You have fifteen seconds to comply
ED-209 is becoming real, people. Run whilst you still can.
Japanese industry colossus Hitachi yesterday unveiled a new robot boasting proprietary "agile collision avoidance" technology, only to see the cutting-edge droid crash violently into furniture in front of the world press. AP reports that the diminutive 80cm robot, asked where someone was sitting, unexpectedly cried "I will …
... you should be ashamed of this report.
This hysterical and robo-phobic report is nothing like what the A.P. story says. You have completely blown it out of all proportion just to get a juicy headline. The robot in question bumped once, then was grabbed before it fell over, since it operates on two wheels (a trick neither you nor I could manage)
There was no "orgy of violence" and no possibility (sadly) of any reporters getting dismembered.
Get a grip and stick to reporting the facts if you want to retain your credibitiy. If not, go work for the Daily Mail - this is just up their street.
"AP reports that the diminutive 80cm robot, asked where someone was sitting, unexpectedly cried "I will take you there - follow me," in a "boylike electronic voice"."
If the person sitting in that chair had any sense, he would have bolted for the door immediately. You can't take a chance with rogue robots. My advice for anyone who has been chosen to take part in a robot demonstration is to note the location of the nearest stairwell. Robots can't climb stairs, they don't have the nous.
I pick Paris Hilton as my avatar, because she is also a mindless automaton.
What is your major malfunction numb nuts?
It "could perhaps" be blown out of all proportion to make it interesting.
Just like Hitachi "could perhaps" have just been doing some crappy PR stunt demoing a non-product that doesn't even represent a significant advance.
Sadly, it seems that the ability to perceive irony "could perhaps" be disappearing from the world.
I often travel on two wheels, in fact my daily commute often affords me the opportunity to do this though a mechanism known as a bicycle.
I hear some madman has even developed a engine powered version of this contrivance, and it may even allow the foolhardy rider to travel at speeds above 30 miles per hour! Surely deadly, as a man would suffocate at such speeds!
Click on "more by this author" and you will discover that your rant makes you look a little bit like a newcomer here. There are a few running jokes on this site that make it an entertaining place to read news. Clearly you weren't aware of them, or of Mr Page's famous ability to make a story out of anything at all really.
I'm just disappointed that Hitachi gave their death droid a silly red nose. In the clip it is also appears to be held in place by a pink (!) restraining bar. When releasing a mechakiller I do not want to have to unfasten a pretty pink restraining bar, I want a black one with a skull on it and some chrome spikes.
I understand how you feel. Once upon a time (when the world was young and I was new here), I looked for consistently straight stories on El Reg. You'll get used to it.
However, you may not get used to the vitriol and intolerance you receive from El reg's core readership.
BTW, how did JonB know your nuts are numb?
Barely arrived in time to stomp on the bloody fragments. But...
For the last 26 years I've been capable of the "trick" of operating on two wheels - even picked up "certified evidence" a couple of times that I was operating in this manner at speeds in excess of 100km/h (signed by no less than sworn members of the police and tested using certified accurate equipment...)
These days, due to financial constraints, I do not operate on two wheels any faster than the numbers on the signs indicate I should, but I still manage the "trick" - have done for around 26 years.
It's even possible to do it and maintain both "high speed mobility" and "agile collision avoidance" when surrounded by large numbers of large moving obstacles that shift and change position at a whim - often without any forewarning - over all sorts of terrain and various visibility conditions.
Scary, but true.
It's even possible, given the right two wheels, to operate away from smooth hard surfaces and traverse gravel, deep sand, slippery mud and clay, grass and soft dirt. I can "operate" up and down steep and uneven grades, go straight down vertical sections and over smallish branches and other obstacles in my path.
And there are those out there who can operate on two wheels far bettter than I can and maintain "high speed mobility" and "agile collision avoidance" while hopping from boulder to boulder...