back to article UK men would stay out of bed for 50in plasma telly

Electrical retailer Comet has confirmed what those of us who boast enormous plasma tellys already know - that when it comes to getting your rocks off nothing beats a bit of hot bloke-on-widescreen action. A survey by the retailer asked 2,000 Brit chaps what would convince them to give up rumpy-pumpy for six months, and no less …


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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Nope - I'm afraid that however I look at it, I'd definitely rather shag my girlfriend than have a big telly. No contest.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Get a life, you sad fuckers

    Actually, don't - stay indoors, keep off the streets. I'm enjoying myself out here but it's over-crowded as it is.

  3. cor
    Paris Hilton

    So is Comet handing out the tellies?

    ... 'cos <cough> a friend of a friend of mine might be claiming a few....

    PH: Well, you can always look.

  4. N1AK


    Chances are that if a bloke is willing to give up sex for 6 months for a TV, then the missus isn't going to be missing much anway!

    I can only hope some of those polled were having a laugh.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton


    Shagging is highly overrated. Not the actual act, but all of the baggage that it seemingly entails. In the words of John Cougar Mellencamp "I want a lover that won't drive me crazy..."

    Amyway, plasma's old hat. The newer LCDs (Sony XBRxx and Samsung LNT467x series in particular) are great and use half the power of plasma screens. Ok -- they might not match the blackest-blacks or give ultimate off-axis viewing, but still.

    Paris because she'd choose LCD over plasma -- and not give up the shag...

  6. Geoff Webber

    @anonymous coward

    I'd rather shag your girlfriend too.....

  7. James
    Paris Hilton

    Missing info

    One thing missing from the survey is how many of those prepared to give up sex are actually getting any regularly. If those guys aren't getting any sex then giving it up is hardly a chore and they'd get a TV for free....

  8. Risky


    Are you sure the survey didn't read 47% of Men reckon they wouldn't get a change within six months if they dared to stick a 50in screen in the sitting room.

  9. Anonymous Coward

    I have nothing to lose....

    ...since my birthday does not fall in the next six months.

    Bring on the plasma!

  10. Carl Wumpson

    Maybe ...

    ... there was an unusually high number of single Mormons in the polling group. They figured that since they're not having sex for a while anyway, that might as well get a TV out of it.

  11. matt


    "If you buy me a 50'' plasma then..."

  12. Darren Coleman

    Contract small print

    Does this contract preclude buffing the happy lamp?

    I guess the 47% in this survey haven't seen "40 Days and 40 Nights"

  13. Joe Cooper

    Buy them TVs

    "I'm enjoying myself out here but it's over-crowded as it is."

    Well then logically you should be out trying to give these people TVs to slow population growth.

  14. Mark Lawson

    Comet, you say?

    Remind me - what was Comet's old slogan?

  15. Dave
    Paris Hilton

    dont think so!!

    6 months is a long time!! maybe a the amount you'd have to spend on your gf to keep her happy for 6 months without it would probably cost more than the TV anyway!!!

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I work for Comet

    Nice to know they're spending their money on pointless surveys about the sex lives of chavs when they could be paying their poor, mistreated Helldesk staff more than minimum wage.

  17. Brett Weaver

    A sad indictment on UK Women really...

    ...nuff said

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Far too easy...

    I haven't had a shag in 3 years, another six months isn't gonna hurt.

    Now where's that bloody white stick of mine...?

    Paris, because I have a great imagination.

  19. Iain

    What's wrong with three quarters of you?

    Does 75% of the population REALLY have a choccy habit more expensive than a new plasma telly every 6 months, then?

    Methinks there is something wrong with this survey.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Apart from the sport, surely the reason to get a massive screen is to tune in to the pron channels for 6 months of DIY anyway ?

  21. Martin

    It's not the size of the tv that matters...

    It's what you watch with it. Larger screens have a picture that's likely to be too soft anyway, I think I'll stick with my 14incher

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton


    My wife has refused to sleep with me for the last 6 months, something to do with me getting her up the duff and not being wealthy enough, and well, just being male.

    Do you think I might be able to apply for compensation, in the form of said large plasma telly? I feel its the least I deserve.

  23. Peter Kay

    Can I choose which six months?

    Or upgrade to twelve months for a Sony G90.. (if I can choose time in the past)

    Fortunately I have a probability of decent sex in the next six months, and already possess 96" ;)

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    50" porn?

    only 6 months??? Easy!

  25. Fluffykins

    OK Then

    I'm up for it: Where's me telly? Put up or shut up

  26. Aaron Ratke

    Come On Now, They're Brit's ... Make The Question Relevant

    Would they give up Beer for 6 months, that's the question!

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @N1AK, et al.

    If you start out with the understanding that you're not going to be having sex in the next half a year, regardless of whether there is a plasma screen involved -- why not get something out of it at least?

    (Posted anonymously because I am a coward.)

  28. Pete Silver badge

    shock news: people lie when answering questionnaires

    most people just give the answers they think the surveyor wants to hear. I bet they would get completely different answers if the person asking the questions was a tall, blonde 22-year old model than if she was a 55 year old, 22 stone granny with a moustache.

    p.s. any chance they'd back-date the offer :-)

  29. Law
    IT Angle


    "I'm enjoying myself out here but it's over-crowded as it is."

    I'm guessing out there means stuck in an office, reading a pointless story on El Reg because you got nothing else to do, unless you often take your laptop to the pub/park/outthere just so you can laugh at people who gave silly answers to a spotty teenage with a clipboard on the way out of comet on a busy saturday........ your life must be SO exciting.

