Que....
a list of Chuck Norris Jokes....
US student planned to ice Chuck Norris
A New Jersey high school student has been suspended for allegedly drawing up a hit list which included the names of "three students and a school administrator" and, rather ill-advisedly, roundhouse-kicking death machine Chuck Norris. According to the Philadephia Inquirer, the unnamed Pennsauken High School 16-year-old was …
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Thursday 10th April 2008 13:28 GMT Anonymous Coward
No sense of humor?
While I applaud the efforts to try to eliminate violence in schools (and everywhere else), it seems to me that since Chuck Norris was on the list, that this was a total fantasy list, not something that's likely to have ever been acted on. "Zero Tolerance" smacks of Gestapo tactics. Is zero tolerance truly appropriate for young people who are likely to make mistakes in life? I'd think getting expelled from school for making a list would be more likely to make a person really bitter, and maybe even "push them over the edge" You're basically throwing a young person's life away over a slight possibility that they might go berserk. I remember making a similar list when I was in school, but I don't own a gun, have never stabbed, shot, or otherwise physically harmed anyone, nor do I plan on it. (although I do have some mild road-rage at times) Times were different back then---I suppose if someone had wanted, they could have brought their knife collection to show-and-tell. Every boy (including myself) had a pocket knife in grade school, but the thought never occurred to any of us to use them to harm another person. An occasional fistfight, more of a dominance thing than trying to really cause damage, was the only real violence back then. Maybe confidential counseling would be appropriate to determine if the person is really a threat...
At least our off-colour thoughts are still safe... for now...
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Thursday 10th April 2008 13:53 GMT Cavan
Defense of impossibility?
In the US he could have a defense to attempt or conspiracy to commit, of impossibility lets face it; it's not possible to kill Chuck Norris, so this kid is only guilty of stupidity....
He should be put in charge of education in Kansas .. .he'd get rid of Creationism, and instill norrisism
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Mines the pyjamas...
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Thursday 10th April 2008 14:28 GMT Matt Thornton
hmm..
Presumably, if you made one of those "joe bloggs loves joanne bloggs" thingies where you count up the number of times each of l, o, v, e and s occurs in the names to find out the percentage value of how much the love is true (or something)*, then then you're guilty of intent to commit statutory rape?
* Was that just me? Mine's the smingey brown raincoat...
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Thursday 10th April 2008 14:36 GMT Mike Crawshaw
Queue / Cue
I thought it was "que", as spelled, missing the question mark.
As in the French "que" = "what"
So "Que?" = "What?"
but that's probably because I have a habit of speaking French / German at people who want me to do things in order to confuse them enough to forget some of the things they want me to do.
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Thursday 10th April 2008 15:03 GMT Simon Painter
Oh dear god... the land of the free...
Here's how it works... this kid is bullied on a regular basis and is probably having a hell of a time at high school and has idle fantasies about beating up people who have caused him hassle. He probably added Chuck because he's like Superman and anyone who beats up on Chuck would get some "respect".
What the school board should have done is offer this kid some help with managing his anger (to be honest writing a list and keeping it in your locker is a pretty healthy way to deal with this sort of anger and a lot better than turning up to school with an AK just because everyone teases you for being an emo as has happened in a number of US institutions). Instead they have branded this guy a psycho which will mean the victimisation will only get worse for the poor kid until he either kills himself or kills a few other people and then himself.
The land of the free, the same place that brought you the Salem Witch Trials.
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Thursday 10th April 2008 15:40 GMT Aint
Better safe than sorry, people
Zero tolerance means better safe than sorry. It's time to close all of these publicly funded terrorist training camps we call "schools". Talk about playing with fire! Allowing children to interact?! How crazy is that!?!? They could murder each other with firearms!!!!
Chuck Norris tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
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Thursday 10th April 2008 15:46 GMT Paul
@ Matt
Yep. Spot on. As in ***k you lot. Why don't you just get somthing better to do than go on and on about the fact that I went to spell Queue, changed it to cue and messed up?
BTW, I expect it from the other posters, but someone who works for El Reg? Not a very nice way to treat a reader...Especially the Kew joke.
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Thursday 10th April 2008 15:46 GMT Spleen
The thought police of the future
It's a pretty simple plan. Ban boys from violent games - and I don't mean just computer games, I mean Cowboys and Indians etc as well. Run anti-bullying campaigns that don't stop at actual bullying - kicking the crap out of smaller kids for their lunch money - but indoctinate kids that any sort of conflict whatsoever is wrong. Ban them from thinking violent thoughts, drawing guns on their exercise books, writing plots to kill the President, etc.
By the time they're 21 they'll either have so much rage bottled up inside them they'll make perfect soldiers or Thought Police, or they'll be completely docile, unable to cope with any sort of competitive environment, and make perfect civil servants.
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Thursday 10th April 2008 16:59 GMT Anonymous Coward
@AC @Sarah Bee @AC
Yes, that Scarlet Magazine. My back still aches, and people are wondering why I have a permanent fixed grin.
As an aside, do any Reg Hacks work for "Amateur Proctologist" Magazine. It's just that,umm, my wife found a copy of umm Scarlet, and well, uhhh. Big Fixed Grin. Thankfully El Reg provides a suitable icon.
