back to article HMRC mislays 1.5kg of Bolivian marching powder

HM Revenue and Customs has enhanced its international reputation for mislaying things by allowing 1.5kg of cocaine to go walkabout from a HMRC depot near Coventry airport, the Sun reports. Warwickshire Police have confirmed they're investigating the "complete one-off", which saw the Bolivian marching powder evaporate from a …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "less than 10 people" had the password.

    Which in time honoured tradition was on a post-it next to the lock.

  2. Les Matthew

    That's an amount

    not to be sniffed at.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It surely cannot take ..

    It surely cannot take the HMRC too long to ask the 10 people who allegedly have access what has happened to the concaine, yet they dont appear to be able to ask , why ??

  4. Chris G Silver badge

    Most people

    Only lose their car keys or a couple of quid on the horses but HMRC don't seem to lose anything trivial, are they trying to compensate for some kind of departmental inferiority complex?

    We should be grateful they weren't looking after WW II, they probably would have lost that too.

  5. mahoney

    bolivian marching powder ...

    I like that almost as much as 'booger sugar'.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    I hear

    ...it's forecast to snow in the midlands....

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    It was used as snowspry on the windows

    Rumours just in is that it was mixed with a small amount of tipex and used to coat snowflakes onto the office windows as part of the decroate an office for xmas competition. Although events were marred this year by a group of house-flies that were seen beating up a cat outside the office in the carpark and a office cleaner bouncing around in the swing doors for over half an hour.

  8. jeffrey
    Coat

    I heard

    That HMRC are headhunting the now redundant Steve Mclaren for a management role after his exemplary record in loosing key matches.

  9. D....
    Happy

    Happy days

    HMRC may have organised themselves a white Christmas

  10. D....

    Where is my one?

    I'm still waiting for an invite to the HMRC Xmas party....

  11. amanfromMars Silver badge
    Pirate

    Only a matter of time....... the cat's out of the bag

    I wonder whenever they're going to bring in random drugs testing for Government employees so that we can know those dependent on and slaves to Charlie and his mates. They certainly can act as if they are out of their heads and aint that the truth.

  12. James Le Cuirot
    IT Angle

    IT angle?

    Oh yes, that'd be the nose AJAX. I'll get my coat...

  13. Trevor
    Joke

    @ D

    Where is your one? Why it was sent to me, along with your NI number and bank details....;-)

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I've heard of London prices but that's ridiculous.

    By *my* reckoning you've used a street price of 600 quid a gram.

  15. Jonathan Richards
    Joke

    Count the people!

    Less than ten people knew the password to a cageful of dangerous drugs? What an outrage! I am apoplectic! Less than ten people? It's FEWER! FEWER than ten people! Can we get nothing right?

  16. Stratman
    Alien

    @ It surely cannot take ..

    True. If only HMRC hadn't mislaid their record of which ten had the password.

  17. Geoff Mackenzie

    And another thing ...

    What's the meaning of this huge jiffy bag of white powder I received in the mail this morning?

  18. This post has been deleted by its author

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    Goodness Gracious

    Rather like the month of PHP exploits, one per day, it seems like December 2007 is striving to be "How many embarrassing losses can we admit in one month?" for the government. Priceless.

    Combine with Fasthosts resetting customers passwords about three times and it's been a comical month for El Reg ;)

  20. Rob Haswell
    Joke

    The missing link

    Apparently the passwords were sent out to key officials on CD-Rs in the post.

  21. Chris C

    What would worry ME

    "What I don't know at the minute is whether this cocaine has been sent for destruction, or to a court or to a forensic science laboratory and the paperwork has not been done properly or it has been stolen. I am very worried if it is the latter."

    He's "very worried" if the cocaine had been stolen. So he's not worried if it was sent out but the paperwork had not been done properly? THAT would worry me almost as much.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Lost my ass,

    it's not around any more but I am sure it was put to it's normally accepted use, also maybe they sold the data to get more coke. It's all starting to make sense to me now all those pompous trunks in the nervous powder making pathetic excuses a child wouldn't believe and stealing everything that isn't nailed down.

  23. Les Matthew

    I keep getting this image

    Of somebody chopping out lots of lines on the back of a couple of CD jewel cases. ;)

  24. Nev Silver badge

    Not the chairman then.

    Well Hartnett doesn't appear paranoid enough for it to have been him who's pinched it.

    He does seem laid back enough about the affair to sound like he's smoking something else though!

  25. Mr Larrington
    Paris Hilton

    Easy

    The culprit is the one who returns to work after Christmas with only one nostril.

  26. TeeCee Gold badge
    Happy

    Barter economy?

    I reckon that someone's taken it out to trade for a couple of used CDs.......

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    RE: I've heard of London prices but that's ridiculous.

    El Reg isn't nesecarrily wrong with their calculations, you did ask them how much they were cutting it and what with. We know how they can be harsh critics, prehaps their harsh drug dealers as well and cut it mean at 30/70.

    (jumping up and down on the spot dying to get my coat, thengoingoutforapartysomewhere, needtodosomething, needtotalkcodshit)

  28. allan wallace
    Alert

    So why did they have it there in the first place?

    So why did they have it there in the first place? - after all, HMRC are not the police, they are not MI5, nor MI6, and they're not staffed by celebs, surely they were breaking the law by storing it!.....

