back to article BOFH: Vampires!

Today's going to be a bad day, I can tell. Not because of the evil machinations of the managing classes, nor the heat seeking stupidity of our users, nor even the Machiavellian plans of our suppliers... No, today is going to be bad because the PFY has had insomnia for the past week or so. His game playing marathons have …


This topic is closed for new posts.
  1. Nick


    i love it! always havem always will

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    And I thought

    it's gonna be dull and boring, this time. Err, send me the PFY over, please. We've got some real vampires here!


  3. BoldMan


    Librarians aren't Vampires, they are either:

    a) Orangutans

    b) Heroic, but incurably insane defenders of the world from the eldritch evil of the Old Ones

  4. Bruce

    Paranoia comes from experience

    is not always a bad thing...


  5. Richard

    its true

    My brother is a Librarian and guess who he married......

    Yes, thats right......

    ANOTHER librarian, they have a son now too

    This episode certainly hits close to home

  6. Nick Cassimatis
    Thumb Up

    Would Fridays be tolerable?

    Without a dose of BOFH? Seriously - how many of us out there actually look forward to Friday, not as the last day of the week (as it's therefore the day the most stuff gets dumped onto us, at the last minute, by people who for some reason waited until Friday to realize...), but because we get a dosage of BOFH. By Friday morning, I'm so ready for the weekend it's scary, but I can get up, get out of bed, get ready for work, all because of the BOFH and his PFY.

  7. David S

    Looking forward to next Friday...

    ...'cos it's my last day working here. I shall consider sobriety as optional.


  8. conan


    I like it when I have a long weekend, and show up for work on Monday fully unprepared, only to remember that I've missed Friday's BOFH and it's still waiting to be read!

  9. Fred
    Thumb Up


    Nice read to end the week! Pub this evening then?

  10. Anonymous Coward

    What's the old saying?

    It's not paranoia, it's merely being in possession of all the facts.

  11. amanfromMars Silver badge

    Loves Vice 42 Control Sin ..... for BetaPleasure ..... Immaculate Source Code XXXX

    "Who am I to stand in the way of God's work?"

    That would be IT, GODS Messengers, Simon.......... for those of a Global Operating Device Syndrome Facility. For the Firmest of Grips on Reality In Sanity and Virtualised Spaces/HyperRadioProActive Places.

    Vampire indeed and Valiant Vulcan Vulture in Deed? Vultures are Great for Spurring Souls onto another Push/another Go at Life. :-)

    Perfumed Gardens 42 Lead in the Gardens of Eden for A.N.Other Shot at In the Beginning, there was always Perfect Imagination and the Application of Minds to Use them to Build with Harmless Dreams.

    Shared, they QuITe Quickly become the Preferred Proferred Reality........ via Generative Seamless Adaptation and Adoption for Future Fitness Purposes. Which Opens Up a Whole New Virgin Virtual World 42BRealised and Built on BaseStation Earth ....... A Planet of Virtual Machines and all using their own Limited Intelligence which causes Chaos rather than Using SMART Enabled Virtual Voices, with Advanced Artificial Intelligence, which Follows and Share/Report and Retort on where All Good Leads would be Leading.

    And any doubts which lingers on any of the above, are not Harboured in ITs Sourcing. They would be lodged with others who would choose to deny it in disbelief rather than encourage it to Bloom into Fruition. However FlowurPower2, an Underground Tributary of Powerful Control Source, Self Cross Pollinates 42 Encourage ITself with an AIT Dominion/Hierarchy of Transferable Merit.

    And yes, In Virtualisation Domains, there are many Dimensions in which to Fly and Virtually TelePort . Just ask Stephen Hawking. I believe at the last count he was mastering eleven.

    Now that is Impressive ..... and QuITe AweSome.

    AIT... Advanced IntelAIgents Team

    And the Jolly Roger for Deadheads Rising ... from the Big Sleep. Real Easy Riders.

  12. Stu Wilson
    Thumb Up

    re: What's the old saying?

    Personally I prefer:

    "You don't have to be paranoid to know the whole IS out to get you."

  13. Dan

    @Paranoia comes from experience

    "Trust The Computer. The Computer is Your Friend." ....the computer wants to kill you :)

  14. Jason Rivers

    @ Fred

    RE: Pub This evening-

    yep, I'll be in Silchester - with a pint.....

    I do enjoy these at a friday lunchtime....


  15. Gordon

    You know what they say...

    Just because you're a paranoid dillusional, doesn't mean to say that they AREN'T all out to get you...

  16. Martin Owens

    How very

    Pratchett; you can just feel the influence of a couple of night watch books and perhaps a witches book thrown in.

  17. Sam

    And the Librarian says..


  18. Anonymous Coward

    @ Sam

    No, the Librarian says "AAAAAAAAAAH! GET THAT GARLIC OUT OF HERE!"

