back to article No sense of humour? Avoid Bootnotes

It's come to our attention that, while having provided years and years and years of non-IT-related merriment for you, our beloved readers, our Bootnotes section continues, despite containing headlines such as "NZ finds Black Cocks hard to swallow", "Witchdoctor orders Serb to have sex with hedgehog" and indeed "Woman gets mobile …


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  1. Simon Painter
    IT Angle


    where's the IT angle, eh, I didn't fight in two world wars to read this kind of crap on the register, any more of it and you're out of my bookmarks for good you fucktards

  2. Steve
    IT Angle

    IT angle?

    I didn't fight in two world wars to read this kind of crap on the register, any more of it and you're out of my bookmarks for good you fucktards

    You asked for it.

  3. Anonymous Coward


    to sell my kids into slavery last time! AND YOU DIDN'T YOU BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Their still there, leaching off my wallet, lounging in MY chair, eating me out of house & home and drinking my beer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    You did, you PROMISED!!!!!!

  4. Stew Wilson


    New Reg readers in no-sense-of-humour shocker! Youtube videos of people *not having fun* within!

    As the old saying goes, "Fuck'em if they can't take a joke."

  5. StillNoCouch

    Where's the IT Angle ?

    Couldn't help myself.

  6. Jacob Reid

    ok, but...

    Where's the Paris Hilton angle?

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Well said..

    I also get furious when I find sport in my newspaper. Luckily the particular broadsheet I read quarentines it away from the real news in an easy to thow-away section.

    Immediate disposal of this item in an exaggerated and public manner is a great way of attracting women, I have found, who understandably are suspicious of men who immediately (on seeing a headline on the front page suggesting we are all goig to die within the next fifteen minutes or that hemlines are going down again this year) immediately scan through the paper to find the pictures of fit men in shorts.

    As for bootnotes? Well, although it can be blocked with a simple proxy rule I have yet to find a way of using this technique to attract members of the opposite sex.

  8. Daniel du Preez

    I for one... disappointed at the lack of NSFW content in this article, given the nice red NSFW tag.

  9. Dangermouse

    Why classed as NSFW?


    I can only find one direct reference to sex, and one swearword. If that now means that these sort of articles should be classed as NSFW, then The Register shall be removed from my etc etc etc, fought in 4 world wars, grumble, grumble, old tyres for shoes, 85 miles to school in winter, mutter...don't know they were born.


    Col Reginald Mutterington-Oldfart (Rtd), 1st CannonFodder Rifles

    Tunbridge Wells

  10. David Rollinson
    IT Angle

    What's the IT angle?

    ...but I did like "fucktards"; keep up the good work!

  11. Sam Kirkpatrick


    "Cue a (very polite, I hasten to add) email..."

    Oh good grief! Here we go again!

  12. Dalek13
    Thumb Up


    I, for one, welcome our animal fancying, orifice buzzing, nipple festooned, lego-based overlords!

  13. Steve Mason


    sorry for the caps, but


    I have nothing more to say.. if you don't like it, don't read it.

    PS. Fucktards was coined by me over a year ago, and I demand royalties ;)

    PPS. I am now putting together a "Motivation Poster", so fasionable these days, of a Monolith with the caption "The Internet: My God! It's full of tards!"

  14. Anonymous Coward

    Go on i the first?!

    where's the IT angle, eh, I didn't fight in two world wars to read this kind of crap on the register, any more of it and you're out of my bookmarks for good you fucktards!

    Only kidding, keep up the good work :)

  15. Damn Yank

    Amen to that!

    Well played..

  16. Graham Dawson Silver badge

    This is all good and well...

    ... but where's the love?

  17. Andy

    Football section can be as funny as bootnotes. Sometimes

    It's ironic really - the football pages are quite funny atr the moment thanks to Liverpool having a board or directors that loathe each other, you'd probably enjoy ready the footy section today.

    Or remember this classic photo of Ashley Cole in the sports pages:

  18. Simon
    IT Angle

    Where's the ...

