back to article Leaping sturgeon menace 'Swanee'

Boaters on Florida's Suwannee ("Swanee") river have come under increasing risk of leaping sturgeon attack during the last 18 months as low water levels continue to provoke serious collisions between the "armoured fish" and unwary humans, the Telegraph reports. Florida police say that this year has been "particularly bloody", …


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  1. Dave

    Who should be removed?

    Perhaps the answer is to remove the boats (and owners) during the migration season, rather than remove the fish. I suspect the fish have been there longer.

  2. Stephen Byrne

    Typical human arrogance

    "Some boat owners have suggested the sturgeon, which in spring migrate from the Gulf of Mexico to the Suwannee to spawn, might be "removed" to contain the threat"

    Maybe the retard boat owners should remove themselves, permanently.

    When will mankind realise that we are not the only species with a right to exist on the planet?

    Its like the problems they have in Florida with alligators and sharks - they complain how its not safe to swim anymore boo fucking hoo - the gators and sharks were there a long time before we showed up, if the residents don't like it they should bugger off.

    And don't even get me started about people who give out about squirrels and badgers.

  3. Rob

    Badger Parade

    At least the badgers have the badger parade to highten awareness...

  4. Keith Turner

    S'obvious, really.

    The sturgeon, which migrate from the Gulf of Mexico, are trained by Islamic terrorists who are based in Cuba. Training paid for by South American oil barons, the suicide sturgeon have no fear of the watchful Coast Guard as they are only interested in fast boats and funny powders.

    This is a deliberate and unprovoked attack on the Land of the Free and All That Is Good.

    (Sturgeon are also known to be popular in Russia, these Cuban aqua-jihadists are likely to be related to Kosovan fighting sturgeon who are trying to bring down the government of GazCorp)

  5. Roger Paul

    Badger Parade

    Last I heard there was a problem with the Badger Parade...

  6. Brett Brennan

    Airboats to the rescue...

    One of the reasons Florida is home to most of the world's airboat manufacturers is the problem of low water and hazards caused thereby.

    For those of you too young to remember "Gentle Ben", an airboat is a flat-bottomed aluminum boat with a large engine on a frame in the back that turns an airplane propeller. The allows it to run over very shallow water, mud, grass, and animals (like sturgeon and alligators) without damage to the boat or the wildlife (except for giving the 'gator a headache).

    As the owner of the only airboat in Arizona I speak with some authority here. (Long story there...suffice it to say that as a consultant I have many odd toys from various places around the world.) An airboat is usually immune to things like attacks from wildlife - for one thing, you sit nearly 2 meters above the water, and, with the flat bottom (enhanced in most modern boats with a polyethylene sheath to reduce friction on land and 'gatorback) you can go places with low risk that other watercraft can't get to.

    It has always amazed me when running in the Florida swamps to see jet skis and ski boats blissfully zipping around between the 'gators and water moccasins. Just goes to show you that there are plenty of Darwin Nominees here in the Colonies waiting for their turn...

  7. Joel


    Although one of the terrorists was a neuro-surgeon, most of the others were just ordinary doctors. And I think they came from South Asia, rather than the Gulf of Mexico....

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Fishy 'tombstoning' per chance?

    Makes a change from humans jumping off the land to crash into the sea:-)

    The Sturgeon equivalent of the Glaswegian kiss - you lookin at me?

  9. jdotc

    But I thought....

    that Dubya said: "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully"

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sturgeon in the River

    I actually sailed a 28' sailboat several miles up that river in late summer of '05 and I can assure you that the Sturgeon were jumping out of the water then as well. They are huge and you certainly wouldn't want to run into them but this behavior isn't new. I spoke to the owner of a marina there and he said the fish jump like that all the time (in fact he is the person who identified them as I had never seen one before)

    It's amazing how the media can turn everyday events into "new news". I hate the media and reporters. Damn them all to hell, and their little dogs too.

  11. David

    They are not small!

    Shame that they had to catch it in the first place :-/

    I wonder how old it was?

  12. Marco

    Removing the fish

    In the old times they'd have put up a sign "beware of the fish". These days they want to -remove- the fish.

    How about not draining all the groundwater in Florida and making sure the river carries enough of it to support its sturgeon population?

  13. Dan

    Revenge of the fish!

    Its clear that the sturgeon are pissed off about how they were exploited by industrialists and poachers and they have finally organized enough to give some of it back.

    Actually my theory is that the noise and disturbance of things like jet skis spooks the fish into evasive behavior- which sometimes turns out to be exactly the opposite.

    Just ban jetskis and recreational speedboats from natural areas. People are not going to see much nature from a jetski anyway so they might as well do it out at sea, in designated areas, where its less likely stuff like this will happen. But this is coming from a diehard canoe enthusiast.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Damage Output

    I'm thinking these would make great Hunter pets for Kara - the DPS is unprecedented..

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