The current run of articles are beginning to make me laugh like I used to.
Marvellous. Umm, must get a pair for home.
"Really, I thought they'd be right up your alley!" the Boss sniffs disappointedly. "They're just sliding doors!" I comment. "Yes, but they're intelligent sliding doors – they've got scanners and a computer interface and everything!" "That's as may be, but they're not secure doors." "Yes they are, they use face recognition …
Could you please give me the name of your supplier. I do beleive that, erm, the benefits in both... time management, and security would prove these, errr... inteligent secuity devices of worth, and bring in a... healthy return on investment, as well as improve... hmmm... erm... staff moral.
(ie. It would allow me to spend hours coding them, great for my own time management coz I wouldnt HAVE to manage my time. Security would be increased because **I** controll it, not "security", so all those arseholes who wouldnt know a secure password if it bit their dicks off wouldnt get into the building. It would net me planty of cash for faking work on the routines, and charging overtime for it. AND I would get a few laughs seeing people covered in hot coffee, stuck inside/outside, or even trapped IN the doors..)
Anyhoo, top episode!
Home come there wasn't a broken paperclip "accidentally" connecting it to a 230v supply for when the head beancounter walked through (or grounded doors, 230v handle and a "broken" auto-open system)? Is the Bastard going soft?!
Saying that, I really must get a set for work...
We have the beta version of these doors at my own personal hell (aka workplace), they do not slide but the mood recognition is certainly present. Anyone in a rush (particularly come 3pm on a Friday) is reduced to impotent rage as the doors remain unmovable and the would be escapologist is mockingly beeped at.
Nice one Simon!
I'd install them on the crapper, to recognise the bosses face when desperate due to the large amounts of laxatives that "fell" into his morning brew.
The more desperate he appears the slower the doors would open!
Or put razor blades on the door jam and shut the door real fast....
"Thanks Simon, I needed that laugh! Best episode in a while. It's hilarious when you can see something coming, you can predict what the BOFH's going to do... and then he does it - and goes further than you imagined. Brilliant!" ...aka Leadership, Rosuav.
IT is AI Gift in Global Operating Devices...... 42 Present ITs Futures and their Derivatives/Paralleling Tangents Assisting a Tangram Network InterNetworking..
Once finished up installing a door entry system for a company I worked for and needed to get the software modded for a particular entry point. Software was in French so called their offices in Paris, who promptly told me they'd get an engineer to call back as they were only the distributors.
Half an hour later an 'engineer' phoned from the Israeli army to ask why we were using their 'classified' software and had we signed their version of the official secrets act. After 20 mins of interrogation it was obvious they weren't going to do the mod so we chucked the software and bought some mechanical keypads.
Strangely it was a well known UK security company that sold us the original software ....
"Could the program be adapted to modify the entry time to show that I was in at precisely 8:59:59 each morning and left at 17:01?"
Flashback: one of my former workplaces did away with punch-clocks and bought a "state-of-the-art" biometric personnel checker software. You key in your employee number, and place your finger in the fingerprint scanner. The idea was that no-one else would be able to check you in. Nice.
...except the system used Access as the DBMS. 2 days after I was informed of this, no one in IT was ever late again, or so the system tells. And computers never lie, do they? ;)
I assume this magic controller can be linked to an elevator access system? locking out certain floors, locking certain individuals in only at certain times, locking out any crabby individuals from the IS floor, allowing friendly females of certain minimum "assets" through after 5pm...
the possibilities, endless!
Well said. Very eloquently spoken. And a F*ck you to all the haters who seem to think that they have a right to judge! FFS, i wouldn't mind betting that all the people, that commented negatively, would give their eye teeth for the ability to provide for their family as this man can. All you have to do is concentrate and work hard. A concept lost on most of the inhabitants of this green and pleasant land!
... I could think of a few things that could be quite interesting regarding them revolving doors. Of course, a few tweaks to the revolving engine to allow for... mmh... blockage purging. (Read: Revolving doors that multitask as ventilation devices for the entire building...)
Add to that the security shutters... and you got yourself one Beancounter Blender Deluxe. Mrow!
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