back to article US woman spends two years on boyfriend's toilet

US authorities are trying to work out why a Kansas woman spent two years on her boyfriend's toilet - so long that by the time he called emergency services her skin had grown around the lav's seat. When the unnamed 35-year-old Ness City woman's other half finally picked up the phone on 27 February to report that "there was …


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  1. Anonymous Coward

    Not to sound crude but..

    If she spent TWO years sat on his toilet...

    Well, where did he go for a shit

    Sorry, I know there are at least a dozen other, far more important questions to ask, but I feel I must ask this one above all others.

  2. Rory Webber


    Is she a bit 'loo-ny'?

    Sorry, best I can do on a Thursday afternoon.

  3. ElFatbob


    Have I lost 18 days or so - i'm sure this is not April the 1st!

    Sorry, i just can't believe this happend.

  4. Anonymous Coward

    Her words as she left the carsie...

    "You might want to leave it a few minutes before you go in there"

  5. Steve

    @ Not to sound crude but..

    I'll see that and raise you;

    I hope she at least gave it a courtesy flush now and then.

  6. Graham Bartlett

    Unlikely to face charges

    Even in the US, if she doesn't want to get off the bog, it's her choice. Mind you, if my wife did that then I'd be calling a brain-drainer around 24 hours in - I wouldn't be waiting two years. Apart from anything else, I'd be seriously busting for a slash by then, because our house only has one toilet.

    Incidentally, isn't there a saying about "shit or get off the crapper"...?

  7. Hank Maus

    Not loony

    just potty

    also, sounds like she hadn't a leg to stand on...

  8. Stuza

    And another couple.....

    Sounds like things were going a bit down the pan for her and she must of been a bit round the bend!

  9. Graham Jordan


    This storys a bit shit without pictures

    Bum bum tish

  10. Ishkandar

    Obvious !!

    A serious lack of fibre in her diet !! She could at least have chewed the bog-roll for a bit of fibre !!

  11. Frank Bough

    No, Just No.

    I refuse to accept this story, please take it away.

  12. Brian


    Let's not get bogged down with this story...

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Why is this a story in El Reg? It's not even Friday, the day traditionally reserved for circulating crude and repulsive stories / jokes / etc.

    Does anyone have a shred of compassion for two people who are not only clearly suffering from mental health problems, but also appear to have no friends to support them?

  14. Chris Collins

    6 pints and a vindaloo?

    Perhaps it was not mere food and water he brought but a continuous supply of Wifebeater and curry. An infinite loop was created.

  15. Chris Hunt

    He was trying to figure out what was wrong...

    ...but he had nothing to go on.

  16. Les Matthew
    Thumb Up

    "refused to cooperate"

    She gave them the bums rush then? ;)

  17. Wize

    Jap Flag Icon?

    Must have been a very powerful curry. I've had ones that left me sitting on the thrown for a few hours wishing I'd left some toilet roll in the fridge.

  18. Barnaby Hart

    Here comes

    the inevitable flood of toilet humour

  19. Andy Jones

    Beta tester

    Was she a beta tester for Vista? It sure makes me want to lock myself in the bog!

    / Mines the brown smelly one with flies buzzing around it.

  20. Colin Jackson


    Pass me the mind-bleach.

  21. Anonymous Coward

    paddy o'toole

    Any truth in the rumour that the cops are looking for a "turd" person.

    The one where the arms fasten around the back please.

  22. dervheid

    Was going to...

    do the usual "dumb american" type thing, but just couldn't bring myself to.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Technically challenged

    When people told her she could see great things on Youtube she must have got the wrong idea.

  24. hugo tyson

    Reading material

    It must have been a particularly interesting issue of Exchange & Mart, or was she engrossed in Autotrader? Inquiring minds need to know.

  25. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    RE: Technically challenged

    Na. She probably saw YouTube and felt she could see more interesting things there.

  26. TeeCee Gold badge


    Good thing the seat came away first, that could have been really serious.

    I mean, dis-arsed-her.


  27. Brian

    I wonder which she did?

    Sit and stink or sit and think? I'm guessing the former...