    <ouch>Stop that!<grrngg>

    put me down! I didn't mean it



  19. Neil
    IT Angle


    The icon says it all, really.

  20. brian
    IT Angle

    Where's the IT angle?

    I'm shocked that there is a possibility that my crack-den might be turned into a house and given to a white, english, indigenous native of these islands.

    At least wait until we've finished our roast swans & the football section.

  21. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Cue???

    That is the correct use of 'cue'.

    Please shush.

  22. Mike Crawshaw


    where's the IT angle, eh, I didn't fight in two world wars to read this kind of crap on the register, any more of it and you're out of my bookmarks for good you fucktards!!

    Oh. Chuck Norris, you say? Deeply sorry, old chap, I, er, thought I was on Slashdot...

  23. Inspector_Morse
    Paris Hilton

    Don't beat about the bush, Lester....

    ... tell us what will really happen to the first 'where's the IT angle' poster.

    Paris, because she doesn't have a bush to beat around.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Bye bye "IT angle"

    Good on you, I am sick and tired of posts with an IT angle...

    I don't work in this industry to want to read about it :p

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Sweet Jesus, how can I resist

    Where the f@ck is the fokking IT angle.....

    (ear cocked, waiting for black helicopters and sound of CN coming down zip line to dispense said justice....)

    Paris because she always changes ITs angle.......

    I'll get me dribble-proof mac...

  26. Ben

    NSFW - RSS

    Do you think you could mabey not include all the rude naughty bits in the RSS feed sumary. I'm luck at my place as i don't use the proxy but i guess thats not the case everywhere?

    Anyway, bootnotes, I love bootnotes!

  27. Iain
    Paris Hilton


    I personally find it utterly ridiculous that a well respected source of informative and entertaining current affairs such as "" should find it necessary to engage it's formidable phalanx of mental power in constructing an article which pandered to the whining content-nazis (and yes I am aware of Godwin's Law and believe that it too was invented by the same people who continually complain and use the comments page for vitriolic and non-sensical rants which seem to meander on and on and on and never actually come to a conclusion or indeed a sensible point and ignore any form of grammar or punctuation except where totally inappropriate and fill up valuable space on ""'s servers and I just have to ask myself why oh why oh why can't there be some sensible IT oriented content on demand when I want it now I want it now give it to me now. I am now thoroughly disgusted and my bookmarks will be 0.5kb (approx.) lighter.

  28. James Condron

    Ah yes,

    Another piece where Lester Haines gets in a mood and decides to use the new El Reg blog service to go after critics. Soon Haines will do a Dawkins and release a book slamming everyone who disagreed over the last so many years... the IT Delusion perhaps? Not as snappy a title, of course, but I'm no writer.

  29. Tim


    They're the main reason I read The Reg!

  30. Edwin
    Thumb Up

    @Steve Mason

    That has to be the best idea I've heard all week.

    I'll have one when you're done!

  31. Joe K

    *holds handbag* Ooooooooooooooo!

    Well! Someone never got a chance to go out for the traditional Friday liquid lunch this afternoon.

    Meetings all day, eh Lester?

  32. Slaine

    We don't need no steenking IT angle (on Fridays)

    Haaaaaaaarrrrumphhh, <clears throat twice for good measure and adopts a really deep gravelly voice before booming> I didn't fight in two world wars just to sit here typing, "I didn't fight in two world wars".

    No really, I didn't fight in two world wars. I'm all about peace and love, and really bad eggs, and the pictures of sweet Paris. Such a lovely city.

  33. preethi
    Paris Hilton

    The IT angle is in.....

    the way this new reaches us. So i for one have no complaints.

    As for the Paris Hilton angle, my mind is always there.

  34. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Ah yes,

    'El Reg blog service'?

  35. Anonymous Coward

    NSFW = Not Suitable for Whiners

    RE: those picking up on NSFW. Unless you've a browser from the dark ages you might have noticed the dotted line underneath the abbreviation NSFW indicating in this case "Not Suitable for Whiners". It's a joke... in Bootnotes... whatever next!

