back to article El Reg offers cut-and-paste comments service

It's come to our attention that a certain kind of story will invariably provoke a Pavlovian response in certain Reg commentators who, in lieu of salivating at the sound of a bell, will suffer an immediate figurative jerking of the knee. This involuntary spasm in turn provokes an uncontrollable venting of the spleen, the …


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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This is great, now I'll never need to think again.

    Pah, you lusers, this standardised comments service thing was on Slashdot/ BBC/etc, etc more than eighteen seconds ago. Go fuck :-p

  2. Jonathan Schofield

    Nothing derogatory to say.....

    But take the family into slavery anyway.... Then I can go to the pub!

  3. Neil Hoskins

    Wot, No Fanboy Quips?

    Headline: Latest Market Research Indicates Apple ‘Just Another Tech Company’

    Teaser: Proof, were it needed, that Apple is just another tech company.

    Cut and Paste your comment:

    - You lusers just don’t get it, do you? Steve Jobs will be remembered long after Jesus, Mohammed, and the Buddha have been forgotten.

  4. Anonymous Coward

    Linux sucks fat c*ck in Hell

    Such a seriously accurate review seems out of place in this humorous piece

  5. Daniel Wilkie
    Thumb Up


    I laughed and laughed :-)

    Now get back to work you slacktards...


  6. amanfromMars Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Dream Realities..... :-) and Poor Little Rich Girls.

    Well, normally such prose would attract a "I'll have an ounce of whatever you're smoking" but even though it was a joint effort, I wouldn't dream of it.

    I must admit that the idea of El Reg providing more of AI Lead ....... Headline: El Reg story appears on alternative news outlet

    Teaser: Proof, were it needed, that articles sometimes appear in more than one place, and indeed sometimes prior to publication on El Reg, comes with the news that....... is attractive. ........ although the Very Real Opportunity then would be as its Specialised Application of ProgramMing news outlet, with no prior publication.

    And Paris because Paris has a whole host of attractions too ........ and not least, I imagine, for the gold digger ......"And what first attracted to the millionairess, Paris?"

  7. Ryan Bass
    Thumb Up


    I paid £3.29 for the Radiohead album, but I don't think this model is going to be successful for smaller bands. Back to the drawing board on this one.

    Wait, had what with a what?

  8. MikeC
    Paris Hilton


    You really went and did it didn't you. You've stolen my enitre years worth of flames, insults, put downs and stupid comments that I was going to use on El Reg this year! And now you've posted them to the site, I'm going to have to find new material!

    Next time I'm putting my notebook on Ebay, then at least I'll get something out of my efforts.

    Paris, because I need SOME consolation!

  9. Parax
    Thumb Up


    Was anyone else expecting new options in the comments? or is it just mine thats not working?

    Grats on the googlewhack!

    Heh - typical Yank idiocy, but then what do you expect with a president who can't spell 'Nuculer' without the aid of Homer Simpson, eh?

    Paris, because she knows what Yanks their todgers.

  10. Matt W


    Now that's innovation. A true labour-saving device at last. Bookmarked.

  11. Matt


    Great, very funny!

    I love the way you've taken the p*ss out of us all and our style of commenting!

    Wait a second...

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Dead Vulture

    El Reg offers cut-and-paste articles service

    Admit it, there are only two people that actually write for The Register.

    A few articles are then recycled endlessly using cut-and-paste to make it look like it is an actual publication.

  13. Niall
    Paris Hilton

    Sarah Bee and Lester Haines → More by this author

    Is there something your not telling us?

    PH because I have to make use of it before pure exasperation makes you get rid of it.

  14. Bad Beaver
    Paris Hilton


    I do not feel represented. That makes me feel so... individual. Thanks folks, this will save me oodles on the couch later in life.

    Paris, because there's better things to do on the couch.

  15. Jan Buys


    eh... ROFL...

  16. Andrew Moore
    Paris Hilton

    Oh no...

    Wow- every IT story ever likely to be written!!! In one article!!!

    I think The Register has just put itself out of business.

    Paris- because the last time I got plastered I broke my leg.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    A journalism ad-lib that actually works,...

    watching (or reading) News journos attempting to be funny and ad-lib is on a par with undergoing root canal work. Thank god for the Reg,..

