Nude Marilyn Monroe flambés dog, serves atop fire extinguisher

A particularly militant anti-smoker doused his girlfriend with the contents of a fire extinguisher on Sunday. The 42-year-old German lost it after his squeeze refused to stop smoking in his apartment. You applauded and derided him: I gave up the weed years ago and have periodically felt smugly superior for my triumph. Alas, …

[Anonymous Coward]

Haggis on the loose?

From the article:

"Smart man. I find the same thing usually works with haggis substituted'

So you say "I'll make supper tonight, there's quite a few stray haggises around here"?

No wonder people don't let you near the knife rack or anything hot...

[Ginger]

Haggis

Honestly, it's not often you see enough stray haggis around the area to make one for dinner

[Anonymous Coward]

Haggis. Different indeed.

A Chihuawhatever is hardly to be considered as a threat, whereas with a haggis it would clearly have been a "eat it before it eats you" case. Killing (and subsequently eating, for the bravests) the damn thing would thus be much more justified. IMHSVHO.

[Anonymous Coward]

What kind of haggis?

The plains haggis is pretty docile whereas the long and short legged mountain haggis is a vicious predator and only the truly dumb would actually hunt one for supper.

[Miles Bader]

less filling

Come now, Haggis is delicious, but one of the densest foodstuffs known to mankind; a couple of bites and you're set for a week. A Chihuahua, on the other hand, hardly seems filling at all, more of a snack.

Also, the Haggis is cuter.

[tony trolle]

Farm Haggis

Very hard to get wild haggis, most are farmed. In general as most Highland & Lowland breeds are either left or right handed (based on the longest leg) to go around mountains level at a speed faster than a man can run. Farmed haggis are cloned in much the same way as cattle from 'sports' which have legs roughly the same length.

[cor]

So when did you last see....

.. Paris Hilton with a haggis in her handbag?

[Martin Huizing]

Endangered species?

I was under the impression that country-side haggis was on the endangered list and could not be hunted. Sea haggis on the other side are plentiful, although there are some treehuggers (way to ruin a party) that are seabound trying to save a few.

Paris Hilton might have something to say about that!

[stuart Thompson]

Haggises

Surely the plural of haggis is haggis?

Answers on a sheep's stomach bag

Mines the disgusting one

[Anonymous Coward]

The mountain haggis

The trick with the long and short legged haggis is to force it to run around the mountain the wrong way, at which point it will fall down and then you only need to worry about its razor sharp teeth and steely inch-thick hide. Farmed haggis may be easier to source but nothing beats the satisfaction of showing off the stitches at suppertime when people are tucking into the haggis you bested fairly.

Paris because she knows this is all true.

[Charles Manning]

Chihuahua kills Rottweiler in dog fight

True story. Read it on the internet.

The chihuahua got stuck in the rottweiler's throat and it choked to death.

[Tom Austin]

Uneducated responses

@Charles Manning

Did the chihuahua make it? (Can't find the story via Google, just a lot of jokes...)

@Stuart Thompson

I thought haggis came from the original Latin haggus, therefore technically wouldn't the plural would be haggii?

Paris, because everything is questionable today,

[Shakje]

Re: Uneducated responses

Of course, you weren't just trying to look clever by mentioning Latin or it could just be from grabbing the first entry in Google under "haggis plural". The origin is unknown but is thought to be French. Plural is haggises, clearly.

[Ross]

I was looking for...

I was looking for a good example of an oxymoron...

[True story. Read it on the internet]

[Tom Austin]

Re: Uneducated responses

Haggises / haggii were originally French??? I'd confirm that by checking on the internet, but that could be oxymoronic...

(Sorry, job a little dull today.)

...still worried about the chihuahua, btw.

[Anonymous Coward]

@Tom Austin

I'll just assume you're taking the piss out of the old mistake people make with using thw "virii" when they really mean "viruses" but are trying to be smart (but fail). The latin would need to be "haggius" to have the plurial "haggii". The plural for "haggus" would, of course, be "haggi".

/not-as-big-as-big-jock-but-bigger-than-middle-jock-jock