back to article BOFH: A foray into HR

"It’s a somewhat unique situation," the HR droid says to the PFY and me as we meet in the IT director's office. "You see we've never replaced an entire department at one time and as such we need to be sure that due diligence takes place." "Due diligence?" the PFY asks. "Well yes. From a company standpoint we want to ensure …

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  1. Ben Reynolds
    Thumb Up

    Happy Friday!

    Aaaaahhhh, it wouldn't be Friday without the Bastard.

  2. amanfromMars Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    BOFH hits the BullsEye and Gold again

    "It takes six pints to really know a guy"...... Amen to that. Telling IT like IT is.

    And normally a perfect way to find a friend for Life2? My round, what you havin', mate. :-)

    Friday again, already. Wow, Magic.

  3. Michael Born
    Thumb Up

    You know, it's funny that theymention HR...

    At the moment I am engaged in a pitched battle with my current employers' HR department, whereby I cannot get them to accept that they were wrong.

    Now in an ideal world, it would require an on-the-fly mod to the HR database, drop the user tables and clear the event logs and the problem sort of goes away, but they removed my connection to the server, so I guess I have to do this the old fashioned way, like Industrial Tribuneral!

    Hey, you live and learn!

    Anyway hats off to the BOFH and the PFy for dealing with the HR Droid in such a characteristic manner (lift, darkness, disconnected phone, etc), the only thing missing being the liberal amounts of smut in his in folder and that log of FARMASUTRA entries in his web browser, still, can't sort everything out in 5 minutes, can you?

    Later people - good weekend to all!!!

  4. Dave Burns
    Thumb Up

    HR Droid

    The HR Droid should of been hit by the car in true BOFH fashion, I hope the next episode includes the fate of the HR Droid, I HATE them pricks :)

    Props to the pub interviews tho, tried it myself once and everyone ended up getting too smashed and discussed the finer points of Stella.

  5. Michael Sheils
    Thumb Up

    Absolutely perfect

    Well done.

  6. Jan Buys
    Happy

    Hilarious

    "Seven interviews later and I've spotted the slight flaw in our plan in that the first questions we should have asked of our new director were "Are you a violent maniac after you've had a few pints?" and "Did you know that punching someone in the face for using the words 'total cost of ownership' is not technically an approved interview technique – funny though it may be?""

    Hilarious!!!

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Clarity & Understanding Lead To Enlightenment!

    Firstly, superb blogg - I can relate to so much

    Secondly, What does BOFH mean?

    Thirdly, What does PFY mean?

    Needles to say, posting anonymously should say enough in itself!

  8. David
    Thumb Up

    Nice...

    The best chuckle i have had all week :D

  9. Maverick
    Thumb Down

    standards are slipping

    the HR s**mbag survived!?!?

    what is the world coming to? pull your socks up Simon!

  10. Maverick
    Happy

    a new unit of measure?

    fPpH* = # pints** / ITIq

    Definitions:

    fPpH = frequency of punch per hour

    IDIq = IT director's IQ

    Bastard's Law states: 10 < IT Director's IQ < 80

    * but not in an alcohol free vacuum

    ** ISO standard = 1 Stella

  11. Luke Wells

    @ Anonymous Coward

    You need to read ALL the BOFH archives!

    BOFH = Bastard Operator From Hell

    PFY = Pimply Faced Youth

  12. Rosuav

    Who are the BOFH and the PFY?

    Anonymous Coward: If you don't know what BOFH means, check out http://bofh.ntk.net/ - he is the Bastard Operator From Hell, and he is the ruler of his domain. And all its subdomains. The PFY is his assistant, the Pimply-Faced Youth.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    Props?

    WTF! What the hell is a 'props'? Well I looked it up and apparently its some sort of slang for 'proper respect'. Christ, talk correctly people!

    I was recently sent to head office in a far off land and the senior staff got me completely shitfaced. Much regret was had the next day when I couldn't make it more than 30min through a meeting before making a break for the toilet to hurl. The COO wanting to buy me some horrendously expensive delicacy drink still proved a little challenging for my stomach at dinner in the evening. Never again.... Never again...

  14. Shaun Vizer
    Happy

    @Anon

    BOFH = Bastard Operator From Hell

    PFY = Pimply Faced Youth

    You should read the original BOFH articles from way back (do an online search, Simon T still has them up somewhere), as this will give you the background any sys admin, operator or IT techie needs to ensure he knows the rules of the game ;)

  15. Brendan Sullivan
    Thumb Up

    Pub Interviews...

    are brilliant. Drunken IT directors who punch people for using buzzwords are fantastic. Now if only the HR droid had gotten appropriately maimed.

