back to article Lily Allen 'in talks' to become Doctor Who's assistant

Popstress Lily Allen is 'in talks to be Doctor Who's next assistant' according to the Sun. A show insider told the paper: "Lily is multi-talented. She comes from more of a TV background than a musical one. After the chat show we hope she'll take over from Catherine [Tate] as Dr Who's assistant. We've talked to her and she was …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's in the Sun...

    ...so it must be true.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    okay...

    now, let me begin by saying i don't really have anything against her; i actually like some of her music.

    BUT this bullshit of 'Lily can do anything. save the world, even!' has got to fucking stop!

  3. Paul
    Paris Hilton

    "Lily is multi-talented"

    Like Paris? :-)

  4. Billy
    Unhappy

    Time for a regeneration?

    "With Lily and someone younger and edgier in the lead role it could open up the show to a new, trendier crowd."

    Well that's Dr. Who ruined forever then. Oh well, it was good while it lasted.

  5. Alan Paice

    "Quick watch out for that space shark..

    ..we have no choice Dr, we gotta jump it"

    weeeeee...

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Lily is multi-talented"

    She can pick her nose AND tie her laces.

  7. Ferry Boat

    The Nags Head

    I always get Lily Allen and Lily Savage mixed up. Is it the blonde one?

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    Oi Lilly - NO

    If your that ruddy good, write your own show - heh.

  9. Lloyd
    Thumb Down

    Well

    I object to her very existence on the basis of her fathers existence.

    But then which is worse? Catherine "I've seen dead fish with more talent" Tate or Lily "I'm only famous because I've got a famous/unfunny/unpleasant human being dad" Allen?

  10. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    Dearie me....

    ....the BBC's obsession with Lilly Allen knows no bounds does it? Methinks she may well be 'pleasuring' someone senior (allegedly!) to secure this seemingly wall-to-wall coverage.

    Either that or they wouldn't mind a bit of pleasuring from her (yuk!).

  11. TeeCee Gold badge
    Flame

    @that Anonymous Coward

    "...... i actually like some of her music."

    Yeah, that's easy to say anonymously. Now reiterate that with your identity disclosed. I dare you.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Alien

    Lily is multi nippled also

    Perhaps her third nipple will be used to fend off the last of the daleks?

  13. supermeerkat
    Stop

    For the love of god

    The Sun has a proven track record of being wrong. Don't encourage them.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If the doctor is to be replaced

    I vote John Simm, though it's hard to see how they'd explain the new doctor looking exactly like the Master (unless he was feeling guilty about engineering his demise and chose to look like him).

  15. James Summerson
    Alert

    Dr. R.I.P.

    Just as you thought it couldn't get any worse, it does! The Tardis is going to be the biggest talent vacuum in the universe, Tate, Allen, Ifans added together might make it to one Langford ( the accepted unit of Whovian talent ).

    All it needs is a nice 'Bertie Basset' baddie to complete the set...

  16. Iain

    Acting Experience?

    Billie Piper didn't use Dr Who "for her transition from music to acting" - she went to theatre school, and had already starred in a number of BBC plays before getting the role of Rose.

    What acting experience does Lily have?

    I can't help feeling that the "source" is really Lily's agent...

  17. Bo Pedersen
    Happy

    of course its all part of the plot

    a couple of series and numerous strange choices for Doctors and Assistants later we find that the biggest baddie ever turns out to be orchestrating the whole thing and the Dr is just a re-animated dead timelord :)

  18. Steve
    Paris Hilton

    Lily who?

    I had to look her up. Not that I'd ever accuse wikipedia of being a reliable source, but it does have some interesting snippets...

    "After her family went to Ibiza on vacation ... She earned money by ... dealing in ecstasy."

    "Allen was rejected by several labels, which she attributed to her drinking..."

    "Allen studied horticulture with the intent of becoming a florist but changed her mind..."

