back to article Harry Potter and the Virus of Doom

A lot of people have been wondering what Harry Potter's future is really like. I have the answer: he's going to be an amateur detective. But nobody will know this, because he'll be working in a tech support call centre for Weasley Computers. The End of Harry Potter is really just the end of Potter the Schoolboy. The nice, …


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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Oh, please !

    Spare us from drivel like this.

  2. Matt Robinson

    Not so rich?

    Something tells me Harry might have trouble getting to his mountain of gold after his last visit to Gringotts.

  3. Henry Gomersall

    Economics of magic

    You miss the point that everybody in the magical world is fabulously wealthy, due to the incredible efficiency of everything. For this reason, its not wealth of money but wealth of soul that the Weasley brothers are after. The magical world's economy should be thought of with an eye to the Star Trek economy, rather than our economy.

  4. Chris Morrison

    Got to be said

    .....where's the IT angle.... :-)

    I hate harry potter so i haven't actually read this article. If it happens to be about some bloke called Harry who's an IT manager from Ipswitch who's done something newsworthy then I apologise!


  5. Rob

    Your so wrong...

    ... as proven time and time again, such notoriety at that sort of age will mean he'll end up walking the coke, sex and drop out road.

    He'll probably be in Wiz rehab by the time he hits 30.

  6. Adam Bishop


    Wait, what?

  7. Dan

    Spoiler warning anyone?

    Hows about tagging this story with a spoiler warning (for all the slow readers out there).

  8. Lexx Greatrex

    Several errors...

    1. Percy Weasley was not a "sympathiser with the Death Eaters" but merely a sycophantic brown nose to the minister; who himself was decieved by, but by no means sympathetic with the death eaters.

    2. I am beginning to suspect that the author of this article hasn't actually read the Deathly Hallows yet. Arthur Weasley no longer has two tearaway sons. Fred was killed by a death eater at the final battle in Hogwarts.

    3. This whole paragraph, apart from being a grammatical travesty, makes absolutely no sense at all. Even after the fifth read: "Lord Peter Wimsey became an amateur sleuth. And he was needed. And in the world of Harry Potter, such people are, clearly, going to be equally vital to the future. Such enforcers of Magic Law as exist have shown themselves to be easily daunted by authority, which seems to desire nothing more than a quiet life, and by bureaucracy which takes intervention in people's private lives as an absolute right, and has powers which no mere computer database or ID card could ever convey."

    4. Once again Reg writers were able to choose a headline "Harry Potter and the Virus of Doom" which bears absolutely no meaningful relationship to the article whatsoever. What are you feeding these people Reg?

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    As I understand it, he started up his own business:

    "Need to get some muck off your wand? Harry's Potter spit and polish wand cleaners, all wands finished off by hand."

  10. Joe K


    This article made me feel like i was on LSD at a geek party 2 days after the last book came out.


  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    "I hate harry potter so i haven't actually read this article."

    Read: "Waaah, it's popular so I don't like it!"

  12. Cameron Colley

    Harry Who?

    What the hell is this about?

  13. Kevin Eastman

    Good Idea for a Fan Fic Story

    Has an avid reader of Harry Potter and Harry Potter fan fics (yes, I am an adult and admit to it), I know just the fan fic author to suggest it to. Hmm, hate to see Harry piss off the BOFH or pfy. I wonder if Simon would have a problem of someone were to write a cross over story. LOL

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Lets hope....

    1: That another government through films do not claim to have won the magic war and that Harry Potter was one of their agents.

    2: That as a War Hero he will be treated with respect by the Government.

    3: The Muggle and non-muggle human rights he has saved will not be destroyed by a future 'nanny state' government

    Feel free to add to the list

  15. Robert Synnott

    Yes, Minister for Magic

    Oh, it would be fun.

  16. amanfromMars Silver badge

    Boadecia/Seven of Nine/Perfect Tens

    "Yes, Minister for Magic

    By Robert Synnott

    Posted Friday 10th August 2007 12:57 GMT

    Oh, it would be fun."

    And QuITe a Doddle if ITs Authors are A'Mused.

    Does J.K. want to teach IT Boffins her Tricks........ for AI Walk on the Wild Side, Red, Raw and Raunchy.

    Proceed with All Due Care and Attention to dDetail. Can Serious improve your WellBeing...... and Tax Greatly the Heart. :-)..... a Veritable Pump of Sumptuous Gold.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    So the penultimate solution to going from a hyperactive, heroic life, is becoming a 2-bit gumshoe? No wonder so many retirees die soon after leaving active, working lives. How about research, another adventure, or Harry enjoying the rewards of raising a family and giving them everything he was denied in life, then moving on to teaching, or anything else. Surely there's got to be something better for an intelligent, creative, and vital being to do than being an amateur sleuth? There are many ways to live a life/better the world. YMMV.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Kevin Eastman

    "yes, I am an adult and admit to it" - you admit to being an adult? you should be ashamed of yourself...

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    HUH ?

    Please, oh please , share wathever you took before writing this "article". I mean, come on, it´s acceptable for a personal blog perhaps, but I don´t quite see it as ElReg material.

  20. Saucerhead Tharpe

    Been done, kinda

    As well as Glen Cook's Chandleresque source material that provides such unlikely names as Morley Dotes, there is Lord Darcy by Randall Garrett. He didn't have any magical talent, but his assistant was a Forensic Sorceror.

  21. Dam

    Re: several errors


    2. I am beginning to suspect that the author of this article hasn't actually read the Deathly Hallows yet. Arthur Weasley no longer has two tearaway sons. Fred was killed by a death eater at the final battle in Hogwarts.