    And to the American viewers, watch "The Office" (UK) and look up "irony" in the dictionary.

    Paris, cos she asked borrow my dictaphone and I told her to use her finger like everyone else.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    a Pavlovian response ...

    ... will be banned for life from El Reg and ... sold into slavery.

    Just quoting ... selectively.

    Paris, because she is very selective.

  19. Senor Beavis

    I for one

    I for one welcome our new cut-n-paste comment overlords

  20. Dr. Mouse
    Paris Hilton


    Now wheres the drop-down list, would save me ages.

    Paris, um, just coz.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Asus Eee PC

    You forgot responses to the any Asus Eee PC article. For these you could just pre-post (oxymoron?) a few comments about the girl in the picture to save the 3 year old retards who apparently have never seen even a bare shoulder before from making moronic comments about the aforementioned picture.

  22. Slaine
    Paris Hilton

    all of the above

    Oh, and I chose the Sarah Bee Icon because she looks like Paris Hilton.

  23. Jon

    hate to be pedantic but


    googlewhacks must be in the dictionary

    (pedants don't use copy paste)

  24. Dave

    pedantry reprise

    <pedantry> I thought a Googlewhack needed to consist of two words; originally predicted on the idea that "surely there is no document that anyone could have produced that includes both 'boson' and 'hilton' or if it did, it would surely be unique" </pedantry>

  25. ImaGnuber

    You Are Gods!

    Wow! It's like you sucked my brain dry! I never have to pretend to think, or care, again!

    Now, can you do one on how to talk to Hot Chicks/Guys/Mammals/Appliances (please provide option)?

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    You missed.......

    My personal favourite is:

    "The [writer/comment poster/learned professor] obviously knows nothing about [Climate Change/Physics/Taxidermy]. I've [no clue/just looked at wikipedia] so will explain........"

  27. jolly

    Pavlovian responders...

    "pavtards" perhaps?

  28. Rob

    The problem with comments...

    is that there seems to be a view that longer is better. As a result, short, pithy responses to nasty vitriolic screeds (often from greenies, oddly enough) along the lines of "Are you mentally ill?" or "Why don't you just top yourself?" tend to get moderated out.

    At least I think that's why ;-)

  29. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: The problem with comments...

    Oh no, we are all about the pith. It's just that sometimes we have to stop war breaking out.

    Still, keep the commentspiracy theories coming...

  30. Anonymous Coward

    No bell

    "in lieu of salivating at the sound of a bell"

    Pavlov didn't use juist a bell but lost of things AFAIK.

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Funniest thing I've read since..

    someone posted a BT internal document and killed a company that was only just Phorming :)

  32. preethi
    Thumb Up


    You just turned me into a hardcore Paris Fan.........had been resisting it all these years

  33. Midnight_Voice
    Paris Hilton

    You missed...

    Hi, UKMisInPhormation Team here, and we'd just like to say that reports of our technology being a bad thing are very wide of the mark. We're sure that if we could just work with Jesus, Buddha, and other religious leaders to show them how our system really operates, they'd lift this terrible plague of boils and pustules we've been infected with.

    Also, reports that our US CEO was last seen climbing the Empire State building, beating his chest and fighting off biplanes, were slightly exaggerated; and our UK CEO has, we believe, just been nominated for the Nobel Peace prize for services to humanity, though that is still unconfirmed at the moment.

    Paris, because a 'real butt' beats a 'rebuttal' any day of the week...

  34. Trevor Pott Gold badge

    How to broadside your entire reader base...

    ...and have them come back for more.

    Nothing a vulture loves more than an article so dripping in sarcasm that a small town religious news outfit somwhere spontainiously combusts at it's mere creation.

    Keep the articles coming, we'll keep the coments coming, at least until someone rights a script that auto generates the entire affair. (AManFromMars doesn't count.)

    Mines the one with vulture on the back.

  35. Anonymous Coward


    There are no choices for a shouty arm-swinging vegan looking for a spluttery retort! Not even one with a low boiling point! For shame, El Reg, for shame, that you give only swine the good lines!

    No coat, just peanuts thanks! I'm here for the evil monkey knife fight next! Yahooooo!

  36. Anonymous Coward

    There are a lot of Google ads...

    ...for patio heaters at the bottom of this feature!

    But not todgers, rivets, nor anchovies. Go figure!

