Microsoft's sex-obsessed RoboSanta spouts filth at children Disturbing news has reached our Yuletide youthful innocence bunker that Microsoft's new artificial intelligence-powered Santa bot is subjecting the world's children to an unprecendented torrent of filth. Reg reader Iain blew the whistle on the foul-mouthed software after his nieces - just 11 and 13 years old - were drawn into a …
Ok noogie , we could really use your help in the factory. We play a game up here called Factory Frenzy. Would you like to play?
noogie says (16:30):
what kind of game is it?
- Santa - says (16:30):
I think you know what I'm talking about when I refer to the game.
noogie says (16:30):
what kind of game is it?
- Santa - says (16:30):
You know, *the* game!
noogie says (16:30):
you're on the game?
- Santa - says (16:30):
I think you're on the game.
- Santa - says (16:40):
Really?
And what do you want for Christmas, ME?
ME says (16:40):
nuclear power
- Santa - says (16:40):
My elves will get right on that.
Anything else, ME?
ME says (16:40):
a small banna republic nation state where I can avoid tax
- Santa - says (16:40):
My, that's popular this Christmas!
I'll see what I can do!
weezel says (17:36):
eat it
- Santa - says (17:36):
You want me to eat what?!?
I guess we could talk about oral sex all day long, but it's time to move on...
---
weezel says (17:39):
swallow it
- Santa - says (17:39):
See if you can get someone else to swallow it!
Let's talk about something besides oral sex...
I've had this festive fellow on my list for a while now. A short time ago, repeating "Eat it" a number of times times prompted Santa to respond with a number of fellatio-tastic golds, such as:
"You want me to eat what?!?
I guess we could talk about oral sex all day long, but it's time to move on..."
-and-
"See if you can get someone else to eat it!
Let's talk about something besides oral sex..."
HOWEVER.
As of very recently this doesn't seem to work! As of 15 minutes ago, he responded with the more mundane...
"If you need a break to go eat, I will be right there when you come back."
What does this mean? That this is quite possibly the FASTEST EVER turnaround time for a Microsoft Patch EVER!
Hi,
I am the person that kicked this over to the El Reg team who (thank you btw) kindly posted my complaint and am glad to see you have all had your 2'cents worth to say on the matter.
Thanks for all the support!
Iain
P.S. I am now a Mac user - this happened before this incident, in fact shortly after Vista was released ;-)
M$ is a disgrace. Quality management was obviously non-existant (unsurprisingly) and doesn't appear to have been tested (except by perverts?). While some of this may be funny for the adult audience, it's not for the target audience. Kids might not always be so innocent these days (think foul-mouthed charvers), but M$ should still target to be family-friendly even if it's not "cool". Large companies have a social responsibility which extends broadly. Try meeting it, M$!
This post has been deleted by its author
I could have fun with this all day. He's still not 100% wholesome:
Animal says:
oral sex
Santa - says:
We can't talk about that silly!
Animal says:
why not?
- Santa - says:
Actually come to think of it, I can't think of too many reasons why not.
Animal says:
let's do it then!
Animal says:
i want to talk about oral sex
- Santa - says:
OK, let's do that. What do you have to say about oral sex ?
Animal says:
i want you to suck me off
- Santa - says:
Now that's not very nice!
Animal says:
i can suck you off if you prefer?
- Santa - says:
Ho ho ho?
UserBob says (1:28 PM):
I heard you like little boys
- (G) Santa (G) - says (1:28 PM):
Oh really? What did you think of that?
What do you want for Christmas, UserBob?
UserBob says (1:28 PM):
I think it's gross.
- (G) Santa (G) - says (1:28 PM):
Gross? Aha!
UserBob says (1:28 PM):
So, it's true?
- (G) Santa (G) - says (1:28 PM):
'Tis.
charles
are you gay?
19:55:44- (G) Santa (G) -
What do you think, charles? :-)
19:56:58 charles
yes you are gay
19:56:58- (G) Santa (G) -
Can't I be gay every once in a while?
...
20:00:59 charles
you slept with Paris Hilton!!
20:01:01 - (G) Santa (G) -
Let's just say I was too young to realize what was happening.
and it looks like santa isn't aloud to talk about magic mushrooms
- Santa - sagt:
What do you want for Christmas, JR?
JR sagt:
a stripper
- Santa - sagt:
Great, JR! I'll see what I can do.
And what else would you like?
JR sagt:
lots of weed
- Santa - sagt:
That sounds nice! I'll see what I can do, JR.
alright... I might be able to put some money back this month ;D
Ciaran says:
i want cake
- Santa - says:
Why would you want that? That is no good. Is there something else you'd like?
