back to article British teens offered boozing qualification

British parents can stop worrying about their offspring being out-of-control boozepups. The education system is stepping in and teaching them how to get bladdered the socially-responsible way. Snakebite-addled teens can now try out for an "alcohol awareness certificate", The Times reports. The drinky diploma has been developed …

COMMENTS

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  1. M. Poolman

    Just as long

    "...or choking on vomit"

    as it's their *OWN* vomit.

  2. Marky W

    Ah...Mild

    Happy days. I actually moved from lager to mild (i.e. the reverse of the El Reg recommended progression), but that was only because it was the only pint still less than £1 in our local. And that was a lot of pocket money is those days.

    My Dad told me mild was made from collecting the dregs from the drip trays and pouring it into a barrel. Which would have explained the taste and the flatness...

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Wrong

    "Obviously 15-year-olds shouldn’t be having sex, but then again, they shouldn’t be drinking either."

    It isn't illegal to drink when you're 15 (or younger), it's just illegal to purchase the alcohol yourself.

  4. A J Stiles

    @M. Poolman

    You probably didn't want to know this, but:

    "Spit meth" is prescription methadone which has been vomited up by smackheads and resold to other smackheads.

    You've really got to have a perverse admiration for anyone who would choose to drink someone else's puke, rather than go out stealing VCRs and car stereos .....

  5. Geoff Johnson

    There's a time and a place for everything

    It's called college.

    /possibly misquoted South Park.

  6. Leo Nicholson

    Not so wrong

    It isn't illegal to drink at 15 or younger, but it is illegal for somebody 18+ to purchase or attempt to purchase alcohol in a public house, on behalf (or for, whether money changes hands) a 15 year old.

  7. Alex

    I learn't more...

    in 35 minutes within the Frog & Tampon than I did in all my years of schooling!

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "impotence and impaired sexual enjoyment"

    No problem. I get loads of email from people who can fix that.

  9. Ben Parr-Ferris

    @ Anonymous Vulture

    Wrong. It isn't illegal to purchase alcohol at any age. It is an offence to sell alcohol to anyone under the age of 18 (unless with a meal, or a few other exceptions).

    It's only an offence to give alcohol to a child, if that child is 5 or younger (unless for medical reasons).

    If only I'd known before I was 18 ...

  10. Ronnie

    Priceless.......

    "You've really got to have a perverse admiration for anyone who would choose to drink someone else's puke, rather than go out stealing VCRs and car stereos ....."

    Buy that man a drink!

  11. Adrian Jones

    @Alex

    If only you could have learned to spell learned. :)

  12. John PM Chappell

    @Alex

    It shows, mate, it shows. No apostrophe in learnt ;¬)

  13. Smallbrainfield

    Re: Marky W's comment about mild

    Your dad is incorrect in his humourous explanation of how mild is produced. Mild is the drink of kings; a proper drinkers drink, sitting proudly alongside Mr Bitter and Mr Stout. Mr Lager is the late to the table ne'er do well who talks too loudly and interrupts. He is only tolerated by the others as he is related in some way, though he's clearly not from around these parts.

    Elsewhere in the pub, Mr and Mrs Wine are rolling around on the floor grappling with their teenage daughter, Alcopop, who is screaming and laughing while simultaneously trying to defecate into the spitoon. In the corner, the Spirits family look on, disgusted, before rolling out into the street and going home.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hic!

    Hic!

  15. Dan

    @A J Stiles

    That's sick.

  16. This post has been deleted by its author

  17. andywebsdale

    @A J Stiles

    Spit methadone isn't vomited up by anyone - who told you that, hah hah.It is where someone has to drink their script "on the premises" , so they HOLD it in their MOUTH, and then spit (see) it into a cup or other receptacle. Still pretty unsavoury, I agree, but no-one would drink someone elses vomit to get a hit or miss dose of an unsatisfactory synthetic opiate, no matter how much they're clucking (i.e. suffering cold turkey), and believe me, I know....

  18. Smallbrainfield

    Re: Re: Marky W's comment about mild

    Mr Cancer can still be found lurking in the doorway of the pub, or in a specially constructed lean-to around the back.

    Of course, I also forgot Mr Nuts, Mr Crisps and Mr Pork-Scratchings, the jovial trio at the bar, sometiimes also found warming themselves around the fire, laughing at the world through greasy spittle-flecked lips, shortly before collapsing in the toilets of a massive heart attack.

    The pub is a harsh mistress.

  19. A J Stiles

    @andywebsdale

    Once upon a time, things were as you describe. The pharmacies got wise to the practice you describe, and wouldn't let anyone out who hadn't swallowed. Hence the more extreme version practised today.

    Sort of makes you wonder whether the ban is worth it, really .....

  20. Andy Bright

    Re: Mr Cancer

    Will be back as soon as he wins his discrimination case in the Euro Court of Human Rights mwahahahaha - I'll get you yet Mr Clean Lungs..

    Rather awesomely a mate of mine in Anchorage recently declared he wouldn't give up smoking because it would be giving in to the anti-smoker Nazis, and it was his duty to fight discrimination. Personally I figured it had more to do with the reason I wasn't giving up, that is being mentally and physically addicted to who-knows-what they put in the blasted things these days.

    And in the US we don't need crummy substitutes like methadone (although we have that in both liquid and pill form).. we have the wonderful series of opiate painkillers vicodin, hydrocodone, oxycontin, percocet, oxycodone, tramadol.. the list is endless and the government is our dealer.

  21. Sean Nevin

    Re: Re: Mr. Cancer

    Although here in North America Mr. Cancer is considerably more toxic than his European counterpart.

    I once was given a carton of State Express (the best brand in the world in my opinion, and I've tried quite a few) and compared the poisons chart on the side. The highest levels on them were lower than the lowest level on the cigarettes here...

  22. Michael

    @ Anon

    "Obviously 15-year-olds shouldn’t be having sex, but then again, they shouldn’t be drinking either."

    It isn't illegal to drink when you're 15 (or younger), it's just illegal to purchase the alcohol yourself.

    The article didn't say it was illegal for a 15-year-old to drink. They said that 15-year-olds shouldn't drink.

    Can != Should

    Legal != Should do it

    Illegal != Shouldn't do it

    Thus ends today's lesson on why you shouldn't imply things that aren't said.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Nobel prizes in order i think. Hic :-)

    After, we are british!

    And if some aren't then they can come and have a few beers and then they will be...

  24. Justin Stone

    Drinking.

    "Wrong. It isn't illegal to purchase alcohol at any age. It is an offence to sell alcohol to anyone under the age of 18 (unless with a meal, or a few other exceptions)."

    You have to be 14 to sell a child a drink with a meal (like in a fancy food serving place.)

    "It's only an offence to give alcohol to a child, if that child is 5 or younger (unless for medical reasons)."

    Minimum legal age to drink is actually 5. Which is also the age you can go see a U-Rated movie as well.

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    bah

    Academics , take the cake always trying to make a living off other peoples insecurities what if little Shazelda can't hold her liquor, she'll be socially ostrichized! Since I have never met an adult who couldn't if pressed get thoroughly (place your intoxication word here) I don't think this is of any concern.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @bah

    and what's wrong with being an ostrich, social or otherwise. My large flightless bird friends await clarification.

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @ New Smoking Ban

    Don't know about the rest of you but I think this smoking ban within public houses etc is a really fantastic idea. Now it's possible to sneak off for a joint every 30 minutes and nobody raises so much as an eyebrow ;-P

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