back to article Oz burglar had sex with Hoover

An Oz chap who broke into a neighbour's house and "played sex games in the bathroom with a bottle of toilet detergent and a vacuum cleaner" was fingered two years after the outrage by the DNA he left on a pair of rubber gloves, Reuters reports. Jamie Lacey, 27, was "high on drugs" when he entered the Brisbane house in September …

COMMENTS

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    the IT angle

    Was it a Vax?

  2. Craig Lawson

    RE: the IT angle

    Nah, could have been a dirt devil

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Now we know

    Why Henry's smiling :P

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Classic

    Really just amazingly twisted and wrong what drug did this to this poor thief.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Obviously too much Blue Peter as a child.

    "a sex toy from a bottle of detergent, a piece of wood and a rubber glove" I bet there was some 'Sticky Backed Plastic' in there too

  6. Danny Thompson

    What??????

    ..... No GIFs or JPGs? I feel cheated somehow. A least tell us what drugs he was taking.

  7. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:

    "This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... Joe has just learned to speak

    German Now, get this, heres why he did it! He's gonna go to this club on

    the other side of town, it's called THE CLOSET...

    And they got these Appliances in there that really go for a guy dressed up

    like a housewife who can speak German (you know what I mean)... so

    Joe's learned how to speak German, he goes in this place and he sees

    these little Kitchen Machineries dancing around with each other, and he

    sees this one...that looks like it's a cross between an industrial vacuum

    cleaner and a chrome piggy bank with marital aids stuck all over its body..."

    .........

    "JOE:

    Gee, this is great

    Hows about some bondage and humiliation"

    .........

    "Oh no, I don't believe it

    You're way more fun than Mary..."

    .........

    "And cleaner than Lucille..."

    .........

    "What have I been missing

    All these years?"

    .........

    "SY BORG:

    Plooking too hard on me-e-e-e-e...

    JOE:

    Speak to me

    Oh no...

    The golden shower must have shorted out

    His master circuit

    He's, he's, oh my God

    I must have plooked him...

    Hey

    To death...

    Hey

    CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:

    This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...You have just destroyed

    one model XOJ-37 Nuclear Powered Pan-Sexual Roto-Plooker.

    And you're gonna have to pay for it! So give up, you haven't

    got a chance."

    And I thought these things could only happen in Joe's Garage......

  8. Joe

    Could you put me in touch?

    I'd like to buy his sex toy design!

  9. Keith Turner

    Henry is innocent

    I bet it wasn't a Henry but the smaller, pink version - the Hetty.

    Flashing her eyelashes at him, the poor innocent housebreaker.

    She led him in to it with promises of being compact but still being able to outperform many others.

    Why do the courts never listen to the victims of opportunist vacuum cleaners having their way with poor unsuspecting young males.

    I can't buy the 'I was stoned at the time' rubbish - he wasn't so out of it as he remembered the rubber gloves.

  10. Cliff

    That's one messy messy story

    I'd claim to have been taking every drug under the sun if I'd been fingered for that - just for credibility...

  11. Steve Skipper

    F.B.I.

    When I first read the title I thought it was about a sex scandal from the Bureau's archives.

  12. BitTwister

    Ah yes...

    ...nothing sucks like an Electrolux.

  13. Andy Crofts

    Title

    @ BitTwister

    better </coat> ;-)

    -But, what was the wood for???

    -Andy

  14. Rob

    @Andy

    Everybody knows you need wood before you indulge, no matter what your fancies...

  15. JR

    Hmm...

    "Rafter sentenced Lacey to 12 months' community service, sparing him jail since he'd cleaned up his act, held a job for two years and was now a father."

    All those little baby hoovers.

  16. amlendu

    Could you put me in touch? 2

    Its already patented

  17. Dan

    @Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    Fuck, you're as crazy as he is...

    Or was, as he's apparently 'cleaned up his act'.

    @Hetty - I'm with you on this one, it was that little minx's fault...

  18. Graham Jordan

    He was fingered?

    Kinky. Each to their own like.

  19. Doug

    strange love ..

    Who exactly in your Organ has the obsession with non-standard human sexual behavior, inflatable girlfriends, interspecies sex ..

  20. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    @Dan

    Did you notice the quotation marks? Does the name Frank Zappa say anything to you?

  21. Austin Tayshus

    IT angle

    The build vs. buy debate goes on...

  22. BitTwister

    @Andy Crofts

    Nah, I was already wearing my coat...

    > But, what was the wood for???

    Maybe he needed it to prod the on/off switch once he'd er, got into position. ;)

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Coat...

    Mind to explain this "coat" joke to a non-British reader?

    thanks

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Coat...

    - one of many catchphrases from British TV comedy from a few years ago called "The Fast Show".

    - said when attempted joke falls embarrassingly flat. Has taken wings on Reg comments.

    Drew

    El Reg

  25. Luther Blissett

    "Coat"

    It's an anagram of "taco", OK?

  26. BitTwister

    @Coat...

    As in:

    The scene is an oh-so elegant dinner party with lots of bright young things chattering knowledgeably about the meaning behind high art forms and related esoterica. We see that one of the guests is a bit worried, looking anxiously from face to face and desperately trying to keep up - and hoping no-one will involve him in the discussion.

    Unfortunately one of them does, rounding on him with "And what say you, pray tell?" Ever hopeful, he replies with "I do like a nice painting-by-numbers picture - they're very good".

    A frosty silence falls over the table; there are a few embarrassed coughs. The guy shrugs his shoulders, realizing there's nothing for it now except a hasty exit and as he leaves his seat, in a resigned voice says "I'll get my coat..."

  27. Azrael

    Aussie Aussie Aussie!

    Oi Oi Oi!

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