back to article Chuck Norris to do battle in El Reg Arena of Death

It's official: embearded death machine Chuck Norris - legendarily described as "the meanest whup-ass mutha west of the Mississippi" - will shortly enter the blood-spattered ring of Vulture Central's Arena of Death to challenge for the "Hardest Man in on the Planet - Ever!" title; 15 rounds of senseless violence in which no …


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  1. Chris Irvine


    Did we forget the existence of the letter "u"?

  2. Graham Lockley

    Well I Suppose

    The IT angle on this story is possibly the lame Photoshop illustration :)

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Chuck will kick their sorry asses

    You should be ready to see monks cry like little girls before Chuck is through.

  4. Stuart Rogers

    Chuck Norris - hard enough?

    Chuck Norris may well be "Hardest Man in on the Planet - Ever!", but will he blend?

  5. Peter Lenz

    Chuck Norris

    doesn't need an IT angle. All he needs is an IT straight to roundhouse kick into a perfect 90 angle.

  6. Daniel Winstone

    12 rounds or the full 15?

    I hate the chuck norris "gags" and even the one liners. He's a second rate actor at best, who was at one point quite good at pretending to be an action hero of sorts.

    I doubt he has ever really hurt someone on purpose, in a pyshical way. Letting down all those fanbois must be a strain on his ego though.

    Please the Shao-Lin monks have more class and depth of talent and character than Mr Norris.

    Come on! The name sounds like a postie or milkman!!

  7. Bob

    Chuck was the real deal.

    He has intentionally hurt people in the ring. Daniel, Chuck's record, I believe, was 65 and 5. He's actually one of the most decorated Western fighters in the world. I don't actually think he's one of the badest mofo's around but the jokes are quite funny.

  8. Mat

    @Daniel Winstone

    Sense of humour anyone??

    Must be fun being you..

  9. Spider

    IT vs Chuck

    I must complain this isn't a review of the latest IT wassname and Chuck has not personally executed anyone!...

    all those with a sense of humour raise your hand? thought so......

  10. Maty


    If our Chuck is 'the meanest whup-ass mutha west of the Mississippi' the obvious person to put in the ring against him is the meanest whup-ass mutha east of the Mississippi

  11. Karl

    Chuck's martial arts record

    chuck was indeed 65-5 having lost only to Joe Lewis, Allan Steen, Tony Tullners and Louis Delgardo. All of which he "avenged" before he retired from the karate scene. His decorated staus comes from him being the first westerner to be granted the rank of 8th degree Black Belt. He's also had a ton of karate titles and awards. The acting however...well thats just cheese.

  12. Blitz

    @Chuck Norris's acting

    Who the hell watches a Kung Fu or fighting film for it's acting? Of course he didn't win an award! He was too busy kicking Oscar's arse!!!

  13. Rich Bryant

    Yeah, but

    Winning Karate titles is like winning a darts tournament. It means you're really good at darts, or karate, neither of which is of any particular use to anybody except as a social activity or a semi-decent workout.

    Secondly, the roundhouse kick is the stupidest attack ever invented short of the "Crane" and I highly recommend Chuck try in real life sometime because I'd like to see him cry.

    In fact, I'd quite like to MAKE him cry. Are you still looking for volunteers, guys?

  14. Jason


    Chuck Vs the BOFH?

    Place your bets now....

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Chuck Vs BOFH

    BOFH by default. Chuck just plain won't show up. Lift malfunction, freak electrical accident, suicide-by-toaster-with-bread-in-it...

  16. laird cummings

    @Chuck v. BOFH

    If the match makes it to the ring, it's all Chuck, all the way. But a good BOFH would ensure things never got that far.

    Decision: BFOH, by default, as Chuck was stuck in a lift over at his hotel...


    Roundhouse kick is a show-off move only used after you've put your opponent mostly out of the fight - IOW, the fact that Chuck got to use that move so many times, is that he was really good at destroying his opponents.

  17. Jarrad Harries

    @Chuck vs. BOFH

    You clearly haven't met that particular BOFH. I have, and a tenner says Chuck will be choking on his own beard by the end of Round Three ;)

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Chuck versus...

    ...the Shaolin temple kung fu monks - What? all of them?!

  19. Dennis Myhand

    Chuck Norris vs. ...?

    Only Chuck Norris is sufficiently skilled to battle Chuck Norris!

  20. Roland Korn

    Chucky never won on screen against the master of cheese and bad acting ...

    David Carradine ..... the guy who actually believes he can both act and perform actual Kung Fu.

    Yes the guy who has put more stunt people in the hospital than any other purported actor in the industry.

    As for your IT angle ... last heard Dave still used his Apple III. It took him so long to learn to use the thing that he wasn't willing to start all over again with some new fangled system.

  21. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

    As Bill HIcks said : "push em' towards Chuck..."

    If it's an even match we're seeking, could we not size up the Ninja she-devils that recently robbed the gas station in Pennsylvania against ole' Chuckers..? That would be a top match - we could get Quentin Tarantino to produce the live TV coverage for BBC sport.

    If not, then bring him on... I think I could take him.

    Big girl that he is!!!

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