    "I really want to explore the acting route more, but nothing which involves me taking my clothes off. ... I just want to do proper cool stuff. I definitely feel the time is right to explore acting"

    Proper cool stuff. Oh dear, oh dear, what has Dr. Who come to. Next thing he'll be reincarnated as a west indian rapper with gold chains...

    On the positive side, though:

    "She has also called Bob Geldof a "cunt""

    "She also said that everyone who bought Paris Hilton's debut album should be killed off"

    but even so :(

  19. James

    Leave Catherine Tate alone

    She'll make an excellent companion. I already have some spoilers of the episodes that have been written around her nuanced and multi-faceted character.

    "Silence is Golden" - when a race of intergalactic librarians threaten London with permanent silence, the only person who can drive them away is a woman with a really annoying voice who only has one volume setting - but where will the Doctor find one of those?

    "Novelty Fair" - when a race of thrill-seeking aliens threaten London with being turned into their white-knuckle fun-fair, the only person who can drive them away is a woman who can turn anything into a boring, unfunny catchphrase within two or three repetitions - but where will the Doctor find one of those?

    "The Doctor's Dalliances" - when Martha Jones unexpectedly returns she and Donna immediately come into conflict. Written by RTD this episode will shock viewers with the subtle nuance it applies to harpy-like screeching and blowjob gags.

    "Nostalgia ain't what it used to be" - 45 minutes of a target being displayed on the screen under the words "The fan must be punished. Strike the screen with your forehead." For accessibility purposes, instructions will be squawked by Catherine Tate throughout.

    My spies also report that halfway through the series the TARDIS will see the introduction of a wacky new character, the Doctor's nephew Scrappy-Doc! Hijinks ensue!

  20. Simon Greenwood
    Paris Hilton

    Billie Piper - a pedant writes

    Billie went to the Sylvia Young Theatre School and appeared on Scratchy & Co (man, that was *bad* Saturday morning TV) before assaulting us with 'Because We Want To', so she went from 'acting' to 'music' and then back to 'acting'.

  21. Graham Bartlett
    Flame

    Multitalented?!?!

    If someone can find a single talent in Lily Allen, they're doing a damn sight better than I've managed so far. Can't sing, can't write decent songs, and isn't even particularly attractive (that slack-jawed chavette look does nothing for me). Still and all, she's better than Paris in that at least she writes *some* songs.

    Adding another Paris Hilton angle. I was at a Bob Brozman gig last night, and he reckoned that you could hear the drumbeats in pop going "stoo-pid-stoo-pid-stoo-pid-stoo-pid". And repeated phrase throughout the gig: "Don't buy Paris Hilton's new record, it'll make you stupid." (Off-topic: If Bob is gigging in your area, get there and see him. Nuttier than squirrel crap, but a pure genius musician.)

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Horns

    Ifans?

    I think Rhys Ifans would be a bloody hilarious Dr. Who. Bring out a nice hilarious dark side.

  23. David Austin
    Stop

    No wai!

    Are the BBC trying alienate the core audience? What would she bring to the table for the average Dr. Who fan (As opposed to the casual watcher and chav brigade)?

    Can't see it happening myself, but I'm not putting it past the BBC to be looney enough to try and make this one fly...

  24. Carol Yates

    trendier audience?

    OMG if this is what Who is going to be aimed at we might all just as well join My Space or Bebo and chuck the TV out of the window. I'd rather stick knitting needles in my eyes than watch more talentless totty posing around the place.

    Lilly Who? Might just as well get V Beckham signed up and have done with it.

    The Adventures of Sarah Jane on the beebies channel on Sundays is waaay better and she's even got K-9 around.

    Grumpy, moi?

  25. Graham Marsden
    Stop

    Oh dear gods....

    Having no idea who Lilly Allen is, I went to her website and my ears were assaulted by some incredibly awful "singing".

