back to article Jordan mulls mamtastic epitaph

Those among you who are still wondering with a kind of shocked disbelief why oh why oh why didn't talented chanteuese and Bulgarian airbag scaffold Jordan feature on the list of top Brits wits need look no further than today's Sun for enlightenment. While the late Spike Milligan was honoured for, among other classics, his …


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  1. Matt Zywina

    Obvious, really

    Thanks for the mammaries.

  2. Colin Jackson

    How about...

    "Thanks for the mammaries?"

    Mines the burberry, taxi's on it's way.

  3. Bez

    How about...

    "Jordan is dead,

    But please don't be blue.

    Though she's six foot below

    Her nipples poke through."

    Or, simply, "It's all gone hugely tits-up."

  4. Les Matthew

    Here I lie

    when it all goes tits up.

  5. Anonymous Coward

    here's one...

    "Thick as F**k."

  6. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    IT Angle?


  7. Karl Lattimer
    Paris Hilton

    Is this "woman" for real

    Seriously, she is so absolutely moronically stupid she should be shot just to prevent any further incursions into the future gene pool.

    For a start, her tits are fake, and completely shit!

    PS. Where's the paris hilton angle?

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    She exceeded her limitations and improved her only talents.

  9. Stuart Gray

    In honour of El Reg

    I've gone titsup

  10. Dave Alderson

    Jordan has her good points

    I like Jordan... She has her good points ;-)

  11. Dan

    burial mounds

    that woman's knockers will be around long after she, and indeed the rest of us, have shuffled off.

  12. Lloyd
    IT Angle

    Or how about

    "The Worlds greatest mum", she did win mum of the year didn't she? Although how she did when her oldest son ran into a mirror whilst unattended kind of beggars belief.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    A few possibilities

    She sleeps alone at last

    Here lies the body of Katie Price; While she may rot; Her assets will not

    Fame she had a plenty; Although her mind was empty; Here she turns; Amidst the worms; Appalled she's now a non-entity.

    And finally ,

    Where have all the cameras gone?

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Mountains out of molehills

    Short and sweet is best, so:

    "Here lies Jordan, who finally went tits up"

  15. Dave
    Paris Hilton

    how about....

    ...titillating conversationalist.

    can we vote for peter andre's epitaph to be "he was a perfect tit"

  16. Rusty Warrior


    Thanks for the mamaries?

  17. Harvey Trowell

    Re: Don't bother with "Breast in Peace" - the Sun has beaten you to that one.

    They didn't run with "In loving Mammary"?

    Thanks for the Mammaries?

    Silicon but not forgotten?

  18. Rusty Warrior

    errrrrr 2

    Sphere we go?

  19. Peter Kay

    Perhaps some Nena

    99 Red Balloons, anyone?

  20. Anonymous Coward

    The girl DOES have wit

    By the time she reaches her 60's, her first suggestion "She had perfect tits" will be supprisingly accurate.

    However the epitaph, "90% biodegradable" also springs to mind

  21. Dogbyte


    Thanks for the mammaries

  22. Chris Moss

    An epitaph for when Jordon is 6 foot under

    "My final implant."

  23. Anonymous Coward


    Thanks for the mammaries ?

  24. Si Donbavand

    Jordan's Epitaph

    "She married a tit"

  25. Ian

    Depending on how deep she's buried....

    They might be wise to put "Mind the step" on there.

  26. Karl

    Epitath? Epiteth? Epitit?

    "Here lies Katie 'Jordan' Price, who went titsup on..."

    "At rest, after a bumpy ride."

    "She was a titbit."

    "Here be flagons."

  27. This post has been deleted by its author

  28. TeeCee Gold badge

    How about....

    "Her boobs and cock-ups were legendary".

  29. Tom Watson


    I came, I saw, but I never really understood.

  30. Rich Whittaker
    Thumb Down

    Surely it would be better to be honest?

    She was useless in life, at least now shes feeding the worms.

  31. Jimmy Fizz


    Loving mother, devoted wife, massive tits.

  32. TeeCee Gold badge
    Paris Hilton

    I hate to double-post, but....

    "A dirty weekend in Jordan was cheaper than one night in Paris".

  33. Brian

    How about....

    "Don't cry for me. I've always been happiest on my back"

  34. michael

    new name for princess

    why not call the daughter Tiaamii Suu?

  35. Dogbyte

    Or maybe...

    Simply the breast

  36. Kenny Millar
    Thumb Up

    How about...

    Inflated in Life,

    Inflated Chest,

    Inflated Ego,

    All deflated in Death.

  37. Mata

    How about...

    'Not the river.'

  38. Sy
    Thumb Down


    Or maybe Annoying. Either or which I think are wholly suitable...I can think of others but I doubt they'd get published.

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    COSHH & Silicone Oil...

    I’m no expert (I’m sure that there is someone out there that will put me right) but is there a COSHH problem with putting that amount of silicone in the ground ?

