Jedi to open Surrey academy Wannabe Jedi Knights are advised to brush up on their lightsaber techniques, dust off their copy of the Jedi Handbook, and get down to Surrey, where two Star Wars aficionados have announced their intention to open a training centre dedicated to promoting the popular alternative religion. The plan is the brainchild of Daniel …
Well, I can't see the difference between basing a religion on some fictitious, fanciful notion portrayed in a work of fiction, and any other religion (which tend to be fictitious, fanciful notions portrayed in works of fiction)
Oh, actually, I can think of one difference - I'm guessing the Jedi folk won't be trying to subjugate and control the masses in order to fuel their own personal megalomaniac tenancies.
21 years old?
A certain Mr Pegg has a few things to say about this:
"...You don't know what it was like, you weren't there at the beginning, you don't know how important it was...
<Bailey> But what about the Ewoks, they were rubbish...
...Jah Jah Binks makes the Ewoks look like fucking Shaft!"
21 year old Jedi master my fucking arse.
BTW it IS only a film...
"Well, I can't see the difference between basing a religion on some fictitious, fanciful notion portrayed in a work of fiction, and any other religion"
Obviously neither do the scientologists *sigh*
Then theres the bible... We all remember what happened when they found the first page...
"Good evening. Here is the news on Friday, the 27th of Geldof. Archeologists near Mount Sinai have discovered what is believed to be a missing page from the Bible. The page is currently being carbon-dated in Bonne. If genuine, it belongs at the beginning of the Bible and is believed to read, "To my darling Candy. All characters portrayed within this book are fictitous and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental." The page has been universally condemned by church leaders."
George Lucas on the other hand... Now just because the stories were delivered to him in the company of Ewoks by a gold plated android does not mean they are any less real!
While it was "just a film", putting 'Jedi' on one's census was a good way to register a protest at the government's plans to turn us into a religious state. When people really <i>do</i> take it seriously, though, we secularists have a problem. Any suggestions as to how we can register a protest at the next census?
Given when I see multi-faith charts I dont see Jedi upon them.
When somebody goes to do jury service, no copy of Star Wars can be found to allow a Jedi to swear in so they a forced to afirm.
Well, given those two facts alone, how long until they sue for descrimination, as for me it will put the whole relegion thing into perspective.
Actually, if it's just about becoming a better person through martial arts, meditation, and general self-improvement, I think you'll find a rather large number of martial arts schools throughout the country can already teach this, with the added bonus of genuine expert (read older, more experienced) instructors.
Not the kick-boxing places that just teach you to kick and punch, obviously, but find a decent Wu Shu, Bushido school etc and you're in business.
I think it's just a cheap trick to get high ranking jobs in the police...
Because that's the only way these guys will ever get to "use the force".
BTW: "Paris, cos we need a Paris Academy.. no wait, that's over in Essex" -- NO, that /is/ Essex.
Mine is the brown robe hanging next to that purple light-sabre.
are they teaching lightsabre techniques?? I mean, really, HOW??
"OK, imagine this stick is actually a lightsabre. Now I'm going to teach you certain techniques that would only work if it WAS a lightsabre, and you also have telekinetic Force powers. Which of course you do."
As a martial artist, I want to sit in on one of these just for the grins.
Just how the hell do you train using a technology that doesn't exist? And those Jedi mind tricks? How many of those geeks are going to get the living crap beaten out of them because they ignored the second half of their fight or flight response in favour of pseudo-mind control when face-to-face with their enemies? Spare us.
"On the next census, we could all put Neo/The One"
Shouldn't that be 'the path of Neo'?
How about 'the way of Gordon'? - just in case the Combine *do* turn up...
Or (my personal favourite) 'Kama Sutra; make love not war' - bringing about global peace through spreading the love in a variety of interesting ways...
Mine's the one with the jumbo pack of Durex in the pocket...
