where's the IT angle, eh, I didn't fight in two world wars to read this kind of crap on the register, any more of it and you're out of my bookmarks for good you fucktards
It's come to our attention that, while having provided years and years and years of non-IT-related merriment for you, our beloved readers, our Bootnotes section continues, despite containing headlines such as "NZ finds Black Cocks hard to swallow", "Witchdoctor orders Serb to have sex with hedgehog" and indeed "Woman gets mobile …
I also get furious when I find sport in my newspaper. Luckily the particular broadsheet I read quarentines it away from the real news in an easy to thow-away section.
Immediate disposal of this item in an exaggerated and public manner is a great way of attracting women, I have found, who understandably are suspicious of men who immediately (on seeing a headline on the front page suggesting we are all goig to die within the next fifteen minutes or that hemlines are going down again this year) immediately scan through the paper to find the pictures of fit men in shorts.
As for bootnotes? Well, although it can be blocked with a simple proxy rule I have yet to find a way of using this technique to attract members of the opposite sex.
I can only find one direct reference to sex, and one swearword. If that now means that these sort of articles should be classed as NSFW, then The Register shall be removed from my etc etc etc, fought in 4 world wars, grumble, grumble, old tyres for shoes, 85 miles to school in winter, mutter...don't know they were born.
Col Reginald Mutterington-Oldfart (Rtd), 1st CannonFodder Rifles
sorry for the caps, but
I have nothing more to say.. if you don't like it, don't read it.
PS. Fucktards was coined by me over a year ago, and I demand royalties ;)
PPS. I am now putting together a "Motivation Poster", so fasionable these days, of a Monolith with the caption "The Internet: My God! It's full of tards!"
It's ironic really - the football pages are quite funny atr the moment thanks to Liverpool having a board or directors that loathe each other, you'd probably enjoy ready the footy section today.
Or remember this classic photo of Ashley Cole in the sports pages:
I personally find it utterly ridiculous that a well respected source of informative and entertaining current affairs such as "TheRegister.com" should find it necessary to engage it's formidable phalanx of mental power in constructing an article which pandered to the whining content-nazis (and yes I am aware of Godwin's Law and believe that it too was invented by the same people who continually complain and use the comments page for vitriolic and non-sensical rants which seem to meander on and on and on and never actually come to a conclusion or indeed a sensible point and ignore any form of grammar or punctuation except where totally inappropriate and fill up valuable space on "TheRegister.com"'s servers and I just have to ask myself why oh why oh why can't there be some sensible IT oriented content on demand when I want it now I want it now give it to me now. I am now thoroughly disgusted and my bookmarks will be 0.5kb (approx.) lighter.
Another piece where Lester Haines gets in a mood and decides to use the new El Reg blog service to go after critics. Soon Haines will do a Dawkins and release a book slamming everyone who disagreed over the last so many years... the IT Delusion perhaps? Not as snappy a title, of course, but I'm no writer.
Haaaaaaaarrrrumphhh, <clears throat twice for good measure and adopts a really deep gravelly voice before booming> I didn't fight in two world wars just to sit here typing, "I didn't fight in two world wars".
No really, I didn't fight in two world wars. I'm all about peace and love, and really bad eggs, and the pictures of sweet Paris. Such a lovely city.
Couldn't give a fuck about the lack if IT angle, but I would like to object strongly to this line
<quote> "people banging on and on and on and on and on"
Who exactly are these people, and how come they are able to bang so much when I'm lucky if I can get it once a month, in summer only!
C'mon Reg, respect the fact that some readers are less fortunate than others in the banging department, no need to rub our noses in it.
Paris, because she knows a lot about banging and if she'd care to come and teach me I'd willingly defend her honour against the army of El Reg fucktards who maliciously malign her.
