back to article Independent dubs El Reg lesbian

We at El Reg have been called a fair few things in our time, but never before has it been suggested that we are dedicated practitioners of the Sapphic arts. Well, it was only a matter of time, and readers are invited to have a shufti at this piece from the Independent, which earlier today examined in some depth the Lesbian …


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  1. Mo

    In fairness...

    …they've got Orlowski banged to rights.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Go on Reg !

    Can we see some girl on girl action ?

    PS Nice girls though, not the ones that should be doing bricklaying or Ann Widdecombe lookalikes !

    Paris ? Yes please !

  3. Dazed and Confused

    Oi wheres the links

    If Andrew has been putting pen to paper, of what ever passes for writing these day. We his loyal readership demand links to it.

  4. Dave
    Paris Hilton

    I wouldn't mind being branded a Lesbian . . . .

    So what does it take to qualify as a Lesbian .....

    Lusting after sexy ladies

    Having facial hair

    Having hairy legs perhaps........

    Therefore by definition I must be a Lesbian

    I am a 42 year old father of one, happily married so perhaps not ?

    Paris . . . . cos she may well star in a nice girl on girl flick some time

    Mine are the dungarees - off to the pub now for a pint !

  5. Anonymous Coward

    I've read some funny things in El Reg over the years..

    ..but this one will take some licking!

  6. Simon
    Paris Hilton

    indy madness

    Broadlysheet, what a pathetic load of pap - do they get paid for that rubbish.

    Paris, could she could do better (at both the article writing and the Mytilenian stuff).

  7. Tawakalna
    Paris Hilton


    looks to me like the paper that nobody reads is trying to up its circulation with sleazy stories at the expense of the Reg!

    If it was the General BelGrauniad you would have been *lensbais*

    If it was the Torygraph you'd have been fine because they don't know what lesbians are.

    If it had been the Dirty Digger's Times, it would have read "Corrrrrrr! Online Mag El Reg Sucks Up to Lissome Lesbians in Shock Scandal!" (or something equally restrained)

    Paris because I heard her on the radio this morning, nowt to do with my sexual fantasies, I just liked her song - a bit)

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    in keeping with their standards of research and sub-editorship, should you not reciprocate in! yahoo! style! by always referring to the Independant?

  9. Dave
    Paris Hilton

    Proof - if proof were needed

    We've known for years that Lester has a predication for ropes and rubber - are these events connected in some way, I wonder?

    Sorry to say this: I think you might have weakened your case against the Indy. I suggest the patented disk-crusher recently mentioned deserves an outing...

    Why PH? Because I'm sure she'd... no, better not.

  10. This post has been deleted by its author

  11. Sodoshi
    Paris Hilton

    Paris Hilton?

    But not as popular as penetrating Paris Hilton...

  12. Anonymous Coward

    'give the lot of 'em a good licking'

    I hope this was an intended joke and my mind isn't worse than i thought.

  13. Col
    Thumb Up

    [insert title here]

    British journalism at its most goodest.

  14. Dalek13


    They were probably reading some of the threads on the comment boards. Plenty of 'girl on girl' action there...

    Yes, mines the kevlar one with the stab-proof hood...

  15. Ideala2

    It's the Indy though...


    As much as I "like" paper (in that it's the only one I can stand to read) I've noticed their hacks cannot cope with any science/technology of any sort, and will always get it wrong - even in their Sci/Tech/Business articles.

    The SIndy had a four page spread on the dangers of t'internetting - that was almost as funny as some of the Reg's friday Pub-lishings.

    Do you think they even bothered to open up the page, or just stole a quote from google?


    I for one would not have any problems with 'L' Reg branching out in order to appeal to a wider demographic.

    (Hehe... did you notice the pun there... didya? didya?... Ahem...)

  16. dervheid
    Thumb Up

    All publicity...

    is good publicity. So they say.

    It's just a shame the 'Phorm' story isn't getting the same coverage!

