the IT angle
Was it a Vax?
An Oz chap who broke into a neighbour's house and "played sex games in the bathroom with a bottle of toilet detergent and a vacuum cleaner" was fingered two years after the outrage by the DNA he left on a pair of rubber gloves, Reuters reports. Jamie Lacey, 27, was "high on drugs" when he entered the Brisbane house in September …
"This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... Joe has just learned to speak
German Now, get this, heres why he did it! He's gonna go to this club on
the other side of town, it's called THE CLOSET...
And they got these Appliances in there that really go for a guy dressed up
like a housewife who can speak German (you know what I mean)... so
Joe's learned how to speak German, he goes in this place and he sees
these little Kitchen Machineries dancing around with each other, and he
sees this one...that looks like it's a cross between an industrial vacuum
cleaner and a chrome piggy bank with marital aids stuck all over its body..."
Gee, this is great
Hows about some bondage and humiliation"
"Oh no, I don't believe it
You're way more fun than Mary..."
"And cleaner than Lucille..."
"What have I been missing
All these years?"
Plooking too hard on me-e-e-e-e...
Speak to me
The golden shower must have shorted out
His master circuit
He's, he's, oh my God
I must have plooked him...
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...You have just destroyed
one model XOJ-37 Nuclear Powered Pan-Sexual Roto-Plooker.
And you're gonna have to pay for it! So give up, you haven't
got a chance."
And I thought these things could only happen in Joe's Garage......
I bet it wasn't a Henry but the smaller, pink version - the Hetty.
Flashing her eyelashes at him, the poor innocent housebreaker.
She led him in to it with promises of being compact but still being able to outperform many others.
Why do the courts never listen to the victims of opportunist vacuum cleaners having their way with poor unsuspecting young males.
I can't buy the 'I was stoned at the time' rubbish - he wasn't so out of it as he remembered the rubber gloves.
The scene is an oh-so elegant dinner party with lots of bright young things chattering knowledgeably about the meaning behind high art forms and related esoterica. We see that one of the guests is a bit worried, looking anxiously from face to face and desperately trying to keep up - and hoping no-one will involve him in the discussion.
Unfortunately one of them does, rounding on him with "And what say you, pray tell?" Ever hopeful, he replies with "I do like a nice painting-by-numbers picture - they're very good".
A frosty silence falls over the table; there are a few embarrassed coughs. The guy shrugs his shoulders, realizing there's nothing for it now except a hasty exit and as he leaves his seat, in a resigned voice says "I'll get my coat..."
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