    Environmental Precautions:

    Do not allow to enter drains or water


    Methods of spill cleaning:

    Wipe, scrape or soak up in an inert

    material and put in container for disposal.

    Wash walking surfaces with a detergent

    and water to reduce slipping hazard.

  40. Andrew Wood


    ( o Y o )

  41. lansalot


    On the Spike Milligan theme, how about "Clearly, I was mentally ill" ?


    Don't stand there - you'll burst them!

    CCTV in action - nork-lifters will be prosecuted

    Question: will she be going for the Y-shaped coffin at all ? Or perhaps a little creative corpse arrangement could negate the need for a vase at said site ? Take the Billy Connolly route and give visitors somewhere to park their bike ?

  42. supermeerkat
    Thumb Up

    A towering intellect of a woman...

    Sadly for her it will be posterity that recognises her genius, thereby denying her the adulation she so craves.

    'Twas ever thus for minds of her stature.

  43. SoupDragon


    No epitaph, but I heard she has commissioned the artist who designed these to make her gravestone:

  44. Chris

    How about...

    Thanks for the mammaries

    Not dead, chest sleeping

    Crossed over to the udder side

    Excuse my bust

  45. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A Suggestion

    How about 'I finally went titsup.'?

  46. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    in Mammory of Jordon

    And the Cloakroom is where sorry?

  47. Matthew

    I think this time, I must insist

    No Photographs!

  48. Lyndon Barry

    Here Lies Katie "Jordan" Price

    I couldn't dance

    I couldn't sing

    I couldn't act.

    I couldn't write

    But my tits will still be here long after you're dead.

    Or maybe

    Born May 1978

    Implanted 199X

    Died XXX XXXX

    She came, she implanted, She posed, She gave birth, She married famous people and still nobody gave a flying f*ck when she died

  49. Andy G

    kinda obvious but...

    ... tits up ??


    /coat lol

  50. Lyndon Barry

    She might get poetic!

    I was just a little girl,

    when I asked my mother "What will I be?"

    "Will I be famous", "Will I be rich"

    Here's what she said to me..

    "No you f*cking won't, you'll be a annoying waste of time, taking up precious air, flaunting your plastic boobs at celebrities and pretending to be important to gossip rags in a vain attempt to prove that you're somebody special."

    I proved her wrong didn't I?

    hmm, I'm getting a bit vindictive here aren't I?

  51. Rusty Warrior


    I've been thinking - step back everyone, this thing might just might blow!

    All that silicone must put her in the hands of the WEEE... so how on Earth will they "dispose" of her in an environmentally friendly fashion?

    Answers on a postage stamp to the usual address.

  52. Anonymous Coward

    not sure about this but..

    the personification of silicone valley.

  53. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Well that's Jordan Covered

    May I be first to propose one for Paris:

    Her lies Paris Hilton, famous for her many nights out and one night in.

  54. TeeCee Gold badge

    Interred implants.

    AFAIK they remove implants and such during the embalming process so there's no COSHH issue with silicone in the water table. Presumably they either restuff the cavity with something more biodegradable (old copies of the Sun would be appropriate in this case) or go with something in the padded bra line to compensate.

    This does beg a question though. Could removing a dead, septuagenarian Jordan's implants possibly be the worst job in human history?

    Normally I'd hesitate to point out something so flesh-crawlingly horrific, but it's Hallowe'en today so I claim fair comment.

  55. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    'park bike here'

  56. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    In Loving Memory of Katie Price

    Silicon but not forgotten.

  57. Phill Holland


    Does she have any pet dogs? because it could read "please take care of the puppies".

  58. Andy King


    I did my bust.

  59. Anonymous Coward

    Possible Obituaries for Jordan

    "Great loss for Humanity!" -British Plastics Inc

    "What a gifted singer she was." -Playboy Magazine

    "Last of the great ones." -Plastic Surgeons Union

    "Too bad she never made it big." -Samantha Fox

  60. C Wall


    In loving mamory

  61. Luke

    How about..

    .. "Mind the Gap"

    .. "Your flotation device is located under this headstone"

    .. "Why is it so dark in here?"

    .. "Silicon Valley"

    Illegal minicab? That'll do nicely

  62. InsolentBystander

    Mine's the snorkel parka...

    "Here lies Jordan, the silicont."

  63. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Here lies one whose fame was tits in butter

  64. Anonymous Coward

    Time for some truth?

    "She had such awful tits that it took this much saline to make them look even marginally presentable"

  65. Anonymous Coward

    Shallow Grave

    Mine's the Barbour, please

  66. Magilla

    Here we go

    Here I lie

    Among the dead

    With the biggest boobs

    And the emptiest head

  67. One-armed Freddy


    If they bury her shallow, with the waps poking through the surface:

    "Bouncy castle, 20p. Please remove shoes."

  68. Fee

    How About.....

    ......For a good time, digg.......

  69. Julian Taylor
    IT Angle

    Let Sleeping Policemen lie ...

    In my neck of the woods in peaceful Sussex 'sleeping policemen' are referred to now as 'sleeping Jordans' ...

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