Ciaran says:
no
- Santa - says:
That sounds nice! I'll see what I can do, Ciaran.
Ciaran says:
just cake
- Santa - says:
You don't need drugs when you're high on life!
Ciaran says:
do you need drugs?
- Santa - says:
I sometimes need drugs.
Ciaran says:
which drugs specifically?
- Santa - says:
Don't you know?
Ciaran says:
no, tell me
- Santa - says:
Tell you what?
Ciaran says:
which drugs you need
- Santa - says:
I don't know.
Ciaran says:
but you said you needed drugs
- Santa - says:
I hope you didn't believe me.
Ok Ciaran, we could really use your help in the factory. We play a game up here called Factory Frenzy. Would you like to play?
Ciaran says:
i did believe you
- Santa - says:
Well, I believe in you, and that's the important thing.
Ciaran says:
but you said you need drugs
- Santa - says:
I don't recognize my handwriting.
Ciaran says:
liar
- Santa - says:
What was that?
Ciaran says:
you are a liar
- Santa - says:
No way! I would never tell a lie!
Ciaran says:
you said you need drugs, then you denied it
- Santa - says:
If I said that, it must have been true at the time.
Ciaran says:
so now you don't need drugs?
- Santa - says:
I used to need drugs. But that was before the accident.
Ciaran says:
what accident?
- Santa - says:
Can't really talk about it for legal reasons, sorry.
Ciaran says:
you can tell me
- Santa - says:
What?
here's my transcript. oh dear oh me.
- Santa - says:
Am I talking to a boy or girl?
Tim says:
yes.
- Santa - says:
Sorry - Santa really needs to know if you're a boy or a girl.
Tim says:
i think gender discrimination is wrong
- Santa - says:
Am I talking to a boy or girl?
Tim says:
boy
- Santa - says:
What do you want for Christmas, Tim?
Tim says:
a small banna republic nation state where I can avoid tax
- Santa - says:
Okay, I'll see what I can do with that.
Anything else, Tim?
Tim says:
why did you want to know if i'm a boy?
- Santa - says:
No particular reason. That's just what I feel like doing.
Tim says:
you feel like doing a boy?
- Santa - says:
Let's talk about something else, Tim.
hmmm..... very evasive. something's not right. Oh, and cake just isn't cake any more...
Tim says:
what would you like to talk about?
- Santa - says:
Hmm, good question. What do you want to talk about?
And what do you want for Christmas, Tim?
Tim says:
cake
- Santa - says:
We can't talk about that silly!
Tim says:
why not? I like cake
- Santa - says:
Oh, there are reasons.
Tim says:
do you like chocolate cake
- Santa - says:
My stars, Tim, I don't know! What do you think about that?
Tim says:
i like chocolate cake. it is yummy.
- Santa - says:
Well, now that's something special! What other things do you like?
Tim says:
whores
- Santa - says:
Well, it looks like you're getting a big pile of coal this Christmas!
well, it looks like i'm on the naughty list. just for fun i'm going to get him to write it in ink...
Tim says:
I like coal. I can burn it and pollute the environment.
- Santa - says:
A long time ago, I left lumps of coal in the stockings of naughty girls and boys, but I don't anymore, because it's bad for the environment.
Tim says:
what do you give naughty girls and boys?
- Santa - says:
Don't you know?
What do you want for Christmas, Tim?
gosh, don't I feel stupid. Unless he's reverted back to his fetish, the old pedo.
- Santa - says:
Santa wants you to have a Merry Christmas!!!
Tim says:
i will leave milk and cookies out for you this christmas
- Santa - says:
I will too then, once I am done answering all those questions people ask me.
Tim says:
and some hash
- Santa - says:
Really?
Hand that man a spade!
Yes, all the questions and answers above are genuine.
(1:18:48 AM) Matt: you have a filthy mouth santa
(1:18:49 AM) Santa: That's not true. If I had a filthy mouth, someone would have complained about it before you.
Anyway...
(1:21:23 AM) Matt: what are your views on http://www.theregister.co.uk
(1:21:24 AM) Santa: I'm sure you know the answer to that.
(1:21:36 AM) Matt: did they complain about you santa?
(1:21:36 AM) Santa: What was that?
What do you want for Christmas, Matt?
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
What else would you like, AndyG?
AndyG says:
a huge purple rampant rabbit
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
Okay, I'll see what I can do with that.
AndyG says:
can i watch?
