Rise of the f*cking machines: Arse Elektronika bumps uglies with Web 2.0

"To learn how to make computers more human, we have to f*ck them." - Stefan Lutschinger, Arse Elektronika How could El Reg fail to cover a conference with presentations like Paging Dr. Moreau: "Humanimal" Porn in the Age of Xenotransplants and Genetic Chimera on the agenda - a conference set in a San Francisco dungeon porn …

[Anonymous Coward]

Daily smut digest..

f*cking awesome article, exactly the reason I read the El Reg.. to lighten up my day and get a daily dosage of smut.

[Michael Habel]

Thanks for the BIG-RED NSFW LOGO El Reg!!

What a way to kick off a Tuesday Morning having the Boss Man telling me to go get me Coat... T_T

[Mike Taylor]

Hands on

Gives new meaning to RTFM.

[Anonymous Coward]

Th*R*g*st*r g*ts p**r*l*

When did El Reg start the stupid and puerile practice of slapping asterisks over vowels in words like fuck and cunt?

[Simon Ball]

Hmm

Robo-studs pleasuring human women? Supplanting human men (or other women)? Robo-dominatrix? Surely this ought to be ought to be under the RoTM byline!

[DP]

Chainsaw with tounges?!

Good Lord, that's got to be scary! It's like Sir Killalot with amorous intentions O_O

I'm not quite sure how they made the design leap from "chainsaw" to "pleasure machine".

[Daniel Voyce]

Rise of the machines

I seriously hope fuckzilla doesnt become self aware - forget the enslavement and destruction of mankind - pass the pampers!

[Steven]

Johnny Five is alive!!

... And this time he's horny as hell!

Do they need help with marketing this?

[Pascal Monett]

Article incomplete

Did the volunteer actually enjoy the experience ? What was her impression afterwards (apart from the stretching, that is) ?

Right, got my coat, going out now !

[Mark Lynch]

How was it ?

What was the reaction of the volunteer to Fuckzilla ?

[Jon]

F*cking Perverts

This is just a load of perverted b*ll*cks maquerading as legitimate use of technology.. Where can I get tickets and when's it coming to the UK?

[Chris]

I'm feeling a little insignificant..........

If it takes a two hansded robotic chainsaw dildo fuckmonster to pleasure a woman, how can I compete?

My willy feels smaller and smaller just thinking about it. At least if they had a chainsaw sheath for it..........maybe with built in taser capabilities to stun my prey. Captain Cyborg beware. And you thought playing "swords" would end there.

What about the technology for men? Why is it that all I get are various lubes, the Fleshlight, and if I happen to have several grand a Real Doll? Where is my mega-cuntzilla with pulsating hyperfriction walls? Seriously. And while you're at it make it tell me how sexy I am when I write regexes.

[Anonymous Coward]

But...

...our dear leader (formerly el presidente) and chums have just banned extremely silly pr0n? Or something like that anyway...

[Anonymous Coward]

@Pascal: "her impression afterwards" on you tube

Funny I was just reading this article, when a friend sent me this link

This is 100% NSFW.

http://www.botjunkie.com/2007/10/07/arse-elektronika-2007-fking-robots/

(had embedded youtube)

[Anonymous Coward]

Burke, where have you been?

If I've understood you right and teledildonics is you're favourite new word, you're a bit late to the party. Wackypedia says the term was coined in the 1980s by some bloke called Ted Nelson. Rather more recently, Wired had the word in an article title, back in 2004.... the word's not *that* new, you need to get out of that solicitor's office more often.

http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/commentary/sexdrive/2004/09/65064

[Paul]

@Chris

"with pulsating hyperfriction walls..."

just though of sandpaper... ouch

/coat

[Scott]

Johnny 5 Indeed!

Steven is right. Johnny 5 has finally found a new gig after plans for Short Circuit 3 came to naught.

[Scott Mckenzie]

Fuckingmachines.com

Where you can apparently see all of the robots in action with over siliconed American "women"

All for $30 a month

Oh and btw, the site is probably as about as NSFW as you can get... shows some great images on the second page of the chain(tongue)saw though :D

[Misha Gale]

They sent a Lawyer to this?

Did Burke just get bored of writing articles about online gambling regulations and insist he be sent on a jolly to cover something with naked women? Or did they think "who is the most depraved individual on the payroll? I know, we'll send the lawyer."

Also, does he know what Burke actually means? Could this also be the reason he was sent?

[John Stirling]

licky chainsaw

I saw a great little video of the chainsaw being demoed by a model on the Howard Stern radio show (US shock DJ - pretty much the original one).

She appeared to enjoy it a lot - and it gave me some great hints on my technique. The main one being that my technique is irrelevant; speed, and pressure are what matter, specifically speed and pressure beyond the ken of man. Ah well, these machines don't actually make me feel significantly more inferior than BIG military or construction equipment.

Ah, here it is.

http://www.youporn.com/watch/24370

do I really need to say NSFW?

[Andy G]

ROFL

How did they ask the audience for a volunteer ??

"excuse me, would any of you ladies like to be pleasured by our robot in front of a room full of strangers ? C'mon dont be shy ?? "

i can just imagine the woman in question volunteering and the other 99 pairs of eyes looking at her in horrid fascination, maybe considering her slightly sick ??

how many actual "volunteers" were there ??

hehhe me thinks id like to meet the young lady in question ;o)

AndyG.

[Nick Pettefar]

Why were there

so few machines for men? If I was an engineer working in the field I would be designing for the far larger market. I wonder where the recruitment agencies are for such jobs...