Lester, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for enlightening me to that fact that I am not the only human male in the UK who finds football (soccer for our NA allies) dull, boring and a pointless waste of truly vast sums of money. At least in Rugby & American Football there is some form of manly violence rather than the airyfairy prancings of a bunch of overpaid wimps who fall over as soon as their bootlace contacts something. That said I'd rather watch
Some friends and I came up with an excellent theory many years ago w.r.t. the nature of collective intelligence. To whit, intelligence is combined the same as resistors in parallel. Take 2 people with IQ's of 120 each and their combined IQ drops to 60. for 3 such people the combined IQ is 40 and so on. This explains the stupidity of gang behaviour and a great many other thing sin life. So, you can probably see that the combined IQ of a full football stadium so closely approaches 1 as to be all but indistinguishable. :-)
As for the non-IT content,....who cares. I've spent all week IT-ing and all I need now is my weekly dose of BOFH and I can go home happy!
Merry Weekend everyone!
I remember, a bit hazy now I admit, over 20 years ago in fact, my most delightful and adventourous elder of my two little sisters screaming around the corner to pull up outside our house in a "new" (new to her most certainly - but not new to the road or the MOT station) car, screeching to an abrupt halt, hocking the bonnet catch, jumping out diving into the engine bay and banging the top of something (fuel inlets? carb? I dunno, I only drive 'em) with a hammer until the revs died.
"Ello sis, what's up?" her older brother (me) enquired.
"The fucking fucker's fucking fucked" she yelled, kicked the grill and slammed the bonnet back down.
Lester, you're of our breed - so to speak. Can you imagine how glad I am that England didn't make it to the Euro2008? It's going to be much calmer here than if they competed in the championship.
Who cares about an IT angle if at least we do not hear anything about football?
The bulletproof jacket please. And anon for obvious reason.
i don't even work in IT, so it's just the boot notes i read anyway. You sysadmin types can keep you podloading and bytecasting and whatnot.
i'll stick to Bulgarian airbags and Polish people cleaning their undercrackers with Henry the hoover.
Nice one Lester. (and get back to work Sarah!)
...and I still love El Reg.
How else would I stock up on hilarious stories to tell at the bar later on? I could scour the interwebs for gems like the Bulgarian Airbag Incident, or I could let someone else filter through all that, and just read the comically enhanced versions.
So I think I'd have to delete my reg bookmark (well, I'd close the tab that stays open all the time) if they stuck to 100% IT news. Especially on Fridays.
iTard. You know all those people who walk around with their iPhone in their hand tapping it and waving to make sure you notice so they can feel like they got their $400 worth or assuming you can't afford one so they must be cooler. As is it's impossible someone just doesn't one one until it is up to spec and lower in price.
Opps I guess I should have saved this rant for the next apple iphone story...
Every reasonable paper (even such things as _The Wall Street Journal_) have comics. They are part of life. We all need comedy relief from the drudge of daily life. What is life but to live it! In the beginning, one of the primary reasons for my reading of ElReg was to get a weekly dose of BOFH. Now actually, I find out things quicker than the local paper for lots of IT related things. There is always a mixture of stories that the public hears, and the mix here is one of the best as it relates to IT things. So, keep up the comedy relief, and when there is a knock-down drag-out fight between Naomi Campbell, and Paris Hilton, supply the pictures. Who cares about the IT angle. To quote a movie: "All jocks think about is sports, but all nerds think about is sex".
Happy Friday to all.
The "I hate this, stop it immediately" appears to be a more apparant on the Internet.
I've seen this before in forums, and comments about websites and other things. Users, readers, commentators and other third parties seem quite happy to attack those who put the effort in to create Internet content for it not being quite what they wanted.
For some reason they seem to believe that websites are public ownership, and that the creators and mediators need to conform to some rules defined by the readership. I've heard of websites being threatened under Freedom of Speech legislation for removing comments just because they were about something other than what the owner of the website wanted.
I wonder if it stems from the "I want the world this way - you must make it so" kind of attitude we live in today. Everything you want, you can have just by demanding. I'm sick of it.
So if El-reg wants to write about Italian goat herders sucking on black New Zealand ummm things - then bloody well shut the f**k up. If you don't like it, piss off to somewhere else.