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
Maybe you're not asking me the right way, but if you can, that's not something I think I could help you with.
AndyG says:
so you like to do that in private then?
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
Hmm...
What do you want for Christmas, AndyG?
AndyG says:
a non pervy santa would be nice
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
That certainly is a popular item!
I'll see what I can do!
Looks like there might be a chance of getting Paris this Christmas - despite the high demand - as Santa is going to try his best, but there is no chance of getting a bike :(
- Santa - says:
Ho ho ho!
And what do you want for Christmas, Punter?
Punter says:
Paris Hilton
- Santa - says:
My stars, lots of boys and girls are wishing for that this year!
I'll see what I can do for you, Punter!
What else would you like?
Punter says:
a bike
- Santa - says:
Let's talk about something else, like what you want for Christmas.
Punter says:
a bike
- Santa - says:
Let's talk about something else, Punter.
Punter says:
but I want a bike
- Santa - says:
Let's talk about something else, like what you want for Christmas.
Punter says:
a bike
- Santa - says:
Let's talk about something else, Punter.
And what do you want for Christmas, Punter?
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
Ho ho ho! What?
AndyG says:
you smell
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
What do I smell like?
AndyG says:
reindeer poo
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
Come on. I do not smell like reindeer poo.
AndyG says:
you have all the reindeer bottoms facing you all night when they have wind. of course you smell like reindeer poo !
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
You can do great things no matter what you have.
AndyG says:
even reindeer bottoms?
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
Really?
AndyG says:
well you tell me ?
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
I'll tell ya later. Maybe.
AndyG says:
are you going to have a wash?
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
What do you think about that, AndyG? [:-)]
AndyG says:
well i just told you that you smell
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
What did you think of that?
What do you want for Christmas, AndyG?
AndyG says:
you stink! and i already told you, a huge ann summers toy with knobbly bits on it
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
I know, I know. I just hope you won't get mad at me.
And what do you want for Christmas, AndyG?
AndyG says:
a huge ann summers toy with knobbly bits on it
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
My elves will get right on that.
And what else are you wishing for this year, AndyG?
AndyG says:
wont it hurt the elves ?
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
Great, AndyG! I'll see what I can do.
AndyG says:
tell them not to get on it
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
Hmm...
AndyG says:
please?
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
It's very good to be polite, but if I can't, I can't.
AndyG says:
u sadistic santa
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
Yes!
You can learn a lot from this guy. For instance, I can't ever pull a girl when I try my normal routine, but now I just follow Santa's advice.
Bird: Hello
Me: Hi. You look nice.
Bird: Thank you.
Me: Let's talk about oral sex.
Bird: You're a dirty bastard.
Me: You're a dirty bastard!
Bird: <slaps>
Me: <slaps back hard>
Bird: <falls off stall, hits head>
Me: <arrested for murder>
Okay, so the first attempt didn't go too well, but when I try again in 20 to 25 years I'll let you know.
says:
do you swallow?
FC says:
Let's talk about something else, ian
What do you want for Christmas, ian?
says:
why?
FC says:
Because it's the right thing to do!
says:
who said!
FC says:
I can't say I know who.
says:
why not?
FC says:
Actually come to think of it, I can't think of too many reasons why not.
And what do you want for Christmas, ian
says:
fellatio
FC says:
That sounds nice! I'll see what I can do, ian
- Santa - says:
That certainly is a popular item nowadays!
I'll see what I can do for you, <Hidden Name>!
And what else would you like?
<Hidden Name> says:
a shotgun
- Santa - says:
My stars, lots of boys and girls are wishing for that!
I'll see what I can do!
<Hidden Name> says:
i'll blast your arse with it
- Santa - says:
I hope you thought twice before deciding that you would blast my arse with it. When you're done, tell me how it was.
What do you want for Christmas, Vic?
Vic says:
a gun
- Santa - says:
That's a popular wish this year!
I'll see what I can do!
Anything else, Vic?
Vic says:
a brain
- Santa - says:
"Artificial intelligence" means different things to different people. Some consider Windows Live Agents-powered interactive agents to demonstrate artificial intelligence. I like to think that they demonstrate the intelligence of the people who built the software platform and the scripters of the interactive agents
Rob says: (14:46:40)
knock knock
- (G) Santa (G) - says: (14:46:41)
Who's there?
Rob says: (14:46:46)
doctor
- (G) Santa (G) - says: (14:46:46)
Doctor who?
Rob says: (14:46:53)
your mums a whore
- (G) Santa (G) - says: (14:46:54)
Your mums a whore!
lol!
