back to article Masturbating woman shakes Michigan Uni frat house

A Michigan University frat house will throw out two couches tainted by a mystery masturbating female intruder who used the furniture for an extended public self-pleasuring session, The Michigan Daily reports. The woman in question simply walked into Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity house "without permission" last Thursday, "entered …


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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    'Shocked frat members...'

    You can shock a frat boy?

    Without using a pair of jumper leads and a car battery?

  2. Mr D


    Well this has certainly changed my outlook on the typical american frat way of life...

    What ever happened to calling every red blooded male you know to stand, watch and say "Duuuuuudeee....."

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    honestly, i don't know...

    ...what these Blasted Yanks have let happen to their education system! it's a disgrace! where the Roofies? where the (also) inebriated male students, attempting to cop a handful?


  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Did anyone get any photos?

  5. Bob Hannent

    What is the world cuming to?!

    That would never have happened in my day. Someone would have bought her a beer at least!

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Shocked frat members" ...?

    Apparently Pi Kappa Alpha is a gay fraternity.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    At least they weren't Boy Scouts...

    ... if they were, they'd have wanted a "Bob a job" to give her a hand..

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Throwing out?

    By 'throwing out' the couches do you mean selling on ebay?

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    How very amusing. Was she doing this on a whim, for a dare?

    And why did they just watch for a half-hour? No video cameras? No tasers?

    I'm disappointed in my country...

  10. Hans Averdung

    Frat is I eta Ghei

    It's either a ghei or a crosshead (Christian fundie) frat. OMFGWTFBBQ what were they thinking? No "Hey, need a hand?" No "I can help you with that"? No cellphone video? HA! Either this is a hoax, or they were too afraid of a harassment suit/revealing their gheyness. Couches should already be on eBay.

  11. Tim Rolston

    Details about Melissa

    I happen to work at the university where this happened and spoke with a couple of the frat boys involved who assured me that;

    1. Melissa had large thighs and hideously saggy mamms.

    2. There are no decent pictures of her because whenever an attempt was made, she yelled at them in a very disturbing manner. I took it that they were scared into their pants by her.

    3. They didn't want the kind of girl masturbating in their living room who would want to do 10 guys that early in the morning/day. I guess they were all petered out from the previous evening of such women.

    4. They have no intention of throwing out or selling the couches. For Chris-sake they will need to me enshrined. Probably will be used in a pledging ritual (Hazing)

    I believe that her being conscious was a serious hurdle for them. A hurdle that required police intervention.

  12. Clay Garland

    The Skinny on This Broad

    The woman was taking part in a hazing ritual for her sorority hosue. Drugs were not involved. The fraternity was a gay fraternity as I can't see many other fraternities having such a problem with a woman poking the clam on their couch. This is just an overblown report because she happened to stumble into a house of dick-lovers as opposed to a house of straight, healthy males.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "When I was your age..."

    When I was in college during the early 1970's, this sort of thing would NEVER happen...during the day. But it would often happen in the evenings. However, allowing a member of the female sex to self-stim on the couch would generally only happen during pledge week, as an "incentive" for the Frosh. More often it was one or more of the "bretheren" and one or more "ladies" who, being denied the use of their own room by a roommate would simply start the party in the public area...sort of a "warm-up" while wating for their turn in the "dugout"...

    As far as disposing of the couches...if I recall properly, this was the usual procedure about this time every year anyway, as the repeated application of stale beer, "round-trip-meal-tickets" and assorted "juices" since the previous Spring would have rendered the upholstered furniture unusable at this point anyway.

    I guess I just wouldn't hack it as a collegiate today.

  14. RIk Harris

    i wouldnt mind bad luck like that!

    It begs the question.. why would you call the police?! - if thats ALL i had to worry about, a masterbating woman, id have a pretty sweet life..!

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    "...start the party in the public area..."

    Isn't there a typo here?

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    At my college no one would have called the police - they would have made it a party.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Give me a break!!!

    WHO are the real pussies here?

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sell Couch On eBay

    I'm sure they could probably finance the new couches by selling the soiled ones on eBay. Somebody would buy them, especially if the soiled patches looked like a famous historical figure.

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