Dynamic tension & x-ray specs!
Do you want tireless muscles, etc.
Oh, the stuff of schoolboy dreams....
We're very much obliged to reader Euan Webster for alerting us to the possibility of being rendered completely invisible, while teaching our dog to walk and dance on stilts and while gaining "2 – 4 INCHES of intimate length" in the trouser department - and all for just $24.95: Become invisible offer on Ebay Yup, it's a once- …
The feedback comments are great, definately worth a read...
my favourites so far:
Buyer feedback: "invisible???????what????"
Seller reply: "Don't be afraid, this can't harm you in any way. Don't let fear stop you!"
and: "i have blowed money on dumber shit"
Brilliant. I think I will use that in my next marketing campaign...
"Buy Elastopants – because you've blown money on dumber shit!"
Maybe he's subscribed to the MS way of doing things?
Make outrageous claims about the product, then gradually withdraw them one-by-one as launch-date approaches, before finally launching something much like you already sold that is simply more expensive, more complicated and less reliable but does little new or better than the old product did?
He's in the "outrageous claims" stage now, but if you bought it he'd probably eventually sent you a terrier with a limp and tell you he'd fix most of the other things with the next service pack. And you'd need to buy the "Awesome" new "Lead XP", "Bowl 2007" and "Dog Whistle.NET" to go with the new animal. Quite why they're so "Awesome" would be an assidiously guarded secret, and any attempt to work this out would be faced down by lawyers with thin smiles, thinner briefcases, incredibly slender watches and very, very fat wallets.
"Gorilla-tactics: Seduction for your home & car"
Auction doesn't state if said Gorilla is included, but even if it was, I doubt I'd be able to keep the thing in bananas for more than a day or two. I have it on good authority (slang for "I assume") that they stink, and the neighbours might complain if I leave the window open.
Plus, if it got the hump, it might end up with me getting the rogering of my life. And not in a good way.
Unless I've read it wrong, and actually the item in question recommends hanging upside down from the chandelier, grunting and throwing my shit at prospective partners ?
Either way, doesn't sound too appealing to me.
Perhaps the most pressing question about this auction (okay maybe not *THE MOST* pressing, but it's pretty damn pressing all the same) is - why is there a tarantula crawling out of that lady's panties?
At the very least it seems somewhat unwholesome bordering on insanitary with a certain frisson of medical peril involving a trip to A&E, some embarassing questions and a whole lot of antivenom.
Giant venomous spiders can't be *the* secret of sexual seduction can it?
I must admit that neither Ann Summers or I have never considered the romantic prospects of a Valentine's Day bird-eating spider. You never know, in years to come, the a candlelit dinner for two might not be considered complete until the man produces a bunch of tropical arachnids and some crotchless panties for his lady friend.
Ride a motorcycle and wear fluorescent clothes and you instantly become undetectable to the human eye.
This is why banks insist that you don't wear a helmet in their branches - not so the cameras can get a mugshot, it's to stop you from breaking into the vault completely undetected by the staff.
"Tempted to buy just to see what turns up!"
Ah, don't you SEE? After 3 weeks you ask the seller where it is, and get the reply "I've sent it, but it must have become invisible in the post".
Then he'll probably send you an invisible cheque as a refund. Or a replacement written in invisible ink on volatile memory.
Finally of course, the seller will disappear, taking his secret with him. And the buyers will work out that if they too publish a listing just like the original, they too can have good reason to become invisible within a couple of weeks.
Noticed how nearly every feedback reply begins with: "As we promised: NO LIES OR SCAMS!" - dodgy....
Then people saying "It didn't make me invisible" - "This isn't harry potter and the invisibility cloak" - no, it says "become invisible". That implies that you will become invisible.
Who would buy this anyway, must be a load of people with more money than sense, they should just all give their money to charity (or me).
It worked OK for the Doctor, Martha and Captain Jack when the Master had the whole planet looking for them (always works for the TARDIS and it always works for Martha (and apparently Captain Jack) when the Doctor is around...)
Regarding wearing motorcycle kit: Works for me at least twice a day - had loads of people stare *straight through me* for several seconds before proceding to drive into my path.
Fortunately I'm smarter than Wells' Invisible Man and keep a close watch on my surroundings...
"You never know, in years to come, the a candlelit dinner for two might not be considered complete until the man produces a bunch of tropical arachnids and some crotchless panties for his lady friend."
LOL!.. the thing is most of my girlfriends freak if there is a tiny house spider somewhere within a 5 mile radius, thier reaction to a bunch of topical arachnids all in crotchless panites doesn't bare thinking about. What with all the running around in circles and the screaming.