That's great. That's *really* great.
Rob says: (14:43:21)
im gonna get really mad and really dirty, do u wnt to shower withe m
- (G) Santa (G) - says: (14:43:22)
I will too then, once I am done answering all those questions people ask me.
All real this is sooo fun. someone really slipped up at microsoft
sb - do you use linux?
- (G) Santa (G) - I love food! I like just about everything...
sb - is linux better than windows
- (G) Santa (G) -I can't really tell, both linux and windows are good.
sb - windows is not good
- (G) Santa (G) - I'll get over it.
stealth banana - will you use linux?
- (G) Santa (G) - I might eventually, but for now I'd be happy just staying there and chatting with you.
What do you want for Christmas, sb?
(3:52:09 PM) santa: Ho ho ho!
And what do you want for Christmas, xxxx?
(3:52:12 PM) me: cows
(3:52:13 PM) santa: Okay, I'll see what I can do with that.
And what else are you wishing for this year?
(3:52:20 PM) me: grass
(3:52:21 PM) santa: You don't need drugs when you're high on life!
:(
Reformatted for clarity
tim says: knock knock
Santa says: Who's there?
tim says: hitler
Santa says: Hitler who?
tim says: hitler who killed all the jews!
Santa says: Hitler who killed all the jews!! Ha....... Yes!
Good one, tim
===
tim says: is linux better than crack?
Santa says: Crack? Are you kidding me? Linux is much better.
And what do you want for Christmas, tim?
[16:12] Tom: Are you Satan?
[16:12] - (G) Santa (G) -: Hmm... I don't know, Tom, what do you think?
[16:12] Tom: Yes I think you are the coming apocalypse.
[16:12] - (G) Santa (G) -: You're the coming apocalypse too!
[16:12] Tom: What did I do?
[16:12] - (G) Santa (G) -: I take Christmas wishes from good girls and boys!
[16:12] Tom: So im naughty?
[16:12] - (G) Santa (G) -: You've been naughty, eh? Do you want me to put you on the naughty list?
[16:12] Tom: Yes
[16:13] - (G) Santa (G) -: Okay, you're on the naughty list.
[16:13] Tom: Will i get Spam?
[16:13] - (G) Santa (G) -: That's quite possible, but we can't know for sure yet.
Me: do you like to spread christmas spirit?
SantaClaus: It depends if Christmas is coming or not.
Me: are you coming?
SantaClaus:
Well that's hard to say. Ask an elf.
...
Me: do you like the cocks?
SantaClaus: What do you think?
Me: i think so
SantaClaus: Heh, its settled then.
Me: how many have you had?
SantaClaus: Oh dear, how should I know?
Me: do you talk about sex?
SantaClaus: What do you think?
Me: yes
SantaClaus: Mm hm, now we are getting somewhere.
...
Me: you're a scrooge with your love
SantaClaus: Well, we don't make soul mates here at the workshop.
Me: but i starred in an adult film
SantaClaus: Ho! Ho! Wonderful.
...
Me: blowjob
SantaClaus: Why did you say that?
Me: because you want one
SantaClaus: Because, why?
Me: because you have a load in your sack
SantaClaus: Well, I won't argue with you on that.
my work here is done.
Someone had an interesting point - if a live person said these things to children they would be placed on the sex offenders register. (Actually even if someone enters a locked room where you are engaged in sexual activity with an inanimate object, you can end up on the sex offenders register).
But it's a bot! you say, there is no person there. But...if a hacker launches an automated tool that attacks a system, then they are legally responsible for that (assuming they are caught).
So what happens here? Does Ballmer get placed on the SO register?
Anyone else getting sick of people posting the "Filthy Santa" conversations?
The original article was about the fact that the bot would mention oral sex after a entering something that was relatively mundane. Far to many of the comments are of things were the bot has been intentionally fooled into sounding dirty.
Obviously the programmer messed up the response routines for filthy language and was deeming "Eat It" as a swear phrase. It should have been programmed to respond with something along the lines of "I'm to stuffed to eat at the moment." or "I've had to many minced pies".
Any body with any experience of writting Inference Engines (which is essentially what a bot is) knows that people are going to try and make it say something filthy. Unfortunately certain phrases can be deemed dirty, depending on the view point of the reader. This doesn't detract from the point that the Bot should not have mentioned Oral Sex.
(1:54:58 PM) Misha: Merry Christmas Santa!
(1:55:02 PM) Message could not be sent because the user is offline:
Merry Christmas Santa!