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    RE: @Disgusted

    On this side of the pond, we prefer to refer to this sites address as ""

  37. Anonymous Coward

    More please!

    Give me more titillation please, compooters are booring!


  38. Kane
    Paris Hilton

    @ Steve Mason Re:My God! It's full of tards!

    Nice! Once I get home I'll be on the old photoshop knocking one out!

    Paris, cos she knows how to knock one out...

  39. Aditya Krishnan
    Paris Hilton

    IT? What IT?

    Took me three weeks to realise that this was *supposed* to be an IT site... first thing I ever read on Le Reg was a BOFH piece back in '06.

    Paris, cos she prolly doesn't know either.

  40. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: NSFW = Not Suitable for Whiners

    Congratulations, Anonymous Coward! A nice cold one* to you for being the first to spot that.

    *Please note this comment does not entitle the recipient to a nice cold one

  41. Jamie
    Paris Hilton

    As per your comments

    Where is the Paris nip slip???

    Paris cause you have never seen enough of her nips.

  42. Kevin Crisp

    @ Steve Mason

    SO Fucktards was YOUR fault.

    It should be fuckards - this works much better; try:

    "Fuck the fucking fuckards/fucktards" - the first rolls off the tongue so much more easily.

    Of course, nothing can beat "fuck the fucking fuckers"

    Linux Penguin - because he's the fucking greatest.

  43. Anonymous Coward

    Steve Mason re fucktard

    sorry someone I know has been using it since at least 2003. expect the writ in the post.

  44. Hans
    Paris Hilton

    Banging on

    Couldn't give a fuck about the lack if IT angle, but I would like to object strongly to this line

    <quote> "people banging on and on and on and on and on"

    Who exactly are these people, and how come they are able to bang so much when I'm lucky if I can get it once a month, in summer only!

    C'mon Reg, respect the fact that some readers are less fortunate than others in the banging department, no need to rub our noses in it.

    Paris, because she knows a lot about banging and if she'd care to come and teach me I'd willingly defend her honour against the army of El Reg fucktards who maliciously malign her.

  45. Rusty Warrior

    Where's the IT angle?

    In the corner with Paris probably...

  46. Hans

    and another thing - Bootnotes

    The word Bootnotes makes me think of Bootcamps

    Bootcamps ---->Jackboots

    Jackboots -----> Nazi goose-stepping

    Nazi goose-stepping -----> where's the Max Mosely icon?

  47. Big_Boomer Silver badge

    I'm not ALONE!

    Lester, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for enlightening me to that fact that I am not the only human male in the UK who finds football (soccer for our NA allies) dull, boring and a pointless waste of truly vast sums of money. At least in Rugby & American Football there is some form of manly violence rather than the airyfairy prancings of a bunch of overpaid wimps who fall over as soon as their bootlace contacts something. That said I'd rather watch

    Some friends and I came up with an excellent theory many years ago w.r.t. the nature of collective intelligence. To whit, intelligence is combined the same as resistors in parallel. Take 2 people with IQ's of 120 each and their combined IQ drops to 60. for 3 such people the combined IQ is 40 and so on. This explains the stupidity of gang behaviour and a great many other thing sin life. So, you can probably see that the combined IQ of a full football stadium so closely approaches 1 as to be all but indistinguishable. :-)

    As for the non-IT content,....who cares. I've spent all week IT-ing and all I need now is my weekly dose of BOFH and I can go home happy!

    Merry Weekend everyone!

  48. Richard

    @Sarah Bee

    The red dots actually show Not Safe for Whiners

  49. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: @Sarah Bee

    Yes. What's your point?

  50. Gareth

    @Steve Mason

    First occurence of 'fucktard' on Usenet, 1996

    First use as an insult, 1999

    Sorry Steve...

  51. Slaine
    Thumb Up

    Ah the beauty of the English (anglo saxon) language

    I remember, a bit hazy now I admit, over 20 years ago in fact, my most delightful and adventourous elder of my two little sisters screaming around the corner to pull up outside our house in a "new" (new to her most certainly - but not new to the road or the MOT station) car, screeching to an abrupt halt, hocking the bonnet catch, jumping out diving into the engine bay and banging the top of something (fuel inlets? carb? I dunno, I only drive 'em) with a hammer until the revs died.

