It's in the Sun...
...so it must be true.
Popstress Lily Allen is 'in talks to be Doctor Who's next assistant' according to the Sun. A show insider told the paper: "Lily is multi-talented. She comes from more of a TV background than a musical one. After the chat show we hope she'll take over from Catherine [Tate] as Dr Who's assistant. We've talked to her and she was …
Just as you thought it couldn't get any worse, it does! The Tardis is going to be the biggest talent vacuum in the universe, Tate, Allen, Ifans added together might make it to one Langford ( the accepted unit of Whovian talent ).
All it needs is a nice 'Bertie Basset' baddie to complete the set...
Billie Piper didn't use Dr Who "for her transition from music to acting" - she went to theatre school, and had already starred in a number of BBC plays before getting the role of Rose.
What acting experience does Lily have?
I can't help feeling that the "source" is really Lily's agent...
I had to look her up. Not that I'd ever accuse wikipedia of being a reliable source, but it does have some interesting snippets...
"After her family went to Ibiza on vacation ... She earned money by ... dealing in ecstasy."
"Allen was rejected by several labels, which she attributed to her drinking..."
"Allen studied horticulture with the intent of becoming a florist but changed her mind..."
"I really want to explore the acting route more, but nothing which involves me taking my clothes off. ... I just want to do proper cool stuff. I definitely feel the time is right to explore acting"
Proper cool stuff. Oh dear, oh dear, what has Dr. Who come to. Next thing he'll be reincarnated as a west indian rapper with gold chains...
On the positive side, though:
"She has also called Bob Geldof a "cunt""
"She also said that everyone who bought Paris Hilton's debut album should be killed off"
but even so :(
She'll make an excellent companion. I already have some spoilers of the episodes that have been written around her nuanced and multi-faceted character.
"Silence is Golden" - when a race of intergalactic librarians threaten London with permanent silence, the only person who can drive them away is a woman with a really annoying voice who only has one volume setting - but where will the Doctor find one of those?
"Novelty Fair" - when a race of thrill-seeking aliens threaten London with being turned into their white-knuckle fun-fair, the only person who can drive them away is a woman who can turn anything into a boring, unfunny catchphrase within two or three repetitions - but where will the Doctor find one of those?
"The Doctor's Dalliances" - when Martha Jones unexpectedly returns she and Donna immediately come into conflict. Written by RTD this episode will shock viewers with the subtle nuance it applies to harpy-like screeching and blowjob gags.
"Nostalgia ain't what it used to be" - 45 minutes of a target being displayed on the screen under the words "The fan must be punished. Strike the screen with your forehead." For accessibility purposes, instructions will be squawked by Catherine Tate throughout.
My spies also report that halfway through the series the TARDIS will see the introduction of a wacky new character, the Doctor's nephew Scrappy-Doc! Hijinks ensue!
If someone can find a single talent in Lily Allen, they're doing a damn sight better than I've managed so far. Can't sing, can't write decent songs, and isn't even particularly attractive (that slack-jawed chavette look does nothing for me). Still and all, she's better than Paris in that at least she writes *some* songs.
Adding another Paris Hilton angle. I was at a Bob Brozman gig last night, and he reckoned that you could hear the drumbeats in pop going "stoo-pid-stoo-pid-stoo-pid-stoo-pid". And repeated phrase throughout the gig: "Don't buy Paris Hilton's new record, it'll make you stupid." (Off-topic: If Bob is gigging in your area, get there and see him. Nuttier than squirrel crap, but a pure genius musician.)
OMG if this is what Who is going to be aimed at we might all just as well join My Space or Bebo and chuck the TV out of the window. I'd rather stick knitting needles in my eyes than watch more talentless totty posing around the place.
Lilly Who? Might just as well get V Beckham signed up and have done with it.
The Adventures of Sarah Jane on the beebies channel on Sundays is waaay better and she's even got K-9 around.
Bring back Tom Baker!
The doctor was always better as an older man.
As for bloody talentless Lily Allen words fail me. I can only assume Amy Wino was not available...
The Jury's out on Catherine Tate, but I'm expecting to be underwhelmed. She (IMHO) fails miserably to be funny because everything she does is predictable and over acted. I think she now should officially take over the mantle of "Britain's unfunniest comedienne" from Jennifer Saunders. It's quite an acheivement considering how dire most of them are. Jo Brand is the only one who makes me laugh.
"The insider concluded: "With Lily and someone younger and edgier in the lead role it could open up the show to a new, trendier crowd.""
That sounds remarkably like Krusty the Clown's marketing people in an episode that was on just last night. It's when Krusty decides he has to quit cos he can't stand all the meddling marketing types trying to make things more popular by finding more and more "lowest common denominator" things for him to do.
*sigh* I'd settle for Colin Baker (and Peri) back, never mind Tom.
Also, the Sun is shit. No idea about this Lily character is, is she the junkie alcoholic one that we keep hearing about?
...to ignore articles that have bollox like this in them: "With Lily and someone younger and edgier in the lead role it could open up the show to a new, trendier crowd."
This is pure flame-bait and almost certainly never uttered by this 'insider', if he/she/it/whatever even exists at all. The show is already the trendiest thing BBC have produced for 200 years or so, and Tennant is hardly a poster-boy for octogenarian has-beens, is he?
You obviously didn't see Ronni Ancona & Co if you think Saunders ever was the unfunniest comedienne. But Catherine Tate is without doubt worse than both of them, being both unfunny and ubiquitous (though at least from what I've seen of her show, it's not a bigoted hatefest as Little Britain is).
Saunders is merely mediocre with some bright moments. Vivienne Vyle, her last vehicle that ended last week, was very average. It had its good bits (the hideous female producer speaking broken Spanish down the phone to her toddler because it learnt to talk from her foreign nanny was original and laugh-out-loud funny) balanced by an appallingly cheap ending, so the whole thing averaged out to, well, average. British sit-com and sketch comedy seems to be a dead loss at the moment, thankfully our satirists haven't lost it yet.