  28. Damian Gabriel Moran


    imagine the pins and needles after two years

  29. Timothy Slade

    Taking the piss?

    Getting the boyfriend to pass water through the door.

    Do we know what time the call was logged?

    mines the one with the snorkel...

  30. Chris Taylor
    Dead Vulture


    She was waiting to sse how things would pan out ?

    Maybe there were things she need to get out of her cistern ?

    Or it was a chain of events, that left her feeling flushed with success, but unable to keep a lid on things she couldn't get to the seat of the problems

    Goodness me I am on a (bog) roll now....

    I am certain there is another joke about these two becoming engaged, but I can't quite get it right so will leave it vacant for someone else.

  31. Ryan


    How on earth do you wait two years to tell someone?

    I bet Barry Scott could get her off in a BANG!

  32. Terry Goodwin


    What the report didn't say was that she has prosthetic legs and the boyfriend had confiscated them to teach her a lesson!

  33. J
    Dead Vulture

    Pics or it didn't... actually, forget about it.

    "whether any charges should be filed against the woman's 36-year-old boyfriend"

    Hell, yeah. I mean, you might not be able to force anyone *in their right mind* to leave or do whatever. But not doing anything when someone *that* mentally ill, or otherwise not responsible for her acts, is involved sounds definitely criminal to me. It's akin to saying "my 3-year old wanted to jump into traffic in the highway, that's her problem and I can't do anything about it". Although the only way I can see the guy doing that for 2 years is if HE is also terribly mentally ill.

    Either way, sad story.

  34. RW

    @ AC @ Everyone

    I know El Reg's readership comprises a sarcastic, unsympathetic bunch of SOBs, but for once it's time for the entire readership (including the editors) to practice an emotion called "compassion."

    It's obvious that both this woman and her b.f. are a few bricks shy of a full hod, but such is life. Amongst us, there are innumerable sadsacks, usually floating along below radar level and managing to lead their lives satisfactorily by their own lights. Sometimes, as in this case, they are exposed to the glare of publicity, but when that happens remember the old adage "there but for the grace of God go I."

    Yes, laugh, snicker, point fingers at, and verbally abuse the pretentious, the publicity hungry, the über-rich, and those who should (and do) know better, but remember some people do not know better. They are to be pitied, not sneered at.

    Heart because even techies sometimes have to show some.

  35. David Hendy
    Gates Halo

    re: @ AC @ Everyone

    How Starfleet of you.

  36. Simon Ball


    It’s not comparable at all. In the situation you posit, your daughter’s irrational behaviour would put her life in imminent danger. As her legal guardian, you would be both justified and compelled to stop her. By comparison, refusing to leave the toilet for two years doesn’t place the woman in question or anyone else in imminent danger, therefore her rights as an adult are pre-eminent, her behaviour notwithstanding. US law is very clear – you can’t detain an adult, even temporarily, just because they’re behaving irrationally – they have to represent an imminent threat to their own or other people’s lives, or have comitted some form of crime, before that can be justified. It’s a safeguard to prevent people being indefinitely detained on dubious grounds. Therefore, the boyfriend was under no legal obligation whatsoever to report her behaviour.

    If she’d adamantly refused to leave, and told the police to go away, legally, they would have had to respect her wishes. The investigation is likely merely to confirm that she was confined by her own free will, rather than by her boyfriend.

  37. Simon Ball


    It's entirely possible that the boyfriend didn't actually know that the state has no legal grounds for detaining her, and thus waited so long because he was trying to protect her from what he percieved as unjust and unnecessary incarceration.

  38. DreadStorm
    Dead Vulture

    From a native

    Not to open myself up for ridicule here, but I've been all over these United States. (One of the reasons I'm considering leaving.) And next to Kentucky, Kansas is the most inbred, backwood, hic, country bumpkin place you'd ever seen. It comes as no surprise to find this sort of mental instability. Personally, I find this story completely believable. I wouldn't put it past 'em. There have been people that were so fat they suck in the bath tub, and had to wait weeks for rescue. Trust me, this place is so full of idiots it isn't funny.