    As for me, I already have a 40" LCD.... and I still get to do the dirty with the missus...

    oh - and plasma sucks, 50" just makes the suckiness of plasma more obvious....

  30. Martin Owens


    We should encourage all those people who wanted the tele instead of a hot chick to go to sex lessons because they're obviously no good at it and thus get none.

  31. call me scruffy

    This doesn't scale well.

    A good telly in return for six months of chastity is one thing. (Particularly when you'd have the perfect display for your more _cough_ specialist _cough_ videos.) But what would you with two of them for a years worth of cold shoulders? I don't think ny amount of shiney hardware would make up for a decade of "good behvaiour"

  32. Ryan

    If I never have a shag again

    Can we have SED at last?

    Pleeeease, Canon?

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    My Ex.

    My Ex. got snippy about me spending more time on the computer than on her. Didn't like it when I pointed out that I find my computer rather boring much of the time, but still less boring than her. An Eliza program could provide more stimulating conversation. And a sack of potatoes a more interactive bed-partner.

    Still, I would still rate her above 95% of TV content, so no plasma - can I have a 30" LCD monitor instead?

    Paris because I feel my Ex and her might be timesharing a single brain.

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What are you reading for....

    Girl: "Did you see ...... last night?"

    Me: "I don't own a tv"

    (incredulous) Girl: "What do you DO?"

    Actual conversation at work today.... Depressing, isn't it?

  35. Martin Usher

    Could this be the reason why the missus chose a 52"?

    ..not plasma, she didn't like the shiny screens, but LCD......

  36. Ishkandar


    I'll give Comet a 50" plasma screen if they'll get me a really good shag for 6 months duration. I may be dead by the end of it but, at least, I'll die smiling !!

  37. James Kennard
    Paris Hilton

    I think I meet that girl

    @ Mark

    I had much the same conversation with some girl recently hmmmm wonder if it was the same one lol ;)

    Paris because because lots of other people are using her and I didn't want to feel left out

  38. Anonymous Coward


    If you read the fineprint, you'd probably find 50% of -married- men would skip a shag with their -wife- for a 50in plasma... as it doesn't complain about how you viewed it "just two weeks ago"..

  39. Anonymous Coward

    Getting ripped off here

    Wow, I regularly go months without getting any (6 months being about the longest stretch) and all I've got to show for it is a pathetic 17 inch CRT TV. I feel like I've been cheated.

  40. Michael
    Paris Hilton

    I've never understood...

    ...the appeal of watching tv or video on a screen so large , it can be seen from space. Late night <cough> viewing could be a little worrying for the neighbours, and the burglars would LOVE it ..(easy to spot).

    I've also wondered , would the increase in scale <cough> make me feel inadequate/nauseous?

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Vaya con dios, my darling

    > [...] they are not legally obliged to watch Arsenal versus Chelsea [...]

    I'd rather go for that licit Man on Man action! To be UnITed in the City, that'd be sooo hot that... oh wait, wot?

    Paris shares my confusion. She understands plasma is sooo hot that... oh wait, wot? (Though we both await the IT angle, Lester.)

  42. Scott Broukell

    Best of both worlds!

    Why did the architect have his house made (maid) backwards?

    So he could watch TV at the same time!

  43. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Peter Kay

    Good to see a man who appreciates a *real* piece of image-generating equipment!

  44. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    Who needs those plasma screens

    Watch one hour of news and you will have the BBC logo burned through on your new screen for posterity.

    Now, about that pair of Krell monoblocks...

  45. Anonymous Coward

    Will Swap...

    Anybody willing to swap a 50" HD Plasma for their girlfriend?

    Will consider throwing in an XBox 360 if she's a catwalk model, and can craft beautiful C++.

    If she's ugly, your getting my old black and white portable.

  46. Joe

    @ James and Mark

    I seem to have that conversation with people regularly! If a big TV = no sex, perhaps those of us with no TV should be granted threesomes?

  47. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up


    I've been shagged by comet's shopfloor on a number of occasions totalling at least 6 months when they sold me a dud device - can I swap all of the devices for a 50" plasma instead?

  48. Anonymous Coward

    @ P Henry and Law

    Gosh! As a custom home cinema installer I'm horified that I didn't realise that; there was me thinking that pros-and-cons wise LCD and plasma were pretty well matched across the range, though with plasma having the edge at the high-end of the market (and 1080p isn't the be-all and end-all by any means). Though maybe all my install have been faulty because our customer don't seem to get the BBC news logo burned onto their screens like Vladimir Plouzhnikov informs me they should.

  49. Mark
    Gates Horns


    50in TV, Babestation and a box of tissues. Problem solved...

  50. HFoster
    Thumb Down


    That's hardly a representative sample. 47% of 2000 men is 940 men. In a country with a population in excess of 60 million, approximately 30 million of which are men, 940 men can hardly speak for the majority.

  51. Luther Blissett


    No point posting anonymously - we can recognize your spelling anywhere.

    Hot bloke on widescreen action? Errr no thanks. Not even if they call it The Olympics.

  52. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    @AC re: @ P Henry and Law

    "Though maybe all my install have been faulty because our customer don't seem to get the BBC news logo burned onto their screens like Vladimir Plouzhnikov informs me they should."

    Oh, they must be watching Sky News....

  53. Anonymous Coward

    Feeling left out

    Don't have a tv or a girlfriend.....wots innit for me?

  54. Anonymous Coward

    My corwd pleasing equipment

    "watch Arsenal versus Chelsea on their hubbies' crowd-pleasing equipment"

    My equipment's certainly been known to please a few crowds in the past but I've never managed to get it to show the Arsenal Vs Chelsea match, I think I can live with that though ;)

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