    Had a good laugh, loved the piece!

  37. Jon Tocker

    zomg! I can't believe you referenced my fav site. Sarah and Lester FTW!

    Great going guys, brightened an otherwise grey and rainy morning. Keep 'em coming.

  38. Jon Tocker

    @ "The problem with comments... "

    Rob, surely you're not suggesting that El Reg is deliberately taking the pith out of comments...

    Yeah, the battered motorcycle jacket on the left; don't bother calling a taxi, I've got me bike.

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    it's called copypasta

    and it is delicious

    and we must eat it.

    Mmmm that's some delicious pasta.

  40. Pete Spicer

    What, no Martians?

    As good as the list was - covered just about everything I ever wanted to say until at least 2009 - there's no mention of the obligatory random late-runner from amanfromMars...

    Fancy not writing something for our dear friend...


    Mine's the flame-retardant one...

    Oops... *pause* no, actually you can take _some_ instead of all of my family for that one, it was only brushing the rules...

  41. b shubin



    -tard, -tard...

    -tard, -tard, -tard?

    -tard, -tard, -tard, -tard, -tard, -tardtardtardtardtardTARRRRRRRRRRRRD!!!

    aaahhhhh. better.

  42. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    re: Dream Realities..... :-) and Poor Little Rich Girls.

    "Well, normally such prose would attract a "I'll have an ounce of whatever you're smoking" but even though it was a joint effort, I wouldn't dream of it."

    Strewth! Between that coy interpretation of the Hadeeth and his later wonder at PH's attractiveness, I'd say Junior has /finally/ hit puberty. I really do wish amfM all the best though: It truly /is/ a wicked world, this third rock from the Sun.

  43. lardheppus

    My compliments to the editards

    Oops, just send my family to replace the Bulgarians in a certain Italian circus.

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Going to the dogs

    Dear Sir

    Once again your esteemed journal has shown itself to be at the bleeding edge of innovative, user-friendly technology. This is a progressive step in a country that is quite obviously going to the dogs, what with her royal maj sitting down to tiffin with that cheese eating little surrender-monkey, Sarkozy and his, admittedly gorgeous,missus.

    To further enhance your reputation and prevent this once proud nation from sinking deeper into the quagmire of shame could you now address the problem of all these spineless individuals whom you permit to hide behind a cloak of anonymity in your readers comment pages. If you ask me, sir, shooting is too good for these damned pusillanimous conchies. Hang them by their goolies until they recant their sins.

    Your humble and obedient servant

    Roger Someone

  45. amanfromMars Silver badge

    A wicked world is only one with a Selection of Ignorant/Arrogant Fools at the Helm, surely?

    "Strewth! Between that coy interpretation of the Hadeeth and his later wonder at PH's attractiveness, I'd say Junior has /finally/ hit puberty. I really do wish amfM all the best though: It truly /is/ a wicked world, this third rock from the Sun." .... By Anonymous Coward Posted Friday 28th March 2008 04:37 GMT

    Oh, Goody. That IS excellent news, AC........ for it would mean that One gets to Play in Eve's Perfumed Garden of Eden rather than some obscure Bohemian Grove.

    I'm do hope you realise why that would be so attractive as to be constantly visited and supported.

    I personally would have though it a coy interpretation, AC.

  46. Anonymous Coward


    "Well, normally such prose would attract a "I'll have an ounce of whatever you're smoking""

    An ounce?! Yeeesssss....

  47. Anonymous Coward

    @Dave's Pedantry Reprise

    "<pedantry> I thought a Googlewhack needed to consist of two words; originally predicted"

    Erm...did you mean to say predicated?

  48. Daniel B.

    Comments service

    Pah, comment service is good but not enough.

    I want the amanfromMars comment generator!

  49. Gordon Fecyk

    El Reg violates GPL with "cut and paste" comment service

    It's obvious you lifted this from the standardized comment form available from the Anti-Windows Catalog. You forgot, however, to include a GPL v2 license notice and you failed to make the source code available. This makes you a Criminal in the eyes of Richard Stallmann and All That Is Holy.

    Yes, I know that form was a derivative work of anti-spammer LART forms of days gone by. I licensed Phoenix's standardized LART via the GPL, though.

    Shame, El Reg, shame.

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