  39. Richard


    Thank you all for a clear demonstration of your compassion. These people clearly needed help, but didn't get it. I sincerely hope and trust that you all get the same compassion you are so keen to dish out when you're in the shit.

  40. Anonymous Coward

    Usual problems

    From an intelligent viewpoint, she didn't spend 2 years sitting on a toilet but gradually increased the time period towards the end. I'm fairly sure people can't bond with plastic toilet seats, bedsores equivilent and the failure to repair those sores gives a kind of gloopy pus that dries forming a bond. Sheets have the same properties where patients grow into them.

    Depression and the continuing decline of her mental health combined with no impetous to alter her behaviour, no job, friends or family can easily let people slip into a waking coma state. At some point she had the option of facing up to the situation which would probably scare her to death, or spending another day in a lesser painful mental state and so each day passed.

  41. Alan Potter

    Not to read while having your tea

    Just a thought - her thighs and backside had sort-of melded with the toilet seat, which would pretty much make it a perfect seal. Also, at least for a while, her bowels would have been acting relatively normally so the toilet bowl must have started filling up to the point where it's actually in contact with her buttocks. And it's quite likely that at some point the smell and everything would make her vomit.

    And you know how a syphon works...

  42. James Marsack


    Why would anyone want to press charges on the boyfriend... he's the one trying to figure out how much rent she owes him for a 1x1 meter plot. Besides, you'd think her friends would have figured out the echo over the phone was not "poor reception" that she has claimed it was.

    I think the one question no one has asked yet is? How the hell did she ever plunge the toilet when it gets pluged?!?!

  43. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    @ everyone who cant see the joke....

    this sort of story is written the way it is for one reason.... not for any compassion, not for any sympathy.... but for everyone to take the piss out of... to make jokes. to make everyones day that little lighter so that we do not end up in a sorry state where we lock ourselves in the bog...

    of course there are the people who dont understand humour ot the concept of what a joke is for...

    if you didn't find any of the comments funny, or you found it offensive, considder it a tax against the jokes you do find funny.... becaue i bet it is at the expense of someone or somthing else...

    phew, i feel all flushed now....

    and just where is the IT angle....

  44. DAN*tastik
    Gates Halo

    Yeah, but what about animal welfare?

    I believe our little friends of the link below will be bored with eating the same stuff day in and day out.

    Such a thing would certainly not be allowed in New Zealand

    Bill Gates: mass producer of alternative food for the fellas of the link above

  45. Jon Minhinnick

    @ It's not even Friday

    It's Friday where I am, GMT+12. Summer, too. High tide at the beach today is 1.35 pm. Might take a dip at lunchtime...

  46. Sceptical Bastard

    @ Frank Bough

    I'm with Frank - my mind doesn't want to accept this story and wants it to go away.

    Just how much poo-related surealism can El Reg readers take in a day?

    (BTW, to those who "feel compassion" my good wishes - just don't come on high-minded and self-righteous when the rest of us enjoy a belly laugh at hapless freaks)

  47. Anonymous Coward
    Dead Vulture

    just curious

    was it fat or puss that held her hostage to that comfy comode?

    on the other hand how much did she weight in anyway? (porker, sea lion or orca?)

    btw compasion is bit over rated so get on with your lives you huggie feelee types.

  48. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    speaking of starfleet...

    did something like it happen to kirk?

  49. skeptical i

    Wotta woild.

    $5500/ hour prostitutes, Congresscritters adding telco immunity amendments to bills that cover mental health insurance, and now this. People ... are funny.

  50. Herby

    How did she eat?

    With the event taking over two years to come to an end (insert joke here), one wonders how the poor woman sustained herself. Someone had to supply her with food and water (the waste was taken care of). If one assumes that a sink was within arms reach (it was a bathroom) then the water could be supplied, but crikey, where did she get the cheeseburgers?

    While anything could be true, this stretches the limit. File this one in the urban legends category until further notice.

  51. Kiresh

    Surely this isn't true

    I mean how does any American go two years without a television?

  52. Anonymous Coward

    Fly-over country gene pool could use some mingling.

