back to article Area 51 drug test victim crashes flying car

A 43-year-old man from San Rafael, Califonia, was charged on Tuesday with "driving while intoxicated and causing injuries, reckless driving, and hit-and-run with injuries" after ramming three other vehicles and slightly injuring two people, while under the influence of a veritable pharmacy of narcotics, the Marin Independent …


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  1. Alex Cooksey


    Is it just me or would this be the basis for a good pinball machine?

  2. s. pam Silver badge

    been driving all night, hands wet on the wheel

    we gotta thing called cop-car love.....we gotta way in the air.....radar love

  3. Anonymous Coward


    it was the marijuana that caused all the problems.

    Better hide ma stash, looks like another witch-hunt starting.

  4. hans
    Thumb Up

    Fly me out maaaan

    He will most certainly use the first 'yard' day to call one of his mates to fly by and pick him up.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    I give it a 5.5

    Low marks for craziness. Not a very creative psycho. Could have come up with better stories, and let's face it, he just wasn't on enough different kinds of drugs to be a 'veritable pharmacy' (or pharmacopia?) I really hope the next time he wigs out, he's better prepared. There will be a quiz.

  6. Paul
    Black Helicopters


    "Patrinostro was booked into the county jail, and his bail set at $50,000. If convicted, he faces more than three years' jail. "

    Thats if he is ever seen again after revealing his work...

  7. supermeerkat

    Whatever happened to trust?

    People are so suspicious nowadays!

  8. Martin

    @AC 'Obviously'


    Just like the story (stories) in the papers about Mr X doing something crazy after downing 10 pints of extra-strength lager and having 2 tokes on a joint- its all obviously the fault of EVIL CANNABIS!

    It's not as though weed makes you relaxed, passive, giggly and somewhat hungry....

  9. Graham Jordan

    Bill Hicks -

    "Got pulled over by the cops once on acid... Don't recommend it. Cops don't appreciate fish driving around."

  10. david

    The bail shoul have been more...

    ...he is obviously a high flight risk.

  11. Lloyd


    Where's the IT angle???

    Sorry, I couldn't help it, keep up the good work, IT angle or not (but no Paris unless it's coverage of something very unpleasant happening to her).

  12. Mark Broadhurst

    3 years

    only ?

  13. It'sa Mea... Mario

    From the heading...

    ...I thought this was going to be the Friday afternoon mashup of this weeks stories.

  14. Robajob

    Best headline ever

    Well, it is.

  15. Adam


    "It's not as though weed makes you relaxed, passive, giggly and somewhat hungry..."

    ... paranoid, irritating to those around you, generally antisocial...

    Oh wait, the guy drove whilst intoxicated, with no thought for anyone's safety, hit three cars, then claimed Area 51 was involved?

    Not able to say which drug caused the biggest problem for this astronaut, but I'm 99% certain that the guy's a dick.

    And that's the real reason drugs are illegal. Nothing to do with health or tax, it's purely that weed turns you into a whiney dick, cocaine turns you into an irritating dick and heroine turns you into a Glaswegian. I've seen Trainspotting.

  16. William Hart


    An order of Schizophrenia with a side of stupid, please.

  17. Alistair
    Thumb Up

    I'll have what he's having

    Top marks that man.

  18. Adam Foxton

    @Adam (the other Adam)

    Trainspotting was set in Edinburgh...

    it's spelt "Heroin" rather than "Heroine" which is the feminine version of Hero

    Also, alcohol and tobacco (or lack of the latter after the addiction has set in, anyway) have always seemed to me to be pretty bad for making people dickish.

    But yeah, I have to agree that the guy's a dick for driving while intoxicated. And not having a decent cover story.

  19. Rick

    wow no ones said it yet

    I CAN'T DRIVE 55!!!

  20. Hans
    Paris Hilton

    Took the wrong car?

    <quote> ""told the [arresting] officer that the vehicle could fly if he went fast enough"

    True, if it is a DeLorean and the speed is 88mph in an electric storm.

    Poor sod probably just took the wrong car by mistake

    Paris - because I'd like her to come over and regenerate my flux capacitor

    btw - the Hans up the top of the page wasn't me.

    Has my Reg identity been stolen?

    Dammit . . . and I told El Reg not to put that unencrypted CD in the post

    ( there's your IT angle. Happy now?)

  21. Anonymous Coward

    Did they find

    the decaying alien bodies in the boot? I guess not, or not yet.

  22. Mr B

    The IT angle

    the guy thought he was playing Burnout Paradise alpha PC on his Alienware box, the wee bit of extra medication in his bloodstream was to soothe the £3624 pain.

  23. james newcombe
    Jobs Halo



    Love from,


  24. Garth
    Black Helicopters


    I'll buy maybe that the feds had him drugged up for some experiment. Maybe even possibly his car could fly... But the notion that the government wanted to cure AIDS. That's beyond credulity.

  25. kain preacher

    @ Mark Broadhurst

    "3 years

    only ?"