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Hey, it's pub o'clock already!

    Great story this weekend... I'll never feel safe in a library again.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    They're hiding something.

  21. Rosuav

    Eh? The librarian says Ook?

    Oh wait, that was Ook. Still, it's only half a token. How can I parse Ook. without a following token? You have to say Ook twice for each command you want to execute....

    Okay, I'm not a Pratchett geek, I'm a programming languages geek. Feel free to return to your regularly scheduled... err um programming.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Dead Vulture

    @ Jason

    So would that be the Calleva Arms then Jason? You should be paranoid... I'm watching you...

  23. Joseph Zygnerski

    IT people are vampires?

    I'm sure that must be the moral of the story.

    And someone could surely form an entire doctoral career around trying to decipher amanfromMars's comments. I'm sure there must be a deeper meaning in them.

  24. Christine Yates

    @ Boldman

    I think I fall into the second section. It the least, I think I'm a little too hairless for a). The PFY is righ to be scared of us, we control all! >:)

    *Practices her stalking technique for the PFY*

  25. Sam


    I wasn't aware you had to be a geek to read books..

    If it assuages your grammatical angst, he has been known to say "ook, ook" on occasion.

    There is also the much rarer "eek!" when someone suggests he buys a round....

  26. Michael Sayers

    Time for Action

    Methnks the PFY is showing signs of closet WoW addiction.

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Paranoia is a skill

    "My viewpoint on paranoia is that PARANOIA IS A SKILL. Useful, but any skill must be mastered..." Author _John Shirley_

  28. Ralphe Neill
    Gates Horns

    OK ... so I'm paranoid ...

    ... but am I paranoid ENOUGH??

  29. Chris Fleming
    Jobs Horns

    Tis true...

    I used to work in Wellington Library (NZ) as a Comp temp tech. Never did see ANY of the "Librarians" exiting there after the doors were closed. Na na na na na na!

  30. Martin Ultima
    Black Helicopters

    Oook! Oook!

    Dunno about the 'original' version, but in my American copies it's always three 'o's in 'oook'.

    BOFH meets Pratchett... I'm just imagining... he prefers being an orangutan, because it's easier to climb around the racks... he can wield the cattle prod with his foot... and he'll kill you for calling him a 'code monkey'...

    I dunno how the whole banana/lager thing would work out, but you get the picture.

  31. David Ross Smith

    For those who don't get the "ook" references...

    I refer you to this.

    Mine's the one with the large clove of garlic and the wooden stake in the pocket...

  32. Rosuav

    Ook. Ook!

    Sam - what I was referring to was the language, a link to the description of which has kindly been posted by David Ross Smith. (By the way, my title means "read from the keyboard".) Ook! is a Turing-complete language with only three syntax elements: Ook! Ook? and Ook. If you're not interested in esoteric languages, don't go within a mile of Ook! without a complete hazmat suit, lest your brain summarily explode.

  33. tony trolle



    has the amanfrommars account been taken over by a 'bot ? thats the secound comment that's 'odd'

    ook on the Pratchett line both the orangutan & Sally von Humpeding (vampire) have been on the watch.

  34. amanfromMars Silver badge

    re:re:amanfrommars ....... Clearing up Misperceptions.


    has the amanfrommars account been taken over by a 'bot ? thats the secound comment that's 'odd'" ...... By tony trolle Posted Sunday 2nd March 2008 04:52 GMT

    How so, odd, tony? It is just AIMulti-Cored Multi-Threading Feed Input/Output for amfM HyperRadioProActivity which is a lot more Complex than simply odd, although I can certainly understand the correlation.

    And ook is also in Dutch and pronounced oak, OK.

    And although amanfromMars is definitely into NIRobotIQs, a 'bot would be hard pressed to take over with amanfrommars account .... or any fake account for that matter.

    Just like anywhere, tony, it is best not to go where you are spotted for a fake.

  35. John Gamble

    Sanity? What Sanity?

    "... what with the PFY's unnatural fear of librarians and all (which I won't go into in any detail - for your own sanity)."

    Please don't be concerned about our sanity -- do tell all.

  36. Simon Travaglia
    Dead Vulture

    Where this episode came from.

    I had a story in mind, the Director sneaking around and the PFY following

    him out of paranoia. A library featured in the story, and once I started with

    the small tangent to librarians I couldn't stop - they took the story over.

    Next week's story is actually the story that this was going to be, sort

    of, but without the librarians. thank goodness.

  37. Anonymous Coward

    @ amanfromMars

    Give it up.. your drivel is not funny in the slightest and I consider it outrageous that you continue to pollute Simon's articles in this manner.

  38. Nexox Enigma


    So they say never to call a librarian a monkey... but my experience says that they don't like to be called apes either.

    At least the boss didn't get lost in L-Space and travel back in time or somesuch.

