back to article Monkey butlers a step nearer as boffins clone macaques

American-based scientists report they have successfully produced cloned embryos from an adult male monkey. The breakthrough will have important implications for the fields of invincible clone armies, organ harvesting, and - most importantly - monkey butlers. The research was published in prestigious boffinry publication …


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  1. Anonymous Coward

    Planet of the Apes, here we come!

    Put me in for a monkey butler right away. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!

  2. Paul

    Sober, reasoned analysis.

    Why would I be reading El Reg if I wanted that?

  3. Anonymous Coward

    monkey butlers

    I would never eat dinner at your place.

  4. Matt

    The perfect gift...

    ...for a certain Mr Karl Pilkington?

  5. Anonymous Coward


    If they were cloning orangutans it would have to be ook-sight

    Hat, coat etc...

  6. Damian Gabriel Moran

    hee hee hee

    land of the monkeys

  7. Pete Silver badge

    armies of cloned monkeys?

    ... huge armies of invincible clone soldiers - even monkey ones

    Not really practical. If you want to win a battle, just chuck a bunch of bannanas at the advancing horde. Then watch as they drop their weapons and tuck into lunch.

    Also, how would you get them to fight in a desert - there aren't any trees for them to swing through.

    If I was going to create an army of genetically engineered/cloned animals, I'd choose pigeons and mess with their DNA so they crap high-exposive. Not only could they dive-bomb the enemy (provided they were only monkeys) but training them as kamikaze "missiles" could bring down aircraft.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    "Oosight"... & @Pete

    groan.... molecular biologist puns are teh worst!

    @Pete: Don't think your pigeons are invulnerable. Monkeys are famed for their poo-flinging abilities, so once we've cracked the basic problem of genetically-engineered hi-ex dung, your dive bombers can expect to receive a lot of flak, incoming!

    At that point, throwing bananas to us would just be like handing over free ammo!

  9. Rick Brasche

    @AC & Pete-Schlock Mercenary beat ya to the punch

    or, the poo, as it were. Howard Tayler for Teh Win:

  10. Mike

    It has to be said...

    One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the monkeys will soon be here. And I for one welcome our new monkey overlords.

  11. Anonymous Coward

    I for one...

    ... Welcome our new high-explosive poo flinging cloned monkey butler overlords.

  12. Charlie van Becelaere

    Live Free or Die!

    Down the monkey butler overlords and their high-explosive poo! Down the bloody pigeons as well!

    It's all a plot of the scum in the Animal Rights movement, no doubt. If only we could decrypt their files - or is it decrap their piles?

    Whatever, gd&r

  13. Morely Dotes

    Can't be that hard.

    After all, the USA has already produced a monkey President. Well, part chimp, part jackass, apparently, but still...

  14. Pyros

    Sign me up

    There's something a-peel-ing about a bunch of monkeys.

    Even in little tuxedo coats and serving banana daquris at your local cabana bar.

    Hrmm... can we do gorillas, too? A bar could use the heavy labor/bouncers for chimp change...

    if(coat == TRUE) {exit;}

  15. Chris G

    Don't monkey with me

    Just a thought, but if monkeys are engineered to be smart enough to buttle that would probably put them sufficiently far up the IQ curve of society ( over halfway going by observation of some current members of society) to entitle them to some kind of civil rights. Obviously that will be followed by legislated terms of employment and protection from being exploited, then we will be back at square one!

    Let's just get the space race going again and enslave some martians.

    And as far as the Paris Hilton connection is concerned, it is down my trousers waiting for Paris.

  16. Will Leamon

    Pray For Mojo

    nuff said.

  17. chew6acca


    Bloody clones... they're all the same.

  18. Dion R

    I wonder....

    Now that I can get macaque cloned, i wonder if i could also get it enlarged?

    Hat ... coat

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    re Can't be that hard.

    Morely Dotes spoke thusly

    "After all, the USA has already produced a monkey President. Well, part chimp, part jackass, apparently, but still..."

    Worse yet, they're trying to elect his wife president...

  20. Dion R

    Smell no evil.

    Macaques are theiving little buggers,they'll take anything they can lay mitts on. Just think, they are gunna clone em, George Dubya will be the chief big banana, he'll send the theiving lil buggers into the middle east, and all they'll do is advance up the scale to theiving cars n doing drive-by's with their explosive turds.

    I can see it all now, to deflect attention from the Iraq Macaque debarkle, the president will appear on the tonight Show riding a unicycle.

  21. Dion R
    IT Angle

    Where's the IT i hear you say...

    At least the C++ monkey may be a thing of reallity, I hear it can manage object-oriented programming,Visual C++, even some Java .... There's always a tech angle on ALL of El Reg's stuff if u just read between the lines.

    I think these people have finished dry cleaning my coat now...

  22. Paul

    RE:armies of cloned monkeys?

    What we need is explosive Poo flinging Monkeys, riding pigeons. The ultimate clone war combo.

  23. Anonymous Coward

    @ Paul

    You, dear Sir, scare the living crap out of me.

  24. chew6acca
    Dead Vulture

    Now all we need...

    is a way to clone typewriters.

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