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back to article Old timer ices crazed squirrel with zimmer frame

A battling German septuagenarian brought to a swift and bloody end a crazed squirrel rampage in Passau, Bavaria, by knocking the animal to the ground with his zimmer frame and squashing it, Ananova reports. The animal had already bitten and scratched a 70-year-old woman and a 33-year-old builder when it decided to have a poke …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Our only hope...

    ...is that the rampaging hordes of deadly processionary caterpillars will develop a taste for squirrel flesh. Then we can use equip Weta's robotic zombie lizards with flame-throwers and get them to destroy the lepidopteran menace.

    How we stop the planet being overrun by necrogeckos is still in the R and D phase down at the pub, but laser guided armadillos look promising right about now.

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  2. Colin Jackson

    Title

    "police are looking into what might have motivated its kamikaze attack"

    Wrong Axis power, surely. Perhaps it was planning to invade Poland?

    etc. etc.

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  3. AndyB

    Perhaps.....

    "police are looking into what might have motivated its kamikaze attack"

    Perhaps someone grabbed its nuts......

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  4. Steve Cook

    Too much time on their hands?

    How do police find out about how it got miffed? Question the poor things relatives? Ask co-workers if he had any mental problems?

    I say murder out and out. The old dear wanted to extend her premises and kicked out the local inhabitants, who then kicked back against the ninja speed zimmer frame wielding expert.

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  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Watch Your Back Guenther

    Guenther Mittelbaum, you're a dead man.

    Signed,

    The Squirrel Liberation Militia

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  6. Graham Lockley

    HA !

    'Guenther Mittelbaum, you're a dead man.

    Signed,

    The Squirrel Liberation Militia'

    Bunch of bloody splitters !

    Signed

    The Squirrel Liberation Front

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  7. Hein Kruger

    splitters!

    As chairsquirrel of The Popular Front for the Liberation of Squirrels I would like to take this opportunity to warn Herr Mittelbaum that we shall be avenging the death of our brother Brian. As soon as we've dealt with the SLF and the SLM that is....

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  8. Frank Kerrigan

    Can't believe you never used the Heading

    "German Squirrel goes nuts"

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