    Frank is right: this story must be purged from existence. That said, it shouldn't stop people from snickering at other, slightly less disturbingly hapless, Kansans. For instance, a single KSN News web page on this particular story (, with a grim picture of the home) bore links to:

    MAN ACCUSED OF HAVING SEX WITH A DOG PLEADS GUILTY ( The picture of the gent in question is worth admiring -- who says Brits have bad teeth? Sadly, no snap of the neighbor's Rottweiler, or even its name: must have been underage.



    [ OK, OK, that story was pretty disturbing, too. Jeebus wept. ]

    In fact, Mr. Haines might not need any other source for Friday IT stories.

    Anonymous, 'cuz laughing at just folks makes them yell Soooo-eee!

  53. JC

    @ Simon Ball

    Simon wrote:

    "US law is very clear � you can�t detain an adult, even temporarily, just because they�re behaving irrationally � they have to represent an imminent threat to their own or other people�s lives, or have comitted some form of crime, before that can be justified."

    Refusing to get off the toilet for two years to (feed oneself, bathe, prevent ones body from becoming permanently attached and rotting away sores, etc.) is an imminent threat to their own well being, and as we saw, as soon as the boyfriend came to his senses the authorities kept at it even though she had stated "she was OK and did not want to leave".

    If we wanted to look at the extended time period the alternate route would've been to have her declared incompetent due to not meeting life's basic requirements and then the matter is not of her choosing anymore.

    It's a shame when two people are so screwed up as this couple was, that she would prefer to be alone on a toilet and he would let this continue. I do think some charges should be brought against him for endangering her welfare by letting this go on for such an extended period. If you feel it wasn't endangering then tell us why she ended up at the hospital instead of, oh maybe a plumbing supply house to find a more comfortable toilet seat.

  54. Simon Ball


    If the authorities had any legal power, they wouldn't have had to keep trying to convince her - they'd could have just hauled her away. And the fact that a person ends up in hospital doesn't necessarily mean that their life is in danger. Who knows how much longer she could have continued to sit there without problems? I'm not saying that there aren't certain risks - DVT, necrosis, bacterial infection, etc. However, whether you agree with it or not (and there are plenty of people who have concerns about it) the law is clear; "welfare" isn't enough - there must be a direct, and imminant threat to the lives of the person in question and/or others. As long as her boyfriend continued to provide her with food, her life wasn't in imminant danger.

    The fact is that provided that you have people who support you, and you don't commit any form of crime or civil disturbance, you can reach quite extreme heights of ecentricity before the state has any legal basis for intervention. A free county is free for oddballs and wierdos as well.

  55. Ronan Tumelty

    Her boyfirend...

    What I don't get is why, if she spent two years on the toilet, he didn't 'dump' her?

  56. Robert Brockway

    @Simon Ball

    Simon, it is normal for the police to try to coax a mentally ill person to come along of their own free if it is feasible in the situation. This is the case even if they have the right to use force. It is just better for everyone involved. I know this as I am a former police officer and talked many mentally ill people in to the back of a police vehicle so they could be transported to hospital for treatment.

    Someone in her state was clearly a danger to herself due to an inability to provide for her own basic needs and the state had a right and a responsibility to act.

  57. Gordon

    Robert's right.

    Scrapping with the mentally ill is dangerous to all parties, and should be avoided unless absolutely necessary. Mostly they can be convinced to go with your, unless they're of the "raving attack dog" persuasion (there are a few, but not many). Druggies are usually more dangerous than the mentally ill.

    I dunno about the US but in the UK a police constable can arrest someone under sec136 of the Mental Health act if that person is a danger to themselves or others. But ONLY to move that person to "A place of safety" which is specifically NOT a police station - saving that this is an interim measure whilst somewhere suitable is found. Like Rob i'm an ex-copper and i've done it myself more than once. Very often if you show you're human and talk to them and gain their trust and respect they will co-operate.

  58. Andrew Kerr

    Movie in the works?

    The Producers of 'The Terminal' are proud to present 'The Loo' starring Jodie Foster (in a fat suit) and Tom Hanks.

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