    Congrats, you managed to introduce spoilers into an otherwise spoiler-free article.

    If we discount the "harry has a wife" and "harry is still alive" bits.

  22. Morely Dotes

    Harry Potter and the Wankers at El Reg

    "And what about spam? Is there any sign that conventional Muggle techniques are coping? Yes, if you believe Sophos wizard Graham Cluley, but not if you check my inbox."

    Want to end spam? Kill a spammer. Nothing else seems to stop them. Not prison, not bankruptcy, not even ridicule nor hacking of their systems.

    Make it legal to kill spammers, and the problem will be solved before 2010.

  23. The Mighty Spang

    isnt this website aimed at adults?

    what next, a critical look at the story in "where's spot?"

    hp seems to be an incredibly long version of "the karate kid" with added rubbish. i mean quidditch. makes american football seem like a sensible sport.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Actually, what I mean to say is, WTF?

  25. Jan Buys

    @Robert Synnott

    Ministry of Silly Spells, anyone? :-)

  26. Purple Smurf

    Liked it.

    Well I liked the post and thought it quite funny.

    BUT I do have to say, 1, commenting on errors found in the post - who cares - its just a bit of fun, you must have too much time on your hands.

    and 2. Commenting on thsi when you have not even read it ! Again way to much time on your hands !

  27. Tim


    story via the pub wifi point to el reg .Next who's round is it anyway

  28. J


    "Congrats, you managed to introduce spoilers into an otherwise spoiler-free article."

    That's probably not a problem. I would guess this site's audience does not include many under 14 or the like, but who knows...

  29. Steven Hewittt

    WTF - Personal blog?

    "IT and Tech/Sci News"

    WTF is this shite?!

    I don't read Harry Potter (my balls have dropped, thus I'm too old to read it), but surely this article is based on:

    1. Author has taken far too many drugs before going to the keyboard

    2. El Reg is desperate for search hits on Google so they're just going to start typing any old popular bollocks out there with lots of keywords but create a mythical IT angle to it

    3. Editor has taken far too many drunk and told the staff to create a random article, and the shittest one with the least technical angle wins and goes on the site (with exemption from the rounds down the pub later)

    4. All of the above as it's Friday and El Reg wants to piss off the readers so something funny appears in the comments to fill the letters article?

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Harry isn't quite so intelligent as most people think... afterall he did well at defence against the dark arts + quidditch but was merely mediocre at virtually everything else.

    Some people say Harry went on to be an International Quidditch star... an occupation in my opinion well suited to this guy.

    But then again, your article *did* require an IT angle of some sort :)

  31. |333173|3|_||3

    Head Auror

    I thought it was mentioned somewhere he becomes Head of the Auror Office, making Ginny his immediate superior. I can see him as a sort of Dirty Harry, blasting his way through walls, pointing his wand at suspects and grinning "Make my F*cking day" at them.

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    amateur pedants

    >2. I am beginning to suspect that the author of this article hasn't actually read the >Deathly Hallows yet. Arthur Weasley no longer has two tearaway sons. Fred was >killed by a death eater at the final battle in Hogwarts.

    Oh I hate amateur pedants. The 2 tearaway sons are George and Ron, in an online Q&A JKR revealed they continue the business together. Could it be the author knows more than you? Bah, nothing worse than being pedantic and wrong ;)

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: amateur pedants

    Oh dear! The two Weasley's who formed the business were Fred and George; as was correctly pointed out, Fred is now dead and George turned out not to have a good ear for business opportunities.

    Ron will have no time to be a tearaway, as his prissy wife will be keeping him in order.

    And now I have reread my post I will do as Mr Weasley (Mark Williams) might have said, "I'll get me anorak"!!

  34. Christy A

    Spoilers? Oh, please.

    <i>Congrats, you managed to introduce spoilers into an otherwise spoiler-free article.</i>

    Really, anyone who hasn't read Deathly Hallows yet and is dim enough to click on anything labelled "Harry Potter" is going to get spoiled sooner or later, and I can't bring myself to feel sorry for them. The book has been out nearly a month.

  35. Ed

    How many magic schools are there?

    I've read english private school stories before, and they're always incredibly myopic - most of them admit to no public schools, and many of them admit to very, very few other private schools. If they're so broad-minded that they admit to other countries, nearly all (if not all) other private schools will be located in other countries.

    Combining this with the fact that magic hides so much even from practitioners of magic, I think it's fairly safe to say that there are actually hundreds, if not thousands, of magic schools in England - many of which the students at Hogwarts simply disregard if they're even aware of, and some of which the students at Hogwarts couldn't find out about because they're not in the right families, and don't have sufficient skill to locate - even if they tried, which they haven't. There is also the age-old practice of apprenticeship, which may still go on among the poorer practitioners of magic - although, given access to schools with multiple teachers, few would choose to have only one teacher.

    Of course, there's still the problem that with all of these other schools, there are other joke sellers. We may not see them in the books - after all, nearly everywhere we've seen has either been muggle territory or Hogwarts territory, and it's doubtful that the author would even condescend to recognize the existance of people who graduated from "lesser" schools - but that doesn't mean they aren't there. Since most of the rest of the magical world would likely not be so fabulously wealthy, many of the Weasleys' competitors would probably have cheaper prices - possibly even much cheaper. There may not be many outside of the graduates of the schools mentioned in the books who would be willing to pay George and Ron's prices. However, there are probably plenty of practitioners of magic to help out the overall economy, and every so often, someone of lesser means may still save up to buy a genuine Weasley.

  36. Geoffrey Summerhayes

    Sorry 'bout that...

    How about the DVD burner of Erised? "Only those who want to make a backup, make it but not use it, will be able to burn."

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