    "Ello sis, what's up?" her older brother (me) enquired.

    "The fucking fucker's fucking fucked" she yelled, kicked the grill and slammed the bonnet back down.

  52. chris

    At last some kick ass common sense

    Its about time you stood up to the whinging 70's wearing knitted waistcoat It geek crowd.

    If you can't have a bit of fun at the end of the day in IT, where would you be?

    IT in Germany, correctomongo.

  53. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "I for one am not much interested in football."

    Lester, you're of our breed - so to speak. Can you imagine how glad I am that England didn't make it to the Euro2008? It's going to be much calmer here than if they competed in the championship.

    Who cares about an IT angle if at least we do not hear anything about football?

    The bulletproof jacket please. And anon for obvious reason.

  54. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @steve mason

    No reference to fucktards I admit but plenty of close ones: is pretty close though.

  55. Gordon Matson


    i don't even work in IT, so it's just the boot notes i read anyway. You sysadmin types can keep you podloading and bytecasting and whatnot.

    i'll stick to Bulgarian airbags and Polish people cleaning their undercrackers with Henry the hoover.

    Nice one Lester. (and get back to work Sarah!)

  56. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: personally...

    This *is* work.

    Boy, is it.

  57. Nexox Enigma

    It's Friday...

    ...and I still love El Reg.

    How else would I stock up on hilarious stories to tell at the bar later on? I could scour the interwebs for gems like the Bulgarian Airbag Incident, or I could let someone else filter through all that, and just read the comically enhanced versions.

    So I think I'd have to delete my reg bookmark (well, I'd close the tab that stays open all the time) if they stuck to 100% IT news. Especially on Fridays.

  58. Dangermouse

    Re: @Sarah Bee

    "Yes. What's your point?"

    Decorators in, are they?

  59. Roland Newmark

    fucktard can be placed with....

    iTard. You know all those people who walk around with their iPhone in their hand tapping it and waving to make sure you notice so they can feel like they got their $400 worth or assuming you can't afford one so they must be cooler. As is it's impossible someone just doesn't one one until it is up to spec and lower in price.

    Opps I guess I should have saved this rant for the next apple iphone story...

  60. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: @Sarah Bee

    How enlightened of you, dear. How's the weather in the 1950s?

  61. Matt Thompson

    where's the IT angle tossers!

    there - let me know when I get to the god that is Chuck Norris!

    it'll be worth it.... *ouch*!!

  62. Chris Phillips

    What's YOUR IT angle?

    Stuff an individual article, what do *you* have to do with IT Lester??

  63. Alex

    Oh bugger

    I filtered out that category and now all I've got is recycled BBC news stories :).

  64. Herby

    Look, every paper needs its comics!

    Every reasonable paper (even such things as _The Wall Street Journal_) have comics. They are part of life. We all need comedy relief from the drudge of daily life. What is life but to live it! In the beginning, one of the primary reasons for my reading of ElReg was to get a weekly dose of BOFH. Now actually, I find out things quicker than the local paper for lots of IT related things. There is always a mixture of stories that the public hears, and the mix here is one of the best as it relates to IT things. So, keep up the comedy relief, and when there is a knock-down drag-out fight between Naomi Campbell, and Paris Hilton, supply the pictures. Who cares about the IT angle. To quote a movie: "All jocks think about is sports, but all nerds think about is sex".

    Happy Friday to all.

  65. Peter Ingram

    It's an internet thing.

    The "I hate this, stop it immediately" appears to be a more apparant on the Internet.

    I've seen this before in forums, and comments about websites and other things. Users, readers, commentators and other third parties seem quite happy to attack those who put the effort in to create Internet content for it not being quite what they wanted.

    For some reason they seem to believe that websites are public ownership, and that the creators and mediators need to conform to some rules defined by the readership. I've heard of websites being threatened under Freedom of Speech legislation for removing comments just because they were about something other than what the owner of the website wanted.