    If that's any measure of her acting talent then it seems the producers of Dr Who are definitely trying to kill off the show :-(

  26. Andrew Moore
    Thumb Up

    @James

    Damn you. Now the monitor's obscured by a fine mist of tea...

  27. Mike Richards Silver badge

    'Lily is multi-talented'

    She really is - ubiquitous AND annoying.

  28. Law
    Coat

    but... kylie

    "And as an Xmas treat, Kylie Minogue will play Astrid the Titanic waitress"

    Thats a little bit of an unfair judgement on old Kylie, shes actually quite a petite lass! :)

  29. Chad H.
    Dead Vulture

    Havent we yet learned that The Sun Is NOT a source of Dr Who info.

    Lets see, Dr Who isnt canceled, RTD isnt leaving, etc etc. Please stop reprinting this trash, and stick to real sources please.

  30. Peter Yates

    Who Cares?

    Bring back Tom Baker!

    The doctor was always better as an older man.

    As for bloody talentless Lily Allen words fail me. I can only assume Amy Wino was not available...

    The Jury's out on Catherine Tate, but I'm expecting to be underwhelmed. She (IMHO) fails miserably to be funny because everything she does is predictable and over acted. I think she now should officially take over the mantle of "Britain's unfunniest comedienne" from Jennifer Saunders. It's quite an acheivement considering how dire most of them are. Jo Brand is the only one who makes me laugh.

  31. Matthew Mell
    Boffin

    Cant be worse than...

    Lily Allen can do a worse job than Catherine Tate's likely to do

  32. Mark Aggleton

    David Tennant

    ..is Timmy Mallet on speed and a crap """""actor""""".

  33. Gerrit Tijhof
    Unhappy

    RTD

    As long as RTD is in charge, thing's will get worse.

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    Sorry to requote but...

    "The insider concluded: "With Lily and someone younger and edgier in the lead role it could open up the show to a new, trendier crowd.""

    That sounds remarkably like Krusty the Clown's marketing people in an episode that was on just last night. It's when Krusty decides he has to quit cos he can't stand all the meddling marketing types trying to make things more popular by finding more and more "lowest common denominator" things for him to do.

    *sigh* I'd settle for Colin Baker (and Peri) back, never mind Tom.

    Also, the Sun is shit. No idea about this Lily character is, is she the junkie alcoholic one that we keep hearing about?

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    NO OH NO OH NO OH NO!!!!!! (EOM)

    (EOM)

  36. Neil B
    Flame

    When will people learn...

    ...to ignore articles that have bollox like this in them: "With Lily and someone younger and edgier in the lead role it could open up the show to a new, trendier crowd."

    This is pure flame-bait and almost certainly never uttered by this 'insider', if he/she/it/whatever even exists at all. The show is already the trendiest thing BBC have produced for 200 years or so, and Tennant is hardly a poster-boy for octogenarian has-beens, is he?

  37. Steven Walker
    Happy

    I am much older than her dad

    and i think she is great!

  38. Eileen Bach

    Dr who

    It's not Shipman so I give in. Who is it?

  39. David S
    Joke

    @Steven Walker

    Are you her Mum?

    Reminds me of this joke: Knock, knock...

  40. Spleen

    @Peter Yates

    You obviously didn't see Ronni Ancona & Co if you think Saunders ever was the unfunniest comedienne. But Catherine Tate is without doubt worse than both of them, being both unfunny and ubiquitous (though at least from what I've seen of her show, it's not a bigoted hatefest as Little Britain is).

    Saunders is merely mediocre with some bright moments. Vivienne Vyle, her last vehicle that ended last week, was very average. It had its good bits (the hideous female producer speaking broken Spanish down the phone to her toddler because it learnt to talk from her foreign nanny was original and laugh-out-loud funny) balanced by an appallingly cheap ending, so the whole thing averaged out to, well, average. British sit-com and sketch comedy seems to be a dead loss at the moment, thankfully our satirists haven't lost it yet.

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