back to article Scientists create Chewbotca robot muncher

During private and quieter moments, it does a person good to assess the present threat of robots. Robots may betray you, shoot you, or even seduce and break your fragile human heart. But at least there's only a small fraction of a chance that a robot will eat you. But hold that comfort close while you can. Some French …


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  1. Tim
    Black Helicopters

    Just add power.....

    Add this to Bristol Robotics Labs flesh powered bot (they refer to it eating flies, but that's PR) and our overlords are well on their way.......

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Braaains, braaaaains!

    At last, ROTFEZ (Rise of the Flesh Eating Zombies).

    I, for one, welcome our new meat munching ubergourmands.

    Paris, as she would be spared.

  3. Ralph B


    > helium flows through the device to reproduce breathing.

    Presumably they wanted to simulate Pinky and Perky masticating ... ?

  4. Tanuki
    Paris Hilton

    Mechanical masticator.

    How long before someone business-aware buys the rights to this machine and markets a version as a sex-toy.

    Paris - because she sucks - (allegedly).

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    Not being picky...

    Ok yes I am.

    How is a bunch of Canine "teeth" going to replicate a human mouth even closely when we only have four, the rest being molars and insicors?

  6. Ash

    Machine Mastication

    Wasn't the demise of The Terminator at the hands of a Robot-Chewing Device?

    The leather one with "I'll Be Back" please.

  7. Matt Kemp

    If it chews loudly..

    It's getting smashed right now.

  8. mick

    A wiseman once said ...

    You've got to listen to me. Elementary chaos theory tells us that all robots will eventually turn against their masters and run amok in an orgy of blood and the kicking and the biting with the metal teeth and the hurting and shoving.

  9. Ru

    @Tanuki, Re: Mechanical masticator

    >How long before someone business-aware buys the rights to this machine and markets a version as a sex-toy.

    Think carefully about how much sexual pleasure you could get from something filled with crushing spikes, that can only reduce things to pulp. And then consider the rest of the world too. Why buy the rights to this, when lawn mowers and wood chippers and food blenders could do a very similar job so much more cheaply?

  10. Peter H. Coffin

    A cautionary proposal

    As long as they don't put red lights on the thing, I think it's safe. Never trust a robot that can light up red.

  11. Jason The Saj
    Black Helicopters

    Wasn't there a digestion robot last year?

    I mean, I am pretty sure I recall some robot that was given bio waste material and converted it for energy.

    So if we add this to the front of that thing. We could find ourselves in a situation where robotic devices in their search for energy no longer simply turn on the masters, but actually start devouring and eating humans.

    Crap, I don't even think this has been done as a B-movie yet?

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    so they're

    All masticators? Close enough for me. Just keep them away from the lager, thank you.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's missing something no robot should be without...

    There's no tongue.

  14. Joe Blogs

    Been done before (sort of)...

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Cabbage patch chomper

    The cabbage patch news report says:

    "That apparently was the case last month for a 7-year-old New Haven girl whose hair was caught in the doll's mouth. The child was not seriously injured, but her parents called 911 and rescue workers freed her. "

    I don't understand why they didn't just get some scissors and cut off the trapped hair.

  16. Jesse

    RE: A wiseman once said ...




  17. Anonymous Coward

    Re: Cabbage patch chomper


    "I don't understand why they didn't just get some scissors and cut off the trapped hair."

    Read the bible: Judges, chapter 13 to 16.

    Cut her hair? That would be heresy.

  18. Paul F
    Black Helicopters

    Robots think we taste like Bacon, Remember?

    So, Robot Chomper, plus Robot Digester, plus Bacony Goodness =

  19. Paul F
    Black Helicopters

    Yikes! There's a Robot Cook!

    So, Robot Cook, plus Robot Chomper, plus Robot Digester, plus Bacony Goodness =

    This is getting worse for us, isn't it?

  20. Anonymous Coward

    It's a cookbook

    That is all

  21. Fresher


    "Read the bible: Judges, chapter 13 to 16."

    That's a good hair cut reference and I can see how, on balance, it might cause someone to call the emergency services rather than sit struggling with the theological interpretation when their daughter's hair's being eaten by a cabbage patch doll.

  22. Jon Tocker
    Black Helicopters

    And they can smell, too

    Worser and worser:

    According to this ElReg article: they will be able to not only appreciate the bacony smell of our sizzling corpses (of course they'll be equipped with flamethrowers as part of their arsenal), causing them to salivate uncontrollably in anticipation of the feast, they'll also be able to sniff us out like bloodhounds.

    Aiiiieeeeeeeee!!!!! There's nowhere we can hide. Between Night vision, thermal imaging, sensitive hearing outside the human range and enhanced smell - not to mention the sensory capabilities a only a machine could possess, like penetrating "radar" etc - these machines will be able to track us down with a ruthless efficiency unimagined by Carpenter and make the T-X look like a crude toy.

    Once they've sniffed us out, advanced targeting systems will enable them to lock their flamethrowers onto us with a precision unknown to the T-series and the Cylons, activate "Gourmet Barbeque" mode and then they can feast on our Bacony Goodness...

    The black helicopter as there will obviously be airborne variants sniffing the wind and closing in...

  23. Treacle

    Oh dear lord...

    Only now to invent ... Robot Excretors... (yuck).

    (Confidential to El Reg: We need a Robot comment icon. Thanks.)

  24. Dave Ball

    Did anyone else..

    read the title as Chewbacca?

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Once again..,

    we have truely created the means for our own demise.

    At least that'll be an amusing footnote in the pages of history

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Horns

    Helium? Helium?

    What's the helium for? I am damned sure my mouth does not use helium.

    Oh, I get it. It's a French mouth. That explains everything!

    Yes I will get my coat. Now if I could just find my way out of this restaurant.

    Grumpy (and zenophobic) Old Git

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