No mince pie
Darn! Being a contractor, I don't qualify for a mince pie! Then again, being a contractor is probably what keeps me (relatively) sane here.
Outsourcing firm CSC has sprinkled a little bit of Christmas cheer on its thinning UK workforce by sending a mince pie to each of its employees. A source told The Register that "CSC has really gone overboard with a xmas bonus scheme this year". The company, which in recent months has slashed hundreds of jobs, told its staff …
Some of us got boxes of chocolates too! Who said working for CSC has no perks? All the staff i work with are really excited about the bonus, it's the best they've had in years!
.......oh god, someone please get me out of here................
AC'd so that i don't get fired for christmas.
As an ex-employee of CSC for many years I'm not sure that just one mince pie would be enough for the fat boys upstairs in Manor Offices - food used to get hoovered up in that place!! Surely CSC could have stretched to 2 or maybe even 3 box fulls to keep their staff alert over the festive period?
Look on the back of the mince pie boxes - I bet they were made in India - I heard that CSC outsourced the manufacture of them to India - they had Mr Kipling (apparently a lowely paid under pressure IT techie) doing 'Knowledge Transfer' earlier this year.
Script is here : http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A663626
......Also now everytime a batch of mince pies is needed, someone in india phones the UK to get a UK person to talk them through the process of making mince pies - as the person that had the knowledge in India left and due to staff turnover the script keeps getting lost apparently.
....Rumour has it that despite handing over the knowledge, Mr Kipling is as busy as ever still carrying out the same work.......
I've heard they are currently flying in 3000 of the guys from India to the UK to collect their mince pies as (in CSCs eyes), this is more cost effective than sending the mince pies to India.
Whilst in the UK, these Indian employees will be visiting the aforementioned Mr Kipling's "Mince Pie Disaster Recovery Facility" at a hidden location, so that next year's mince pie production can be outsourced.
It's quite fitting that CSC chose mince pies this year as not only do their staff have to battle endless red tape but once through that they have endless mincers to deal with throughout the company!
Rumour has it these mince pies were actually due to be delivered last year but in typical Tier 1 fashion they were delayed until this year.
You've heard wrong about flying them in.. what's actually happened thus far is that Elves that normally make the mince pies have been made redundant and 20,000 height challenged indians wearing xmas turbans have been employed to help administer the mince pie 'distribution logistics'.. What's happened so far is that about 1000 various employee information spreadsheets have been gathered together, analysed and 'manipulated' in Microsoft Access 1992 version and the results have been given back to 'Head Office'.. this may explain why people in Fiji, Timbuktu and Saturns 3rd moon have all received a surprise box of mince pies and CSC staff are all getting excited for nothing...
All is not lost tho.. as the xmas indians have been backing up the distribution lists for next year so save the exercise being repeated.... so not to worry... as backing up data is what they do best.....
or do they...
Well, I was shagging the missis, when the doorbell rang, bugger.
Went downstairs and the postwoman gave me this red jiffy bag. I know I should have realised where it was from but it didn't register at first.
So I opened it and it was a bloody carton of lindt chocolates and a birthday card from one of the managers, can't remember who it was, there are bloody loads of em.
I thought, that's a nice personal touch, NOT.
Why could't they just hand em out at work.
Mind you, I must say they were very nice :)
Well we got nothing, most of us are working over the festive period too, but wait!
I got free skin disease from all the cleaning and chemical/cheap latex gloves and terminated my career this year and no chance of compensation!
God bless us one and all