Jordan mulls mamtastic epitaph

Those among you who are still wondering with a kind of shocked disbelief why oh why oh why didn't talented chanteuese and Bulgarian airbag scaffold Jordan feature on the list of top Brits wits need look no further than today's Sun for enlightenment. While the late Spike Milligan was honoured for, among other classics, his …

[Matt Zywina]

Obvious, really

Thanks for the mammaries.

[Colin Jackson]

How about...

"Thanks for the mammaries?"

Mines the burberry, taxi's on it's way.

[Bez]

How about...

"Jordan is dead,

But please don't be blue.

Though she's six foot below

Her nipples poke through."

Or, simply, "It's all gone hugely tits-up."

[Les Matthew]

Here I lie

when it all goes tits up.

[Anonymous Coward]

here's one...

"Thick as F**k."

[Anonymous Coward]

IT Angle?

Well?

[Karl Lattimer]

Is this "woman" for real

Seriously, she is so absolutely moronically stupid she should be shot just to prevent any further incursions into the future gene pool.

For a start, her tits are fake, and completely shit!

PS. Where's the paris hilton angle?

[Anonymous Coward]

Multi-talented

She exceeded her limitations and improved her only talents.

[Stuart Gray]

In honour of El Reg

I've gone titsup

[Dave Alderson]

Jordan has her good points

I like Jordan... She has her good points ;-)

[Dan]

burial mounds

that woman's knockers will be around long after she, and indeed the rest of us, have shuffled off.

[Lloyd]

Or how about

"The Worlds greatest mum", she did win mum of the year didn't she? Although how she did when her oldest son ran into a mirror whilst unattended kind of beggars belief.

[Anonymous Coward]

A few possibilities

She sleeps alone at last

Here lies the body of Katie Price; While she may rot; Her assets will not

Fame she had a plenty; Although her mind was empty; Here she turns; Amidst the worms; Appalled she's now a non-entity.

And finally ,

Where have all the cameras gone?

[Anonymous Coward]

Mountains out of molehills

Short and sweet is best, so:

"Here lies Jordan, who finally went tits up"

[Dave]

how about....

...titillating conversationalist.

can we vote for peter andre's epitaph to be "he was a perfect tit"

[Rusty Warrior]

Errrrr

Thanks for the mamaries?

[Harvey Trowell]

Re: Don't bother with "Breast in Peace" - the Sun has beaten you to that one.

They didn't run with "In loving Mammary"?

Thanks for the Mammaries?

Silicon but not forgotten?

[Rusty Warrior]

errrrrr 2

Sphere we go?

[Peter Kay]

Perhaps some Nena

99 Red Balloons, anyone?

[Anonymous Coward]

The girl DOES have wit

By the time she reaches her 60's, her first suggestion "She had perfect tits" will be supprisingly accurate.

However the epitaph, "90% biodegradable" also springs to mind

[Dogbyte]

Hmmm...

Thanks for the mammaries

[Chris Moss]

An epitaph for when Jordon is 6 foot under

"My final implant."

[Anonymous Coward]

Umm

Thanks for the mammaries ?

[Si Donbavand]

Jordan's Epitaph

"She married a tit"

[Ian]

Depending on how deep she's buried....

They might be wise to put "Mind the step" on there.

[Karl]

Epitath? Epiteth? Epitit?

"Here lies Katie 'Jordan' Price, who went titsup on..."

"At rest, after a bumpy ride."

"She was a titbit."

"Here be flagons."

[TeeCee]

How about....

"Her boobs and cock-ups were legendary".

[Tom Watson]

epitath

I came, I saw, but I never really understood.

[Rich Whittaker]

Surely it would be better to be honest?

She was useless in life, at least now shes feeding the worms.

[Jimmy Fizz]

epitaph

Loving mother, devoted wife, massive tits.

[TeeCee]

I hate to double-post, but....

"A dirty weekend in Jordan was cheaper than one night in Paris".

[Brian]

How about....

"Don't cry for me. I've always been happiest on my back"

[michael]

new name for princess

why not call the daughter Tiaamii Suu?

[Dogbyte]

Or maybe...

Simply the breast

[Kenny Millar]

How about...

Inflated in Life,

Inflated Chest,

Inflated Ego,

All deflated in Death.

[Mata]

How about...

'Not the river.'

[Sy]

Moron

Or maybe Annoying. Either or which I think are wholly suitable...I can think of others but I doubt they'd get published.

[Anonymous Coward]

COSHH & Silicone Oil...

I’m no expert (I’m sure that there is someone out there that will put me right) but is there a COSHH problem with putting that amount of silicone in the ground ?

Environmental Precautions:

Do not allow to enter drains or water

courses.

Methods of spill cleaning:

Wipe, scrape or soak up in an inert

material and put in container for disposal.

Wash walking surfaces with a detergent

and water to reduce slipping hazard.

