back to article Jesus appears in Samsung Flash memory chip

True believers and Golden Palace Casino take note: we have just received news that Our Lord has manifested himself in a four-gig Samsung Flash memory chip - complete with beard and ethereal "flower petal halo" effect. A simulacrum of Jesus in a Samsung flash memory chip Yay verily, as the Bible sayeth (Luke 21:27): "At that …


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  1. Paul

    It looks more like Archbishop of Cantebury

    Rowan Williams to me.

  2. Hein Kruger

    call the CIA

    That's clearly an image of Osama Bin Laden.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    I always knew that Jesus fellow was fabricated....

    Oh dear...

  4. Michael Sheils


    So that's where Osama's been hiding.

  5. JohnA

    Spanish Inquisition?

    "Several hardened atheists here at Vulture Central have suggested this is in fact Gandalf - a heretical suggestion given that Gandalf is a fictional character without the power to manifest himself in silicon. We have, accordingly, emailed their details to the Spanish Inquisition."

    I bet they didn't expect that....

    ....and yes I should get a life.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    If you can't work out who I think it looks like, there's no point trying to explain

  7. Jesse Melton

    That's clearly an image of Osama Bin Laden


  8. Clay Garland

    Oh, Dear.

    NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst their weapons are fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the pope.

  9. Stuart Rogers

    It looks more like...

    It looks more like Papa Lazarus from The League of Gentlemen.

  10. Dave

    How will this effect Global Warming?


  11. Ian Ferguson

    Easter Island statue?

    Looks like an Easter Island statue to me - it's all in the nose. It obviously shows that the advanced civilisation based there were masters of silicon computing long before ourselves. Just think of the memory capacity of a twenty-tonne stone face!

  12. regadpellagru

    Last orders, pls

    " ... and before we all nip to the pub for one last pint before the final judgement ..."

    where, I take it, the bartender will throw, a la

    Douglas Addams, a "last orders, please" :-)

  13. Steve


    Looks more like Baphomet, or possibly the Goat of Mendez to me, though sitings of both of these are equally apocalyptic in tone.

  14. Simon Ball

    Spanish Inquistion

    And nice red uniforms. Must not forget those!

  15. JP

    How bored do you have to be...

    To scan a flash chip for random images???

  16. Tim Cuthill Gold badge

    I reckon...

    ...that it looks a tad like Lemmy Motorhead meself.

    Is it particularly speedy flash Ram perchance?


  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Gandalf is NOT fictional!

    Is there no limit to heresy these days? Gandalf was a mighty king in Southeast Norway back in the time before that powermonger Harald decided to tax everybody. Gandalf only taxed those who came too close to his castle.

    His sons are rather notorious, though. They had a nasty habit of burning houses with their enemies inside, and were eventually killed by angry farmers.

  18. Wiffen

    Can't you see it's Confucius!

    After a year living in China and visiting many temples I can inform you that it is in fact Confucius. Look at the eyes they are clearly Chinese. Jesus was Middle Eastern and was about 30 when he died; this is without doubt an older man.

  19. James Richmond

    It is obviously

    Rob Zombie

  20. adnim

    Yeah right...

    .... so what is so special about this? For thousands of years man and his imagination have seen images and signs in the most unlikely of places, Interpreting them in such a way as to support whatever their view of the Universe is. Personally I think it looks more like what was previously suggested, Lemmy, with a pentagram in the background. Perhaps we should not be waiting so much for the return of "the son of man", but listening for the clattering of horses hooves?

    btw, I see an image of Jade Goody every time I look at the back of a bus.

  21. Clay Garland

    I once. . .

    . . .Took a photo of a tortilla chip that had a hold in it that looked something akin to a dolphin.

  22. Demian Phillips

    Highly illogical man

    Clearly it is "Hippy Spock" from yet another alternate universe.

  23. milur

    Instant pestering services

    No way, that is the from Aqua Teens.

  24. Silas

    If you look at it upside down

    It looks like Ross Noble being fed to a shredder.

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    More like Spiderman

    Has spiderman's eyes, and a beard. Gandalf dressed up as Spiderman? :P

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's Brian Blessed

    King of the bird people, not King of the Jews.

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Yep, It's definitely Brian Blessed

    Turn it upside down and blur your eyes...

  28. Dillon Pyron

    Chip art

    For years designers have been putting various kinds of art on their chips.

  29. Andy S

    chip art

    these have been included in microchips since they were created

  30. Steve VanSlyck


    How DARE you say that Gandalf is fictional?!

    I have several books Right Here that talk all about him! Crap on a crutch, where have you guys been?!

    As alleged journalists you should KNOW by now it couldn't be published if it weren't true!!!! MOREOVER, there's only ONE book with Jebus in it! Sheesh!

  31. David Oliver

    He's not the Messiah... he's just a naughty boy!

    Nor is it Gandalf or Osama.... it's Yosemite Sam from the Bugs Bunny cartoons!!

  32. Marko Grönroos


    Clearly its Richard Stallman, saint IGNUcius of the Church of Emacs. He also often wears a halo. His appearance on the flash chip is a clear prophecy that Linux must be installed on the flash memory or at least it should be formatted with a free filesystem such as ext3. OOPS! I mean, not Linux but GNU/Linux! Or just GNU.

    All hail GNU!

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Haysoos on a chip?

    Obviously, a conspiracy by the Pope aimed at the Latin American community who seem to find a miracle in every knothole, subway station pee stain, and cheese sandwich.

    How insensitive!

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Maybe it wasn't the Pope!

    On a Samsung chip?...It might have been The Rev. Sun Myung Moon, our Unification Church "Seoul Brother" from Korea.

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Jesus on a Chip

    Last time Jesus appeared on a chip, it was on a tortilla in Mexico. A woman flipped the tortilla over, and saw the face of Jesus. Ignoring the priest's assurances that this was not actually Jesus, she enshrined the tortilla and had people coming to venerate it. Not sure if it's still around - this was some years ago.

    Anyway, this person looks a lot like Charles Manson. Or bin Laden, or just about anyone with longish hair and a beard. Why couldn't it even be Judas?

  36. Silas Humphreys

    I have longish hair and a beard.

    I therefore declare, ex cathedra, in my capacity as Pope Visible Eyebrows, that it is me. Since I am a Pope, and therefore infallible, the argument must now cease on pain of excommunication.

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Some of the above concepts lead me to ask, in a suspicious tone of voice, has anyone ever seen Jesus and Osama bin Laden in the room at the same time?

  38. Rob

    Back from the dead?

    Surely it's not Jesus, but Rasputin?

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The Faith-based All-Powerful

    (Luke 21:27): "At that time they will see America's spiritual leader Pastor Ted Haggard coming in the White House with power and great glory." Bendeth thine ears also to the words of Karl Rove 24:27: "By the grace of Diebold, for as the lightning comes from the east and flashes to the west, so will be the coming of the grandson of Prescott Bush."

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