back to article Suicidal moose descends on Alaska

You might say it was raining cats and moose. Minus the cats. On February 2, as reported by Anchorage Daily News, a swing-shift state trooper named Howard Peterson was motoring down the Seward Highway when he was nearly killed by a falling moose. At first, he thought the moose was a rock that looked like a moose. But the moose …


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  1. Owen Sweeney

    Now that

    was an amoosing tale.

  2. Chris Morrison

    A Moose?

    "he was nearly killed by a falling moose"

    I've seen a fair few moose in my day. There forever scampering around the corn fields and I've even had the odd one in my hoose. BUt I aint ever seen a moose big enough to crush a car. That must be some crazy moose. My wee field moose would run away terrified!

    Was the cat chasing the moose? Did the cat land okay? Did it eat the moose?

  3. Glynn Williams

    And now for something completely different...

    Like falling Llama's or something...

    Mine's the moose-hair jacket towards the back

  4. Im_Gumby

    Wi not trei a holiday in Alaska this yer ?

    See the loveli lakes

    The wonderful telephone system

    And mani interesting furry animals

    Including the majestic moose

    I'll get my coat 'cause Alaska's freakin cold.

  5. Steve B

    You missed the best bit.

    "one of the charities that salvage road kill"

    the mind boggles, but I presume they eat them as there is not much else you can salvage.

    This is an opportunity we are missing out on in the UK as dead animals on the roadside remain until the bones are bleached.

  6. Rory Webber


    That 'moose't have been a bit of a shock!

    Mine's the fur one with the antlers......

  7. Clive Galway

    Tut Tut

    You missed the obvious pun

    No one is quite sure what happened - It's a moose-tery.

  8. Mark Warman


    The moose't important moose-story of the day...

  9. Derry Thompson


    A Møøse once bit my sister ...

    No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace toothbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink".

    We apologise for the fault in the comments. Those responsible have been sacked.

  10. Mike Smith

    So Lord Rockingham was right then...

    .. when he said, "Hoots mon! There's a moose loose aboot this hoose!"

    However, I note that the story fails to mention if it this occurred on a braw bricht moonlicht nicht. Sloppy journalism indeed.

  11. JimC


    I can't believe no-one has said plummet yet. And its such a good word. The sort of word you can relish whilst getting your coat...

  12. Matt Bradley
    IT Angle

    Banned by Google

    This article is almost certain to have overstepped the acceptable limits for keyword density. Don't expect to ever be seen in any SERPS for the search term "Moose".

    And there's your IT angle.


  13. Mike Tree

    They live a quiet life in Alaska

    This is what count's as news!

  14. Chris Morrison


    Found a website that explains the roadkill salvage a bit more. I think this is a hippie buddhist website but it's just a copy from a press statement on the page.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    @ Steve B

    Probably they clear them out of the way - I'm sure a dead moose still represents a hazard to oncoming traffic, particularly in low visibility weather.

    Screw the IT angle, where's the Paris angle? Paris and moose. What a video *that* would make...

  16. TeeCee Gold badge

    Now *that's* what you call....

    ....a near moose.

    Coat and the heavy-duty, reinforced umbrella please.

  17. Adrian Waterworth
    Black Helicopters

    Just for JimC

    And I quote:

    "Notice that they do not so much fly, as...plummet."

    You're right. Wonderful word.

    Black helicopters, just in case the moose fell out of one...

  18. Lukin Brewer

    It is moi belief...

    ...that this moose is labouring under the misapprehension that it is a bird. Firstly, notice its tendency to hop about on its hoind legs. Also, witness its attempts to flutter from tree to tree. Notice that it does not so much flutter as plummet.

    *Mooooooo doink!*

  19. Marvin the Martian
    Dead Vulture

    Big friday night fryup tonite!

    I have an edition of the Roadkill Cookbook; it has no moose-recipes but I suppose it can be substituted for reindeer? We'll soon know.

  20. Dr. Mouse


    It was playing moose-ical chairs?

  21. Sergiu Panaite

    I'm waiting...

    ...for the eBay auction.

    "One stiff moose, some cosmetic damage, doesn't bounce, edible. Sold as seen, delivery by air drop."

    (flak jacket, please)

  22. JCL

    Moose fantastic recipes

    @Marvin the Martian - I've eaten elk, but not moose. Apparently they can get a bit gamey, so a bit of marinading wouldn't go amiss. There is a recipe for jellied moose nose at that could be useful. You have to make sure you scald the nose with boiling water so you can get the loosened hairs out easily. There's a few others on that site including meatballs that would be good if the moose had splattered somewhat...

  23. xyz Silver badge
    Black Helicopters

    Was it related to that cow...?

    I seem to remember a few months ago, El Reg reported a suicidal cow that dove off a cliff (from a smilar height) onto someone's car and in the same part of the world.

