back to article BOFH: Operation bean the beancounter

"Okay, so where are we at?" I ask the PFY as I review plan 32 beta. "Right then," the PFY responds with the ruthless efficiency of a seasoned professional. "32 Beta is a GO! At oh seven thirty and I printed 12 copies of >shuffle< this >shuffle< picture to various printers around the building." "Ah," I say distastefully. " …


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  1. Chizo Ejindu

    Good Form!

    Ahh there's nothing like ruthlessly efficient arse-covering :)

  2. Rebecca Putman


    What, a boss who is smart enough to catch the BOFH in the act?? Say it ain't so, Gracie!

  3. amanfromMars Silver badge

    Spirit of AIdDVenture ..... Windows of Opportunity

    SOD IT ....."Oh dear," the PFY says, putting his hammer down. "We appear to have lost the asset management system."

    And what of Persistent Virtual Memory? Or is that easily converted to a Fortune Cookie with a Credit Transfer of Liquid Assets .... not that Management would necessarily be made aware of the Facility, of course? After all, you can't XPect them to understand what they can't understand and especially whwnever its is one of those super duper duping NeuReal Asset Management Systems they'll be needing to configure.

    A Blade Raid System for the Nexus of the MatriXXXX should see some pretty refined Porn in Higher Definition too. Perfect for IT Boffins in the Buff.

    If you can't beat 'em, join 'em ...with a Lead to drag them along by the nose/rings through their piercings. The BDSM crowd will love ITs Exquisite Perverse Pain.

    Crikey that sounds like AesThetans at their Pleasure ..... Scientific Opus Dei IT.

    SOD IT ... which is Back to the Future again, again. It must be a DNA C42 Parallel String Thing..... ReGenerative IT.

    Is IT Patented or bettered just sold off in Great Bytes to those with more Money than Perfect Sense? Sounds like the best Option to me for you can't buy nothing with a Patent down at local store.

  4. Alien8n


    Sheer class as usual...

    I wondered what happened to our asset database ;)

  5. Luke Wells

    Deja Vu

    By some strange coincidence, I read episode 19 of the 1998 BOFH arhive earlier this morning, which happens to be very very simular to this one. I am sure you can be forgiven as that was 9 years ago :)

    Still a good episode though as always! Would have probably enjoyed it even more if i hadn't just read 1998-19 though :)

  6. David


    asset database?


  7. Barry

    Episode 26

    This Boss seems to be catching on... that can't be healthy.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Asset" database

    and I thought an 'asset database' was a cross-matched index of a collection of high-res scans of PlayMates arranged by bra size.

  9. David Hendry


    For the boss mayby :)

  10. Nexox Enigma

    RE: Slipping...

    Not only did he catch the BOFH in the act, but he knew what a bloody RAID was.


  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    He's slipping...

    Any decent BOFH would have full control of the asset register so the 32 meg graphics cards would have been vanished long ago.. or at least so I'm told, not that anything like that could ever happen.. I mean it's not as if I'd.... hang on, I think the PFY is calling, must dash

  12. Michael Miller

    Old age strikes......

    The BOFH I remember would have locked the bean counter, the boss, and a donkey in the tape safe...........while having attached a remote controlled stun gun to the donkey just to liven things up

  13. Kevin Fields


    Have faith. It's about time for the BOFH and the PFY to get a raise. They'll string the boss along long enough to get that, and then afterwards it will be time to demote him the old fashion way ... locking him in the server room with a broken fire supression system.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    the boss knows too much...

    maybe they'll be using the same depreciation method on him... with the sledgehammer...

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    I have the only copy of the asset database in existance for our branch.

    I have the only copy of the datastructure of the files in existance

    I have the only program that can actually write to it too.

    Now, what do I fee like today.... :)

  16. Perry

    BOFH is for dicks

    Who the hell thinks this is funny, it's the same joke about planting porn for frustrated admins every week. I wish the reg would stop carrying this crap.

    It's the only article in the reg which is ABSOLUTELY GUARANTEED not to raise a smile, which is a bit wierd for a news site. Drop it guys, it wasnt funny in the nineties, it's as funny as cancer now. You are rewarding failure!

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    We have a troll! It's rather stupifying to see how many people still try to get a rise out of others on the world wide and not-so-anonymous internet. You are of course entitled to your opinion dear Perry, however insane it may be. Or are you perchance a member of the management class? One would think so...

  18. Shannon Magnuson


    Forgive my ignorance, but could someone explain the reference behind the name above? Wikipedia mentions it has a Biblical/Hebrew origin, but there's apparently there's a number of items that refer to it.


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