Need a new set of b*llocks? Try Argos

Those among you looking for a new set of bollocks this Xmas are directed forthwith to Argos, which seems to be the UK's leading 'nad retailer: Argos screen grab showing 798 results for bollocks search Crikey, that's a right load of bollocks and no messing. Argos also does a nice line in crap kids' furniture, or why not try …

[Anonymous Coward]

Well known

Its well known that the argos site only searches on the first 4 letters of any search term...

[AndyB]

They also do a nice line in:-

assholes

[Shane Lusby]

4 letters

Interestingly you get different responses for boll, bollo and bollocks so the first 4 letters theory seems inaccurate.

[Anonymous Coward]

It's not just the bollocks..

a search for 'crap products' returns 6 results; 3 of which are listed under "customer service".

[Anonymous Coward]

and yet ....

Only one cunt.

[Anonymous Coward]

I'm surprised at this from Argos

If this was the Ikea website I wouldn't be, though. After all, I think they probably have an end-table named Crap, a free-standing lamp called Shite and most likely a very nice shelving unit with the charming monicker of Poop.

[Bo Pedersen]

Bedroom Furniture

Obviously thats the department we're looking for :)

[Eileen Bach]

Lovely Jubbly

A nice bit of marketing and lots of fun for the family on rainy days.

[Des]

Don't forget...

the 14 day money back guarantee if your new bollocks fail to satisfy.

[Anonymous Coward]

Hours of fun...

Try doing the same on Autotrader.co.uk with the More Search Options -> Keywords

[Anonymous Coward]

They do more bollocks that quality

798 bollocks and only 97 quality!

http://www.argos.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/Search?storeId=10001&catalogId=1500000701&langId=-1&searchTerms=bollocks&x=0&y=0

http://www.argos.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/Search?storeId=10001&catalogId=1500000701&langId=-1&searchTerms=quality&x=0&y=0

[Euan Johnstone]

4 letters eh?

Obviously they have a lot of Shit then...... A poor substitute for Shite I know but they're definately well stocked.

I feel very out of the loop as I was completely unaware how Argos' search worked.

[Cap'n wotsit]

strangely

they don't have any useless tat, or just plain tat for sale

[matthew rose]

Thank god....

...theres an even number! :)

[Neil]

Paris Hilton

I did a search for Paris Hilton but it actually returned a real result with a bottle of Paris' perfume.

[Alan Davies]

I've always said

Argos was the nuts.

[Greg]

@Tony

IKEA do indeed have some...interesting names. I used to work there, and would grin at the "Kolon" floor mats or the "Fartfull," which I believe was a computer desk. Was always good fun trying to figure out what they'd come up with next, but there is in fact a method behind it. Different categories of item are given different types of name. For example, all desks are bloke's names, IIRC.

[Stuart Castle]

Ikea..

"If this was the Ikea website I wouldn't be, though. After all, I think they probably have an end-table named Crap, a free-standing lamp called Shite and most likely a very nice shelving unit with the charming monicker of Poop."

Wouldn't suprise me. I saw a shower curtain in there with the name "fuktar"

[Krissie]

yep... shite it is.

4 results under customer services for shite. In this worls of outsourcing, lies and statistics, at least they're honest about it!

[DirkGently]

@Shane

Not just inaccurate - a load of bollocks.

[ryan]

type "minge" and your get a threesome...

...The Color Institute Menage A Trois

[Alien8n]

No arsehole?

A search for arsehole and asshole both returned no results. Explains why it's full of shite really.

Interestingly a search for "chav jewellery" returns no results either, which is a surprise as I thought that was all the jewellery they sold...

[Rogers]

Chav Search

Given that only a chav would buy from Argos (Elizabeth Duke - need I say more?),

Argos are obviously smart enought to realise that chav's can't spell, which is why it's doing some sort of mangling of the search, stripping out vowels, S and double letters.

For instance:

C*nt -> cnt -> matches count

Minge -> mng -> Menage (but not Minogue, or Hilton)

Bollocks -> blck -> Block

It's funny, but they're just catering for their customer base.

[TeeCee]

@Greg

"For example, all desks are bloke's names, IIRC"

""Fartfull," which I believe was a computer desk"

ROTFLMAO!!!

[Paul]

Never mind the Bollocks...

...there's no Sex Pistols!

- Sorry, we didn't find a result for SEX PISTOLS

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: No arsehole?

You have to search for 'assholes', plural.

[Anonymous Coward]

Lost Government Data Disks

Argos hasn't got them.

[Anonymous Coward]

Extra IT Angle

A search for 'naff' just brings up their complete Sat Nav offerings. Remember - spelling and pronunciation probably aren't the strong point of Argos' customers so it's probaly just some phonetic based search system basesd on traditional rhyming chav as in 'oi - av u nicked a sat naff yet?"

If their search facility hadn't crawled to a near halt this lunchtime (for some inexplicable reason) I'd probably research this some more ...

[vale]

Dave

I bought a laptop table for my old job from ikea (dont ask why) and it was called Dave....Dave made me happy, I built him and then tried to adjust his height using his little black knob! But to my horror I broke it off. I felt very bad for a good while...Dave now no longer has his little black knob :(

DAMN YOUR SHODDY CRAFTSMANSHIP IKEA *sniffs*

[Anonymous Coward]

But still no WMDs -- what a relief!

I did the most important search of all:

http://www.argos.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/Search?storeId=10001&catalogId=1500000701&langId=-1&searchTerms=weapons+of+mass+destruction&x=0&y=0

[Jason Aspinall]

Looking for weapons of mass destruction? Try Tesco :D

http://direct.tesco.com/search/default.aspx?search=weapons+of+mass+destruction&confirm.x=0&confirm.y=0

:D

[Anonymous Coward]

Plenty of 'guff' and 'toss' too, but...

..strangely no 'tat' (which is what Elizabeth Duke actually specialises in).

[Daniel Beardsall]

And...

They seem to do a good line in 'crap computers'.

They also reinforce my personal opinion of the Nintendo DS, as it presents me with two of them when I search for 'toss'.

[Jeremy]

Shame

I just tried to reserve some bollocks but they don't seem to have them any more. Fortunately they still have seven spare assholes though.

[skeptical i]

doggie bollocks ...

... are at http://www.neuticles.com Apparently too many dogs suffer staggering blows (heh) to their self- esteem after getting neutered, and it's nice to see corporate Amurka rise up to get a grip on the matter.

[Daniel B.]

@Jason Aspinall

That search gave me a Jack Sparrow figure. Didn't know that Pirates are classified as WMD's!

Arrr matey!!

[Tim Lane]

Not at all surprised

Since I have bought all sorts of bollocks at Argos over the years.

[Anonymous Coward]

Argos ends sillyness

I just went to their website and searched for;

Bollocks

Utter shite

Toe jam

Winnet

Belly button fluff

No results were found for those, but I still got results for crap kids furniture