You could try "Bright" (http://www.the-brights.net/)
Anyhoo. Sounds like an excuse for a bit of a laugh. Can't honestly see them trying to use their "powers" for real, and it's a reasonable way to find a bunch of like-minded people to have a giggle with down the pub. In my younger days I'd probably have been up for it myself...
Praise Bob indeed.
I think it's not a bad idea- if they are truly promoting peace and order - hopefully not with a blend of Lucas-style capitalism. I say go for it, but I think the usage of the word 'church' is probably a bad idea. Not only does it suggest some hidden Christian undertone, it may turn people away by association of the word. Jedi Temple, being the description used within the star wars universe, would seem to me to have been a better choice.
At the end of the day, Jedi, Scientology, Christian etc. are all just a label used to try and describe what someone believes in a general context. Whilst in this day and age, it's become very popular to ridicule all religions, actually having a belief and living to a better moral code is nothing to be ashamed of.
They're not actively trying to turn others to their beliefs, nor do they seem to be trying to con people out of their money. All in all, rather benign and not worth worrying about!
From my understanding, neuro-linguistic programming isn't so much "these are not the droids you're looking for; move along" as choosing words, tones, etc to diffuse a situation.
It works, but then from experience so does pointing over their shoulder, shouting "UNEXPECTED SHEEP!" and legging it to a taxi rank.
And Lightsaber technique would be, I'd assume, similar to the swordsmanship techniques of old. Except with a pretty powerful gyroscope in the handle to make it a little more "realistic".
As someone further up said, imagine the LOTR equivalent... "right, wear these furry slippers and carry this nice heavy osmium ring round your neck, then lets walk for a week or two.", or nights out where 20 furry-slippered nerds shuffle up to the bar, order a few lagers and declare loudly "IT COMES IN PINTS?!"
no.we cant give them real lightsabers.. but i do believe they need to spar with live steel, sharpened to as fine an edge as possible. real lightsabres are deadly. we owe it to their training to make it as realistic as possible. not only will the steel inflict injury, but as they are being used for lightsabre simulation, any limb suffering a wound will be amputated and the stump cauterized. in case of a torso or head injurty, the wounded trainee will be killed in an object lesson designed to teach the students how deadly serious the use of a lightsabre is, encouraging them to focus on peaceful resolutions to problems
Tsk tsk keep that comment to the Wiccan's. Don't include the Pagans and Witches in there. (Big difference between us and Wiccans.) And yes some do believe in some weird rubbish, but some of us (Traditional Witches for example) believe in more sensible things.
Fair point about the political parties though. lol
So - you're a witch then?
At this point I am very eager to hear in great detail all about the "sensible things" you believe in. Not because I'm interested, but more for the inevitable onslaught of derision that only Reg readers can unleash.
Game on.
PS - please don't put a spell on me via the magic of TCP/IP
UNEXPECTED SHEEP is brilliant!
A friend of my father used to get into cricket matches through the members' entrance by saying "PRENATAL BIRTH" quickly. Simply befuddle people and their linguistic centres crash and need to reboot. I hear unexpected quotes of Shakespeare help in this respect.
My judo teacher allways said doing the 100 m (714.28571 lg) dash in 12 seconds or less was the best self-defense, but first resetting your opponents brain helps a treat.
@ Adrien
that would be "Murphyite" (anything that can go wrong, will), and for the devout practitioner, "High-Church Murphyite" (most things go wrong, given time - consider a government, any government...).
technologists have a special affinity for the way of Murphy, because we study and maintain arcane, complex systems for a living. engineers used to be the only known practicing Murphyites, but progress and entropy have made the faith much more pervasive.
...bestowed upon them the title of Jedi Master exactly, did Lucas pop over and give them his blessing!?
Anybody have a midichlorian counter gadget I could borrow?
They may not currently be as insidious as the Scientologist nuts, but they sound like a bunch of chancers out to extort cash from certain fat people, you know, ones who feature in internet video virals poncing around with plastic light sabers. This IS how scientology started out.