    Of course, if it were to involve some 'girl-on-girl' action, as opposed to just another "big business screws joe public" scenario, then maybe they'd get interested.

  17. Steve

    Oh man...

    We're going to be drowning in poontang now we're all lesbians!

    I'll still keep buying the Indie though - it has 4 sudokus and a crossword! - and I'll keep coming here for real news.

    @ Tawakalna:

    If you honestly enjoy Paris' aural offering, might I suggest "Kingston Town" by UB40. It has essentially the same chord sequence and rhythm but without the attendant problems of making me want to stab someone in the eye.

  18. G2

    hit them back

    how about hitting them back?

    to everyone that's using an on-line public bookmark service, like please bookmark under the keywords "lesbian on-line magazine"

    let's see how they like it.

    /Hoists the pirate flag on this occasion. Arrrrrr!

  19. Steven Raith
    Paris Hilton

    Independant in talking shite shocker

    Well, not a shocker really.

    I read the Indy when I want to get angry about something. I could just read the Daily Mail/Express, but frankly I prefer to peruse something that has been written for someone who's mental age breaches double figures. Even if it's only just.

    Anyway, I'm all up for more penetrating lesbain debate. How about a video interview with some leading lesbians. Preferably on tarpaulin. With an oil shower. And cucumbers.

    Paris. Well, obviously.

    Steven R

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sauce for the vulture

    Looks like L. Reg is about to get a load of new readers. Former Independent readers.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Don't understand....

    ..thought you were based in London, not Lesbos.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton


    You got to love half assed (or is it pissed and got a deadline reporting) but now I have to worry about my boss catching me reading a lesbian on-line magazine.

    Paris as we all want some girl on girl action with her.

  23. Andus McCoatover

    New name?

    From "El Reg" to "Les Regs"?

    Paris on the banner, instead of the vulture? Go on - I dare ya!

    G'is the one with the hankies in the pocket. Don't care if it's not mine.

  24. TheThing
    Thumb Up


    Simple. In the next 'extreme porn' story just refer to the Indy as a "specialist donkey-fetish magazine"

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Stars of the show

    This being the Reg it would star Paris and the Eee Pee Cee girl, shirley?

  26. Hywel Thomas

    @ Ideala2

    The Indy wasn't too bad while Charles Arthur was there. Since then it's just awful for tech.

    I always assume that the 10 best of anything for stuff I don't know about (say ladyhair removers or coffee tables) are going to be largely crap. This is based on the observation that if it is something I know something about, they're usually wrong. As well as the best budget pick often costing more than I'd spend on said object in the first place).

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    if el reg = lesbians

    does that make us readers perverts? :D

  28. Carl Marshall

    Even better

    ... the article is held in such high esteem that it is an "Editor's Choice"

    Who wants to bet that the editor was about 4 lines of code looking for recent articles with more than 20 words in?

  29. Trevor Watt

    Am I missing something?

    Where is the secret area of the site? The Indi is never wrong!

  30. Anonymous Coward


    I thought so. I'm obviously a lesbian trapped in a man's body

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    @ Carl Marshall

    OMG. I just read this as:

    Who wants to bet that the editor was about 4 lines of <<coke>> looking for recent articles with more than 20 words in?

    I nearly p*ssed myself.

    Paris obviously.

  32. Anonymous Coward

    Perhaps they have misunderstood the El Reg journalist's names?

    Lester Haines, Sarah Bee and Ashley Vance:


  33. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Perhaps they have misunderstood the El Reg journalist's names?

    I'm speechless.

  34. easyk

    Can you blame them

    With all the crap you cover can you blame them for mistaking a supposed IT publication for something else?

  35. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Can you blame them

    >>With all the crap you cover can you blame them for mistaking a supposed IT publication for something else?

    Yes. Yes we can.

  36. Dave

    Water-restraining devices

    Sounds like we need a few articles on the latest Dutch advances in holding back the sea.