    I wonder if it stems from the "I want the world this way - you must make it so" kind of attitude we live in today. Everything you want, you can have just by demanding. I'm sick of it.

    So if El-reg wants to write about Italian goat herders sucking on black New Zealand ummm things - then bloody well shut the f**k up. If you don't like it, piss off to somewhere else.

    Rant over! Set the main sail and head for open water Lester and co!

  66. DAN*tastik
    Dead Vulture

    You lot give us stuff we don't need and it's fine

    And if somebody doesn't like it tough shit.

    But the whole I.T. world is waiting for a 'Where's the Britney Spears angle' icon, it's hard to do without.


  67. breakfast Silver badge

    @where's the IT angle tossers?

    This comment has got me wondering whether "IT angle tossers" are some kind of specialised type of cricket bowlers and if so what angle the IT angle would be.

  68. Edward Rose
    Paris Hilton

    What's football?

    Lester may now write as many non-IT articles he likes. Not that he gives a flying fuck what permissions I give, but still.

    It reminds of of a time, not too long ago, that the bulk of a main news cast was about an 'incident' in football. And, now for the sport. Which was about the same incident in the same game and fuck all else. BBC if I remember correctly.

    Is it just me who has noticed that footballers are very fit and nimble, what with all the somersaults and stuff they do when they score.

    Why isn't ballet more popular? They're better at all that stuff.

    And since when was a person running down a pitch exciting. Commentators, calm the fuck down. You are acting like tossers.

    And, more importantly:

    What _IS_ the Paris angle anyway? I'm curious. Very curious.

    Anyone have the video?

  69. StopthePropaganda

    My name is Hillary Clinton

    and I didn't dodge snipers and invent the civil rights movement to read this sort of crap. And I dare ya to sell Chelsea off into slavery...and I bet you can't get a red cent for Bill. :P

  70. This post has been deleted by its author

  71. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Chuck Norris

    Chuck Norris is capable of roundhouse-kicking El Reg justice from anywhere to anywhere in the world, no delivery service is required.

  72. Marco

    Where's the angle angle?

    Ah, never mind...

  73. Daniel B.


    I read El Reg since 2000, when the BOFH set up shop over here. Of course I like to read Bootnotes, and get a good laughing on them, especially on a Friday!

  74. StillNoCouch
    Paris Hilton

    Where I come from ...

    ... it's Phucktards ... it may sound the same, but it's a whole lot more phun to pronounce when you're stuck in Paris.

    <--- Duh.

  75. Sceptical Bastard

    @ Sarah Bee

    Oooooh, we LOVE it when you get all feisty ;)

  76. Ishkandar

    @Lester Haines


    In addition to all of the above, your punctuation is abominable ! May I recommend Linda Truss's book - Eats, shoots and leaves !! As a punishment, you WILL punctuate this -

    woman without her man is lost

    Willie Ap Uranus

  77. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Two things this has taught me.

    1. Don't mess with Sarah Bee unless you just like pain.

    2. IT angles are everywhere you're reading it on a website asshat there's your IT angle. BTW I can't tell what ITs angle is (it's really cold in here).

  78. Anonymous Coward
    Dead Vulture

    Why I otta

    If you dare stop publishing these arbitrary stories, I shall never read them on your site again. That is a promise, sirs and madmen.

  79. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up


    Woman: Without her, man is lost.

  80. Dick Emery
    Dead Vulture


    I was both saddened and dismayed that the news snippet I emailed el reg about the Japanese porno being made in MacDonalds burger (and now apparently sausages) restaurant was not added to bootnote.

    There is FAR too much IT on this webshite. I henceforth withdraw my patronage and you shall now lose...err....erm...actually what do you lose? A drinking partner?

    Oh sod it. Just post eee girl again she cheers me up no end.

  81. Steven Pepperell
    Paris Hilton

    IT angle thing..

    If anybody ever wonder where the IT angle is just remember due to the nature of angles....they're all around us

    mines the one at 90º

    Paris cause she spends most of her life at 180º and the rest in degrees of stupidity

  82. BlacKSacrificE

    Wheres the Lester angle?

