back to article Ninja she-devils rob Pennsylvania gas station

Pennsylvania's Richmond Township is indubitably bemoaning its lack of a mobile SWAT team of crimebusting vigilante Shaolin Temple kung fu monks after two women dressed as ninjas robbed a local gas station at swordpoint. According to, the pair crouching tigered their way into the Sunoco station at 3am on …


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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    I'm in love! I mean it this time!

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

    Damn, this should be turned into a film. "I never try anything. I just do it. And I don't beat clocks, just people! Wanna try me?"

  3. Peter

    How to spot a ninja

    Announce, in a loud voice "I know something else thats silent and deadly- my farts"

  4. Jacob Reid


    Send in Chuck Norris!

  5. Michael Sheils

    Pirates of the world unite

    The time for the great Pirates V Ninja war is upon us!

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Swords & Daggers

    So we'll just have to pass Sword & Dagger Control laws, that'll stop it.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    El Reg should be afraid

    as ninjas are plotting their revenge for having lost the chance to fight Chuck Norris...

    they just need the lottery tickets and cigarrets to fund their movement

  8. Karl

    Screw Norris

    Bruce Lee already kicked his ass :)

  9. Mike Moyle

    Time for a remake of "West Side Story"?

    "When You're a Ninjette

    "You're a Ninjette all the way

    "From your first cigarette

    "To your last dyin' day..."

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This was the US remember

    Chances are they were 2 juggernaut sized women, looking like the back end of a bus, wearing size 30 black curtains. I know they say the bigger they are the harder they fall but really Bruce, Pirates, Chuck et al would probably just sink in to the rolls of fat.... may the lord have mercy on their souls, they have met their match.

  11. Morely Dotes

    @ Anonymous Coward Re: This was the US remember

    You're just jealous that your postage-stamp sized nation can't grow enough food to feed anyone that well.


  12. Bill Fresher

    @ Morely Dotes

    If by "postage-stamp sized nation" you mean the UK I'll have you know we have plenty of fatties. In your face.

  13. Pascal Monett Silver badge


    Brilliant comeback ! Although I might have issues with the notion of tank-sized people being "well" fed, I still have a great smile as I type this.

    Thanks for lightening the day !

  14. Matthew


    I regret the omission of a certain M. Thatcher from the recent poll on Shaolin Kung-Fu Monks v. Ninjas v. Charles Norris. She'd have given them all a damn good handbagging, after all she crushed the mining industry, Ronnie Reagan and the unions under her dainty size 6 court shoes.

    The US were afraid of the UK when Maggie was in charge!

  15. Rich Bryant

    @Bill Fresher

    Sadly true but nothing we should be proud about or admitting in public. And Morely is right that our lardassess don't get to anything like city-shaking size that the US grows 'em to.

    I still believe that the original Gojira movies were created after an average Nipponese director had to run in terror from a rampaging Indianapolis roleplayer consuming everything in its path.

  16. Ru

    She-ninja == Kunoichi

    I believe.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Pirates of the world unite

    "The time for the great Pirates V Ninja war is upon us!"

    Isn't that some sort of Pastafarian armageddon?

  18. Ian Ferguson

    Stealing lottery tickets?

    Shurely that's one of the most stupid things to steal... I'm assuming they stole instant-win scratch cards or the like, in which case all the police need to do is take a note of the serial numbers allocated to the shop, and wait for somebody to try to cash in a winner.

    Ninjas they may be, brainiacs certainly not.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ninjas or Burkas?

    Were they really female ninjas, or the ladies wing of the Pennsylvania Al Qaeda branch in standard issue Burkas?

  20. Chris Cheale

    I eagerly await...

    Come on someone has to do it...

    I'm off to to get his take on it!

  21. TheBlackHeartedPiratePete

    YarrRRR!!!! Bring 'em on, m'hearties

    YarrRRR!!!! Bring 'em on, m'hearties

  22. Dave Bell

    I used to know a ninja...

    Well, she said she was studying ninjitsu, and she seemed able to do martial arts stuff, so I wasn't going to argue. And not slender--muscle rather than fat.

    The last I heard, she'd married a vicar. There's some church somewhere in England where it would be a seriously bad idea to try to break open the poor-box.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Kunoichi is correct!

    "ninjitsu" is not.


    *runs away and hides in shadows*

  24. Neil

    Real Ultimate Power

    1. Ninjas are mammals.

    2. Ninjas fight ALL the time.

    3. The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.

  25. Joseph Zygnerski

    A lot of that going around

    There has also been a "Ninja Burglar" terrorizing New York. He dresses in black, carries nunchuku, and robs homes while people are there.

  26. laird cummings

    @NYC Ninja

    Seems rather practical. People will be so busy boggling at the strange attire and weapons that they're unlikely to get a decent look at the *real* people inside the hollywood suits.

    And nunchuku, or flails, should be pretty effective in NYC, a city wherein the law-abiding citizens have been largely disarmed by a lengthy series of cowardly politicians.

  27. Charles Hammond

    Drop the Eye Patch

    Excuse me, but I must have that Lovely Eye Patch. . . .

    Jubie Chan Anime

  28. Steve


    Matthew, I so don't even want to know how come you know Lady T's shoe size. That is just so wrong.

  29. V.Srikrishnan

    A Serious Crime....

    " Chief Robert Amman of the Northern Regional Police Department said: "They were all covered in black and carrying swords, so it did appear that they were dressed like ninjas. Swords, daggers could be used to seriously harm victims, so this is a very serious crime." "

    Chief Robert Amman is being very perceptive here. Me thought that swords and daggers are for tickling the toes of the victims.

    one wonder if the ninjas be "tasered" or shot "without prejudice"..

  30. George Washington

    @Bill Fresher

    My country's fatties can kick your contry's fatties's asses :P

  31. david mccormick

    where's the youtube

    Gas stations have loads of cctv cameras so come on people share with the world.

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