    I hope my IT department doesn't read the Indy, otherwise we'll find that access to the site gets blocked as unsuitable.

  37. Shinku

    Scissor Me Timbers

    This. Is. Les Bos.

  38. TEQ

    @ Speechless Sarah Bee

    Now there's a first! :P

  39. Pete Spicer

    Seems the Indy has changed the article...

    The final para now reads: (and I quote)

    Now, an on-line magazine called The Register...


  40. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A name change is in order then

    ...from El Reg to The L Word Reg.

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    The story now calls El Reg just an online magazine. Now it's just insulting. :P

  42. Elrond Hubbard

    I wouldn't worry about it...

    ...the Indy was obviously making a 'tongue in cheek' comment...

  43. Squits

    I wouldn't have believed it

    But it is Wednesday, and there's an actual link to it on their 'site.

    I'm almost speechless as to how terrifyingly amusing this is.

    Just, haha, I can't think of it. How is it possible to respond to something that is described as credible without checking it out?

    How can anyone fail to possibly spot that this 'site is definitely not a Gay 'site?

    Journalism, there is none.

    Present company excepted.

    /specs 'cos of not actually reading something before reporting.

  44. Anonymous Coward

    "lads mags"

    So y'all really enjoy analyzing artwork which ladies-loving-ladies would find finger-licking delicious...

    Boffin, 'cause that's what I am.

  45. Bill Cumming

    OK Which idiot got them to change the article...




    ermm me..:D


    Grabbing my coat and doing a runner...

  46. Anonymous Coward

    @Bill Cumming

    Errrmmm... shouldn't there be a comma after "Bill"?

    Or is it that Bill *hasn't* been emotionally stimulated by all the references to lesbian (Lesbian??) sex... ?

  47. Fatty Treats

    Speechless Sarah Bee

    She just can't believe she's been rumbled.

    She's the first of a wave of Lesbian Battle Clones deployed undercover to slip inside El Reg.

  48. Anonymous Coward

    OP now corrected by Indie

    But still available at:


    for a while yet.

  49. Danny Silver badge

    Satire label - Cringeworthy

    This is clearly Lesbian retaliation for Lester Haines article 'Gay Americans favour hybrid electric vehicles' in which he insultingly refers to the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender community as GLBT instead of the correct LGBT. The lesbians always come first ! If in doubt, googlefight - LGBT 7,700,000 results, GLBT 5,590,000 results

    Roger Alton is to newspaper owners what Paris Hitlon is to newspaper editors. He has whored out the Observer and worthy journalists like Richard Ingrams went to the Indy just to avoid him. If anyone writes to the Indy again please forward this previous related Register article -

    Harvard Man in lesbian mix-up wants satire clearly labeled

  50. PaulD
    Paris Hilton

    it this a record

    for the biggest number of paris icon's in a comment thread???

    ... and yes, I'll add to it :D

  51. Simon Harvey
    Paris Hilton

    But I'm a lesbian ...

    ... in a bloke's body.

    Obligatory Paris icon added.

  52. Steven Burn

    @Elrond Hubbard

    You've got your Lesbians mixed up ........ the cheeks are for the other ones apparently ;o)

    @ Everyone Lesbo-Paris'ing .....

    I'd rather it be Kylie Minogue and Alissa Milano ...... now there's a vision I still very much enjoy <vsg>

    Speaking of Lesbians and El Reg actually - I can understand where us blokes would insert into IT ..... but where would the Lesbians? surely this should have given it away that they were gonna get themselves into a sticky position (okay, I couldn't help it) and leave 'em wide open (dammit, not again) to a lil criticism on their lack of journalistic research?

    /- Penguin - cause someone had to .......

  53. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Where's the problem?

    lots of hot ladeez with liberal morals will come rushing to el reg after seeing it in the Indy. So?

    I for one welcome our oiled up skimpy underweared overlords

  54. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Read what you write about

    If you bother to read the article you have linked to, they describe the Register as an on-line magazine, not a lesbian on-line magazine...

    now can we stop this rather pathetic schoolboy humour please!