    Is that a helicopter I don't hear?

    Or was it a dream...?

  24. Mark Lockwood

    @Marvin the Martian

    You've never eaten moose? It's fantastic. Chocolate's my favourite

    Please pass me my coat and a blamonge . Ta

  25. Ishkandar


    Elk is the American word for moose since Americans have difficulty with more than three letters in a word !! I had lots of lovely moose steaks in Norway.

    And please, reindeer are cute little creatures with slim horns. Moose are bloody great things with large spades,complete with pointy bits at the ends, on its head !! You seriously don't want to know what a moose can do to you with them pointy spades !!

    Mine's the polar bear fur coat with the wolf skin hood, thanks !!

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    While we're on the subject...

    "There's nowt so dangerous as a clever Moose".

  27. Alan White

    Moose loose

    A moose-ti-flying case.

  28. Gareth Morgan


    I wouldn't eat that - it would be a moose-steak.

  29. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    What an IT story!

    Here's the IT Angle. The moose had a faulty GPS system with Maps NOT updated. SO it used Windows Computer to navigate its way and the Moou'se sent him the wrong way and all hell FROZE in the PC (Being Alaska). Called M/soft Customer services, who told him those maps were illegal (since Google provided them- could not be supported). The Moose got angry FLEW into a rage, took flight and ended up on poor sods roadside (nearly killing him), who counted his blessings and wrote a story for the evening newspaper!

    Phew, hairs breadth escape, and Miracles do happen!

  30. Dave

    I think I've

    Moosed the point with all the puns

  31. Chris Hawkins

    Many Mooseteries in Alaska

    Moose Hi-jinks seem to be the norm up there!


  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Deja vu

    We've been here before

  33. Craig Edwards

    fell off the mountain!

    The moose fell off the huge mountain by the side of the seward highway! :)

  34. Dan
    IT Angle

    Lots of comments

    And they say IT people are overworked.

    Anyone who posts here or makes ridiculous moose 'jokes' has too much time on their hands, and moose't be sacked.

    Oh, wait a minute...

  35. Ray

    Movie rights?

    It'd be a mooset see.

    /runs, ducks

  36. John Cobb

    Moose and Elk

    Love the jokes and the Monty Python references.

    However, Moose and Elk are different animals. Elk look more like stags, while moose antlers are more palmate in shape.


    Elk (known also as Wapiti):

  37. C

    methinks there is still a law on the books

    "It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane."

    Then again if one could entice it to charge out on its own ... that would be Mooste funny .. err I mean acceptable.

    But, the law did not mention black helicopters.

    also .. "It is considered an offense to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose."

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    I do believe...

    That Bullwinkle was just trying to keep up with squirrel, who was on the track of another great mystery.

  39. Kurt Guntheroth

    The Lieutenant Thinks It's Murder

    Perhaps it wasn't suicide after all. What if the moose was...pushed.

  40. Ryan Greenaway
    Paris Hilton

    After every Moose death, moost follow...

    a Llama death.

    Be prepared people, The Dancing llama's, their make up team and agents are all looking for their chance to make the news. Could it be that these event are linked to the Suicide squad from Monty Python's Life of Brian? Perhaps, the ghost of Graham Chapman, pushed this moose. Sounds Plausible!

    As Mulder said "Keep watching the skies", although I'm not sure he would have followed it up with "for falling cows, moose's or Llama's".

  41. Anonymous Coward

    Mooset get 'em right, or elks.

    @John Cobb

    "However, Moose and Elk are different animals. Elk look more like stags"

    This is another one of those transatlantic thangs.

    A Scandinavian Elk _is_ a 'merkin Moose. (Alces Alces)

    A 'merkin Elk (Cervus canadensis) is just a wannabe. Or a wapiti. Same difference.

  42. evilbobthebob


    It should have read "mooosestepped"?

  43. Andy Bright

    Moose stop for traffic lights

    Yes really, in some of the smaller cities not only have Moose been captured on CCTV wandering into hospitals and supermarkets or playing in sprinklers - but have been seen stopping for red lights, which in my mind debunks the myth they're oversized lemmings. Apparently they learned through trial and error that the red light means large vehicles coming fast.

    As for the Canadian language comments, weird, because Alaska is actually a US state. Point of fact you'd be more accurate doing a GW impression what with all the Texans digging up every patch of ground looking for oil. "Let's split Alaska in two so we can make Texas the 3rd largest state."

    The unofficial state bird is the mosquito. Anyone that's been here during the summer will understand.

    Cold? We have all four seasons I'll have you know - June, July, August and Winter.

    So yeah, come up here to see the majestic mountains, watch glaciers crash into the sea, travel down colourful rivers (minerals and all that), catch king salmon - then get run over by a moose and eaten by a bear.

