen be the the crate of tinnies that I'm probably not even going to get to drink.

  19. Haku


    You've got your Aussie "sex in a canoe" drinks mixed up

    it's Castlemaine XXXX -

    and Fosters the Amber Nectar -

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    And since then it's doubled since you left! Sucks to be you :-P

    Cornwall, now thats a different matter!

  21. Dazed and Confused

    But which one whines most you you strap them up

    Look the kid probably complains when you stick the seat belt on them but the beer didn't. So leave it that way, anything for a quiet life.

  22. Wootcannon

    @Simon holt

    They still have them on the Cavan-Leitrim N16

  23. Steve Brooks

    obvious innit

    "If I were the kid, I'd also much rather that the object ejected through the windscreen be the the crate of tinnies that I'm probably not even going to get to drink."

    What ARE you on about, you obviously didn't read it correctly or know anything about Australia at all! This bit:

    "He didn't get it. I asked him about the fact the child was unrestrained and the beer was, and he said he didn't know anything about it."

    That the reason the driver didn't know anyhing about it was because the tinnies belonged to the kid and he didn't want any of the thieving adults sitting around him to pinch any, so strapped them down and sat on 'em, quite logical and straightforward, this is Alice Springs after all

  24. Ralph Hodgson

    @Simon Holt

    They moved them to England, A1 north of Morpeth.

  25. Dave Jones


    Doesn't the Reg bitch about nannyism at home? How much freedom is not enough? How much regulation is too much? Discuss.

    BTW you can't shoot anyone you want to in the US, though in Arizona it's OK to have a loaded gun on the dashboard in plain sight. Must give the traffic cops pause.

  26. This post has been deleted by its author

  27. Jon Tocker


    ...because the Aussies can't spell "beer".

    He couldn't put the beer in the boot, his girlfriend was hidden in there ("Baaaaaaa!")

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sex in a canoe

    For those that wonder, means "Fcuking close to water" used to desribe "light" beer generally.

  29. Argus Tuft

    if it was in Alice

    it was probably metho...

  30. Scott

    @Dr. E. Amweaver

    I guess bogan would be the closest answer but don't think it is the right match

    Are the parents of chav's still referred to as chav's or it it just the young generation?

    Also we don't really refer to the little hoddie wearing, hiphop/rap listening shits as bogans

    And Jon I think you are confusing us with the kiwis

    heart for the love we all feel for our inner bogan

  31. Moss Icely Spaceport
    Thumb Up

    @ Spleen

    Good work son.

    BTW, your average Aussie beer can = 375ml

    The posh imported stuff is usually only 330ml.

    Given that it was Alice Springs and an unregged car, I guessing it wasn't the posh beer.

    It was probably Emu Bitter.

    Not the best, but I'd drink it if it were cold.

  32. Tim Bates

    Look at all the non-Aussies commenting

    Jon, it's New Zealand where the sheep are the girlfriends. We use actual women here in Australia.

    And drink driving is very uncommon these days. "Random Breath Testing" has pretty much ended it, since the police tend to define "random" as "pull over every car they see even if it means making them queue up like it's a toll booth or something".

    Now here's my stereotyping: Would I be correct in guessing the car was full of Aboriginal people, and it was a rusty old Commodore or Falcon?

  33. Stephen

    An Australian writes

    Yes some of us can even spell - sorta

    1. 30 cans maketh a block, a slab is 24.

    2. New Zealanders (and the Welsh as per El Reg) shag sheep, Ozzies shag shielas except for Tasmanians who shag their sister-mother.

    3. We export XXXX, we sure as hell don't drink it - it's crap.

    4. We've got a higher GDP per head of population than the UK and inestimably better weather - so bugger off you whingers :-)

  34. Michael Greenhill

    Ocker, tinnies...

    I'm Aussie, and I don't know a single person who actually says "ocker" or "tinnies"

    Try "bogan" and "beers" next time.

    Shit, we're weird down here - we're not _that_ weird though.

  35. A

    The Boot?

    Are you crazy!

    Have it in the nicely air-conditioned cabin.. where you can reach it..

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Halo

    Aussi Rules

    Just common sense. If you had an accident, you wouldn't want 30 cans of great beer flying around inside the car. You might get hurt and the product might get damaged. No that would be dangerous. But a kid is lighter and softer so that is better all round.

    Any way what is there to hit any where near Alice?

    Grumpy Old Git

  37. Andy Worth

    @Moss Icely Spaceport

    Average can size 375ml?

    I was led to believe that the Aussies can drink, not that they are a bunch of girly poofs who drink beer in just over half-pint measures.

  38. Steve Brooks

    lots to hit

    "Any way what is there to hit any where near Alice?"

    Again somebody whose obviously never been to Alice Springs, it's usually the drivers mother laying in the middle of the road after an all day bender on the local cask red.

  39. Chris Davis
    Paris Hilton

    Pull the other one

    I used to believe all the hype about Australians being macho until I discovered that yer all God-botherers, and consequently as soft as shite.

    I think you should be told.


    Paris - because she like 'em hard.

  40. Moss Icely Spaceport
    Thumb Up

    @ Andy Worth

    Yes, 375ml is the standard drink container be it Coca Cola or Beer. Just they way it is.

    Hint: Don't worry about the size of the container, just drink more cans!

  41. Jon Tocker

    @ Tim Bates and Stephen

    I'm a kiwi, so I know full well it's you Aussies that are the sheep-botherers...

  42. Robert Heffernan

    @Andy Worth

    "I was led to believe that the Aussies can drink, not that they are a bunch of girly poofs who drink beer in just over half-pint measures."

    Aussies CAN drink! The 30 can block would have been the beer supply for one person alone. No point having too much in a can, means it takes longer to drink and you risk it getting warm.

    Once it's warm you can't drink it, so it goes to waste, and wasting a beer is an indictable offense around here.

  43. ben edwards

    They must have been tourists

    Only one slab for 4 adults? Tourists for sure.

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