Police hunt renegade cow sex youth North Yorkshire police are on a state of high alert after a youth was spotted coupling with an English longhorn cow at a specialist breeder's farm in Skipwith, The Sun reports. The lad was clocked at 4.30am, dressed only in black briefs, by a "shocked" passer-by who interruped proceedings by shouting at the nocturnal bovine …
Why no IT connection? Who said that the perpetrator has not used his internet connection to download images of abuse of longhorns? A dawn raid on the village residents will surely help bring out the truth and justify the new law on posession of extreme porn images.
I presume the cow will now be given free counselling...
It's stories like this that make me actually want to take notice of the ads that Google provides at the top.
At the time of writing we have:
Ad 1: Police Recruitment - surely more relevant if the story had been about pigs...
Ad 2: Bull & Cow costumes - ranging from just $400 to $5000. A bargain!
Ad 3: Bovine Serum... 'nuff said
All three have to be good for jokes given the nature of the story!
"We are treating this matter seriously."
I bet if they had a DNA database, they'd have a CSI crime scene man there, to inspect the cow for samples, and a look at the DNA database to arrest the perp.
Then to justify the excessiveness of it all, they'd be calling it 'cow rape' and talking up the feelings of the cow and suggesting 3 years in prison.
Then the perps defence lawyer will suggest his client claim that he watched a lot of cow p0rn, and that twisted his mind. In effect the perp is the victim of that nasty internet, no it's not that he was drunk and fancied podging a cow to see what it felt like, no sir! He a victim!
Then the politicians would shake their heads, and make it illegal to even talk about podging a cow on the internet. "How can anyone justify the freedom to talk about cow podging? That's not normal. I like normal sheep sex but cows? That's just unnatural!", says Labour MP Martin Salter.
There could be an IT angle if the planned laws in the Criminal Justice and Immigration Bill 2007 are brought in...
Had the "shocked passer-by who interruped proceedings by shouting at the nocturnal bovine botherer" used their mobile to take a picture for evidence, they would have been in possession of a picture of bestiality which could get them two years in jail and a mention on the Sex Offenders Register unless they could *prove* that they hadn't taken that picture for their own "sexual gratification"!
A renegade, as I understand it, is someone who supports one side after having pledged allegiance to another. So you are assuming that the individual has not always been a committed bovisexual ... or do you know something about him that we don't? We have a right to know.
PS Before someone else asks; 'Is this really moos?'
(My coat, please, James)
It was good to see that The Sun has hidden the face of the cow in their picture though perhaps they should also not given the name.
Some years ago I was told that someone was charged here with "having carnal knowledge of a cow". Apparently he was taken a plate of grass for his breakfast in the cells. When he complained he was told that it was good enough for his girl-friend.
M
..but how the fuck do you shag a cow?
The guy must either of been 8 foot tall or brought a couple of milk crates to stand on!
The perp can count himself lucky 2 tonne of very raw bovine meat didn't decide to sit on him, hell that would have to rank fairly high up the Darwin Award list!
Typical acts and consequences here. Now that there is a law against donkey shagging, cows are taking the rap. So we need to update the law to include cow protection along with donkey protection.
Now, given that the law protecting donkeys was approved in the late 1800s, suggesting that there were quite a lot of surprised donkeys before that, it seems that we'll have to wait until at least the late 2100s before extending the protection to cows.
Then, one fine day (hopefully before the 5th millenium), sheep will finally be offered the precious protection or the law. On that day, bisons will have a lot to fear.
>The perp can count himself lucky 2 tonne of very raw bovine meat didn't
>decide to sit on him, hell that would have to rank fairly high up the Darwin
>Award list!
Might have been even better if Carlos the Bull had decided it was time for his nightly soliticing of the cows on his patch. I doubt he would have noticed some weedy bloke standing in the way.
According to this bloke down the pub, this sort of activity carries a maximum tarriff life sentence in this septic isle - I should certainly hope the police are on a high state of alert. Nothing else would be appropriate. When I left he was humming "California Dreaming" followed by "Montana" (well, the Zappa air guitar bit anyway).
"By Ted Treen
Posted Friday 6th July 2007 08:59 GMT
I hope the lad was using protection:- has any research been done into copping BSE from unprotected bovine nookie?"
-
You serious?
Whether he was using or not I still find the thought of such acts disturbing and unethical. If he does contract it, I say good riddance.
The scene is night time in a field somwhere, the blackness is all enpowering.
The moonlight slips through a break in the clouds revealing some numpty standing on a couple of milk crates wearing a pair of black boxers which are around his ankles. Infront of him attached to his humble pink makeshift cattle prod is a rather splendid longhorn cow looking rather bored.
All is silent except for the rythmic sound of "slurp schurlp" and the unmistakable sound of skin on skin (make that skin on leather).
cow: chew chew
numpty: oh yeh oooh yeh, ya feel that bessie?
cow: moooooo
numpty: take it baby take it
:-)
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