    Telephones? We have the best communications system in the country. No bandwidth throttling or limited downloads in Alaska. My 7Mbit connection has been rock solid for over 3 years. No inconsistent Comcast bullshit, if you pay for 7Mbits, you get 7Mbits and the only variation in speed is upwards.

  44. Marc Lawrence


    Well I heard that after having to return so many faulty X-Box 360's, Santa had decided to invest in new flying creatures which had more pulling power than poor old Rudolphe. Guess he forgot to check their flying specifications...

  45. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Moose, meat, raw (Alaska Native)

    The USDA National Nutrient Database for Standard Reference reckons moose is quite healthy.

    A 275 gram raw moose-steak contains only 4 grams of fat and 283kCal

    mmmmm... moose...

  46. mark11727

    With apologies to Groucho...

    Hello, I moost be going.

    I cannot stay,

    I came to say

    I moost be going.

    I'm glad I came

    but just the same

    I moost be going.

  47. Nawve Eliyahu-Yehoshua Cohein Gadol Ben-Malchezadek

    Idiots, all of you.

    I live in Alaska and can tell you that I have nothing but sympathy for all of you folks. Here in Alaska we enjoy so much freedom and seperation from you guys that we are virtually a different country, 50 miles from former Soviet Union at our closest point, yet approx. 2,500 miles from the continental United States at your closest point,THANK GOD. You dont even realize that the phrase "United States of America" is a falsehood, there is no "United States of America", although there is a "Unity State of The Americas," don't worry, I won't call you stupid if you can't understand, just think about it for a minute instead of your next Quad Breve'. Do any of you realize that stuck as you are, within your cities and apartments; that if the trucking industry were to be shut down %80 of you will have turned to cannabalism within 72 hours, while the rest of you will be meat, which once again is nonsustainable. You are stuck in a toxic environment where even your air is so poisoned that it is as if you grew up smoking cigars or huffing toxic effluent. Your ecosystems (Cities) are shot and are made for immediate gratification, and if you look closely (whereas I can see it from all the way up here in Alaska) you will see that your downfall is your continual mental masturbation, i.e. you see it, want it, you get it, which is once again nonsustainable because of the aspect that once it no longer exists you're screwed, it is simply because of the fact that you take and take and never give back, never grow your own food, ( this statement is intended for those of you who are inner-city dwellers, which make up the greatest portion of the population, and not for you micro-agriculturists who are contributors, to you I say thank you and keep up the good work.) do any of you even know how to grow your own food? I and most other individuals here live off of our own food, I grow bananas in our greenhouse (Raja Puri and Cavandish, as well as Kiwi, Carob, Apples, Grapes, Hierloom Tomatos, and tons of vegies, all STRICTLY HIERLOOM ORGANICS. WE are the fountain head from which you recieve a great portion of the purifying aspects in your society. I see that in most of your homes that you may have at the best, silk or paper flowers, the occasional rubber tree or helicopter plant, but nothing edible. I pity you and pray that you wont leave a big pile of trash behind when you move on.


    Nawve Eliyahu-Yehoshua Cohein Gadol Ben-Malchezadek

  48. Rhys
    Thumb Up

    @ Ishkandar

    Moose and elk are different species.

    Elk and Wapiti are the same.

    hope this helps :D

  49. Dr Patrick J R Harkin
    Black Helicopters

    Could it have been...

    ...a CIA orbital spy moose? I've heard one of those is due to come down due to orbital deacy sometime soon.

  50. Tom Austin
    Paris Hilton

    @Nawve Eliyahu-Yehoshua Cohein Gadol Ben-Malchezadek

    I think you've moose-takenly posted to the wrong forum.

    Paris, coz she's a moose.

  51. Tom Austin

    @Dr Patrick J R Harkin

    The tragic outcome of an orbital moose from a decaying orbital trajectory...

    ...or an unfortunate harbinger of the descending vanguard of our new moose overlords?

  52. Anonymous Coward

    @Nawve Eliyahu-Yehoshua Cohein Gadol Ben-Malchezadek

    No no no no no.

    You're looking for the "Lazy O' Magic Circle Dudes Ranch and Collective Love Farm"... just down the road apiece.




    Feel better? Good.

    And do not, DO NOT sign off a crazy-assed screed like that with a cheery "Namaste," 'cause then you sound even dumber still.

  53. Ishkandar


    See explaination above !!

  54. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    @Nawve Eliyahu-Yehoshua Cohein Gadol Nebuchadnezzar Ghengiskhan Abelincoln

    Fellow Reg readers, I would like to use this post to assure you that this man in no way represents the majority of Alaskans. He has been whisked away by our top-secret seal-fur covered (Soundproofing!) black 'copters to a secure facility where he will remain until he is over the suicidal plummet of his wife onto the Seward Highway.

    Thank you,

    -Your chilled buds to the North

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