    Where's the Lester angle, eh? I didn't fight in two world wars to read this kind of crap on the register, any more of it and you're out of my shrine for good you lestard!

    I'm sorry lester, I didn't mean it.. its just everyone else was doing it.. and you never reply to my calls, and theres robots in the US army, and WE NEED ANOTHER HERO </sing>

  83. Captain DaFt

    I got the IT angle right here!

    For any and all of those that have ever actually dared to inquire "Where's the IT angle?", I posit this tidbit of wisdom from my mentor;

    "In today's world, with the proliferation of WiFi, and satellites transmitting the internet to every nook and cranny of the globe, every person on Earth now has porn passing through their body, 24/7." - Dhamma Absu

    Dunno why, but I get the warm fuzzies just thinking about it, the Ultimate IT Angle!

  84. Kevin McMurtrie Silver badge
    IT Angle

    Too suitable for work

    Where's the flesh-toned IT curve?

  85. Dave


    I remember the days when Bootnotes was all about incendiary bendy buses, exploding toilets and demented traffic cones. Life was so much simpler back in those days.

  86. Charley

    @Ishkandar & Sarah Bee.

    Woman, without her man, is lost.

  87. Mister Cheese


    Probably the fucking distributor cap. That's my fucking guess.

  88. Terrence Bayrock

    Where's the meat angle ?

    AS stated above, although I must say that the shocking lack of manners on th e content-Nazi's should be an affront to El Reg.

    Also, where's the follow-up article (promised ) on Bulgarian Airbags and the El Reg Soviet standards thereof?

    I didn't miss out on two world wars and traverse 4 'klicks in knee deep snow to log on and fiund out that there is a paucity of NSFW articles.......

    Go Lester Go......

  89. Wayne
    Black Helicopters

    Everything is invented in USA first, fucktards.

    Since hearing the word fucktard in common usage I have often wondered where it originated. I may have heard it before the winter of 1998, but if I did I suppressed that memory.

    I was in the cold high desert of 29Palms, California setting up a encrypted tunnel over a satellite shot to a Marine Air Wing command post. They kept keying their equipment with wrong keys prompting me to slam down the green phone and attempt to yell "Fucking Retards" I was so angry that it came out "Fuck*sputter*Tards" to which my CO and SNCOIC ran into the tent wondering why I would yell FuckTards.

    That same exercise spawned the word fuckulate in the form unfuckulate. Usage is:

    "Sure the tunnel will come up and we'll get logistics data as soon as I unfuckulate their router configs."

    BSD style license applies to both. Use them often I could fucking care less.

  90. Adrian Esdaile

    if you're not going to do it

    ...then I will

    Image provided. Larger resolutions provided on request.

  91. Pete

    @ wayne

    1998? I was saying it at school in the early 90s, and we hadn't made it up outselves.

    Re: the actual article: hooray. Perhaps relevant to the whole of Odds and Sods instead of just Bootnotes, but humour is definitely a welcome part of El Reg. Sarah-Bee-style metaphorical cold ones all round.

  92. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    It's all got an IT angle...

    Your bloody toaster has a computer in it. And they had to use one to write the article, and so on and so forth. You can't get away from the IT angle any more.

    Why can't I click more than one icon? I didn't fight in two world wars to be limited in this way. Come to think of it, I didn't fight in *any* world wars...

  93. Anonymous Coward


    ah did a jobby in ma pants

  94. Dave Morris


    Hmm.. we used this word when I was in grade school.. and even then it didn't seem all that new.. that would be 1987-1988 time period. I'm guessing that there has long been an intersection between those who are fuckers and those who are retards, and while fucking retards has a certain appeal to it, it is pretty easy to make the jump to fucktards. I would guess this probably happened in the 60's or 70's.. but even then I could be wrong; it could have been earlier.

  95. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    那里是它角度, 嗯

    我没有战斗在二次世界大战中读这胡扯在记数器, 它并且您是在我的书签外面永远您fucktards.

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