Rant over! Set the main sail and head for open water Lester and co!
Lester may now write as many non-IT articles he likes. Not that he gives a flying fuck what permissions I give, but still.
It reminds of of a time, not too long ago, that the bulk of a main news cast was about an 'incident' in football. And, now for the sport. Which was about the same incident in the same game and fuck all else. BBC if I remember correctly.
Is it just me who has noticed that footballers are very fit and nimble, what with all the somersaults and stuff they do when they score.
Why isn't ballet more popular? They're better at all that stuff.
And since when was a person running down a pitch exciting. Commentators, calm the fuck down. You are acting like tossers.
And, more importantly:
What _IS_ the Paris angle anyway? I'm curious. Very curious.
Anyone have the video?
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I was both saddened and dismayed that the news snippet I emailed el reg about the Japanese porno being made in MacDonalds burger (and now apparently sausages) restaurant was not added to bootnote.
There is FAR too much IT on this webshite. I henceforth withdraw my patronage and you shall now lose...err....erm...actually what do you lose? A drinking partner?
Oh sod it. Just post eee girl again she cheers me up no end.
Where's the Lester angle, eh? I didn't fight in two world wars to read this kind of crap on the register, any more of it and you're out of my shrine for good you lestard!
I'm sorry lester, I didn't mean it.. its just everyone else was doing it.. and you never reply to my calls, and theres robots in the US army, and WE NEED ANOTHER HERO </sing>
For any and all of those that have ever actually dared to inquire "Where's the IT angle?", I posit this tidbit of wisdom from my mentor;
"In today's world, with the proliferation of WiFi, and satellites transmitting the internet to every nook and cranny of the globe, every person on Earth now has porn passing through their body, 24/7." - Dhamma Absu
Dunno why, but I get the warm fuzzies just thinking about it, the Ultimate IT Angle!
AS stated above, although I must say that the shocking lack of manners on th e content-Nazi's should be an affront to El Reg.
Also, where's the follow-up article (promised ) on Bulgarian Airbags and the El Reg Soviet standards thereof?
I didn't miss out on two world wars and traverse 4 'klicks in knee deep snow to log on and fiund out that there is a paucity of NSFW articles.......
Go Lester Go......
Since hearing the word fucktard in common usage I have often wondered where it originated. I may have heard it before the winter of 1998, but if I did I suppressed that memory.
I was in the cold high desert of 29Palms, California setting up a encrypted tunnel over a satellite shot to a Marine Air Wing command post. They kept keying their equipment with wrong keys prompting me to slam down the green phone and attempt to yell "Fucking Retards" I was so angry that it came out "Fuck*sputter*Tards" to which my CO and SNCOIC ran into the tent wondering why I would yell FuckTards.
That same exercise spawned the word fuckulate in the form unfuckulate. Usage is:
"Sure the tunnel will come up and we'll get logistics data as soon as I unfuckulate their router configs."
BSD style license applies to both. Use them often I could fucking care less.
1998? I was saying it at school in the early 90s, and we hadn't made it up outselves.
Re: the actual article: hooray. Perhaps relevant to the whole of Odds and Sods instead of just Bootnotes, but humour is definitely a welcome part of El Reg. Sarah-Bee-style metaphorical cold ones all round.
Your bloody toaster has a computer in it. And they had to use one to write the article, and so on and so forth. You can't get away from the IT angle any more.
Why can't I click more than one icon? I didn't fight in two world wars to be limited in this way. Come to think of it, I didn't fight in *any* world wars...
Hmm.. we used this word when I was in grade school.. and even then it didn't seem all that new.. that would be 1987-1988 time period. I'm guessing that there has long been an intersection between those who are fuckers and those who are retards, and while fucking retards has a certain appeal to it, it is pretty easy to make the jump to fucktards. I would guess this probably happened in the 60's or 70's.. but even then I could be wrong; it could have been earlier.