    "The charge of DUI with injury carries much more serious consequences than simple DUI. If the prosecutor charges it as a misdemeanor, the defendant faces up to a year in jail (plus the other standard DUI penalties). If the prosecutor charges it as felony DUI, the defendant faces up to 3 years state prison (plus an additional year for each additional person who is injured).

    Worse still, if any of the injured parties is seriously hurt, the DUI defendant may be charged with a "great bodily injury" enhancement. This adds up to three additional years of state prison. Moreover, the "great bodily injury" enhancement makes the DUI offense a strike under California's Three Strikes law."

    they could aslo charge him with assault which would be a second strike and he would be looking at 15 years.

    "Assault With Deadly Weapon: Motor Vehicle

    13351.5. (a) Upon receipt of a duly certified abstract of the record of any court showing that a person has been convicted of a felony for a violation of Section 245 of the Penal Code and that a vehicle was found by the court to constitute the deadly weapon or instrument used to commit that offense, the department immediately shall revoke the privilege of that person to drive a motor vehicle.

    (b) The department shall not reinstate a privilege revoked under subdivision (a) under any circumstances.

    (c) Notwithstanding subdivision (b), the department shall terminate any revocation order issued under this section on or after January 1, 1995, for a misdemeanor conviction of violating Section 245 of the Penal Code.

    Added Ch. 1221, Stats. 1994. Effective January 1, 1995.

    Amended Sec. 15, Ch. 606, Stats. 1998. Effective January 1, 1999. "

    Its odd that if i'm just charged with a DUI and I hurt some , six months I can drive. If i;m charged with assault and a car was used, I lose it for life.

  26. Captain DaFt

    Obviously he'll get released with no charges

    Because with a story like that, he must be Dubya's main foreign and domestic policy adviser!

  27. david Silver badge

    "He was under the influence of"

    Yes, far better that he be in withdrawal.

    Like it would be better for you to drive to work without having had your first cup of coffee and/or fag. Love to have a bunch of people like that on the road.

  28. Joshua Goodall
    IT Angle

    Just another loser.

    Waste of an article, waste of a click.

  29. Moss Icely Spaceport

    I for one...

    ....bow to our Dodge driving, drunk, stoned and crazy alien overlords!

  30. Larry Adams

    Just another loser.

    Give the guy a break... He got nabbed on Sunday evening... He was probably on his way to work and left early so he could get there in time Monday morning... That Highway 101 commute in San Rafael is H*LL.

    Seriously though, hope he has an enjoyable stay at the iron bar hotel...

    /getting my coat and heading for work in San Rafael

  31. alan

    Roads? Where we're going we don't need roads...

    Wondered when the boffins at Area 51 would come up with a working "Mr Fusion" unit.

    Mines the yellow coat with the radiation shield....

  32. Stephen
    IT Angle

    And the IT angle is?

    Going to keep on posting these, guess one day the editors might decide to focus on QUALITY not quantity....

  33. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: And the IT angle is?

    Stephen. I refer you to this:

    Moreover, it's a goddamn flying-car story, only it doesn't actually have a flying car, like most flying-car stories - so it could serve as a *comment* on flying-car stories.

    Is there anyone else who hasn't figured out by now that this IT website has a non-IT section? Like, for light relief? Y'know? Kinda?

  34. Stephen
    Dead Vulture

    Your point is?

    No, really, your point is?

    I'll reiterate my previous comment:

    "guess one day the editors might decide to focus on QUALITY not quantity"

    Because even if you keep on posting non IT related 'stories' they should at least be up to a certain standard...if a few paragraphs about some bloke mashed up to high heaven is supposed to be a standard then I guess El Reg must be in dire straights?

    I take my hat off to Joshua: "Waste of an article, waste of a click." and I'll add "waste of bandwidth"...perhaps I should report you to Tiscalli?* They may wish to start charging...

    *Now you have an IT angle.

  35. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Your point is?

    Well, with all due respect, what did you think a story titled 'Area 51 drug test victim crashes flying car' was going to be about?

    My point is that it should be pretty clear to any IT professional which stories are for light relief and which are sober and serious. If it isn't, then boy, I wouldn't want you tinkering with my malware-stricken machine.

    Also, I am duty bound to inform you that it is 'straits', not 'straights'.

  36. Anonymous Coward

    Re: Your point is?

    Aww, poor Stephen.

    I guess you came to this story expecting it to be a real flying car. I can understand your disappointment there I guess.

    Either that or you're just trolling because you're a dick.

  37. Andy Turner


    Stephen has a Bee in his bonnet today.

  38. Herby

    Area 51? More like area 5150!!

    California has all types (look it has me!). This guy is a little bit off the wall. Been watching way to many movies.

  39. Daniel B.

    Smoke and fly

    So this guy must've heard "Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly" and decided to give it a try? Except he forgot either to fill the tank up with cannabis, or got into the wrong DeLorean!

    Mine's the self-drying one, next to the hoverboard.

  40. Anonymous Coward

    Dire Straits

    Aha! Sarah's blown her past - a Mark Knopfler groupieeeeeeeeee!

    Yeah! Sultana of Swing!

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