  16. daniel
    Coat

    @Anonymous Coward

    BOFH = Bastard Operator From Hell

    PFY = Pimply Faced Youth

    GIYF = Google Is Your Friend

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Do people really drink Stella?

    Stella drinkers don't even deserve to be shot. They should be staked out in a blazing sun then just before the moment of death given a sip of Hoegaarden Grand Cru. In their last few seconds they will suffer a whole lifetime of torment in the knowledge that they have wasted all their time on Earth drinking gnats piss when the nectar of the Gods was easily within reach and it's too late for them.

  18. Maverick
    Coat

    @ anon coward

    most unfortunately the younger IT types seem to think Stella is some acceptable form of alcohol . . <sigh>

    meanwhile us old time command line gurus _know_ real ale is the only way to go

    Rule 8 duly invoked - have a good one everybody!

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    @Maverick

    I agree 100% - stella is for lamers who THINK they're drinking the hard stuff, because it's a bit more expensive than the other lagers... I personally go with the wychwood tag line - "what's the matter, lager boy... afraid you might taste something?"

    I wonder if there is any correlation between command-liners vs windoze-gooey users and ale vs lager... some research needed I think, anyone care to volunteer? Volunteer to pay for mine that is!

    Oh yeah, to the anonymous person asking what bofh etc means... what's a blogg? Do you mean a blog, as in web log? I think you'll find that this is classed as an article or a story... I don't think Simon T would appreciate being likened to the unwashed masses of the "blogging world"... The stories about how someones cat filled their litter tray to vaguely resemble Jesus don't quite compare to the genius that is the Bastard Operator From Hell

    Thank you and good night

  20. Jon Green

    Re: Do people really drink Stella?

    Stella drinkers don't need to be shot. They know enough suffering in this life.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Title

    Hacker-Pschorr is the good stuff, and particularly apt too for those adventurous IT types... (http://www.thedifferenceisinside.com/)

    Beats Stella by a long, long way, tried it once on a sweltering summer's day in London during a geeky meetup, wonderful stuff.

  22. Graham Lockley
    Heart

    Back on form

    Alcohol, IT and violence all nicely mixed in the same story. Simons back on form :)

    Oh and isnt Stella something that the docs prescribe as a diuretic ? Or it tastes like the result of administering one ?

    Whats the matter Stella boy ?

    :)

  23. Charlie

    Re: Do people really drink Stella?

    Stella in England is undrinkable, like most lagers. Stella in Leuven is completely different - it's very drinkable. Shame for Stella that the Trappist beers are in a class of their own.

  24. myassisdragin
    Thumb Up

    Re Stella....

    Here on the other side of the big puddle "STELLA" is an award named after the lady who successfully sued MacDonalds for the injuries suffered when SHE dumper her OWN cup of coffee in her OWN lap, claimed "she wasn't told the coffee was very hot" and WON....

    Sounds like some HR people I've deralt with in years past, if you do not tell them exactly word for word what you want they never hear it. Come to think of it some of our IT people at the plant are like that too.. <VBG>

  25. Fozzy
    Happy

    Hazy memories

    Man that brings back memories,, hazy, and some that have been lost completely. I had one interview which was at the local pub. I was going for a position in a different section, the manager booked the time and upon duly arriving told me he had changed the venue. 5 mins later we were at the local. 6 hours later ( i think drunk gravity was involoved) I stumble my way home. Turning up to work the next day looking like something the dog had dug up and dragged in, the manager found me at my station dropping aspirin and caffeine is equal amounts. He told me later that day I got the position. I found out later that he would where possible use that as a interviewing technique. Firstly, he didn't trust a man that didn't drink and secondly if your out on the turps and working the next day, still turning up regardless if your pushing the medical definition of alcohol poisoning ( Apparently showed character and a willingness to get the job done).

    Good days ( I think)

  26. Simon Travaglia

    True Story

    I worked with a guy once who apparently could whack down 10 pints in a long lunch. Then go back to work.

    Frightening

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Heart

    Fake Simon!

    It's a fake Simon Travalgia posting! The real one would have a Reg Hack Icon like the others. (Now, someone hand me the insulated shoes for the walk down the stairs in case I'm wrong. Can't trust the lifts here...)

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    @daniel

    And JFGI - just go ahead and google it

  29. James Pickett

    Beer

    "correlation between command-liners vs windoze-gooey users and ale vs lager"

    You're probably right, but it might also be an age thing. I grew up with DOS (even a bit of Fortran), use Linux and drink Hobgoblin. That doesn't preclude the odd lager - Duvel and Aventinus (8%) are quite drinkable. Children who have known nothing but Windows have mostly yet to discover their taste buds...

  30. Noel Perry
    Thumb Up

    Almost Spewed Coffee

    I have to be careful, this one almost made me spew coffee.

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