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Thursday 10th April 2008 20:47 GMT Anonymous Coward
Terroristic Schmerroristic
At least Kentucky courts have ruled there is no such crime as attempted terroristic threatening
http://bowjamesbow.ca/2005/10/10/all-charges-dro.shtml
http://64.233.183.104/search?q=cache:uxFdeXTYk4QJ:penusa.org/go/news/comments/415/+william+poole+terroristic&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=9&gl=uk
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Thursday 10th April 2008 20:49 GMT j
@ Daniel Ratcliffe RE "terroristic"
There's nothing technically wrong with "terroristic", but it's a perfect example of the current habit of trying to shoehorn buzzwords into official statements in order to justify what might otherwise be unjustified overreactions, which the US (and often UK) authorities and media seem particularly keen on.
eg. "making terroristic threats" vs "making threats"
It's also completely unneccesary, "making terror threats" would suffice perfectly if he actually had, but the subtle addition of "ic"implies he didn't make terror threats, he made terror-like threats. As far as I'm aware *any* threat could be considered terror-like.
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Thursday 10th April 2008 20:49 GMT James Marsack
Creative Writing...
If a teacher were to ever uncover a "hitlist" of mine, I would note a violation of my rights and free speach... especially if it had Chuck Norris's name on it. I remember once me and my brother wrote "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you" to all the answers on a spelling test in grade school. The teacher would ask "why do you hate me?". Our answer would always be the same, "we don't hate you we just like writing it." For a while I used to write "You DIE!" on all my books and inside my locker... all I'd ever get is a few dirty looks and noone thought anything else of it... today I look back and laugh a little... besides, people can tattoo death lists on their arms and noone can stop them. Ah, Those were the days, when you could write a short story of a teacher getting murdered and not get in trouble for making every charactor's name a student from your class... because that is called "creative writing" and chances are your low on meds again.
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Thursday 10th April 2008 20:51 GMT Anonymous Coward
Something similar happened to me.
Many moons ago…
I was taking my lunch hour at work and started to write down the lyrics to a song I was listening to on my Walkman. I wrote them down in the notebook I also used for work related stuff. I didn’t have a paper to read, so it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Cue/que/queue/kew/Q the following day, I have to go and see the Managing Director. It turns out my manager, narrow-minded twunt that he was, read my notebook and thought I’d gone mad.
I of course, told him that it was just some song lyrics I was listening to. But I also added that my F*cking manager had no right to read anything in my notebook and if he was so f*cking concerned, ask me about it first.
A couple of months later, I got made redundant.
The song, if I remember, was this:
URL
So remember, it does not take a state policy to screw you, just a bigot jobs worth will do it.
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Friday 11th April 2008 08:24 GMT Adrian Esdaile
I has a free speeched, bloody grammar infidels!
Of course 'terroristic' is correct!
One does not 'become a terrorist', the correct form is 'bascially undergo terroristification', or the shorter, basically more correcter 'terroristificationalism'
Study of this is 'terroristificationalismology' (as seen in the new series of DesperateSingleFemaleLaywerCSI:Lake Wasapamanni)
Mericanish is double-plus better gooderness than Ye Olde Engerlershe.
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Friday 11th April 2008 08:24 GMT NukEvil
@free speech
In the U.S. the constitution does not apply to public (state-funded) educational institutions. High schools being the key here. Which is why cops, school admins, etc are able to search students' lockers, bring drug-sniffing dogs to sniff the classrooms over, etc, without any fear of some student yelling about their constitutional rights...because, as long as they're at that school, they have none.
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Friday 11th April 2008 21:21 GMT StopthePropaganda
you can thank
the "think of the children" liberal mindset, with it's "always offended" and Political Correctness regimes, enforced by legion of lawyers.
Again, this is the world you wanted, spending so much time worrying about "feelings" being hurt, and "stopping violence" and refusing to let kids be kids. And even worse, interfering because you refuse to believe that a little violence can solve problems, keeping kids from fighting and discovering for themselves what violence does.
You hippies grew up and thought you'd remake society in your own image, avoiding what you arrogantly decided were "mistakes" of the past. And you created this shitty society we see today. Congratulations. Now have the balls to own up to it, instead of trying to blame it on the same folks who tried to stop you in the first place.
You international types can take a share too, for encouraging these people when you'd already seen the damage they'd wrought upon your own nations. But, misery loves company I suppose.
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Tuesday 15th April 2008 08:49 GMT Matt Bradley
@StopthePropaganda
These a word which we wishy washy pinko leftist liberals have for your last post: It's "delusional" (Note: not "delusionotistic", or "delusionesque").
This young lad was arrested for "terroristic" threats: This a phrase that comes right out of the George Bush book of neologisms. To suggest otherwise is utterly bizarre.
I could go on by pointing out that your country has been run by a right wing Republican government for the last 7 years, and that much of us in Europe are astonished at what US politics rather laugably thinks of as "Left Wing".
I might EVEN make reference to the fact that much of Europe has also watched with amazement whilst some sections of US society continue to insist that the population is actually SAFER because everybody has guns; perhaps this could somehow be connected with the weapons safety paranoia that school bodies are feeling? I don't know.
<Shakes head in bemusement>
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Biting the hand that feeds IT