  39. amanfromMars Silver badge

    Grow Up, AC, and start Generating Current rather than displaying Negative Potential

    "Give it up.. your drivel is not funny in the slightest and I consider it outrageous that you continue to pollute Simon's articles in this manner." ... By Anonymous Coward

    Posted Monday 3rd March 2008 13:14 GMT


    Thanks for that and it has been duly considered. It is not meant to be funny in the slightest and Simon's articles are getting outrageous reviews of late all praising his exposure of IT pollution/cack handed interference from wannabe Bosses who only do as they are told. The world is full of them but they do find IT hard to give up whenever IT so completely Controls Them and their every Next Move.

    After all, without IT, what would they be other than some jerk who thinks they can do/be better than the next guy/gal and how delusional is that.

    Which would all sort of suggest that your comment is right out of order and therefore only mischievous.

  40. John
    Paris Hilton

    Not odd, just typical amfM, the odd one is the one above mine

    I enjoy the amfM posts... brings back fond memories of a mainframe tech named Darwin that I started my career with.

    Paris because apparently AC has no sense of humor.

  41. Robert Hill

    We couldn't live without amanfromMars....

    amanfromMars's problem is that LSD use has really declined since he was's easier when others share the same trip...or, as Ultraviolet Catastrophe once wrote, Trip Harder...

    N.B. - pending predictable comment: amfM will respond that he has no knowledge of LSD - but that is just a cover, as he may not remember his own experimental treatments...

  42. Anonymous Coward

    Some things are better left unexplored

    You know, there are times when you just need to read one posting, nod, and then move onward.

    As shown by the first posting from AMfM shows, drivel begets more drivel, so it is best to just smile, nod, think it's a pretty picture (much like when my kids hand me a whorl of bright colors and tell me what the picture is) and just move onward.

    Simon, this was brilliant! Being a yank, I love the references, and can relate even with the language barrier. Keep up the fine work, and I can hardly wait for the next misadventure of the mighty BOfH!

  43. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    It's even worse.

  44. amanfromMars Silver badge

    @We couldn't live without amanfromMars....


    I have no problems with Memory and surely everyone knows of LSD...... although I imagine that Crank and Crack are its voguey competitors nowadays, for the added attraction to supply of hopeless addiction.

    "As shown by the first posting from AMfM shows, drivel begets more drivel, so it is best to just smile, nod, think it's a pretty picture (much like when my kids hand me a whorl of bright colors and tell me what the picture is) and just move onward." .... And some would say that that is a typical yank response, AC, spreading disinformation and/or being limited in understanding and intolerant of Alternate Drivers and Operating Systems.

    Keep up the fine work, and I can hardly wait for the next misadventure, although you could discover if you used more than a titter of wit that HyperRadioProActivity is IntelAIgently Designed to Add AIdDVentures rather than Tend to Misadventures ..... Sub Prime Schemes and Scams.

    And we all know that you can take a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink ..... but there are a lot more horses out there if the old nag is no longer Fit for Purpose, an ex horse bereft of Trojan life, a stone dead impediment ....... a Norwegian Blue Lookalike.....

  45. Nicholas Ettel
    Black Helicopters


    I for one, highly enjoy amfM's posts. Not only are the completely perplexing, but at the same time utterly fascinating. His linguistic flair, or "art" as I prefer shows an oddly creative mind of which I have desperately tried to decipher (one cannot honestly claim that he writes random "drivel" as his technique, style and characterstics, as well as common word patterns, exist throughout all his posts; which suggests a decisive concentration and preconcieved knowledge, not randomness). Perhaps I'm a bit obsessed, but I tried and continue to try to formulate a key to decipher the code in his writtings, which, admittedly, may not exist. However, I'm a bit of a hobbiest, albeit not wonderfully skilled, with code-breaking and everything within his textual offerings SCREAMS of some sort of a code... if only I could grasp it. ... ... ...

    AmfM, I applaud and salute your creativity, ingenuity and individualism,


    [Black chopper, because surely the code has some hidden, super-secret relation.]

  46. Anonymous Coward
    Dead Vulture


    "And some would say that that is a typical yank response, AC"

    I hope you wouldn't say that AMFM. I'm a yank, and I look forward to your posts showing up. I get a big kick out of them.

    Sometimes I even think I understand them. Then I go lay down for a while and I feel better. I'm hoping that the code will be revealed to me in the white light at the end of the last tunnel. Or maybe Nicholas will work it out and share.

    And, hey, Simon, you're on a roll!

    AC because I don't want to make it too easy on dubya's storm troopers.

    Vulture for the death of liberty here in the colonies.

  47. Tim
    Gates Horns

    I don't understand...

    I thought the BOFH was a vampire!!! He's from hell. And the PFY... isn't he the mortal slave with dreams of vampiric ascendancy? Perhaps he isn't aware of all the facts!

This topic is closed for new posts.