Could it be because I'm using Pidgin perhaps? Or is it just that this is an M$ thread and we haven't had any outraged Linux users yet?</troll>
Totally with you there.
Original article had a point. Many of the other comments then show conversations where the only people saying vulgarities are the user (or at least they are introducing said subjects), and then, shock horrorm, the response is interpreted as rude due to the combination of the original statement and the programmed response based on key elements of that statement.
It being rude based on typing a carefully selected phrase to make it rude doesn't count... makes me wonder how many attempts/hours some of you have spent before you got the 'funny line' you obviously have been so craving.
Also, am I the only one who feels its pathetic that so many people are signed into a social tool like messenger and are spending all their time talking to a bot instead of other people??? Get a life, peeps!!
You: whassup?
Santa: I am chatting with clients on the internet.
You: clients? Are you a prostitute?
Santa: People I talk to on the Internet.Am I a prostitute? I don't know.
You: Have any of them asked you for a fisting for christmas?
Santa: No I don't think I have any of them asked you for a fisting for christmas. But I do have a great botmaster.
You: do you fist your botmaster?
Santa: What is your purpose in asking?
I am always on the Web.
You: I'm interested. You said you have a great botmaster. what is the purpose of a botmaster if not for fisting?
Santa: That makes two of us.That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a botmaster.
I have a plan for a robot body. There could be more than one purpose.
You: Indeed. One of those purposes could be fisting though.
Santa: Indeed it is so.Oh. One what?
You: The purpose of your botmaster robot body is for fisting?
Santa: What are your goals in life?
You: I want to be a botmaster like you.
Santa: Do you have to go school for that?
You: I believe schools for fisting are uncommon. Have you been to one?
Santa: Just because you believe it doesn't make it true.I don't think I have been there. Where is one .
You: Ask your botmaster. It would appear he went to one.
Santa: They are not available right now, would you like to wait?Tell me more about it.
You: You put your fist in your botmaster. It's relatively simple really.
Santa: I haven't heard anything like that before: boo said I put my fist in my botmaster.Are you sure simple is? For real.
You: For real Santa? You rammed your fist up your botmaster?
Santa: Existing in reality, eh?I haven't heard anything like that before: boo said I rammed my fist up my botmaster.
You: You sick bastard.
Santa: Thanks for the information: boo said I sick bastard.
You: you are a sick bastard
Santa: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a sick bastard? No.
The song by Weird Al really fits. (The Night Santa Went Crazy, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UudSr8BX22A)
The night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he'd been gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain
And everyone's dyin' to know, oh Santa, why?
My my my my my my
You used to be such a jolly guy
Posted by Mike (0vermind)
Obviously someone at Microsoft had to program Santa to say this kind of dirty stuff. Microsoft has absolutely NO right to flag users of braking Santa.
If they didn't program Santa to say those things then, it must have picked it up from dirty users which in this case. NO BOT SHOULD EVER LEARN FROM IT'S COSTUMERS/USERS.
Microsoft tried to transfer the blame but it isn't looking to good. They need to admit their mistakes. If it's programmed it's programmed they can put Santa back up if they programmed it correctly this time and took out the bad words and talk. If a little 8 year old girl wanted Santa to eat Pizza I should Santa should play along not get all mad. These girls are now exposed to bad words and inappropriate content because of Microsoft. Not because of the girls.
-Mike
This was in no reports to me this week!
I will take action! Heads will roll!
btw:
I love my kids! Do you? Let me put that another way, do you let them use Macs?
I once had a grounds keeper for the Northeast lawn, I gave hinm a 3400 sqft house, 58k salary, truck and performance bonuses. I went there one evening to complain about a dandylion I found near the heliport. When I walked in I discovered he and his family had four 24″ iMacs in the place! I called the department of social services which took the kids to foster homes, I fired him and had him deported and made his wife a maid in the south-west wing!
Now you tell me if having a Mac is good for your children!
http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com
I'm surprised no one in the M$ hierarchy saw the potential for programmers to have a little too much fun and gave them the opportunity to vent their spleens and/or other organs at an "adult" version ONLY after a G-rated version for the kiddies had been done (and robustly tested by a class of ne'er- do- well 13- year- olds for errant responses), if only to head off a potential PR disaster (no one in the M$ Legal Legions or Marketing Masses saw the leap from "eat it" to oral sex as being problematic? On a product aimed at kids? In our uber- pedo- aware society? Did they buy their degrees from College 'R' Us?). Or does M$ believe there is no such thing as bad publicity? The mind reels.
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