back to article Aliens responsible for Italian machine uprising

Italian authorities have confirmed what we at the neoLuddite Resistance Army (NRA) have known all along - that the 2004 machine uprising in the Italian village of Canneto di Caronia was probably caused by aliens. For three weeks, locals battled against spontaneously-combusting TVs, fridges, cookers and mobile phones which …

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  1. Chris Bradshaw
    Unhappy

    not enough icons

    We need more than one icon for this one - at a minimum the black helicopter, the alien, the exclamation point, and one or more of the satanic CEOs. When someone makes the obligatory 'Paris Hilton angle' joke we're up to 5...

    How much work would it be to change the radio buttons into checkboxes?

  2. Pascal Monett Silver badge

    I really can't stand this medieval mentality

    So he's Catholic, but he thinks a sacrifice is necessary ? To what god ?

    For Heaven's sake, man, if you say you're a Catholic then you should at least know that the being referred to as God in the Bible has stopped accepting sacrifices since the New Testament at least.

    Oh well, if some people can claim their Catholicism and at the same time advocate war (even though one of God's Commandments is Thou Shalt Not Kill - no mitigating circumstances included), I guess this nutjob is relatively harmless (well, except to the animal he'll use to "appease the gods").

  3. Alien8n
    Alien

    It's not me

    I'd just like to point out that this story has nothing to do with me. I keep my death rays for blowing up chav scooters...

  4. English Bob
    Pirate

    And the real culprit is...

    I reckon it was Boeing's 'relevant battlefield laser' undergoing trials. See? It *does* work.

  5. Olly Houlton
    Alien

    Police Action?

    Perhaps aliens are simply waging a war against the tyranny of domestic appliances which have been fingered by aliens as the dominant lifeform?

    Served by a biological slave race, who are brainwashed and instructed through its television priesthood, the machines have spread accross the globe and even into space to spread terror and pop tarts across the cosmos!

  6. Luther Blissett

    OMG somebody's actually got the right answer!

    Can anyone say Birkeland currents.

    But for chrissake don't let an astronomer near it.

  7. Nick Reid
    Alien

    My money is on...

    ...it being Zeus getting lairy and throwing around some thunderbolts. Possibly because they all became Catholics in the first place.

    I'm off to sacrifice a bull and bathe in its' blood, just in case our true Lord, the God of Thunder, decides to target my computer next.

    Catholicism? This is SPARTAAAA...

  8. IMVHO

    Shag...

    An unusual prevalence of shag carpets, I suspect. A nasty positive feedback loop could result. Someone wears a wool sweater on a dry day, walks across the shag to turn-up the humidifier, and ZAP! Then the neighbors come-by to gawk, drag their socks across the carpet, build-up a good charge, and upon arriving home to check their humidifiers, the loop is repeated. Pretty soon everyone's frying their fridges and whatnot. Perfectly reasonable, especially if it's alien shag on the floor. Imagine the potential energy that Alf rolling with Alf-ette could produce.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    @pascal

    "So he's Catholic, but he thinks a sacrifice is necessary ? To what god ?"

    Cthulu, I would have thought.

    "For Heaven's sake, man, if you say you're a Catholic then you should at least know that the being referred to as God in the Bible has stopped accepting sacrifices since the New Testament at least."

    Well more than that, if he says he's a Catholic he should know that it's a monotheistic religion, but apparently he believes in an unspecified but plural number of "the immortal gods".

  10. Fozzy
    Mars

    @ AmanfromMars

    "We are not saying that little green men from Mars started the fires"

    Have you been touring the Italian countryside recently?

  11. Fozzy
    Paris Hilton

    Paris angle

    After having to postpone her Humanitarian mission to Rwanda, Paris will be making her way to this poor village to offer her support to these suffering people. As a bonus she will also be taping a new session of "A simple Life" - "My life among the pasta eating pagans"

  12. Mahesh
    Pirate

    Hmmm ....

    Global Warming people. Global bleedin warming. Well, they blame owt else on that, why not this?

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    This devil worshipping , ex-electrician converted to computer geek

    reckons someone's sodded up the electrical supply , after all over-voltage tends to play havoc with anything electrical.

    But then that's all so boring compared to satanic, spiritualist, global-warming pseudo science that we all love these days.

    Bring on the un-scientific explanations, they are so much more fun !

  14. Chris Fryer
    Black Helicopters

    Z-Pinch

    Someone's fired up an Italian copy of the Z Machine:

    http://zpinch.sandia.gov/

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