Folklore on the "old" SCO , 1996
SCO Installation process, translated from Russian (original circa 1996).
You write a letter and send it. And wait for reply. Then you wait more. And more. And more. And more. You become bored. And even more bored. Ok, you make the call and ask your friend to send a letter to you. And wait. Wait more. And more… at last you understand that uuxqt DOES NOT WORK. You make a call to your friend, take a floppy, stroll to him, on your way you buy:
1. Beer - 1 case
2. Chips - 2 kilograms
3. "Camel" – one block
You reach him, and copy taylor uucp on the floppy, return home, mount the floppy and try to find gzip... and discover none such files... You make a call to your friend, take a floppy, stroll to him, on your way you buy:
1. Beer - 1 case
2. Chips - 2 kilograms
3. "Camel" – one block
You reach your friend, copy gzip sources, run to home, read the floppy, look for C compiler and discover there none such. You DO NOT make a call to your friend, just take a floppy, stroll to him, on your way you buy:
1. Beer - 1 case
2. Chips - 2 kilograms
3. "Camel" – one block
You reach your friend, and then go to hell, and after returning from there you install compiler and compile gzip.. there are errors… You look for gcc, and find it, compile
gcc, compile gzip, unpack the archive, compile tuucp.
HURRAY! NOW IT WORKS! You write the letter and get the answer, and try to read … er decipher. And understand that 8-th bit is zeroed, write the question to your friend using latin letters, you get the reply and go to hell. You return from there with sendmail, and install it instead of mmdf, you write a letter and send it. And wait for reply. Then you wait more. And more. And more. Then you discover that you are writing from the wrong address. You look for
libresolv, compile and replace it.
заменяешь.
You write a letter and send it. And wait for reply. And wait more. Then you kill the sendmail who has stopped working... You write a letter and send it. And wait for reply. And get it. Now you are launching slip, and finally go to bed. In the morning you find out that slattach hanged, restart slip and find no ping..
You reboot and start slip. Then you power of an install Ethernet card. Ant configure routing. It does not work, so you delete routed, and download gated, and try to compile it. It does not compile. You write the letter (well, look above for details about it) and receive the compiled gated. Rut it. You find that it has only RIP, and you need OSPF. [censored].You search for gated configs, add there ospf, compile and run…
After eleventh hang you say that [censored] andl look for EBF,[censored],[censored] and [censored].You find EBF, and comment out the launch of gated. You write the static routing script. And try it. [Censored]. You solder to the RESET button the modem’s DCD signal.
You ask your provider to switch you to PPP. Provider is very nice and you are suggested to go to hell only first 82 times, and then finally agree.
You make the dial-up connection and try to make it work in 8-bit mode. [censored]. You download mgetty and compile it. You look for suitable terminal and find nothing.
You visit your friend, and are sent to hell, and return from there with termcap. You try to launch the user and find him just logged in as the root. [censored]. You download the patch fixing the vulnerability in the login.
You log in and relax and enjoy. The you find that you cannot logout. You try to shun down the open port and find you can not.[censored]
You look for SAS, compile it and install it and log in. You delete rlogind and install the patched one. And then delete telnetd. And find no patched one. Then you get the old one from from the distro. [censored]. You look for tcp wrapper, find and compile it. [censored] You fix the vuln in the mountd. [censored] and fix the vuln in nfsiod... [censored] [censored] [censored]
[...]
.. you set up INN. It does not compile. So you look for patches and look for patch utility... And patches cannot be applied. Then you look for old INN version, patch and install it. You get the news and enjoy it and [censored], because there are no more free inodes in /var/spool/news.
You distribute the news to the bunch of partitions. And read the news. Read. And see the question "and I wonder why everybody is saying SCO is a crap". And you reply with full responsibility and knowledge on subject:
> For SCO you need nothing special, just insert CD, boot floppy, and root floppy, it installs and works fine.