  55. Robin Lettice (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Read what you write about

    Those spoilsports at the Indie may have changed the article, but Google's cache will always show the truth about our Sapphic leanings:

  56. mike
    Paris Hilton

    Can you quote?

    The Independent has caused no slight on your good name, especially one of sexual orientation:

    "Now, an on-line magazine called The Register has put forward a solution."

    That's taken directly from the article linked to by your good self, Sir.

    Paris, because it's obligatory, and because her studious nature would ensure she CHECKED THE OFFENDING ARTICLE FIRST!

  57. Anonymous Coward




    GOT IT?

  58. Steven Burn


    LOL! alas it appears they've just gone to the article, noticed it doesn't say what we saw, and thought "ZOMG! THEY CAN'T READ - QUICK LET'S TELL 'EM!!!!!!!!"

    Ah the joys of being able to read through things completely ....

  59. mike

    Ok, so they changed it...


    That's offsides, modifying your article once you get caught out...! I take it The Independent is not the sort of publication to print retractions, just repost?


  60. Robert Harrison

    Thank goodness for web caches

    Otherwise we really would be living in 1984. On with the war in Eurasi.7$"%£%* I mean Eastasia.

  61. Anonymous Coward


    Ah, yes, fair comment. A retraction is certainly the done thing, although Steven Burn also makes a very fair point.

    I really shouldn't post just after I've had a coffee - it makes me all tetchy, strident and shift key happy. At least I had the sense to post anonymously, so you've no idea who I am. I could be your teacher, your mum, or your care worker... Doh, just finished another coffee ;-)

  62. Tawakalna
    Paris Hilton

    about Paris' song (for Steve)

    "If you honestly enjoy Paris' aural offering, might I suggest "Kingston Town" by UB40. It has essentially the same chord sequence and rhythm but without the attendant problems of making me want to stab someone in the eye."

    the similarity was not lost on me the other morning. I found it not unpleasant to listen to for a couple of minutes, although I shan't be queuing it up for a .torrent download (unlike her videos which are much more interesting, especially her *o*ral offerings)

    I can't even remember the name of it now. Who were we talking about? Paris who?

  63. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton


    You Should Have Finished Reading The Thread.

    Apt advice for a few of the "Mr. Angry"s in this here forum :)

    Beware the power of the internet. Something you would never have said if you'd had five seconds to think twice can now be said in four seconds, and half-way round the world by the fifth....

  64. Dai


    "The lesbians always come first !"

    Could you link to a peer reviewed study that proves this?

  65. Slaine

    the independent

    ... it WAS, we still are.

    Oh, and by the definition: "hairly legged and lusting after women" - I too must confess to being an incorrigable lesbian.

  66. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Lesbian no more!

    Seems Independent has quietly gone and removed the word from the statement referring to El Reg... I wonder if they are going to pretend it's never happened.

  67. Danny Silver badge

    @Dai - Upsuck

    I can't point to one study, I am extrapolating from several studies which included lots of field research at Ani Difranco concerts.

    Women are slightly more biased to symmetrical mates than males are, and each sex is better at identifying their own genders symmetry. Everyone orgasms harder and quicker with a symmetrical partner. In women seemingly this 'upsuck' can rip off a condom and deposit it in the cervix. Women are also slightly more symmetrical than men are so it seems likely that lesbians generally achieve faster orgasms than the rest of the LGBT community.

    "Yet, it was only three years ago that two British biologists, Robin Baker and Mark Bellis, tested the so-called upsuck hypothesis. "

    "If it's true that our insistence of symmetry in the laws of nature is largely a selection effect because of how our brain works, it may mean that there are completely different ways to formulate the laws of nature in which symmetry is not the most fundamental thing," Livio said.

    "Overall, the researchers found that faces correctly classified to their own sex, and therefore considered to be either more feminine or masculine, tended to be faces with higher symmetry."

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