[Andrew Wood]

Epitaph

( o Y o )

[lansalot]

suggestions

On the Spike Milligan theme, how about "Clearly, I was mentally ill" ?

or

Don't stand there - you'll burst them!

CCTV in action - nork-lifters will be prosecuted

Question: will she be going for the Y-shaped coffin at all ? Or perhaps a little creative corpse arrangement could negate the need for a vase at said site ? Take the Billy Connolly route and give visitors somewhere to park their bike ?

[supermeerkat]

A towering intellect of a woman...

Sadly for her it will be posterity that recognises her genius, thereby denying her the adulation she so craves.

'Twas ever thus for minds of her stature.

[SoupDragon]

Gravestones

No epitaph, but I heard she has commissioned the artist who designed these to make her gravestone:

www.skateparkoftampa.com/spot/images/btb7tits.jpg

[Chris]

How about...

Thanks for the mammaries

Not dead, chest sleeping

Crossed over to the udder side

Excuse my bust

[Anonymous Coward]

A Suggestion

How about 'I finally went titsup.'?

[Anonymous Coward]

in Mammory of Jordon

And the Cloakroom is where sorry?

[Matthew]

I think this time, I must insist

No Photographs!

[Lyndon Barry]

Here Lies Katie "Jordan" Price

I couldn't dance

I couldn't sing

I couldn't act.

I couldn't write

But my tits will still be here long after you're dead.

Or maybe

Born May 1978

Implanted 199X

Died XXX XXXX

She came, she implanted, She posed, She gave birth, She married famous people and still nobody gave a flying f*ck when she died

[Andy G]

kinda obvious but...

... tits up ??

:o)

/coat lol

[Lyndon Barry]

She might get poetic!

I was just a little girl,

when I asked my mother "What will I be?"

"Will I be famous", "Will I be rich"

Here's what she said to me..

"No you f*cking won't, you'll be a annoying waste of time, taking up precious air, flaunting your plastic boobs at celebrities and pretending to be important to gossip rags in a vain attempt to prove that you're somebody special."

I proved her wrong didn't I?

hmm, I'm getting a bit vindictive here aren't I?

[Rusty Warrior]

Musings

I've been thinking - step back everyone, this thing might just might blow!

All that silicone must put her in the hands of the WEEE... so how on Earth will they "dispose" of her in an environmentally friendly fashion?

Answers on a postage stamp to the usual address.

[Anonymous Coward]

not sure about this but..

the personification of silicone valley.

[Anonymous Coward]

Well that's Jordan Covered

May I be first to propose one for Paris:

Her lies Paris Hilton, famous for her many nights out and one night in.

[TeeCee]

Interred implants.

AFAIK they remove implants and such during the embalming process so there's no COSHH issue with silicone in the water table. Presumably they either restuff the cavity with something more biodegradable (old copies of the Sun would be appropriate in this case) or go with something in the padded bra line to compensate.

This does beg a question though. Could removing a dead, septuagenarian Jordan's implants possibly be the worst job in human history?

Normally I'd hesitate to point out something so flesh-crawlingly horrific, but it's Hallowe'en today so I claim fair comment.

[Anonymous Coward]

howabout?

'park bike here'

[Anonymous Coward]

In Loving Memory of Katie Price

Silicon but not forgotten.

[Phill Holland]

Woof

Does she have any pet dogs? because it could read "please take care of the puppies".

[Andy King]

Simply...

I did my bust.

[Anonymous Coward]

Possible Obituaries for Jordan

"Great loss for Humanity!" -British Plastics Inc

"What a gifted singer she was." -Playboy Magazine

"Last of the great ones." -Plastic Surgeons Union

"Too bad she never made it big." -Samantha Fox

[C Wall]

Title

In loving mamory

[Luke]

How about..

.. "Mind the Gap"

.. "Your flotation device is located under this headstone"

.. "Why is it so dark in here?"

.. "Silicon Valley"

Illegal minicab? That'll do nicely

[InsolentBystander]

Mine's the snorkel parka...

"Here lies Jordan, the silicont."

[Anonymous Coward]

Keats

Here lies one whose fame was tits in butter

[Anonymous Coward]

Time for some truth?

"She had such awful tits that it took this much saline to make them look even marginally presentable"

[Anonymous Coward]

Shallow Grave

Mine's the Barbour, please

[Magilla]

Here we go

Here I lie

Among the dead

With the biggest boobs

And the emptiest head

[One-armed Freddy]

Idea

If they bury her shallow, with the waps poking through the surface:

"Bouncy castle, 20p. Please remove shoes."

[Fee]

How About.....

......For a good time, digg.......

[Julian Taylor]

Let Sleeping Policemen lie ...

In my neck of the woods in peaceful Sussex 'sleeping policemen' are referred to now as 'sleeping Jordans' ...