  29. Slaine
    Alert

    let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

    One does not LOSE 1.5 kg of cocaine. Keys get lost (not cars), socks get lost (not feet), people get lost (especially if they go wondering into some parts of Glasgow on a Saturday night) - I bloody wish that Gordon Brown would get lost.

    But NOBODY loses 1.5 kg cocaine. It simpy CANNOT happen.

    It can be stolen (presumably by one or more of the "magic 10"), it can be sold, it can be cut and sold (as so eloquently posted above). But it does not, no matter how much of it has been sneeked off for personal use, open it's own lock from the inside and then march back to Bolivia.

    TBH all 10 should be immediately suspended (without pay) until the culprit is identified or the security lapse uncovered. Come to think of it, that same approach would save our dear country £billions (and a good few RW-CD's)

  30. Dan
    Unhappy

    They don't know?

    I tell you what, ask all ten whether they removed the stash. If they all deny it, it's theft. If one says 'oh I had to submit it to court x as evidence in case y, sorry I didn't sign it out', it isn't theft.

    Or is this too taxing? (No pun intended)

  31. Chris Bradshaw

    @ allan wallace

    Why did they have it there? Sounds like a nice secure place to store your stash. :-) No wonder they are upset...

  32. Chris Morrison
    Happy

    On the 12th day of christmas....

    the government lost for me 12 Million bank details, 11 Million personal details, 10 people with a password, 9 Thousand lines of cocaine, 8 Junior Workers, 7 Million Illegal Immigrants, 60 billion odd quid to northern rock , 5 hundred thousand Scots votes, 4 dodgy donations , 3 Million driving license records, 2 CD's. and an HMRC chairman.

  33. Slaine
    Happy

    poetry club part 2

    Ding Dong, Merrily and High !!!

    the government's ears are ringing

    Pissed up agents drawing nigh

    for those CD's they're searching

    co-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-caine, some-mo-oh-ore cocaine, and just some more cocaine - a line

    Let's waste it on the bankers.

  34. Slaine

    guess the tune

    Good Old Gordo last looked out

    from his common's armchair

    heard his party shouting out,

    "Gordon, best beware

    Fo-o-o-o-o-o-o o-o-o-o-o-o o-o-o-o-o-or we are

    A bunch of spineless junkies"

  35. Slaine

    oh - just one more ;)

    Silence, Knight; Keep your mouth tight

    This is our stash; I'm cutting it right

    In the morning it's worth two times more

    Then you can sell it on the trading floor

    Bleet and I'll see you in Prison

    Bleet and your going to jail.

  36. Slaine

    okay - I lied - this is the last one

    Gordon Brown at last looked out; from his comfy armchair

    Heard his faithful shouting out, "Gordon, you'd best beware"

    Brightly shone their beeks that night; 'cause the frost was pure

    No-body had realised; this country's in the sewer.

  37. Chris Morrison
    Dead Vulture

    Christmas

    I feel these Christmas Ditties need a reg article to themselves. I was just trying to beat some of the suggestions on the BBC Cricket page as I read about England getting thrashed by Sri Lanka. Surely El Reg can do better than a bunch of cricket fans.

  38. Scott
    Boffin

    This reminds me

    Wasn't there a monkey that chased a weasle?

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Scott

    I R Baboon & I M Weasle?

  40. Joe

    I couldn't resist joining Slaine

    (As sung by the HMRC choir)

    We wish you a merry Christmas,

    We wish you a merry Christmas,

    We've just "lost" a load of white dust,

    But you've nothing to fear!

    Your I.D. is safe,

    On our database,

    We'll just have to keep our fingers crossed,

    What a horrible year!

    A new job for Paul Grey,

    Pay your taxes we say,

    We'll wish you a merry Christmas,

    If you'll buy us a beer!

  41. Anonymous John
    Joke

    Re It surely cannot take ..

    Concaine? That's Chilli Concaine, is it?

  42. DavCrav Silver badge

    @ Allan Wallace

    Why was it at HMRC? Just a guess, but possibly it's to do with the C of HMRC... (HMRC now includes Customs and Excise.)

  43. Anonymous John
    Happy

    Deck the halls with lines of cocaine

    Fa la la la la la, la la la la.

  44. RW
    Happy

    All is explained...

    A. Those 10 password holders? They haven't asked because HMRC has lost the list of their names, and no longer knows who they are.

    B. Or: It wasn't a password, it was a 3-digit number to activate a keypad controlled lock. And someone simply tried one combination after another. Remember, Richard Feynman was able to unlock "secure" safes at Los Alamos for amusement.

  45. Anonymous John

    I was stuck for a suitable rhyme last night.

    Deck the halls with lines of cocaine

    Fa la la la la la, la la la la.

    Where it came from is uncertain

    Fa la la la la la, la la la la.

  46. jeffrey
    Coat

    ammendment

    Perhaps we should invent a shorthand unit for dissapation (instead of milliwats per nano wales) we should have the HMRC as they are so good at loosing things, 1 HMRC would be the details of 1 million people) so this I guess this little mishap with the nasal funky flour would be about a milliHMRC.

  47. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @ allan wallace

    Actually, HMRC have MORE powers than the police. They do not, for instance, need a warrant to enter your home or property. Remember the tobacco pirates who got their cars/vans confiscated upon returning to the uk ? HMRC. They didn't have to call the police, or get a court order, they just take it off you.

    Money rules this country, this is nothing new.

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