...But I suppose its no different to handing your cash over to Linden Labs or Blizzard entertainment.
Obviously the Sith courses would be Knight classes....
PS Since my longer answer didn't get through:
Frasier, I completely agree (is the sarcasm tag on?)! How DARE grown ups have fun and play about!!! We are meant to be SERIOUS and SENSIBLE grown ups! Leave playing for the children!!!!
My point was that if they are 21 they aren't old enough to truly appreciate Star Wars and probably saw the one with Jah Jah Binks first, or something. I, however, saw 'A New Hope' in the cinema... Admittedly some knowledge of Spaced would help understand what I was on about.
I still stand by my <ahem> borrowed comment regarding to Jah Jah Binks.
"Any suggestions as to how we can register a protest at the next census?"
Two possibilities come to mind; one is the Disciples of St. Vidicon, or Vidiconite in the vernacular. This one you may be able to look up at your local purveyor of printed matter.
The other is Caledonian Universal Nihilist Trappists, and I'll leave it to the Gentle Reader to figure out the common abbreviation.
of the Murphyites believe that the High Church Murphyites are optimists of the highest order. Maxwellians are very devout and can often be heard talking to God in hushed tones when accountants and HR people are presenting their vission of the future.
Paris, because her time in jail proved that simple machines CAN go wrong.
@ Haywood
funny, the High Church Murphyites say the same thing about the Maxwellians, because the High Church teaches not the existence of the Sky Fairy (God). it kinda makes sense, because if (S)He/(It) existed, one could pray to the omnipotent and omniscient Sky Fairy for more optimal results. this theory is not supported by empirical evidence, and flies in the face of the High Church creed.
i'm with the High Church on this one; personally, i'd have to be much more of an optimist to believe in a Sky Fairy.
Morely Dotes wrote:
"Two possibilities come to mind; one is the Disciples of St. Vidicon, or Vidiconite in the vernacular. This one you may be able to look up at your local purveyor of printed matter."
Cathodian, actually...
http://vidicon.dandello.net/vidicon.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Vidicon
Pre-smoke-test prayer;
"Saint Vidicon of Cathode protect me from Murphy" while making the ohm sign on your chest with the thumb of your right hand and following it with the 'Thumbs Up' sign.
I plead way too many years of boring graveyard shift relieved by copious amounts of SF of which Stasheff's works played a part.
It's the insulated Black Coveralls with the White Collar and little yellow screwdriver in the right breast pocket, thanks...
Your disbelief in a higher power is based on the assumption that said higher power is benevolent, all-powerful, understands and faithfully answers all prayers, and is not prone to practical jokes.
Any Murhpyite should know that if there is, in fact, a powerful spirit able to act on behalf of humans, that He or She does not always do so according to the wishes of the Murhpyite in question. If He or She does help sometimes but not always (for whatever reason), the help will stop at the worst possible time. If He or She opposes your goal intermittently, the opposition will likewise come at the worst possible time. If humor is involved, your goals will be squashed when it is found by the deity in question to be most humorous, which is typically when it causes the Murphyite the most problems.
Therefore, a true Murphyite should know that the question of any deity not under supplication to the Murphyite is moot, as the Rule of Murphy will determine the interaction of the deity with the Murhpyite. How could it be otherwise, as the true Murphyite believes in the Rule of Murphy as an absolute?
True. I know a LOTR fan who overshoots any Jedi fan.
@Gabor Laszlo: I am the Kwisatz Haderach!
@Fraser: I'm 26, and while 2 out of 3 movies were already out, I was able to watch the *entire trilogy* on the big screen, sometime around 1985. Which is definitely more bearable than the 10+ hour LOTR trilogy. And I've also seen "Spaceballs", which seems to be unknown to newer generations :)
Protests on census: Try "Pastafarianism", "Sith", or "Schwartz". Personally, I'd go for "Spockism": LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!! ;)
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