back to article Kiwi brewery offers lifetime's beer for stolen laptop

A Kiwi brewery is offering a "lifetime supply" of beer in exchange for the return of a stolen laptop. The Croucher Brewing Company near Rotorua is anxious to recover a PC containing designs, financial information, and contact details which was pinched on Monday. Backup copies of data held on the machine were taken but are …


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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Australian beer???

    I suppose the reward for not giving information is 24 bottles per month.

  2. Fluffykins Silver badge

    Any good?

    I've got an old Toshiba Satellite 4600 which should be worth a few month's lager, at least.

  3. martin gildroy

    The Catcher in the Rye

    I suppose the catch is that you have to live in (or near) Rotarua. The place stinks.

    12 bottles a month! Have they asked the UK government for advice on how much people should be drinking? Although it does not mention how big the bottles are. I think 10 litres should be ok. That's almost 4 litres a day so it's not looking too bad. Sorry, I can't remember the proper units of measurement.

    120 / (365.25 / 12) = almost 4.

  4. Hein Kruger

    Only 12 beers a month?!

    If I was the bloke that stole the laptop, I'd hold out for a better deal. Perhaps their competitors might be willing to offer 12 beers a day...

  5. Louis


    It's like bloody ISPs offering 'unlimited broadband' as long as it's under 15gb!!

    grumble grumble

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Would even get me out of bed

    12 bottles a month! Might as well sell it on SheepBay and get wankered on the proceeds!

  7. Sam


    How big are the bottles?

  8. Ralph B
    Dead Vulture

    Bad Beer?

    > A dozen bottles of beers is a meager ration that would

    > barely get a Reg hack though lunchtime

    Yebbut, I guess this NZ beer must taste really really awful.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    IE only website

    It appears the links dont work in FF, try IE...

  10. Anonymous Coward


    I am not going to buy a ticket to newzealand and beat natives for a thing for such a miserly sum of twelve a month that brewery is run by an idiot two kegs a month and I'll fly down and seek citizenship to route out the data nappers

  11. chris stephenson



    The bottles are 330ml. Unfortunate that the old fashioned 750ml (tallies) bottles aren't really being done anymore. A crate of 750ml a month may have made a bit of a dent in the monthly beer expenditure.

    As for the comments about the quality of kiwi beer, I must protest! Please don't confuse kiwi beer with that pishwater from across the ditch!

  12. Wonderkid

    Can I have mine all at once?...

    Just as some lottery winners can elect to receive their winnings in one lump sum, how about this: Having chosen an ultra healthy lifestyle based on a diet of brazil nuts, organic salmon, Waitrose broccoli, Israeli strawberries and pure Madagascar sugar free dark choco, plus the ongoing advances in bio technology and cyborg implants - then assuming I don't forget to look out for a No. 38 bus when jay walking Upper Street, N1, I could well live for at least 300 years. (Perish the thought!) That equals 43200 bottles of Kiwi Wiwi, and I'll take it now please. Beer is for sharing, so I'll throw a rave just off the M25. I know a friendly (read: desperate) farmer whose fields are empty due to some recent medical ailments with his cows. BBQ anyone?

  13. DrunkenMessiah

    Re: foo

    Or, and this is just a suggestion, what you COULD do, is provide us with some punctuation so we know what the hell you're talking about.

    Or is the brewery really run by an idiot two kegs?

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Australian beer

    New Zealand beer != Australian beer

    NZ has a healthy micro-brewey industry, and even some of the larger producers (eg. Monteiths) make a varied range of beers. And although some of it wouldn't be of taste to ale-drinkers it most certainly isn't anything like that gnat's p*** they sell in Australia.

  15. Sean Healey


    For what its worth, a 'bottle' in NZ tends to be 750ml, not these weaner 330ml things you get over here in Europe.

    Still, your average Kiwi bloke will get through a 'crate' (12x) of bottles in a night at a good bash.

  16. laird cummings
    Thumb Up

    Glass half full...

    Or maybe one quarter full. Whatever - 12 beers a month is still 12 beers a month that *I* wouldn't have to buy. Free beer is free beer, even if it isn't a LOT of free beer.

    Now all the thieving sod has to do is move to the US Mid-Atlantic coast and contact me - I'm not going very far at all for that amount of free beer.

  17. Rick

    @ martin gildroy

    thou must now be flogged by the sholin monks that have learned chuck norris's secret for not using proper El Reg units. Have thoust not read the rules of The El Reg club? all units of measurement be in El Reg units....

  18. anthony bingham

    I have seen a KIWI in a Kilt !

    The offer is from a ex-pat Scot who wants to educate the Kiwis into the Divine social excess of single malt instead of Powerpoint !

  19. Douglas Norton

    I'll name him right here

    Chances are he's Australian, so I'll name him Bruce.

    Now where's my beer, and my coat.

  20. Zeb
    Thumb Up

    NZ beer

    NZ beer isn't bad at all. But for me I go through around 6 bottles a night so only 2 nights worth a month isn't enough for me. Plus I don't live in Rotarua. 330ml is the standard but crate bottles would be better

  21. Scott Mckenzie

    NZ Beer

    Thumbs up from me!

  22. Neil Hunt

    Australian vs New Zealand beer

    While it's true that the vast majority of Australian beer is utter rubbish, we do have a fantastic micro brewery industry - certainly here in Western Australia.

    At least our beer isn't as bad as the Septic Tanks!

    Why is American beer like sex in a Canadian canoe?

    'cause they're both f*ing close to water.

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